Talania: A Trip down Memory Lane
Page 21

I turn around towards my mom, wiping the blood from my hand onto my shirt.
“Come here and sit down son,” she says as she pats my bed.
I use my good hand to wipe the tears streaming down my face.
“What I’m about to tell you is going to make you feel ten times worse,” she sighs, wiping the tears from her eyes.
“What is it Mom? Nothing can be worse than Ev disappearing on me.”
“Your father went to the Beaumont’s yearly home and found it completely empty and on the market,” she sighs out, rubbing my upper back in calming circles.
Those f**king calming circles that used to work aren’t working this time. She took my life. She took my soul. She took my heart and she took my calming circles. She took everything!
All at once, it’s like the walls of a giant fortress come slamming down around the hole where my heart used to be. It was there. It was being stabbed to death until Mom said they sold their yearly home. Now… now it’s just f**king gone.
Even though my heart is gone, I still bring my knees to my chest and cry into them. Who knew those promises were just lies spurting out of her beautiful mouth? Who knew? I sure as hell didn’t.
“Let it all out son,” Mom coaxes me.
I let it all come out. The grief seems to take forever to pour out of me. It feels like hours have passed since I stopped throwing my fist into the wall and hours since I started crying. My eyes feel like they are swollen, my hand is throbbing and there is an aching hole in my chest. She. Left. Me.
It finally sinks in; she left me and didn’t tell me where she was going. She isn’t answering the phone, returning my texts or writing me. She isn’t showing up this year in Laguna for Thanksgiving. She’s gone. When I finally make that connection with that f**king aching hole in my heart, I vow never to love another f**king woman again. If this is what love does to you, I don’t need it nor do I want it.
“What do you want to do now son?” Mom asks after I stop sobbing.
“I want to forget she ever f**king existed,” I growl out in anger.
“Now son, that’s no way to live. Follow me.” She gets up and walks to my bedroom door.
“Where are we going?” I ask as I get up to follow her.
“I think we should put your past away for a little while.” She takes my hand, pulling me to the spare room.
“What are we doing in the spare room Mom?”
She walks to the end of the bed where the huge trunk is.
“Help me empty the blankets out of here baby boy.” She starts throwing them on the bed.
I think my Mom has lost it worse than I have.
“Okay.” I drag it out and start helping.
“Don’t act like that Tristan. We’re going to put everything that reminds you of Evelyn into this trunk and store it away for a while.”
I pause with a blanket in my hand. Do I really want to do this? Do I want to pack away my infinity? Oh hell yes I do. She gave away our love and I don’t even f**king know what she gave it away for.
“Sounds like a plan.” As I toss the last blanket onto the bed, I whisper, “The Evelyn Trunk.”
11
I f**ked up. My crazy-ass beautiful girl went through cancer and all I cared about in that f**king moment was making her feel bad. I’m sick and twisted.
“She’s gone Trist,” Drake mumbles behind me.
No, not again. I can’t f**king lose her again!
I slowly turn around. “What do you mean she’s gone?” I croak out.
“She went home,” he says with an attitude. Well, at least she’s going back to her dorm. I sigh in relief.
“No she went home.” Drake drags out the word home.
Home? What home? Laguna!
“You f**ked up so bad Tristan. She is lost; she has been lost for years, especially in her mind. Then we come tramping back in and confuse the hell out of her; overwhelm her when she doesn’t even know who she is. You should have seen her Tristan. She’s empty!” He yells at me.
I start walking away from our practice room in my club. “Where the f**k do you think you’re going?” he growls. “We have a set!”
“I’m going to fix this. Fuck the set!”
“Good!” He yells.
It takes me no time to get to Laguna. If my parents knew I was here without stopping by they would skin me alive, but right now, I need to fix this. I screwed up so bad. I pressured her and made her feel bad. I’m a f**king animal. I park next to a Mustang I assume is hers. I waste no time getting out of my Jeep and jogging to the door. I ring the doorbell only once. It feels like hours go by before I hear the dead bolt click and see the door opening wide. I take one look at my infinity and curse myself.
What the f**k have I done?
She’s looking at the ground and not at me, hugging a bottle of wine so damn tightly against her chest. She turns and walks back to the family room. I silently follow her, shutting the door.
She tilts the bottle to her lips and then back down. “Shit!” She bends down, picking up an envelope and handing it to me before heading to the kitchen, probably for more wine.
It takes everything I have to look away from her walking away, but I manage to look down at the envelope I have grasped in my hands. I run my fingers over the writing.
To Tristan my infinity
I gulp and open the envelope, slowly taking the letter out. Tears are already forming in my eyes.
My Tristan,
If you are reading this that means I forgot you. I want you to know it wasn’t on purpose. I guess I’m really sick.