“But you forgot to tell me about the people that are the opposite to those that intentionally hurt. The kind ones, the ones who don’t care that I talk differently. The ones who don’t tell me to hide myself away. Instead they tell me to be who I am, without apology. It’s not easy, Mom, but I think we focused on the bad for so long, that we were blinded to the good.” I squeezed my eyes shut and fought the pain, the fear that those words inspired. “I want to experience the good, Mom. I don’t want the pain anymore. I have to look for my rainbow.”
My throat burned as I stepped closer still. “I never got to say goodbye to you, once and for all.” My breathing hitched but I forced out, “They took me from you, but I didn’t want to go. Please know that. You needed me, and they took me away against my will. It’s why you died, Mom, because you never learned to do anything for yourself, and that wasn’t your fault.” I sniffed and coughed the emotion from my throat. “But you never tried either. You never really tried to make it better for me, or for yourself.” I glanced behind to Levi, to him watching me in silence, his handsome face expressing every ounce of my pain. Because he’d lived this too. He’d lived through the final goodbye.
Closing my eyes, I braced for my next words. When I opened them again, I placed my palm on her cold marbled cheek and hushed out, “I miss you everyday, Mom, and I know you’re happy where you are now, happier than you could have ever been in this life. And I want you to watch me. I want you to watch me live. To make something of myself, to achieve something, even if that’s just achieving a normal life. A normal, everyday life with someone who loves me. And maybe some day, we could have some kids. That sounds just about perfect to me.”
I lowered my head, and with my palm still on her cheek, I pressed my forehead to hers, and in our own action, in our version of silent words, I told her I loved her for the very last time. As I closed my eyes, I could almost feel her palm on my cheek too… telling me her goodbye too.
I stayed with my forehead against hers for minutes and minutes, my heart shattering in my chest. But when I heard Levi’s soft breathing behind me, his soothing presence, those scattered pieces moved back in place and, one by one, they knitted back together.
Letting my eyes open, I stood back from the sculpture, and turned to the only person in the world that could make my pulse race. The only person I loved, and the only person I could ever be myself with.
I played with my hands as I approached and Levi shifted on his feet, as if he could feel the tension crackle between us, as if he could feel this heat, this unique pull that we shared.
Levi pulled his hands from his pockets when I stopped before him, when I looked up in his eyes. “Thank you,” I whispered, and with shaking fingers, I put my hand on his cheek. Levi swallowed, his gray eyes wide as I guided his head down. Trying to show everything that I felt in my eyes, I lowered his forehead down to mine, and told him the three words, the most important eight letters that ever could be expressed, I felt radiating from my soul to his, in the only way I knew how.
Gray eyes searched mine, and seeing what he thought I was doing was real, Levi lifted his hand and pressed it to my cheek…
He loved me right back.
“Elsie,” Levi whispered, his husky voice breaking at the fullness of this moment.
Taking a deep breath, I confessed, “I love you, Levi Carillo. I’m loving you with the words I fear most.”
Levi groaned, and he pulled me to his chest with his free hand around my back. He brought me to his lips. I softened against him. I sank into his arms and moved my lips against his. Levi guided us backwards. My legs hit the mattress, and Levi lowered me down to the bed, his body hovering above mine. My hands roamed over his back, my fingers running over his hard muscles.
My body heated, my hips lifted with need, the need to make love to him, when Levi broke from the kiss. I moaned at the loss, but when I saw the serious expression on his face, I stilled. Levi braced his arms on either side of my body, and with blushed cheeks that I adored so much, he expressed, “I love you too.”
My heart raced, my pulse hammered in my neck and those soft words filled my ear and infused my blood with pure hope and light. He loves me, I thought, feeling more than complete, Levi Carillo loves me.
I opened my mouth to respond, but before I could, Levi crushed his mouth back to mine, his hands lifting my shirt and unclasping my bra. Breaking from the kiss, he pulled my hoodie over my head. He had fire in his stormy eyes as they fell upon my breasts, and I reached for his sweatshirt, bringing it over his head. Levi’s cut and tanned torso came into view and I moaned as I ran my fingers down his abs. Levi’s stomach tensed and a hiss passed between his clenched teeth.
Dropping my hands, I took hold of the waistband of his sweats, and pushed the material off his hips. The muscles on Levi’s neck corded as his length was freed, and groaning loudly, he reached for my jeans and stripped me of my clothes.
Levi threw our clothes to the floor, and when he climbed above me again, he lifted me to lie in the center of his bed. His fingers stroked down my face over my throat, and down between my breasts. My back arched and a moan left my lips as his hand continued south, then stopped, only for a new kind of heat to light up Levi’s face.
“Levi?” I questioned, just as he dipped his head to my breasts, his warm tongue lapping around my nipple. My hands flew into his hair to hold him close, but before I found purchase, he moved south, butterflies swarming my stomach when I realized what he was about to do. Levi’s full lips peppered kisses over my stomach, until he hit the apex of my thighs, his hands gently parting my thighs.
I gasped when I felt his warm breath dust over my core, and I looked down just as Levi kissed my folds, then flicked out his tongue and ran it over my clit. My hands fisted the sheets as my eyes rolled back at the feel of his mouth on me. I breathy moan left my mouth, and my body jerked as he pushed his finger inside.
Levi groaned as he sucked and he licked, the erotic sound causing shivers to break out over my flushed skin. “Levi,” I whispered as his tongue built up speed. I couldn’t cope, the feel of his tongue too much for me take. My hips rolled back and forth, and when Levi pushed a second finger inside me, I broke apart, lights dancing behind my eyes.
I heard cries filling the room, my cries, and I stopped, conscious of how I would sound. Levi was suddenly above me, his head shaking in reproach. “Don’t,” he said hoarsely before kissing around my mouth, at the corner of my lips. “Don’t close yourself off. You sound perfect to me, so damn perfect.”
I froze, searching his face to see any lies. He meant it. He meant everything he was saying—he liked the sound of my voice.
I was safe to be me.
Reaching up, I placed my hand on Levi’s head and pulled him to my mouth. I could taste myself on his lips but I didn’t care. I wanted him. I wanted to show him how much I loved him, because I did. I loved him almost too much.
Sitting up, and without breaking the kiss, I guided Levi onto his back, his muscled tanned body on full display beneath me. Levi’s eyes were leaden with lust, and he tried to pull me back down to his mouth. I moved from his hand, opening the drawer in his side table. With trembling, nervous hands, I took out a condom, seeing Levi’s chest heaving, and his hand stroking up and down his length from the corner of my eye.
My throat burned as I stepped closer still. “I never got to say goodbye to you, once and for all.” My breathing hitched but I forced out, “They took me from you, but I didn’t want to go. Please know that. You needed me, and they took me away against my will. It’s why you died, Mom, because you never learned to do anything for yourself, and that wasn’t your fault.” I sniffed and coughed the emotion from my throat. “But you never tried either. You never really tried to make it better for me, or for yourself.” I glanced behind to Levi, to him watching me in silence, his handsome face expressing every ounce of my pain. Because he’d lived this too. He’d lived through the final goodbye.
Closing my eyes, I braced for my next words. When I opened them again, I placed my palm on her cold marbled cheek and hushed out, “I miss you everyday, Mom, and I know you’re happy where you are now, happier than you could have ever been in this life. And I want you to watch me. I want you to watch me live. To make something of myself, to achieve something, even if that’s just achieving a normal life. A normal, everyday life with someone who loves me. And maybe some day, we could have some kids. That sounds just about perfect to me.”
I lowered my head, and with my palm still on her cheek, I pressed my forehead to hers, and in our own action, in our version of silent words, I told her I loved her for the very last time. As I closed my eyes, I could almost feel her palm on my cheek too… telling me her goodbye too.
I stayed with my forehead against hers for minutes and minutes, my heart shattering in my chest. But when I heard Levi’s soft breathing behind me, his soothing presence, those scattered pieces moved back in place and, one by one, they knitted back together.
Letting my eyes open, I stood back from the sculpture, and turned to the only person in the world that could make my pulse race. The only person I loved, and the only person I could ever be myself with.
I played with my hands as I approached and Levi shifted on his feet, as if he could feel the tension crackle between us, as if he could feel this heat, this unique pull that we shared.
Levi pulled his hands from his pockets when I stopped before him, when I looked up in his eyes. “Thank you,” I whispered, and with shaking fingers, I put my hand on his cheek. Levi swallowed, his gray eyes wide as I guided his head down. Trying to show everything that I felt in my eyes, I lowered his forehead down to mine, and told him the three words, the most important eight letters that ever could be expressed, I felt radiating from my soul to his, in the only way I knew how.
Gray eyes searched mine, and seeing what he thought I was doing was real, Levi lifted his hand and pressed it to my cheek…
He loved me right back.
“Elsie,” Levi whispered, his husky voice breaking at the fullness of this moment.
Taking a deep breath, I confessed, “I love you, Levi Carillo. I’m loving you with the words I fear most.”
Levi groaned, and he pulled me to his chest with his free hand around my back. He brought me to his lips. I softened against him. I sank into his arms and moved my lips against his. Levi guided us backwards. My legs hit the mattress, and Levi lowered me down to the bed, his body hovering above mine. My hands roamed over his back, my fingers running over his hard muscles.
My body heated, my hips lifted with need, the need to make love to him, when Levi broke from the kiss. I moaned at the loss, but when I saw the serious expression on his face, I stilled. Levi braced his arms on either side of my body, and with blushed cheeks that I adored so much, he expressed, “I love you too.”
My heart raced, my pulse hammered in my neck and those soft words filled my ear and infused my blood with pure hope and light. He loves me, I thought, feeling more than complete, Levi Carillo loves me.
I opened my mouth to respond, but before I could, Levi crushed his mouth back to mine, his hands lifting my shirt and unclasping my bra. Breaking from the kiss, he pulled my hoodie over my head. He had fire in his stormy eyes as they fell upon my breasts, and I reached for his sweatshirt, bringing it over his head. Levi’s cut and tanned torso came into view and I moaned as I ran my fingers down his abs. Levi’s stomach tensed and a hiss passed between his clenched teeth.
Dropping my hands, I took hold of the waistband of his sweats, and pushed the material off his hips. The muscles on Levi’s neck corded as his length was freed, and groaning loudly, he reached for my jeans and stripped me of my clothes.
Levi threw our clothes to the floor, and when he climbed above me again, he lifted me to lie in the center of his bed. His fingers stroked down my face over my throat, and down between my breasts. My back arched and a moan left my lips as his hand continued south, then stopped, only for a new kind of heat to light up Levi’s face.
“Levi?” I questioned, just as he dipped his head to my breasts, his warm tongue lapping around my nipple. My hands flew into his hair to hold him close, but before I found purchase, he moved south, butterflies swarming my stomach when I realized what he was about to do. Levi’s full lips peppered kisses over my stomach, until he hit the apex of my thighs, his hands gently parting my thighs.
I gasped when I felt his warm breath dust over my core, and I looked down just as Levi kissed my folds, then flicked out his tongue and ran it over my clit. My hands fisted the sheets as my eyes rolled back at the feel of his mouth on me. I breathy moan left my mouth, and my body jerked as he pushed his finger inside.
Levi groaned as he sucked and he licked, the erotic sound causing shivers to break out over my flushed skin. “Levi,” I whispered as his tongue built up speed. I couldn’t cope, the feel of his tongue too much for me take. My hips rolled back and forth, and when Levi pushed a second finger inside me, I broke apart, lights dancing behind my eyes.
I heard cries filling the room, my cries, and I stopped, conscious of how I would sound. Levi was suddenly above me, his head shaking in reproach. “Don’t,” he said hoarsely before kissing around my mouth, at the corner of my lips. “Don’t close yourself off. You sound perfect to me, so damn perfect.”
I froze, searching his face to see any lies. He meant it. He meant everything he was saying—he liked the sound of my voice.
I was safe to be me.
Reaching up, I placed my hand on Levi’s head and pulled him to my mouth. I could taste myself on his lips but I didn’t care. I wanted him. I wanted to show him how much I loved him, because I did. I loved him almost too much.
Sitting up, and without breaking the kiss, I guided Levi onto his back, his muscled tanned body on full display beneath me. Levi’s eyes were leaden with lust, and he tried to pull me back down to his mouth. I moved from his hand, opening the drawer in his side table. With trembling, nervous hands, I took out a condom, seeing Levi’s chest heaving, and his hand stroking up and down his length from the corner of my eye.
