“Those little plastic stars are beautiful to me, because they represent one of the few happy moments in my life.” I waited for her to say more, but her eyes glazed over. “Yellow and bright, they shine in the night. Glittering stars, I stare for hours. In the dark, dark room they are all I can see, a kiss on my cheek, happy birthday, Elsie.” Elsie seemed to close in on herself, then she explained, “It was the first poem I ever wrote.” She laughed. “It was terrible. I was only a kid, I guess, but when I showed it to my mom, she cried. She said she would treasure it, always. So I didn’t stop writing. My poems made my mom happy.” Elsie tried to turn her face away from mine, but I placed my hand under her chin, wanting her to see me.
“I get it,” I hushed out. I meant every word. “Your plastic neon stars were my lightning bug jars.”
Elsie wiped her face, then ran her hand around my eye. “Your eyes,” she said, “they remind me of the moon. In the day they look so light; they resemble an overcast sky. They look so pretty against your olive skin. But at night, like now, they look silvery… like the moon.”
My hands clenched. Elsie noticed. I cleared my throat. “My mamma called me ‘mia luna’, her moon. I never knew why, but I did wonder if it was because of my eyes.”
Elsie smiled. She nervously recited, “My mom brought me the stars. Levi Carillo, you bring me the moon.”
I held my breath, then whispered back, “Then you bring me the shine.”
Elsie closed the inch gap between us and pressed her lips to mine. The kiss was soft and quick, but it meant more than ever before. She was in my bed. My girl, in my bed. Being ourselves. No hiding. No shying away.
Elsie snuggled into my bare chest, her warm breath caressing my skin. I closed my eyes, feeling sleep beginning to move in, when I asked, “When is your birthday?”
Elsie stiffened, but confided, “In a week. I’ll be nineteen on the twelfth.”
A week, I thought. But I kept it to myself. I had a game that day, but I had the whole night after. I wanted to give Elsie a second birthday to remember. She deserved it. She deserved to have it all.
I wanted to provide memories she would never forget, like the stars.
After all, I was sure she already had my heart.
Chapter Eleven
Elsie
Happy birthday, Elsie!
I didn’t wake you before I left—you looked too peaceful. Thank you for coming to the game. I’ll play better knowing you’re in the stands watching.
My family are coming too. I know you’re nervous about meeting them all, but there’s no need. No one will judge, you. They’re my family. You can speak to them without fear. They know what you mean to me. They’ll keep you safe.
Be brave. Don’t hide your voice… it’s too pretty to not be heard.
Levi xx
As I sat on Levi’s bed, I fidgeted my hands on my lap. His letter was lying on the bed. I was counting down the five minutes until I had to be in the kitchen with all of Levi’s family. I had met Lexi, of course. I had seen Austin; he was polite enough, though I’d never uttered one word to him. He looked different to Levi. He was darker, and covered in tattoos and scars. Quite frankly, he intimidated me. But Axel, the sculptor, and Ally, his fiancée, had been away these past couple of weeks in New York. He had business there with a museum, and apparently they had also been celebrating their engagement with her parents.
But they were coming today, along with Austin’s best friend and wife.
Today was game day for Levi. It just so happened that it was my birthday too. And he wanted me at this game. He wanted me to watch him play. I hadn’t wanted to. I didn’t like crowds, or even being around people, but Levi had wanted it bad: I saw it in his eyes, I saw it in his flushed cheeks.
I had kept myself to myself since coming this house. I had stayed close to Levi. I had stayed in my room or, as of this week, Levi’s room. I read during the day, anything I could find, until Levi got home, when I would sit with him. Perfectly content. We would eat in his room while I rested. And we would talk, just the two of us in our own little world.
Until today.
Until now.
I really wanted to watch Levi play. I wanted to see him away from his studies, doing what he loved. I wanted to see the passion I knew he had for football played out on his home field.
But I had to overcome my fears first. I had to talk. Without realizing, I had unclasped the cuffs on my wrists. I was skimming over the scars on my wrists, feeling the still ridged marks. The two cuffed bracelets I always wore hid my shame. They hid the weakest moment in my life, from Levi.
From the world.
Dumbfuck. Shut your mouth, never speak. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard.
Ice ran down my spine as the mocking sound of their laughter echoed louder in my head. The nasty feel of their words biting like a bullet into my heart; the laughing, the unfunny impressions, the sheer loneliness of being an outcast, of not being accepted—because of something I was born with—something that was beyond my control.
My hands froze, locked in fear. Today I would meet people my age. Today I would see girls like those girls. The ones that caused me to…
A knock sounded loudly on the pool house door, making me jump out of my skin. I quickly refastened my cuffs over my wrists. The door opened as I tried to calm my racing heart, and Lexi walked in. She was stunning; wearing jeans and black padded jacket, and her black hair down to her shoulders.
“Hey sweetie,” she chimed, and strode toward the bed. “You ready?”
I nodded my head, timidity holding my voice at bay. I saw Lexi’s shoulders drop when I didn’t reply. I knew it was because I hadn’t spoken. Levi had told her that I’d been speaking to him. She’d told me, on more than one occasion, she would never judge me. That she knew what it was like to keep a part of yourself hidden from the world. I didn’t know what she was specifically referring to, but still I believed her. I could see the genuineness in her expression.
As we walked out of the pool house toward the main house, I pictured Levi’s face last night, as he told me to trust his family, urging me not to hide, but to be brave in their company.
Without thinking, I lurched forward and grabbed hold of Lexi’s arm. Lexi spun on her heels, concern immediately evident on her face. I dropped my head, suddenly overcome by nervousness, when she asked, “Elsie? Are you okay?”
I took a deep breath, forcing myself to push past the barrier in my throat. “I…” I swallowed, wetting my dry throat, and continued. “I just wanted to say ‘thank you’… for everything... I…” I trailed off, overwhelmed by emotion.
I kept my head down, wincing about how I knew I sounded, when I suddenly found myself in Lexi’s arms. “You ain’t got nothing to be grateful to me for, Elsie,” Lexi whispered in my right ear, her voice thick with emotion. “Plus, as far as I can tell, it should be you I’m thanking.” She held me just a fraction tighter than before. “You’ve brought Levi to life since we took you in.” She pulled back and bent down to meet my gaze. “He’s been smiling, sweetie. Smiling. He ain’t had much cause to smile these past few years. And hell, we haven’t been able to help. But you…”
I tucked a strand of my hair back, as Lexi added, “Everyone is in the kitchen. You okay with meeting them all? They’re all mighty excited to see the girl who has captured our shy boy’s heart.”
“I get it,” I hushed out. I meant every word. “Your plastic neon stars were my lightning bug jars.”
Elsie wiped her face, then ran her hand around my eye. “Your eyes,” she said, “they remind me of the moon. In the day they look so light; they resemble an overcast sky. They look so pretty against your olive skin. But at night, like now, they look silvery… like the moon.”
My hands clenched. Elsie noticed. I cleared my throat. “My mamma called me ‘mia luna’, her moon. I never knew why, but I did wonder if it was because of my eyes.”
Elsie smiled. She nervously recited, “My mom brought me the stars. Levi Carillo, you bring me the moon.”
I held my breath, then whispered back, “Then you bring me the shine.”
Elsie closed the inch gap between us and pressed her lips to mine. The kiss was soft and quick, but it meant more than ever before. She was in my bed. My girl, in my bed. Being ourselves. No hiding. No shying away.
Elsie snuggled into my bare chest, her warm breath caressing my skin. I closed my eyes, feeling sleep beginning to move in, when I asked, “When is your birthday?”
Elsie stiffened, but confided, “In a week. I’ll be nineteen on the twelfth.”
A week, I thought. But I kept it to myself. I had a game that day, but I had the whole night after. I wanted to give Elsie a second birthday to remember. She deserved it. She deserved to have it all.
I wanted to provide memories she would never forget, like the stars.
After all, I was sure she already had my heart.
Chapter Eleven
Elsie
Happy birthday, Elsie!
I didn’t wake you before I left—you looked too peaceful. Thank you for coming to the game. I’ll play better knowing you’re in the stands watching.
My family are coming too. I know you’re nervous about meeting them all, but there’s no need. No one will judge, you. They’re my family. You can speak to them without fear. They know what you mean to me. They’ll keep you safe.
Be brave. Don’t hide your voice… it’s too pretty to not be heard.
Levi xx
As I sat on Levi’s bed, I fidgeted my hands on my lap. His letter was lying on the bed. I was counting down the five minutes until I had to be in the kitchen with all of Levi’s family. I had met Lexi, of course. I had seen Austin; he was polite enough, though I’d never uttered one word to him. He looked different to Levi. He was darker, and covered in tattoos and scars. Quite frankly, he intimidated me. But Axel, the sculptor, and Ally, his fiancée, had been away these past couple of weeks in New York. He had business there with a museum, and apparently they had also been celebrating their engagement with her parents.
But they were coming today, along with Austin’s best friend and wife.
Today was game day for Levi. It just so happened that it was my birthday too. And he wanted me at this game. He wanted me to watch him play. I hadn’t wanted to. I didn’t like crowds, or even being around people, but Levi had wanted it bad: I saw it in his eyes, I saw it in his flushed cheeks.
I had kept myself to myself since coming this house. I had stayed close to Levi. I had stayed in my room or, as of this week, Levi’s room. I read during the day, anything I could find, until Levi got home, when I would sit with him. Perfectly content. We would eat in his room while I rested. And we would talk, just the two of us in our own little world.
Until today.
Until now.
I really wanted to watch Levi play. I wanted to see him away from his studies, doing what he loved. I wanted to see the passion I knew he had for football played out on his home field.
But I had to overcome my fears first. I had to talk. Without realizing, I had unclasped the cuffs on my wrists. I was skimming over the scars on my wrists, feeling the still ridged marks. The two cuffed bracelets I always wore hid my shame. They hid the weakest moment in my life, from Levi.
From the world.
Dumbfuck. Shut your mouth, never speak. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard.
Ice ran down my spine as the mocking sound of their laughter echoed louder in my head. The nasty feel of their words biting like a bullet into my heart; the laughing, the unfunny impressions, the sheer loneliness of being an outcast, of not being accepted—because of something I was born with—something that was beyond my control.
My hands froze, locked in fear. Today I would meet people my age. Today I would see girls like those girls. The ones that caused me to…
A knock sounded loudly on the pool house door, making me jump out of my skin. I quickly refastened my cuffs over my wrists. The door opened as I tried to calm my racing heart, and Lexi walked in. She was stunning; wearing jeans and black padded jacket, and her black hair down to her shoulders.
“Hey sweetie,” she chimed, and strode toward the bed. “You ready?”
I nodded my head, timidity holding my voice at bay. I saw Lexi’s shoulders drop when I didn’t reply. I knew it was because I hadn’t spoken. Levi had told her that I’d been speaking to him. She’d told me, on more than one occasion, she would never judge me. That she knew what it was like to keep a part of yourself hidden from the world. I didn’t know what she was specifically referring to, but still I believed her. I could see the genuineness in her expression.
As we walked out of the pool house toward the main house, I pictured Levi’s face last night, as he told me to trust his family, urging me not to hide, but to be brave in their company.
Without thinking, I lurched forward and grabbed hold of Lexi’s arm. Lexi spun on her heels, concern immediately evident on her face. I dropped my head, suddenly overcome by nervousness, when she asked, “Elsie? Are you okay?”
I took a deep breath, forcing myself to push past the barrier in my throat. “I…” I swallowed, wetting my dry throat, and continued. “I just wanted to say ‘thank you’… for everything... I…” I trailed off, overwhelmed by emotion.
I kept my head down, wincing about how I knew I sounded, when I suddenly found myself in Lexi’s arms. “You ain’t got nothing to be grateful to me for, Elsie,” Lexi whispered in my right ear, her voice thick with emotion. “Plus, as far as I can tell, it should be you I’m thanking.” She held me just a fraction tighter than before. “You’ve brought Levi to life since we took you in.” She pulled back and bent down to meet my gaze. “He’s been smiling, sweetie. Smiling. He ain’t had much cause to smile these past few years. And hell, we haven’t been able to help. But you…”
I tucked a strand of my hair back, as Lexi added, “Everyone is in the kitchen. You okay with meeting them all? They’re all mighty excited to see the girl who has captured our shy boy’s heart.”
