I pulled the sleeves of my black shirt over my palms and stared out of the window. It was three days since Levi and I had made love; made love and I had promised him I would stay.
Lexi had come to me the next day and asked me to help her with something at her treatment center. I’d agreed to come today to find out what it was, but I didn’t know anymore than that.
The radio played quietly in the background. After ten minutes, we pulled into a long drive, trees lining each side. My mouth gaped at the beautiful gardens, then a huge white house came into view.
Lexi pulled into the car parking spot directly in front of the door and she got out. I followed her lead, smiling as soon as I got out. The sound of birds and flowing water were the only things I heard.
“It’s beautiful,” I said, smiling at a wooden gazebo overlooking what I suspected to be water. The river maybe?
Lexi stood beside me and looked at the view. “It is. It’s my favorite out of my two centers.”
I frowned in confusion. Lexi clearly saw. “I have two, Elsie. One here and one in San Francisco where we lived before.” Lexi pointed to the stunning wooden mansion behind us. “We had more funding when we came here, and Austin was being paid more, of course. So we could make this center be more than the other. We could have more than one focus.”
I stared up at the lettering on the building, reading, ‘Daisy’s Smile.’ “Who’s Daisy?” I asked and caught the flash of pain race across Lexi’s face.
“She was my best friend.”
“Was?” I questioned. Lexi sadly nodded her head.
She turned to me and asked, “Did Levi ever tell you what happens at this center, Elsie?”
I shook my head. “He said it was your story to tell. He said that I should hear it from you. That you’d explain what you wanted my help with.”
Lexi walked forward and waved for me to follow. “Come on, girly, let me show you what happens here.” She paused and looked behind to me. I stopped when I saw the seriousness on her face. “Just prepare yourself, sweetie. Some of the girls—and the few boys—here, are in a real bad place.”
Apprehension filled me. I followed Lexi into the house with a growing sense of trepidation. As we entered the house, I heard the low sounds of voices filling the vast halls.
“It’s huge,” I said. Lexi nodded her head.
“It bigger round back, we’ve got a summerhouse and an extra, smaller house in the gardens. That’s our newest center, the one where I’m hoping you can help me.”
“How… how could I possibly help?” I asked nervously.
Lexi opened the door to what looked like her office. As she shut the door, she pointed to a couch. I sat down and Lexi sat beside me. “Because I think you might have been, or perhaps are still dealing, with some of the issues we are tackling here. And there’s a girl, she’s sweet and…” Lexi stopped talking clearly seeing my reaction.
My heart fired off and I panicked. Lexi gripped my hand, and her thumb passed over the metal cuffs I always wore around my wrists. Tears immediately sprung to my eyes. “Lexi,” I whispered, unable to cope talking about that time, about those girls. About any of it. I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t face it.
“I know, sweetie,” she said and hugged me to her side. She was quiet while I pulled myself together, then she confided, “You know, it’s taken me a real long time to be able to do this.”
I knew I was frowning again, but I didn’t understand what she meant. “This,” Lexi said and squeezed me to her side.
She let go and I asked, “Touch someone?”
Lexi nodded. “Kinda, more them touching me. Or hugging, mainly.”
“Why?” I asked. Lexi got to her feet. After retrieving a photo frame from her desk, she brought it back for me to see. I stared down at the two young girls in the picture. The first thing I noticed was how incredibly thin they both were, too thin, dangerously so… then I realized one of those girls was a young Lexi.
My head snapped up to witness Lexi watching me. I swallowed hard, too afraid to say what I thought to be truth. But she beat me to it when she said, “I was anorexic, Elsie. Severely.” She shook her head. “Or a better way to put it is that I’m better now, I’m coping now… but it’s still hard.” Lexi took the photo frame and ran her finger over the other girl’s face. “Daisy was my best friend. I met her when I was getting treatment for anorexia.” Lexi sighed and explained, “She died, her heart failed due to her lack of weight.” She blinked, then blinked again, and added, “I almost died too.” She fixed her gaze on mine. “And I would have, if it wasn’t for my friends.” A watery smile spread on her lips. “If it wasn’t for Austin, showing me that I was worthy of love,” she huffed and placed her hand over her heart, “that I was worthy of loving myself for exactly who I was.”
“Lexi,” I whispered, my heart filling with sympathy. She laughed and I smiled, seeing the happiness on her face. Then it dropped. “Austin and Levi were living in real hard times then, Elsie. They were both caring for their sick mamma,” she paused, then added, “they were both in a gang, Axel’s gang, and then I came along and almost ruined it all for them. I witnessed some things they didn’t want me to see.”
My eyes were wide as I hung on every word.
“Anyway, it was Austin who, even though I was spiraling to darkness, brought me out of it despite what he was going through.” Lexi shrugged. “Turned out he needed me too. Because he was spiraling too, they all were.”
“And Levi?” I asked, picturing him in my mind as a young teen, unable to imagine his sweet shy self in a gang.
Lexi’s face paled and her expression was sad. “He was lost, he still is. He was quiet, but trying to act like a man to help save his dying mamma.” She shook her head. “From the minute I met him he was the sweetest thing I’d ever seen, a kind heart branded with a menacing tattoo on his left cheek. He wore the gang sign on his face that told everyone to fear him, when inside he is, in my opinion, one of the very best people to have in your life. And when…” She chased away her tears with a wipe of her hand. “His mamma died, his big brother went to prison and I—one of the only other people he’d let in outside his family—was in hospital, down to skin and bones, fading before his eyes.” Lexi took my hand. “He was never the same after that day, Elsie. We moved to San Fran when Austin got an NFL contract, and we got him the hell out of Alabama and away from all his pain. We also got that tattoo removed.” Lexi squeezed my hand tighter. “But he carried all the pain with him. I don’t think he’s ever let it go.”
My heart shuddered, because I was exactly the same. My Levi, my lost boy, and me with my lonely heart, we were one and the same. Levi was right.
“When we moved, I had a degree, I registered to be a counselor and I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to help those like myself. And I wanted to name it after my best friend who never could let go of her past.”
“Daisy,” I answered knowingly.
“Daisy, the girl who died before she ever really lived. The one that never found peace or acceptance of herself. The beautiful soul that never found her Austin,” Lexi nudged me playfully, “or maybe her Levi.”
Lexi had come to me the next day and asked me to help her with something at her treatment center. I’d agreed to come today to find out what it was, but I didn’t know anymore than that.
The radio played quietly in the background. After ten minutes, we pulled into a long drive, trees lining each side. My mouth gaped at the beautiful gardens, then a huge white house came into view.
Lexi pulled into the car parking spot directly in front of the door and she got out. I followed her lead, smiling as soon as I got out. The sound of birds and flowing water were the only things I heard.
“It’s beautiful,” I said, smiling at a wooden gazebo overlooking what I suspected to be water. The river maybe?
Lexi stood beside me and looked at the view. “It is. It’s my favorite out of my two centers.”
I frowned in confusion. Lexi clearly saw. “I have two, Elsie. One here and one in San Francisco where we lived before.” Lexi pointed to the stunning wooden mansion behind us. “We had more funding when we came here, and Austin was being paid more, of course. So we could make this center be more than the other. We could have more than one focus.”
I stared up at the lettering on the building, reading, ‘Daisy’s Smile.’ “Who’s Daisy?” I asked and caught the flash of pain race across Lexi’s face.
“She was my best friend.”
“Was?” I questioned. Lexi sadly nodded her head.
She turned to me and asked, “Did Levi ever tell you what happens at this center, Elsie?”
I shook my head. “He said it was your story to tell. He said that I should hear it from you. That you’d explain what you wanted my help with.”
Lexi walked forward and waved for me to follow. “Come on, girly, let me show you what happens here.” She paused and looked behind to me. I stopped when I saw the seriousness on her face. “Just prepare yourself, sweetie. Some of the girls—and the few boys—here, are in a real bad place.”
Apprehension filled me. I followed Lexi into the house with a growing sense of trepidation. As we entered the house, I heard the low sounds of voices filling the vast halls.
“It’s huge,” I said. Lexi nodded her head.
“It bigger round back, we’ve got a summerhouse and an extra, smaller house in the gardens. That’s our newest center, the one where I’m hoping you can help me.”
“How… how could I possibly help?” I asked nervously.
Lexi opened the door to what looked like her office. As she shut the door, she pointed to a couch. I sat down and Lexi sat beside me. “Because I think you might have been, or perhaps are still dealing, with some of the issues we are tackling here. And there’s a girl, she’s sweet and…” Lexi stopped talking clearly seeing my reaction.
My heart fired off and I panicked. Lexi gripped my hand, and her thumb passed over the metal cuffs I always wore around my wrists. Tears immediately sprung to my eyes. “Lexi,” I whispered, unable to cope talking about that time, about those girls. About any of it. I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t face it.
“I know, sweetie,” she said and hugged me to her side. She was quiet while I pulled myself together, then she confided, “You know, it’s taken me a real long time to be able to do this.”
I knew I was frowning again, but I didn’t understand what she meant. “This,” Lexi said and squeezed me to her side.
She let go and I asked, “Touch someone?”
Lexi nodded. “Kinda, more them touching me. Or hugging, mainly.”
“Why?” I asked. Lexi got to her feet. After retrieving a photo frame from her desk, she brought it back for me to see. I stared down at the two young girls in the picture. The first thing I noticed was how incredibly thin they both were, too thin, dangerously so… then I realized one of those girls was a young Lexi.
My head snapped up to witness Lexi watching me. I swallowed hard, too afraid to say what I thought to be truth. But she beat me to it when she said, “I was anorexic, Elsie. Severely.” She shook her head. “Or a better way to put it is that I’m better now, I’m coping now… but it’s still hard.” Lexi took the photo frame and ran her finger over the other girl’s face. “Daisy was my best friend. I met her when I was getting treatment for anorexia.” Lexi sighed and explained, “She died, her heart failed due to her lack of weight.” She blinked, then blinked again, and added, “I almost died too.” She fixed her gaze on mine. “And I would have, if it wasn’t for my friends.” A watery smile spread on her lips. “If it wasn’t for Austin, showing me that I was worthy of love,” she huffed and placed her hand over her heart, “that I was worthy of loving myself for exactly who I was.”
“Lexi,” I whispered, my heart filling with sympathy. She laughed and I smiled, seeing the happiness on her face. Then it dropped. “Austin and Levi were living in real hard times then, Elsie. They were both caring for their sick mamma,” she paused, then added, “they were both in a gang, Axel’s gang, and then I came along and almost ruined it all for them. I witnessed some things they didn’t want me to see.”
My eyes were wide as I hung on every word.
“Anyway, it was Austin who, even though I was spiraling to darkness, brought me out of it despite what he was going through.” Lexi shrugged. “Turned out he needed me too. Because he was spiraling too, they all were.”
“And Levi?” I asked, picturing him in my mind as a young teen, unable to imagine his sweet shy self in a gang.
Lexi’s face paled and her expression was sad. “He was lost, he still is. He was quiet, but trying to act like a man to help save his dying mamma.” She shook her head. “From the minute I met him he was the sweetest thing I’d ever seen, a kind heart branded with a menacing tattoo on his left cheek. He wore the gang sign on his face that told everyone to fear him, when inside he is, in my opinion, one of the very best people to have in your life. And when…” She chased away her tears with a wipe of her hand. “His mamma died, his big brother went to prison and I—one of the only other people he’d let in outside his family—was in hospital, down to skin and bones, fading before his eyes.” Lexi took my hand. “He was never the same after that day, Elsie. We moved to San Fran when Austin got an NFL contract, and we got him the hell out of Alabama and away from all his pain. We also got that tattoo removed.” Lexi squeezed my hand tighter. “But he carried all the pain with him. I don’t think he’s ever let it go.”
My heart shuddered, because I was exactly the same. My Levi, my lost boy, and me with my lonely heart, we were one and the same. Levi was right.
“When we moved, I had a degree, I registered to be a counselor and I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to help those like myself. And I wanted to name it after my best friend who never could let go of her past.”
“Daisy,” I answered knowingly.
“Daisy, the girl who died before she ever really lived. The one that never found peace or acceptance of herself. The beautiful soul that never found her Austin,” Lexi nudged me playfully, “or maybe her Levi.”
