Sweet Little Memories
Page 19
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“We will be fine with her here. This is a good thing. A very good thing. Don’t worry about anything else. You have enough to be concerned with.”
He walked over to me and put both his hands on my waist. “I’m glad she’s here. I’m not happy with what finally pushed her here. My stomach is in twisted in knots over it. But I have a chance now. I also have this.” He reached into his back pocket and pulled out an envelope. Frowning, I looked at the envelope and tried to puzzle out what was inside.
“The results. I was waiting until we were alone to look at them. No matter what they say, what these results tell me, I will need time to adjust. Hilda showing up surprised me and I put look at this on hold.”
We would both know now. The next steps he took would be decided by the results in that envelope. I was confused what my steps with be and wouldn’t know until after my doctor’s appointment tomorrow.
“Open it when you’re ready.” I didn’t want to push him. I imagine in his heart and mind there was a lot riding on what the piece of paper inside that envelope said. Stone already loved Wills. He’d lived not knowing if he was his father, but that hadn’t changed his love for him.
Wills and Stone had the same eye color, but the color wasn’t rare. That didn’t make Wills his. And the boy’s dark hair and smile looked more like Hilda to me now that I had seen her. Sure, looking at the photos the boy could be his. But he could be his brother just as easily.
Stone stood there looking at the photo in his hands. His frown drawn tightly. So many things running through his head. I would make this easier on him if I could. But there was nothing I knew I could do. Nothing at all but stand here and be his support. He wasn’t alone anymore.
At least not now.
His slowly opened the envelope and pulled out the neatly folded paper from inside. I looked up to find Stone was watching me. He took a deep breath as if to steady himself. I gave him an encouraging nod and he held the paper in his hand. The slight tremble didn’t go unnoticed by me. It was another small glimpse at his vulnerability.
I wasn’t sure if I was breathing as I stood there waiting for him to say something. The unknown had hung in the air for so long now that he knew it would change so much for him internally.
His hand didn’t give way to the answer he was reading. His body didn’t react differently. I searched for any clue as to what he knew. What to be prepared for. Wills’ chance at a life free of that man would all weigh on this.
It seemed like an eternity as the room stayed silent. I didn’t push. It wasn’t my place. This would all be when Stone was ready to share. Finally, he lifted his head and his eyes said everything. They reflected his raw pain, the joy he felt, and the desperation. So many things all stemming from the same truth.
“He’s mine . . .” There was a pause. A brief moment where he looked he was unable to speak. As if he wasn’t sure he understood himself. I wondered what could have him so shocked. He knew that Wills was very likely his. There was something that was causing the look of disbelief on his face.
“He’s not my father’s son . . .” He repeated what I already knew. Confused, I could do nothing else but wait. He was still grasping mentally at something. A fact he wasn’t prepared for. “Neither am I.”
Those last three words caused me to pause and repeat them in my head. Neither am I? I was confused. Neither is he what? His father’s son? What he had said dawned slowly and I felt my jaw drop as everything sank in.
“Wills has none of my father’s DNA. Not a trace. If he’s my son, then he’d have some of my father’s DNA too. He’s unequivocally mine. He even has my blood type. His eyes aren’t the only thing I gave him.”
His voice was deep, hoarse with emotion. I took a step toward him and he shook his head as if he couldn’t believe it. “He’s not my father. The man I’ve grown up fearing, trying to please, and ended up hating was not the man who gave me life. He abused me. He damaged me. He taught me at a young age not to trust anyone. He kept me from finding any form of real relationship or even love until you.”
I opened my mouth to say something, but he tossed the paper on the bed and let out a harsh laugh. One that had no humor. One so full of anger and disgust that I took a step back.
“She knew. My mother . . . she knew. She knew I wasn’t his and she let me grow up under that man’s fist. When she could have taken me. All she had to do was prove I wasn’t his. That was it. But the money . . . that goddamn money. It was all that mattered. All that fucking mattered.”
My heart was breaking as he spoke. The little boy he’d been was so desperate to be loved. He so desperately wanted to please that man. The one who hated him knowing he wasn’t his son. Believing his own mother allowed it when she knew he could be free of the man seemed heartless. Even more so than Portia. At least she’d left her daughter with someone who would raise her with love and adore her. She was left with a mother that made sure she was always taken care of and secure.
“It’s possible she didn’t know?” I wanted to believe his mother didn’t.
He didn’t look at me. “She knew,” he replied his voice void of emotion now. Where the pain had been it was now hollow.
Words didn’t come. I wanted to say something to comfort him but nothing came to me. Instead I walked to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. The stiff body under my touch didn’t relax. I could almost feel his emotions pulsing through him. Even now, as a man, he is forced to face the monsters of his youth.
The secret I might hold inside me would stay there for now. That’s all I could do. Stone needed me to be strong and stay by his side. And that’s what I would do.
Stone
HILDA DIDN’T COME OUT OF her room until ten minutes after nine the next morning. I’d been pacing the living room floor trying to remain calm as different scenarios played out in my head. There was a good chance that the man I had thought was my father knew already knew he wasn’t. He may also know Wills wasn’t his son as well. I had to be prepared for that. I also needed to talk to Hilda to find out what she knew.
There was too much riding on all this and she chose to sleep in. She didn’t seem worried at all about Wills.
When she finally came out of the room she was completely dressed, hair and makeup done. The scent of her perfume that had once made me a horny wreck now caused me to physically cringe. Regret was the only thing attached to that scent.
He walked over to me and put both his hands on my waist. “I’m glad she’s here. I’m not happy with what finally pushed her here. My stomach is in twisted in knots over it. But I have a chance now. I also have this.” He reached into his back pocket and pulled out an envelope. Frowning, I looked at the envelope and tried to puzzle out what was inside.
“The results. I was waiting until we were alone to look at them. No matter what they say, what these results tell me, I will need time to adjust. Hilda showing up surprised me and I put look at this on hold.”
We would both know now. The next steps he took would be decided by the results in that envelope. I was confused what my steps with be and wouldn’t know until after my doctor’s appointment tomorrow.
“Open it when you’re ready.” I didn’t want to push him. I imagine in his heart and mind there was a lot riding on what the piece of paper inside that envelope said. Stone already loved Wills. He’d lived not knowing if he was his father, but that hadn’t changed his love for him.
Wills and Stone had the same eye color, but the color wasn’t rare. That didn’t make Wills his. And the boy’s dark hair and smile looked more like Hilda to me now that I had seen her. Sure, looking at the photos the boy could be his. But he could be his brother just as easily.
Stone stood there looking at the photo in his hands. His frown drawn tightly. So many things running through his head. I would make this easier on him if I could. But there was nothing I knew I could do. Nothing at all but stand here and be his support. He wasn’t alone anymore.
At least not now.
His slowly opened the envelope and pulled out the neatly folded paper from inside. I looked up to find Stone was watching me. He took a deep breath as if to steady himself. I gave him an encouraging nod and he held the paper in his hand. The slight tremble didn’t go unnoticed by me. It was another small glimpse at his vulnerability.
I wasn’t sure if I was breathing as I stood there waiting for him to say something. The unknown had hung in the air for so long now that he knew it would change so much for him internally.
His hand didn’t give way to the answer he was reading. His body didn’t react differently. I searched for any clue as to what he knew. What to be prepared for. Wills’ chance at a life free of that man would all weigh on this.
It seemed like an eternity as the room stayed silent. I didn’t push. It wasn’t my place. This would all be when Stone was ready to share. Finally, he lifted his head and his eyes said everything. They reflected his raw pain, the joy he felt, and the desperation. So many things all stemming from the same truth.
“He’s mine . . .” There was a pause. A brief moment where he looked he was unable to speak. As if he wasn’t sure he understood himself. I wondered what could have him so shocked. He knew that Wills was very likely his. There was something that was causing the look of disbelief on his face.
“He’s not my father’s son . . .” He repeated what I already knew. Confused, I could do nothing else but wait. He was still grasping mentally at something. A fact he wasn’t prepared for. “Neither am I.”
Those last three words caused me to pause and repeat them in my head. Neither am I? I was confused. Neither is he what? His father’s son? What he had said dawned slowly and I felt my jaw drop as everything sank in.
“Wills has none of my father’s DNA. Not a trace. If he’s my son, then he’d have some of my father’s DNA too. He’s unequivocally mine. He even has my blood type. His eyes aren’t the only thing I gave him.”
His voice was deep, hoarse with emotion. I took a step toward him and he shook his head as if he couldn’t believe it. “He’s not my father. The man I’ve grown up fearing, trying to please, and ended up hating was not the man who gave me life. He abused me. He damaged me. He taught me at a young age not to trust anyone. He kept me from finding any form of real relationship or even love until you.”
I opened my mouth to say something, but he tossed the paper on the bed and let out a harsh laugh. One that had no humor. One so full of anger and disgust that I took a step back.
“She knew. My mother . . . she knew. She knew I wasn’t his and she let me grow up under that man’s fist. When she could have taken me. All she had to do was prove I wasn’t his. That was it. But the money . . . that goddamn money. It was all that mattered. All that fucking mattered.”
My heart was breaking as he spoke. The little boy he’d been was so desperate to be loved. He so desperately wanted to please that man. The one who hated him knowing he wasn’t his son. Believing his own mother allowed it when she knew he could be free of the man seemed heartless. Even more so than Portia. At least she’d left her daughter with someone who would raise her with love and adore her. She was left with a mother that made sure she was always taken care of and secure.
“It’s possible she didn’t know?” I wanted to believe his mother didn’t.
He didn’t look at me. “She knew,” he replied his voice void of emotion now. Where the pain had been it was now hollow.
Words didn’t come. I wanted to say something to comfort him but nothing came to me. Instead I walked to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. The stiff body under my touch didn’t relax. I could almost feel his emotions pulsing through him. Even now, as a man, he is forced to face the monsters of his youth.
The secret I might hold inside me would stay there for now. That’s all I could do. Stone needed me to be strong and stay by his side. And that’s what I would do.
Stone
HILDA DIDN’T COME OUT OF her room until ten minutes after nine the next morning. I’d been pacing the living room floor trying to remain calm as different scenarios played out in my head. There was a good chance that the man I had thought was my father knew already knew he wasn’t. He may also know Wills wasn’t his son as well. I had to be prepared for that. I also needed to talk to Hilda to find out what she knew.
There was too much riding on all this and she chose to sleep in. She didn’t seem worried at all about Wills.
When she finally came out of the room she was completely dressed, hair and makeup done. The scent of her perfume that had once made me a horny wreck now caused me to physically cringe. Regret was the only thing attached to that scent.
