I snort. Here I’ve been trying to convince West differently. The memory causes a slice of pain. God, I’ve lost the guy I loved. I loved him. I loved him so much and he walked away the moment his father snapped his fingers. He couldn’t have loved me back.
“Mom needs me.” And until last night, I’ve been able to pretend the truth hasn’t existed. “Dad’s a mess.”
“You’re eighteen. There comes a point in time when you need to start making your own decisions about your life. You can’t control your father and you can’t help your mother. They’ll either make it or they won’t.”
“What about Maggie?”
“I raised your mother. She’ll take care of Maggie and, trust me, your great-aunt will keep Maggie in line, too. The old bat is too mean to die.”
John scratches his forehead and I’ve never seen such an unsure gesture from him.
“What?” I hope it’s not bad. I’m already free-falling and I don’t feel like hitting a few rocks on the way down.
“When you get to California, you should talk to someone.”
“Talk?”
“Yeah.” His hand waves in the air. “A professional—like that Mrs. Collins.”
Uh...no. “I don’t need—”
“You do,” he cuts me off. “Something happened to you and as hard as I tried I couldn’t fix it. If you have to go, go, but don’t continue to live a half life.”
Mom sticks her head in the gym. “Can you lend a hand, Dad?”
John stands and Mom smiles at me. It’s not a reassuring smile. It’s the type that says she wishes she could reassure me. “Get your brother and cousin. I want to say our goodbyes and get on the road.”
I nod. That describes my life—nothing but goodbyes.
Chapter 72
West
With Abby riding shotgun, I weave through the streets of the industrial park at sixty miles per hour and slam on the brakes when we reach the last warehouse. I throw the car into Park and I’m out the door with the keys still in the ignition.
John steps out of his camper. “Heard you broke my granddaughter’s heart.”
“Where is she?”
“Gone. She left with her mother and father for California a half hour ago.”
He’s talking, but my back is already turned toward him. I slam the door to my car and the tires squeal as I back out and floor the gas.
Abby grabs on to the console. “What are you doing?”
“We’re going after Haley.”
“That was a stop sign. What the hell? Slow down. Slow down! West, f**king stop!”
I slam my brakes and we both lunge forward at the red stoplight.
“We’ve got to catch up. I’ve got to give her the option. I shouldn’t have tried to control her life.”
“Did you notice Kaden standing in the entrance of the gym?”
I blink. “No. Do you think John lied? Do you think she’s still there?”
Abby reaches over and shifts the car into Park. “She’s gone, West. Haley’s made her choice.”
Chapter 73
Haley
It’s our second day on the road and we’re taking it slow to California because John’s car constantly threatens to spontaneously combust. Out of the four of us, only Maggie is excited about the move with the promises of beaches and waves and all the chicken nuggets she can eat.
I wish I could be excited about chicken nuggets. I wish I could be excited over anything.
To give the car time to rest after pushing it two hundred miles, we’ve stopped off in the middle of nowhere Missouri to let Maggie climb on the largest bale of hay known to man. She giggles in the distance and I roam the inside/outside flea market associated with the gas station.
My father sits on the curb and absently watches Maggie and the farmland. It’s a strange, numbing sensation each time I see him—as if he died two days ago and I’m at the funeral home staring at the empty shell of a body.
On the corner of the sidewalk, a dealer hangs a punching bag from the ceiling of the sidewalk overhang. My fingers whisper against the vinyl and the man notices. “Got it this morning. Do you have a brother or boyfriend who might be interested?”
I pivot on the ball of my heel and throw a back kick followed by an elbow to the “gut.” The wooden ceiling trembles as the bag swings. I catch it with both of my hands and smirk at the seller. “No, I don’t.”
Instead of frowning, like I expect, he flashes a half-tooth grin. “You’re good.”
“Thanks.” The pride inside breaks through the numbness.
“My grandson watches that MMA. He was telling me a few weeks ago that he saw two women fight and I couldn’t believe it. Wasn’t that MMA though. It was something else.”
“Muay Thai?”
“That’s it. Do you fight?”
“I used to.”
The old man eases down into a worn lawn chair that creaks under his frail body. His skin has the consistency of leather—too many days spent in the sun. “Shame on the used to.”
Right. A shame.
“Why did you stop?”
The question catches me off guard and because I don’t know him and don’t owe him an explanation I wander away and end up at the bumper of the car next to Mom. She shouts encouragement to Maggie as my sister struggles to the top.
“She doesn’t think she can do it,” says Mom.
I smile, remembering how she almost beat me a few months ago on the monkey bars. “Maggie can do it. She has a ton of upper-body strength.”
Maggie’s arms visibly shake, but she’s almost there. Thinking how awesome it will feel within me to see that victorious smile on her face when she reaches the top, I silently will her to dig deep and find that last oomph of energy. One of us needs to accomplish a goal.
Right as Maggie almost reaches the top of the bale of hay, she lowers her head. I step toward her. No. She’s almost there. “Keep going, Maggie!”
“I can’t,” she yells.
She can. She has to. One of us has to. I take off for the field, running over the damp ground, watching as she clutches her fingers into the hay. “You’re almost there. Just keep going!”
I reach the bale. Her sneakers dangle near my head. I could place my hand near her foot and nudge her up, but this overwhelming urge inside me says that if Maggie’s going to be proud, she needs to do it on her own. She needs to know she’s capable.
“Catch me,” Maggie calls.
“Mom needs me.” And until last night, I’ve been able to pretend the truth hasn’t existed. “Dad’s a mess.”
“You’re eighteen. There comes a point in time when you need to start making your own decisions about your life. You can’t control your father and you can’t help your mother. They’ll either make it or they won’t.”
“What about Maggie?”
“I raised your mother. She’ll take care of Maggie and, trust me, your great-aunt will keep Maggie in line, too. The old bat is too mean to die.”
John scratches his forehead and I’ve never seen such an unsure gesture from him.
“What?” I hope it’s not bad. I’m already free-falling and I don’t feel like hitting a few rocks on the way down.
“When you get to California, you should talk to someone.”
“Talk?”
“Yeah.” His hand waves in the air. “A professional—like that Mrs. Collins.”
Uh...no. “I don’t need—”
“You do,” he cuts me off. “Something happened to you and as hard as I tried I couldn’t fix it. If you have to go, go, but don’t continue to live a half life.”
Mom sticks her head in the gym. “Can you lend a hand, Dad?”
John stands and Mom smiles at me. It’s not a reassuring smile. It’s the type that says she wishes she could reassure me. “Get your brother and cousin. I want to say our goodbyes and get on the road.”
I nod. That describes my life—nothing but goodbyes.
Chapter 72
West
With Abby riding shotgun, I weave through the streets of the industrial park at sixty miles per hour and slam on the brakes when we reach the last warehouse. I throw the car into Park and I’m out the door with the keys still in the ignition.
John steps out of his camper. “Heard you broke my granddaughter’s heart.”
“Where is she?”
“Gone. She left with her mother and father for California a half hour ago.”
He’s talking, but my back is already turned toward him. I slam the door to my car and the tires squeal as I back out and floor the gas.
Abby grabs on to the console. “What are you doing?”
“We’re going after Haley.”
“That was a stop sign. What the hell? Slow down. Slow down! West, f**king stop!”
I slam my brakes and we both lunge forward at the red stoplight.
“We’ve got to catch up. I’ve got to give her the option. I shouldn’t have tried to control her life.”
“Did you notice Kaden standing in the entrance of the gym?”
I blink. “No. Do you think John lied? Do you think she’s still there?”
Abby reaches over and shifts the car into Park. “She’s gone, West. Haley’s made her choice.”
Chapter 73
Haley
It’s our second day on the road and we’re taking it slow to California because John’s car constantly threatens to spontaneously combust. Out of the four of us, only Maggie is excited about the move with the promises of beaches and waves and all the chicken nuggets she can eat.
I wish I could be excited about chicken nuggets. I wish I could be excited over anything.
To give the car time to rest after pushing it two hundred miles, we’ve stopped off in the middle of nowhere Missouri to let Maggie climb on the largest bale of hay known to man. She giggles in the distance and I roam the inside/outside flea market associated with the gas station.
My father sits on the curb and absently watches Maggie and the farmland. It’s a strange, numbing sensation each time I see him—as if he died two days ago and I’m at the funeral home staring at the empty shell of a body.
On the corner of the sidewalk, a dealer hangs a punching bag from the ceiling of the sidewalk overhang. My fingers whisper against the vinyl and the man notices. “Got it this morning. Do you have a brother or boyfriend who might be interested?”
I pivot on the ball of my heel and throw a back kick followed by an elbow to the “gut.” The wooden ceiling trembles as the bag swings. I catch it with both of my hands and smirk at the seller. “No, I don’t.”
Instead of frowning, like I expect, he flashes a half-tooth grin. “You’re good.”
“Thanks.” The pride inside breaks through the numbness.
“My grandson watches that MMA. He was telling me a few weeks ago that he saw two women fight and I couldn’t believe it. Wasn’t that MMA though. It was something else.”
“Muay Thai?”
“That’s it. Do you fight?”
“I used to.”
The old man eases down into a worn lawn chair that creaks under his frail body. His skin has the consistency of leather—too many days spent in the sun. “Shame on the used to.”
Right. A shame.
“Why did you stop?”
The question catches me off guard and because I don’t know him and don’t owe him an explanation I wander away and end up at the bumper of the car next to Mom. She shouts encouragement to Maggie as my sister struggles to the top.
“She doesn’t think she can do it,” says Mom.
I smile, remembering how she almost beat me a few months ago on the monkey bars. “Maggie can do it. She has a ton of upper-body strength.”
Maggie’s arms visibly shake, but she’s almost there. Thinking how awesome it will feel within me to see that victorious smile on her face when she reaches the top, I silently will her to dig deep and find that last oomph of energy. One of us needs to accomplish a goal.
Right as Maggie almost reaches the top of the bale of hay, she lowers her head. I step toward her. No. She’s almost there. “Keep going, Maggie!”
“I can’t,” she yells.
She can. She has to. One of us has to. I take off for the field, running over the damp ground, watching as she clutches her fingers into the hay. “You’re almost there. Just keep going!”
I reach the bale. Her sneakers dangle near my head. I could place my hand near her foot and nudge her up, but this overwhelming urge inside me says that if Maggie’s going to be proud, she needs to do it on her own. She needs to know she’s capable.
“Catch me,” Maggie calls.
