Even now he could affect her. Luckily, all she had to do was recall . . . “That didn’t stop you with Meliai.”
“No, it didn’t.”
To hear it confirmed . . . Knife in gut. Her outline flickered.
“I stopped myself with Meliai.”
“What does that mean?” Please mean what I think it means!
“I didn’t have sex with her.”
Wasn’t the word sex a qualifier in this sense? “You two got off another way? A little slap and tickle for the nymph? Hey, as long as she was satisfied, right?”
“I was determined to breach the wraiths that night; I was in bed, naked with her.”
Jo couldn’t stifle her wince.
“No one got off in any way, and I guarantee she was anything but satisfied. But I don’t really remember what I was doing—I get . . . detached. I go cold, and my mind grows hazy.”
Flashes of a dream arose. A new one. Before Jo had sleep-ghosted, she must’ve seen another memory of his. She experienced that night on Ayers Rock from his point of view. When she’d admitted her phobia to him, he’d thought, She fears floating away; I fear extinguishing my emotions forever. . . . Maybe we could be each other’s anchors.
Her lips parted. I go cold. He’d grown so detached that he’d feared staying that way forever.
She’d seen how unemotional he was with others. On that last night, he’d told her, “I want you to experience what it’s like feeling utterly nothing.”
But she’d experienced his emotions for her.
“I remember replaying every word of our fight,” he said. “I was consumed with jealousy at the thought of you biting another.”
His comment snapped her from her thoughts. “So I’m not the only one with jealousy issues?”
He gave her a look that said You have no idea. “I decided I never wanted another to know your bite. That it was our private act, only between us, to bond us. I realized that’s how you view sex. And I realized I do too, with you. I abruptly stopped with Meliai, wanting only to get back to you.”
Jo turned from him, putting space between them. “Well, good for you, Rune, you didn’t sleep with her. You did assure me it wouldn’t happen every night.” In a fake cheery tone, she said, “Why, after the Accession, your cheating might taper off even more!”
He grimaced. “If I could take back those words—”
“I still won’t tolerate it, and you still have to do it for your work.”
“I resigned from that part of my job,” he rushed to say. “Actually, I’d consider my new circumstances more of a promotion. I’m an archer only from now on.”
She narrowed her eyes, refusing to get her hopes up. “Maybe there was some truth to the things you said. I don’t see how this can work between us when you think I’m immature and childish.”
“I believed you were trying to manipulate me because I never thought you’d choose to end this—even though you’d warned me.”
“You were so adamant that night. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around this turnaround.”
“One of the reasons I was holding on to that life was because I didn’t want to change again. Magh had forced me to so many times, and I think on some level, I equated change with her. So I resisted. Then I realized you were right—that transaction would have made me a whore. I recognized I’d never stopped being one.”
“I was angry when I said that.”
“You should’ve been. I was an ass. I’d continued to view myself as I’d been in the past. It didn’t matter how much I’d accomplished or how far I’d climbed, I couldn’t see my own worth.” He rubbed a hand over his tired face. “Orion told me I was my own undoing.”
Orion was still hitting all the right notes with Jo. “Where does that leave you now?”
“I hope starting anew with my beautiful mate. Those days are past for me, Josephine.”
She almost ghosted through the floor with happiness. Wait . . . “You had a phoenix feather at Val Hall. Didn’t you get it from Meliai?”
He closed in on her again. She craned her head up, meeting his eyes.
“I stole the feather, threatening her and the covey with a bonedeath arrow. Apparently, that’s frowned upon. I’m banned from all coveys.”
Jo’s lips parted. He would do that for her? “But you’re so admiring of them.”
He laid his hands on her shoulders. “I admire nothing more than you.” His words were silky smooth—but his voice was rough with emotion.
“You waited a week before approaching me? Weren’t you dying to tell me you hadn’t boned the nymph?”
“I was! But I wanted to put your needs before mine. I listened to you and Thad talking, and you were so happy. When you gave him a week, I promised you one as well.”
She’d hoped he would live up to her memory of that groom; Rune was schooling the groom.
“I want . . . I hope you’ll start drinking from me again—then you’ll experience my feelings.”
Her fangs sharpened for his skin so fast she gasped.
But then his brows drew together. “Unless my memories are hurting you. What were you dreaming of before? You have Thad with you, under the same roof—so why else would you float away?”
Her yearning had been sharp before she’d drifted off. “Because I didn’t have you.”
“No, it didn’t.”
To hear it confirmed . . . Knife in gut. Her outline flickered.
“I stopped myself with Meliai.”
“What does that mean?” Please mean what I think it means!
“I didn’t have sex with her.”
Wasn’t the word sex a qualifier in this sense? “You two got off another way? A little slap and tickle for the nymph? Hey, as long as she was satisfied, right?”
“I was determined to breach the wraiths that night; I was in bed, naked with her.”
Jo couldn’t stifle her wince.
“No one got off in any way, and I guarantee she was anything but satisfied. But I don’t really remember what I was doing—I get . . . detached. I go cold, and my mind grows hazy.”
Flashes of a dream arose. A new one. Before Jo had sleep-ghosted, she must’ve seen another memory of his. She experienced that night on Ayers Rock from his point of view. When she’d admitted her phobia to him, he’d thought, She fears floating away; I fear extinguishing my emotions forever. . . . Maybe we could be each other’s anchors.
Her lips parted. I go cold. He’d grown so detached that he’d feared staying that way forever.
She’d seen how unemotional he was with others. On that last night, he’d told her, “I want you to experience what it’s like feeling utterly nothing.”
But she’d experienced his emotions for her.
“I remember replaying every word of our fight,” he said. “I was consumed with jealousy at the thought of you biting another.”
His comment snapped her from her thoughts. “So I’m not the only one with jealousy issues?”
He gave her a look that said You have no idea. “I decided I never wanted another to know your bite. That it was our private act, only between us, to bond us. I realized that’s how you view sex. And I realized I do too, with you. I abruptly stopped with Meliai, wanting only to get back to you.”
Jo turned from him, putting space between them. “Well, good for you, Rune, you didn’t sleep with her. You did assure me it wouldn’t happen every night.” In a fake cheery tone, she said, “Why, after the Accession, your cheating might taper off even more!”
He grimaced. “If I could take back those words—”
“I still won’t tolerate it, and you still have to do it for your work.”
“I resigned from that part of my job,” he rushed to say. “Actually, I’d consider my new circumstances more of a promotion. I’m an archer only from now on.”
She narrowed her eyes, refusing to get her hopes up. “Maybe there was some truth to the things you said. I don’t see how this can work between us when you think I’m immature and childish.”
“I believed you were trying to manipulate me because I never thought you’d choose to end this—even though you’d warned me.”
“You were so adamant that night. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around this turnaround.”
“One of the reasons I was holding on to that life was because I didn’t want to change again. Magh had forced me to so many times, and I think on some level, I equated change with her. So I resisted. Then I realized you were right—that transaction would have made me a whore. I recognized I’d never stopped being one.”
“I was angry when I said that.”
“You should’ve been. I was an ass. I’d continued to view myself as I’d been in the past. It didn’t matter how much I’d accomplished or how far I’d climbed, I couldn’t see my own worth.” He rubbed a hand over his tired face. “Orion told me I was my own undoing.”
Orion was still hitting all the right notes with Jo. “Where does that leave you now?”
“I hope starting anew with my beautiful mate. Those days are past for me, Josephine.”
She almost ghosted through the floor with happiness. Wait . . . “You had a phoenix feather at Val Hall. Didn’t you get it from Meliai?”
He closed in on her again. She craned her head up, meeting his eyes.
“I stole the feather, threatening her and the covey with a bonedeath arrow. Apparently, that’s frowned upon. I’m banned from all coveys.”
Jo’s lips parted. He would do that for her? “But you’re so admiring of them.”
He laid his hands on her shoulders. “I admire nothing more than you.” His words were silky smooth—but his voice was rough with emotion.
“You waited a week before approaching me? Weren’t you dying to tell me you hadn’t boned the nymph?”
“I was! But I wanted to put your needs before mine. I listened to you and Thad talking, and you were so happy. When you gave him a week, I promised you one as well.”
She’d hoped he would live up to her memory of that groom; Rune was schooling the groom.
“I want . . . I hope you’ll start drinking from me again—then you’ll experience my feelings.”
Her fangs sharpened for his skin so fast she gasped.
But then his brows drew together. “Unless my memories are hurting you. What were you dreaming of before? You have Thad with you, under the same roof—so why else would you float away?”
Her yearning had been sharp before she’d drifted off. “Because I didn’t have you.”
