Taking Chances
Page 61
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I didn't respond, I just waited for her to start screaming, but it never happened.
“Why didn't you tell me Harper?” Her face was filled with hurt.
“I don't know,” I answered honestly, “I hated myself for doing that to Brandon. I could barely deal with it by myself, I didn't know how to tell anyone else. I wanted to tell you, I did. But since he's your brother, I thought you'd never be okay with it.”
“Does he know that you love him?”
Nodding I tried to speak around the lump in my throat, “He loves me too.”
After a few silent moments she spoke again, “It makes sense. We've all been so worried about him over the last few months, he's been distant and grumpy. Now that I'm thinking about it I can't believe no one realized he's only ever happy when you're both here.” She paused for a second, “What did he say last night?”
“He wanted me to make a choice between him and Brandon. I'd told him last month before you guys got back I needed a few weeks.”
“Did you choose Brandon?”
“Yeah,” it was barely a whisper, “If Brandon hadn't ever been in the picture, I still couldn't be with your brother. I love Chase, but I know he'd leave me. Whenever he gets mad or upset he'll avoid me for long periods of time. But Brandon is in the picture, and I just couldn't imagine myself leaving him.” I laughed but it sounded off, “All I wanted was to avoid hurting him, and now this? I'm going to crush him Bree. I'm such a horrible person.”
“A little,” she tried to laugh, “You're going to have to tell both of them.”
“I know, there's no way around this. I've never slept with Brandon, and Chase knows I've only ever been with him. Once Chase knows what's happening, he'll always be around me. You know he won't leave my side, and Brandon will find out he's the dad.” My body felt like ice, “Oh my God Bree I'm going to have a baby. I'm going to be a mom. I don't know how to do that, I can't be a mom I don't want the baby to grow up like I did!” I was on the verge of hyperventilating. “I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I’d be a horrible mom, Bree. I don’t want to do this!”
“No you won't! You're going to be a great mom Harper, no one has a bigger heart than you do. Yeah you grew up with a crappy father, but you won't be like him.” She gripped my wrists and waited ‘til I calmed down once again, “And it might be hard to believe, but Chase is great with little kids, all our cousins love him and he's always taking the babies so he can hold them. Between the two of you? This baby is going to be extremely loved, and of course Mom, Dad and I will be there to spoil him or her to no end.”
I actually laughed, really laughed. “I hope you're right. This is going to be a really rough next few months, but I'm glad you'll be here with me Bree. You're like my sister, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier.”
She waved my apology off, “I just can't believe that dumbass didn't use a condom!”
“Err, that's my fault. He wanted to stop because he didn't have any and I kind of begged him to anyway. And the second time –”
“There was a second time?”
“The next day. Anyway that time I don't think either of us thought about it. I had just found out you all were coming home, and even though I told him I needed time to choose, we both knew I wouldn't choose him. And it just happened.”
“Okay, okay I don't want details. He is still my brother.”
Mom peaked her head in through the door, “I just got back from the store, I figured you two would be in class by now!”
Oh thank God she didn't hear what we were talking about. Until Brandon knew, I didn't want anyone else to know who the father was. “Uh...hey Mom?”
Her face worried, “Oh Harper honey, what's wrong? Have you both been crying?”
Bree squeezed my hand and we sat up on the bed, after a reassuring nod from her I looked back to her mom and took a deep breath, before any sound could come out I started crying again. Somehow between the sobs and hiccups I managed to mutter, “I'm pregnant.”
Claire wasn't mad, just like Bree predicted she was only sad for me. We all cried while she held me and only looked mildly shocked when I said it wasn't Brandon's. Actually, she looked relieved when I told her. Bree and I shared a confused look but didn't say anything. Thankfully she didn't pry when I asked if I could tell her who the dad was after Brandon and I were already broken up. She swore other than Robert, she wouldn't tell a soul and then was off to call her OBGYN to set up an appointment. Her only request was that Bree and I strongly consider moving out of the dorm and into their house.
“It will be safer for you and the baby, and this way we'll be able to make sure you eat nutritiously.” She'd reasoned.
Bree and I didn't care, if we weren't at Chase's house, we were almost always here anyway. The dorm was mainly only used if we were pissed off at Konrad and Brandon. And after I spoke to Brandon, I had a feeling I wouldn’t be welcome in the house anymore.
“Oh and you should call your father.”
That...was going to be a difficult conversation. I called him right away, twice, and he didn't answer. Not like I expected him to, I haven't actually spoken with him since the end of August, but I would have rather told him over the phone than via e-mail. Unfortunately, that was my only other option. I grabbed my laptop and typed out a quick e-mail explaining what I'd just found out and that I was sorry if I disappointed him. I asked him to call me so we could talk and told him I loved him. I knew he would respond soon, so I sat there and waited for it. I should have expected his response, but even Bree let out a string of choice words and ran down the hall screaming for her mom to tell her what he'd said.
“Why didn't you tell me Harper?” Her face was filled with hurt.
“I don't know,” I answered honestly, “I hated myself for doing that to Brandon. I could barely deal with it by myself, I didn't know how to tell anyone else. I wanted to tell you, I did. But since he's your brother, I thought you'd never be okay with it.”
“Does he know that you love him?”
Nodding I tried to speak around the lump in my throat, “He loves me too.”
After a few silent moments she spoke again, “It makes sense. We've all been so worried about him over the last few months, he's been distant and grumpy. Now that I'm thinking about it I can't believe no one realized he's only ever happy when you're both here.” She paused for a second, “What did he say last night?”
“He wanted me to make a choice between him and Brandon. I'd told him last month before you guys got back I needed a few weeks.”
“Did you choose Brandon?”
“Yeah,” it was barely a whisper, “If Brandon hadn't ever been in the picture, I still couldn't be with your brother. I love Chase, but I know he'd leave me. Whenever he gets mad or upset he'll avoid me for long periods of time. But Brandon is in the picture, and I just couldn't imagine myself leaving him.” I laughed but it sounded off, “All I wanted was to avoid hurting him, and now this? I'm going to crush him Bree. I'm such a horrible person.”
“A little,” she tried to laugh, “You're going to have to tell both of them.”
“I know, there's no way around this. I've never slept with Brandon, and Chase knows I've only ever been with him. Once Chase knows what's happening, he'll always be around me. You know he won't leave my side, and Brandon will find out he's the dad.” My body felt like ice, “Oh my God Bree I'm going to have a baby. I'm going to be a mom. I don't know how to do that, I can't be a mom I don't want the baby to grow up like I did!” I was on the verge of hyperventilating. “I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I’d be a horrible mom, Bree. I don’t want to do this!”
“No you won't! You're going to be a great mom Harper, no one has a bigger heart than you do. Yeah you grew up with a crappy father, but you won't be like him.” She gripped my wrists and waited ‘til I calmed down once again, “And it might be hard to believe, but Chase is great with little kids, all our cousins love him and he's always taking the babies so he can hold them. Between the two of you? This baby is going to be extremely loved, and of course Mom, Dad and I will be there to spoil him or her to no end.”
I actually laughed, really laughed. “I hope you're right. This is going to be a really rough next few months, but I'm glad you'll be here with me Bree. You're like my sister, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier.”
She waved my apology off, “I just can't believe that dumbass didn't use a condom!”
“Err, that's my fault. He wanted to stop because he didn't have any and I kind of begged him to anyway. And the second time –”
“There was a second time?”
“The next day. Anyway that time I don't think either of us thought about it. I had just found out you all were coming home, and even though I told him I needed time to choose, we both knew I wouldn't choose him. And it just happened.”
“Okay, okay I don't want details. He is still my brother.”
Mom peaked her head in through the door, “I just got back from the store, I figured you two would be in class by now!”
Oh thank God she didn't hear what we were talking about. Until Brandon knew, I didn't want anyone else to know who the father was. “Uh...hey Mom?”
Her face worried, “Oh Harper honey, what's wrong? Have you both been crying?”
Bree squeezed my hand and we sat up on the bed, after a reassuring nod from her I looked back to her mom and took a deep breath, before any sound could come out I started crying again. Somehow between the sobs and hiccups I managed to mutter, “I'm pregnant.”
Claire wasn't mad, just like Bree predicted she was only sad for me. We all cried while she held me and only looked mildly shocked when I said it wasn't Brandon's. Actually, she looked relieved when I told her. Bree and I shared a confused look but didn't say anything. Thankfully she didn't pry when I asked if I could tell her who the dad was after Brandon and I were already broken up. She swore other than Robert, she wouldn't tell a soul and then was off to call her OBGYN to set up an appointment. Her only request was that Bree and I strongly consider moving out of the dorm and into their house.
“It will be safer for you and the baby, and this way we'll be able to make sure you eat nutritiously.” She'd reasoned.
Bree and I didn't care, if we weren't at Chase's house, we were almost always here anyway. The dorm was mainly only used if we were pissed off at Konrad and Brandon. And after I spoke to Brandon, I had a feeling I wouldn’t be welcome in the house anymore.
“Oh and you should call your father.”
That...was going to be a difficult conversation. I called him right away, twice, and he didn't answer. Not like I expected him to, I haven't actually spoken with him since the end of August, but I would have rather told him over the phone than via e-mail. Unfortunately, that was my only other option. I grabbed my laptop and typed out a quick e-mail explaining what I'd just found out and that I was sorry if I disappointed him. I asked him to call me so we could talk and told him I loved him. I knew he would respond soon, so I sat there and waited for it. I should have expected his response, but even Bree let out a string of choice words and ran down the hall screaming for her mom to tell her what he'd said.
