Adam lowered his eyes, going from pissed to defeated in the span of one breath. “He got his hands on some bad drugs and had an adverse reaction. Blames me for not hooking him up with my dealer.”
“Wonderful.” Shade snorted. “Why hold out on him?”
Adam scowled. “I don’t have a f**king dealer, Shade. When did you turn into such an ass**le?”
“When you took one too many things from me that I can never get back.” Shade squeezed the bridge of his nose. He was not going to punch Adam today, no matter how much he wanted to. “Have you said your piece?”
Adam nodded. “Yeah. I’m sorry I died and made you miss Julie’s birth. I would have waited until the next day to end it all had I known Tina was going to pop out your baby three weeks early. At least I understand why you hate me now. I’d hate me too.”
That was the most mature observation Adam had made in years. And an actual apology instead of defensive avoidance? Maybe Adam was making progress. Maybe he was getting his life together. Maybe Shade could let himself care about the guy again. He had to be sure Adam was on the road to recovery before he trusted his progress, because Adam had had ripped out Shade’s heart a million f**king times in the past, and he couldn’t let him do it again.
“I don’t hate you,” Shade said. He never had.
Adam closed his eyes and drew a deep breath into his chest. “I don’t hate you either.”
Uncomfortable over exchanging feelings with a dude, Shade stared at the floor and stood in silence for several minutes.
“I’ll, um, see you on the bus,” Adam said. He also seemed to find the hardwood at their feet utterly fascinating.
“Yeah, good. Hope your dad gets better soon.”
“Thanks. I should dump him off somewhere and hope he doesn’t find his way back, but I just can’t do it. Not even after all the shit he’s put me through.”
Shade knew more about the shit Adam’s father had put him through than anyone. When they’d been back in high school, Shade had no idea how many times Adam had hid out at his house just to feel a bit of security. Shade’s family had welcomed Adam. Shade’s mother was some sort of stray magnet, be the strays broken people or lost animals. Shade had been disappointed and yeah, hurt, when Adam had chosen to follow in his father’s footsteps. Shade hadn’t wanted that for Adam and hadn’t known what to do. How to help. He’d tried to force Adam to see the light, but it hadn’t worked. Adam had always said he wanted to build a better life for himself, that he didn’t want to be anything like his father, and yet he’d followed the failed life of the man he resented almost to the letter. The only thing that had kept Adam from sending himself to an early grave was that his bandmates happened to give a shit about him, whether he saw it that way or not.
“You really should get the man out of your life,” Shade said. “He’s never going to change.”
“I don’t need him to be perfect,” Adam said quietly. “I just want him to be my dad. After all this time, I still want that.”
Shade leaned forward and squeezed Adam’s shoulder. He wished he could say he understood what Adam was going through, but he didn’t. He could support him though. Or try to. “If you need something, you can call me.”
Adam’s head lifted and he met Shade’s eyes. He chuckled half-heartedly. “You don’t mean that.”
“Yeah, I do. I know how hard it is to deal with an addict who doesn’t see he’s destroying himself.”
Adam grinned crookedly. “They’re a total pain in the ass.”
“But they can get better.” Shade hoped. Please, let him be better.
“Yeah.” Adam took a deep breath and glanced at the front door. “I’m going to go now. And it’s none of my business who you mess around with, but Amanda?” Adam shook his head. “Didn’t you learn your lesson with the younger Lange sister?”
“I think I chose the wrong one.” Shade sighed. He knew he couldn’t be with Amanda in any serious capacity, but the woman brought him joy, which was a good enough reason to keep his hands off her. He knew he’d f**k things up with her spectacularly, and she’d take that good feeling with her when she left.
“Just don’t do anything stupid.”
Too late. “I’ll see you later,” Shade said. He was ready to continue being stupid with the lovely woman in question. At least until he had to leave to meet the tour bus.
Shade and Adam exchanged an awkward bro-hug, slapping each other’s backs with enough force to knock the wind out of an elephant, and then Adam let himself out of the house.
Smiling, Shade went in search of trouble. He found her in his shower.
Chapter 11
Amanda didn’t know why she’d felt so uncomfortable when Adam had recognized her. Sure, he’d undoubtedly figured out why she was at Jacob’s house borrowing his shirt, but they were both single, consenting adults. It wasn’t any of Adam’s business what they did in the semi-privacy of Jacob’s breakfast nook. It hadn’t bothered her nearly as much when Gabe had shown up the night before. Why not? She froze, her hands tangled up in hair and shampoo. Probably because she’d been so lost in a haze of lust that she hadn’t been thinking clearly.
She scrubbed at her scalp. Eyes closed, she rinsed her hair beneath the steamy water.
She needed to go home and collect her scattered thoughts. Something about Jacob sent her logic on a short flight to nowhere-land.
When he stepped into the shower behind her, her senses boarded the plane. She turned so that the spray hit her shoulders and she wrapped her arms around his neck, standing on tiptoes to press her br**sts against his chest.
“Everything okay with Adam?” she asked.
“One conversation can’t solve years of conflict,” he said. His hands slid over her back, and he drew her closer. “But it’s a start.”
“He wouldn’t tell Tina that I was here, would he?”
“Nah. He can’t stand her. That’s why he refused to be the best man at our wedding. Said I was making the biggest mistake of my life.”
“In hindsight, do you agree?”
“Nope. I have no regrets there. If I hadn’t married Tina, I wouldn’t have Julie. And she’s my heart.”
Amanda kissed the center of his chest, right on the proud nose of his lion tattoo. “Way to dissolve me into a puddle of mush, Silverton,” she said.
“Wonderful.” Shade snorted. “Why hold out on him?”
Adam scowled. “I don’t have a f**king dealer, Shade. When did you turn into such an ass**le?”
“When you took one too many things from me that I can never get back.” Shade squeezed the bridge of his nose. He was not going to punch Adam today, no matter how much he wanted to. “Have you said your piece?”
Adam nodded. “Yeah. I’m sorry I died and made you miss Julie’s birth. I would have waited until the next day to end it all had I known Tina was going to pop out your baby three weeks early. At least I understand why you hate me now. I’d hate me too.”
That was the most mature observation Adam had made in years. And an actual apology instead of defensive avoidance? Maybe Adam was making progress. Maybe he was getting his life together. Maybe Shade could let himself care about the guy again. He had to be sure Adam was on the road to recovery before he trusted his progress, because Adam had had ripped out Shade’s heart a million f**king times in the past, and he couldn’t let him do it again.
“I don’t hate you,” Shade said. He never had.
Adam closed his eyes and drew a deep breath into his chest. “I don’t hate you either.”
Uncomfortable over exchanging feelings with a dude, Shade stared at the floor and stood in silence for several minutes.
“I’ll, um, see you on the bus,” Adam said. He also seemed to find the hardwood at their feet utterly fascinating.
“Yeah, good. Hope your dad gets better soon.”
“Thanks. I should dump him off somewhere and hope he doesn’t find his way back, but I just can’t do it. Not even after all the shit he’s put me through.”
Shade knew more about the shit Adam’s father had put him through than anyone. When they’d been back in high school, Shade had no idea how many times Adam had hid out at his house just to feel a bit of security. Shade’s family had welcomed Adam. Shade’s mother was some sort of stray magnet, be the strays broken people or lost animals. Shade had been disappointed and yeah, hurt, when Adam had chosen to follow in his father’s footsteps. Shade hadn’t wanted that for Adam and hadn’t known what to do. How to help. He’d tried to force Adam to see the light, but it hadn’t worked. Adam had always said he wanted to build a better life for himself, that he didn’t want to be anything like his father, and yet he’d followed the failed life of the man he resented almost to the letter. The only thing that had kept Adam from sending himself to an early grave was that his bandmates happened to give a shit about him, whether he saw it that way or not.
“You really should get the man out of your life,” Shade said. “He’s never going to change.”
“I don’t need him to be perfect,” Adam said quietly. “I just want him to be my dad. After all this time, I still want that.”
Shade leaned forward and squeezed Adam’s shoulder. He wished he could say he understood what Adam was going through, but he didn’t. He could support him though. Or try to. “If you need something, you can call me.”
Adam’s head lifted and he met Shade’s eyes. He chuckled half-heartedly. “You don’t mean that.”
“Yeah, I do. I know how hard it is to deal with an addict who doesn’t see he’s destroying himself.”
Adam grinned crookedly. “They’re a total pain in the ass.”
“But they can get better.” Shade hoped. Please, let him be better.
“Yeah.” Adam took a deep breath and glanced at the front door. “I’m going to go now. And it’s none of my business who you mess around with, but Amanda?” Adam shook his head. “Didn’t you learn your lesson with the younger Lange sister?”
“I think I chose the wrong one.” Shade sighed. He knew he couldn’t be with Amanda in any serious capacity, but the woman brought him joy, which was a good enough reason to keep his hands off her. He knew he’d f**k things up with her spectacularly, and she’d take that good feeling with her when she left.
“Just don’t do anything stupid.”
Too late. “I’ll see you later,” Shade said. He was ready to continue being stupid with the lovely woman in question. At least until he had to leave to meet the tour bus.
Shade and Adam exchanged an awkward bro-hug, slapping each other’s backs with enough force to knock the wind out of an elephant, and then Adam let himself out of the house.
Smiling, Shade went in search of trouble. He found her in his shower.
Chapter 11
Amanda didn’t know why she’d felt so uncomfortable when Adam had recognized her. Sure, he’d undoubtedly figured out why she was at Jacob’s house borrowing his shirt, but they were both single, consenting adults. It wasn’t any of Adam’s business what they did in the semi-privacy of Jacob’s breakfast nook. It hadn’t bothered her nearly as much when Gabe had shown up the night before. Why not? She froze, her hands tangled up in hair and shampoo. Probably because she’d been so lost in a haze of lust that she hadn’t been thinking clearly.
She scrubbed at her scalp. Eyes closed, she rinsed her hair beneath the steamy water.
She needed to go home and collect her scattered thoughts. Something about Jacob sent her logic on a short flight to nowhere-land.
When he stepped into the shower behind her, her senses boarded the plane. She turned so that the spray hit her shoulders and she wrapped her arms around his neck, standing on tiptoes to press her br**sts against his chest.
“Everything okay with Adam?” she asked.
“One conversation can’t solve years of conflict,” he said. His hands slid over her back, and he drew her closer. “But it’s a start.”
“He wouldn’t tell Tina that I was here, would he?”
“Nah. He can’t stand her. That’s why he refused to be the best man at our wedding. Said I was making the biggest mistake of my life.”
“In hindsight, do you agree?”
“Nope. I have no regrets there. If I hadn’t married Tina, I wouldn’t have Julie. And she’s my heart.”
Amanda kissed the center of his chest, right on the proud nose of his lion tattoo. “Way to dissolve me into a puddle of mush, Silverton,” she said.
