When she reached the truck, she jumped in, locking the doors behind her as she just sat there crying. She had to get it out or she wouldn’t be able to make the drive home. She could always go to Harper’s and calm down, but she didn’t want Harper to see her like this. She was so mad at herself. How long had it been since she had been touched by, or even touched, a man? Forever, it seemed. Why couldn’t she do it? Shea was a beautifully made man, he was a buffet, and she could eat him alive! But the thought of him seeing her stretch marks or her paunch made her sick to her stomach with fear.
Elli pulled back and slammed her hands against the steering wheel as she sobbed. She hated this feeling, because no matter how much running or how little she ate she couldn’t get rid of the paunch. Shea would be done with her in no time; he wouldn’t want to wait forever to have sex with her. Who could blame him? Elli could always get it cut off, she thought; get a nice little tummy tuck. But everyone would know and she would never give her family the satisfaction of watching her fail. Not anymore. Plus, she couldn’t get rid of the stretch marks; they would be forever on her.
She leaned her head on the steering wheel and watched as the tears fell onto her legs, puddles of them, sliding down the sides of her thighs, thighs that had little dimples and marks too. But those were so little that only Elli knew about them, or so she hoped. If Shea ever mentioned them, she would never wear shorts around him again. She closed her eyes. She hated feeling like this.
She wanted to be strong, confident.
This was probably the only time that she wished she was like Victoria. The confidence Victoria exhibited was so obvious. Men fell at her feet. Why couldn’t Elli be like that? Why couldn’t she throw her clothes off, and screw Shea’s brains out right there on his couch? Victoria would have done it in a New York minute, but Elli? Nope, she ran out of there crying.
How was she ever going to face Shea again?
When Elli was fully calmed down, she drove home. After parking her truck at the very top of the driveway so everyone would be able to get in, she headed up the walk way, hearing Adler freaking out. Elli’s phone beeped just as she opened the door. Adler took off running and Elli just shrugged as she left the door open for him to come back in. Shea had texted her about ten times since she left. He was, of course, being sweet, but she just couldn’t do it. Couldn’t talk to him, not yet. She pulled out her phone to read the last text.
Are you okay? You always answer my texts, please just say your okay, I’ll leave you alone until you are ready to talk to me.
She quickly texted back that, yes, she was okay, and that she would call him later. Even though they both knew she wouldn’t. She laid her purse and everything down on the sofa before going back to her bathroom to clean up. She ran the water as she looked for a wash rag. When she looked up into the mirror and saw her bloodshot eyes and tear streaks down her face, she felt like she would cry again. She remembered when she used to look at herself and think how pretty she was, how any guy would die to be with her.
That wasn’t the case anymore. After Justin and his abuse, and her family’s abuse, she just felt alone. She felt as if no one would ever love her, or even think she was pretty. Yeah, Shea had said it, but he was probably just trying to get into her pants. She really should watch his sweet and smooth words; he was a famous hockey player, not some regular Joe. What did he want with her? She didn’t have anything a beautiful, amazing, geektastic hockey player would want.
And with that thought, Elli decided she would cry again.
Elli had cleaned up and gotten dressed just as her friends starting showing up.
She had known Jodi, Walter, and Trice since her Broadway days. Trice used to be her makeup artist, while Walter was the backstage director of one of her shows. They both still worked for the TPAC in Nashville, and loved what they did. Jodi used to act alongside Elli. When Elli left, Jodi said she didn’t love acting as much anymore and quit; now she worked as a drama teacher for one of the most prestigious private high schools in the state. She married Derrick almost five years ago, and Elli was her maid of honor. She loved her friends unconditionally, and they knew her inside and out. She looked forward to these nights every month. No matter what, everyone came over to someone’s house for game night once a month. It was a time for all of them to catch up with each other, and Elli really enjoyed it.
Elli only wished that the events from today could be put aside, because all she kept seeing were Shea’s pleading eyes.
Jodi brought sushi with her for dinner, so everyone gathered around Elli’s family size table and ate while catching up. Elli felt that she was doing a good job hiding the fact that she was dying inside, until Jodi gave her a pointed look and pointed her chop stick at her before saying, “What the hell is wrong with you?”
All eyes went towards Elli as she shrugged, looking down at her sushi roll.
“Nothing,” she muttered.
“Liar,” Trice said flamboyantly. Walter sat beside him, nodding his head.
“Elli, darling, we have known you for, like, ever, we know you’re lying. We knew something was wrong when you answered the door. Now go on, tell your dearest and oldest friends what’s wrong,” Walter said.
Harper sat beside Elli, nodding her head, while Derrick watched from the other side of the table beside Jodi.
“Nothing is wrong, guys. I’m just tired.”
“What happened with Shea today?” Harper asked. Elli cut her a look of death, wishing her to the fiery depths of hell before she looked up at the rest of the table; it was as if everyone had leaned in closer to her.
Elli pulled back and slammed her hands against the steering wheel as she sobbed. She hated this feeling, because no matter how much running or how little she ate she couldn’t get rid of the paunch. Shea would be done with her in no time; he wouldn’t want to wait forever to have sex with her. Who could blame him? Elli could always get it cut off, she thought; get a nice little tummy tuck. But everyone would know and she would never give her family the satisfaction of watching her fail. Not anymore. Plus, she couldn’t get rid of the stretch marks; they would be forever on her.
She leaned her head on the steering wheel and watched as the tears fell onto her legs, puddles of them, sliding down the sides of her thighs, thighs that had little dimples and marks too. But those were so little that only Elli knew about them, or so she hoped. If Shea ever mentioned them, she would never wear shorts around him again. She closed her eyes. She hated feeling like this.
She wanted to be strong, confident.
This was probably the only time that she wished she was like Victoria. The confidence Victoria exhibited was so obvious. Men fell at her feet. Why couldn’t Elli be like that? Why couldn’t she throw her clothes off, and screw Shea’s brains out right there on his couch? Victoria would have done it in a New York minute, but Elli? Nope, she ran out of there crying.
How was she ever going to face Shea again?
When Elli was fully calmed down, she drove home. After parking her truck at the very top of the driveway so everyone would be able to get in, she headed up the walk way, hearing Adler freaking out. Elli’s phone beeped just as she opened the door. Adler took off running and Elli just shrugged as she left the door open for him to come back in. Shea had texted her about ten times since she left. He was, of course, being sweet, but she just couldn’t do it. Couldn’t talk to him, not yet. She pulled out her phone to read the last text.
Are you okay? You always answer my texts, please just say your okay, I’ll leave you alone until you are ready to talk to me.
She quickly texted back that, yes, she was okay, and that she would call him later. Even though they both knew she wouldn’t. She laid her purse and everything down on the sofa before going back to her bathroom to clean up. She ran the water as she looked for a wash rag. When she looked up into the mirror and saw her bloodshot eyes and tear streaks down her face, she felt like she would cry again. She remembered when she used to look at herself and think how pretty she was, how any guy would die to be with her.
That wasn’t the case anymore. After Justin and his abuse, and her family’s abuse, she just felt alone. She felt as if no one would ever love her, or even think she was pretty. Yeah, Shea had said it, but he was probably just trying to get into her pants. She really should watch his sweet and smooth words; he was a famous hockey player, not some regular Joe. What did he want with her? She didn’t have anything a beautiful, amazing, geektastic hockey player would want.
And with that thought, Elli decided she would cry again.
Elli had cleaned up and gotten dressed just as her friends starting showing up.
She had known Jodi, Walter, and Trice since her Broadway days. Trice used to be her makeup artist, while Walter was the backstage director of one of her shows. They both still worked for the TPAC in Nashville, and loved what they did. Jodi used to act alongside Elli. When Elli left, Jodi said she didn’t love acting as much anymore and quit; now she worked as a drama teacher for one of the most prestigious private high schools in the state. She married Derrick almost five years ago, and Elli was her maid of honor. She loved her friends unconditionally, and they knew her inside and out. She looked forward to these nights every month. No matter what, everyone came over to someone’s house for game night once a month. It was a time for all of them to catch up with each other, and Elli really enjoyed it.
Elli only wished that the events from today could be put aside, because all she kept seeing were Shea’s pleading eyes.
Jodi brought sushi with her for dinner, so everyone gathered around Elli’s family size table and ate while catching up. Elli felt that she was doing a good job hiding the fact that she was dying inside, until Jodi gave her a pointed look and pointed her chop stick at her before saying, “What the hell is wrong with you?”
All eyes went towards Elli as she shrugged, looking down at her sushi roll.
“Nothing,” she muttered.
“Liar,” Trice said flamboyantly. Walter sat beside him, nodding his head.
“Elli, darling, we have known you for, like, ever, we know you’re lying. We knew something was wrong when you answered the door. Now go on, tell your dearest and oldest friends what’s wrong,” Walter said.
Harper sat beside Elli, nodding her head, while Derrick watched from the other side of the table beside Jodi.
“Nothing is wrong, guys. I’m just tired.”
“What happened with Shea today?” Harper asked. Elli cut her a look of death, wishing her to the fiery depths of hell before she looked up at the rest of the table; it was as if everyone had leaned in closer to her.
