“How do you know?”
“What?” he asked, “How do I know what?”
“How do you know that you’ve fallen in love with me? I just don’t understand it. I mean, how does one actually know when they are in love? Does it just hit them? Do you just know? I mean, how does it happen? I mean-”
“You’re rambling, Elli,” he said, closing his eyes as he let out a frustrated sigh.
She didn’t love him!
“I know! Because not only do you want me to move in, but you have fallen in love with me! You couldn’t wait to drop the love bomb on me until after we were done with the moving in one?” she asked, standing up and moving her hands with every word that came out of her mouth.
God he loved her, even though she drove him crazy.
“What do you want me to say, Elli, I’m sorry? I’m sorry for feeling the way I do? Sorry for wanting to be with you every f**king moment of the day, for wanting only you? I mean, what would you want? For me to be a f**king douche, cheating on you, not telling you I actually feel something for you? I mean for the love of God, Elli, what do you want from this? Is this relationship actually going somewhere?”
She moved her hand over her mouth as she looked down at the ground. He expected her to say something, not start crying. She moved from the bed, walking on insanely high heels to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. He let his head fall into the doorframe, hitting it a few times before walking over to the bathroom door.
“Elli, why are you crying?” he asked. He heard her blow her nose.
“Because you’re right, Shea, I don’t know anymore. I mean, first it was you being gone, now it’s the fact that I’m scared to move forward in the relationship while you’re hell bent on moving. I just don’t know anymore.”
“Don’t know what? What do you mean?”
“I mean that maybe we should take a break.”
Okay, that came from left field. Shea felt like she was hitting him with a hundred pucks, square in the chest. He braced himself against the door frame, trying to control his breathing.
“Okay. So I tell you that I’m in love with you, and you break up with me? Right before we leave so you can meet my parents?”
The door flew open and she stood there, the same height as him, tears streaking down her face, as she tried to keep the sobs inside her.
“I don’t want to break up, but I feel like I’m holding you back. You deserve someone who will give you what you want, and I’m not sure I’m that person,” she said, putting her hands on her chest.
“Why do you f**king do this? Why do you over analyze and over f**king think everything?! We are great together! If you don’t want to move in, fine. If you do, great. If you don’t love me, that’s fine, but I do love you, and I will wait for you to love me, Elli.”
Her lip wobbled, before more tears streamed down her face.
“Don’t do this, don’t over think. Just feel, baby. Don’t you feel what I feel when we are this close to each other? Don’t you have fun with me? Don’t you miss me when I’m gone? Don’t you want me?” He cupped her face with his hands, her tears running over his big hands. She had such big tears, something he couldn’t help but love. Because even when she cried, he thought she was the most beautiful person on Earth.
“Tell me no to any of those questions, Elli, and I’ll let you break up with me. Hell, I’ll even help you pack. I’ll let you go, even though-” he took a deep breath, tears welling up in his eyes, because if she did say no, he was done for, “even though it would kill me.”
Shea had never cried in front of a woman. Okay, well, he did cry in front of Grace once, and his mom was always there when he cried. But he had never cried in front of a woman he was dating, and he felt like the tears were about to fall. He tried so hard to keep them at bay because he didn’t want to seem weak, but she wasn’t saying anything. She was just looking at him, tears rolling down her cheeks onto his hands. He could accept the fact that she didn’t love him, because he knew she would later. But the fact that she wanted to break up? No, he couldn’t accept that, wouldn’t accept that.
She took a deep breath, and then said, “I don’t deserve you, Shea.”
His heart melted.
“Of course you do, baby.”
“No, I really don’t. You’re too patient, too nice. You deal with my craziness, my insecurities. Why, Shea? Why do I deserve you?”
He smiled, moving his thumbs back and forth against her cheeks, “Because I said so,” he said with a wink, “Now stop over thinking us. I’ll leave the moving thing alone and let you make the decision, okay?”
She nodded before wrapping her arms around his middle, nuzzling her nose into his neck, getting snot and tears all over him, but he didn’t care. He held her close, kissing her wet hair, inhaling her scent. They stayed like that for a long time, just holding each other until his phone rang. He pulled back a little, pulling the phone out of his pocket.
“Shit,” he said, “It’s Grace.”
“Crap, I have to finish my hair!”
She placed a quick kiss to his lips before turning back around to the sink.
“Hey.”
“Where the hell are you?”
“We’re running late.”
“I mean, Jesus, can’t you guys wait until tonight?!”
“For your information, we weren’t having sex. We did that earlier in her office.”
“What?” he asked, “How do I know what?”
“How do you know that you’ve fallen in love with me? I just don’t understand it. I mean, how does one actually know when they are in love? Does it just hit them? Do you just know? I mean, how does it happen? I mean-”
“You’re rambling, Elli,” he said, closing his eyes as he let out a frustrated sigh.
She didn’t love him!
“I know! Because not only do you want me to move in, but you have fallen in love with me! You couldn’t wait to drop the love bomb on me until after we were done with the moving in one?” she asked, standing up and moving her hands with every word that came out of her mouth.
God he loved her, even though she drove him crazy.
“What do you want me to say, Elli, I’m sorry? I’m sorry for feeling the way I do? Sorry for wanting to be with you every f**king moment of the day, for wanting only you? I mean, what would you want? For me to be a f**king douche, cheating on you, not telling you I actually feel something for you? I mean for the love of God, Elli, what do you want from this? Is this relationship actually going somewhere?”
She moved her hand over her mouth as she looked down at the ground. He expected her to say something, not start crying. She moved from the bed, walking on insanely high heels to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. He let his head fall into the doorframe, hitting it a few times before walking over to the bathroom door.
“Elli, why are you crying?” he asked. He heard her blow her nose.
“Because you’re right, Shea, I don’t know anymore. I mean, first it was you being gone, now it’s the fact that I’m scared to move forward in the relationship while you’re hell bent on moving. I just don’t know anymore.”
“Don’t know what? What do you mean?”
“I mean that maybe we should take a break.”
Okay, that came from left field. Shea felt like she was hitting him with a hundred pucks, square in the chest. He braced himself against the door frame, trying to control his breathing.
“Okay. So I tell you that I’m in love with you, and you break up with me? Right before we leave so you can meet my parents?”
The door flew open and she stood there, the same height as him, tears streaking down her face, as she tried to keep the sobs inside her.
“I don’t want to break up, but I feel like I’m holding you back. You deserve someone who will give you what you want, and I’m not sure I’m that person,” she said, putting her hands on her chest.
“Why do you f**king do this? Why do you over analyze and over f**king think everything?! We are great together! If you don’t want to move in, fine. If you do, great. If you don’t love me, that’s fine, but I do love you, and I will wait for you to love me, Elli.”
Her lip wobbled, before more tears streamed down her face.
“Don’t do this, don’t over think. Just feel, baby. Don’t you feel what I feel when we are this close to each other? Don’t you have fun with me? Don’t you miss me when I’m gone? Don’t you want me?” He cupped her face with his hands, her tears running over his big hands. She had such big tears, something he couldn’t help but love. Because even when she cried, he thought she was the most beautiful person on Earth.
“Tell me no to any of those questions, Elli, and I’ll let you break up with me. Hell, I’ll even help you pack. I’ll let you go, even though-” he took a deep breath, tears welling up in his eyes, because if she did say no, he was done for, “even though it would kill me.”
Shea had never cried in front of a woman. Okay, well, he did cry in front of Grace once, and his mom was always there when he cried. But he had never cried in front of a woman he was dating, and he felt like the tears were about to fall. He tried so hard to keep them at bay because he didn’t want to seem weak, but she wasn’t saying anything. She was just looking at him, tears rolling down her cheeks onto his hands. He could accept the fact that she didn’t love him, because he knew she would later. But the fact that she wanted to break up? No, he couldn’t accept that, wouldn’t accept that.
She took a deep breath, and then said, “I don’t deserve you, Shea.”
His heart melted.
“Of course you do, baby.”
“No, I really don’t. You’re too patient, too nice. You deal with my craziness, my insecurities. Why, Shea? Why do I deserve you?”
He smiled, moving his thumbs back and forth against her cheeks, “Because I said so,” he said with a wink, “Now stop over thinking us. I’ll leave the moving thing alone and let you make the decision, okay?”
She nodded before wrapping her arms around his middle, nuzzling her nose into his neck, getting snot and tears all over him, but he didn’t care. He held her close, kissing her wet hair, inhaling her scent. They stayed like that for a long time, just holding each other until his phone rang. He pulled back a little, pulling the phone out of his pocket.
“Shit,” he said, “It’s Grace.”
“Crap, I have to finish my hair!”
She placed a quick kiss to his lips before turning back around to the sink.
“Hey.”
“Where the hell are you?”
“We’re running late.”
“I mean, Jesus, can’t you guys wait until tonight?!”
“For your information, we weren’t having sex. We did that earlier in her office.”
