Taming the Storm
Page 92
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Anger bursts inside me like an erupting volcano.
“You took too many? Are you fucking kidding me right now? You could have died. If your roommate hadn’t found you, I’d be standing over your dead body right now!” My chest is pounding, head hurting. “How the hell do you think your mom and dad would feel if they lost you? If you’d died exactly the same way my mom had, how do you think your mom would feel from losing her son the same way she had her sister? How the hell do you think I would feel?” I beat my fist against my chest.
Sad eyes meet mine. “Relieved…I thought you would feel relieved, Ly.”
His words me like a wrecking ball.
“Screw you!” I yell at him. I head for the door, my body shaking hard with every emotion I’m feeling right now.
“Lyla, wait!” he cries.
I spin on the spot. My hands are clenched into fists at my sides. I feel like I could punch a hole through the wall.
He’s sitting up in bed, his face anxious. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I just thought your life would be easier without me around.”
My nails dig into my palms. “I would rather have a hard life than you be dead. Don’t you get that? I might be angry and hurt, but you’re still my family. My flesh and blood. I don’t get to stop loving you, Dex, just because you hurt me.”
His head lowers. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking when I took those pills. I just wanted to stop feeling. And I know you have every right to be angry with me, but please, not right now.” He slumps back, rubbing at his eyes. “Not right now.”
I take a few deep breaths. “I shouldn’t have yelled.” I move back to the bed. Grabbing the chair near the bed, I sit in it. “We can’t keep doing this,” I say quietly, “hurting each other like this.”
His eyes lift to mine. “I know.”
I blow out a breath, flexing my hands on my thighs. “You did an unforgiveable thing. You hurt me badly. Worse than Rally ever did.” My lip quivers. “All the shit with him, I expected. I expected Rally to let me down. But not you. You were the one person I trusted above everyone, and you betrayed me.”
“God, I’m so sorry.” His voice breaks on a sob. He wraps his arm over his stomach like he’s in pain. “If I could take it back, I would. I’d give anything to go back and do it differently. I wouldn’t go near Chad. I would tell you upfront how I was feeling about him before anything could happen. I wouldn’t do what I did.” Tears are streaming down his face.
“The betrayal wrecked me so badly—not because it was Chad—but, because it was you. You were my fucking hero, Dex. I adored you. I never thought you would hurt me like that.”
“Neither did I,” he says sadly. Using the sleeve of the hospital gown he’s wearing, he wipes his tears from his face.
He lowers his hand to the bed, and tentatively, he reaches for mine. I let him take it.
“Ly, I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness or to have you back in my life…but will you to consider trying…”
My eyes lift to his and I see them shining with fresh tears. I let out a breath. “When I got that call from your mom, for a split second…I feared the worst.” I rub my eye with the heel of my hand. “It made me realize that no matter how mad or hurt or betrayed I feel by you…nothing would be worse than not having you here, alive and well. I knew if you were gone, and we hadn’t fixed the broken between us, then, regret would eat me alive. I’m not saying we can go back to how we were because we can’t. But I’m saying, I’ll try and work toward something…forgiveness. But you need to promise me that you’ll go to counseling, and get real help.”
A soft smile touches his lips. “I will. I promise.” He squeezes my hand.
“You get help, and then you and I can start talking…with someone’s assistance. Knowing you and me, I think we’re gonna need a mediator in this.” My lips lift at the corner, attempting a smile.
“Anything. As long as I get to have my sister back in my life, I’ll do whatever it takes.”
I see a shadow by the door, and I lift my eyes to see Dr. Lowe there. He lifts his wrist and taps his watch, letting me know that it’s time to go.
“I have to go.” I nod in the direction of the door.
Dex looks at the doctor and then back to me. He gives me a joyless smile.
“You’ll see me again.” I squeeze his hand before letting go. I get up from the chair and start to leave. I stop when I remember something. “Sonny asked me to tell you that he’s here, him and Cale.”
Surprise touches Dex’s face.
“Sonny and…Cale? They’re here?”
“Yeah.” I smile lightly. “Came as soon as I called. They wanted to come in and see you, but the doctor said family only.”
He nods in understanding. “Will you tell them I said thanks…for coming?”
“I will.”
I’m at the door when his voice pulls me back.
“Ly…I know you said I have to get help first before you and me can start to work on things…but I was wondering…if I can maybe…call you tomorrow? Just to say hi.”
I pause for a moment. I turn to him and shake my head. “You don’t need to call. I’ll come back in the morning. Your mom and dad will be here. I’ll pick them up from the airport and come in with them. I’ve got a feeling that you might need the support.”
“You took too many? Are you fucking kidding me right now? You could have died. If your roommate hadn’t found you, I’d be standing over your dead body right now!” My chest is pounding, head hurting. “How the hell do you think your mom and dad would feel if they lost you? If you’d died exactly the same way my mom had, how do you think your mom would feel from losing her son the same way she had her sister? How the hell do you think I would feel?” I beat my fist against my chest.
Sad eyes meet mine. “Relieved…I thought you would feel relieved, Ly.”
His words me like a wrecking ball.
“Screw you!” I yell at him. I head for the door, my body shaking hard with every emotion I’m feeling right now.
“Lyla, wait!” he cries.
I spin on the spot. My hands are clenched into fists at my sides. I feel like I could punch a hole through the wall.
He’s sitting up in bed, his face anxious. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I just thought your life would be easier without me around.”
My nails dig into my palms. “I would rather have a hard life than you be dead. Don’t you get that? I might be angry and hurt, but you’re still my family. My flesh and blood. I don’t get to stop loving you, Dex, just because you hurt me.”
His head lowers. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking when I took those pills. I just wanted to stop feeling. And I know you have every right to be angry with me, but please, not right now.” He slumps back, rubbing at his eyes. “Not right now.”
I take a few deep breaths. “I shouldn’t have yelled.” I move back to the bed. Grabbing the chair near the bed, I sit in it. “We can’t keep doing this,” I say quietly, “hurting each other like this.”
His eyes lift to mine. “I know.”
I blow out a breath, flexing my hands on my thighs. “You did an unforgiveable thing. You hurt me badly. Worse than Rally ever did.” My lip quivers. “All the shit with him, I expected. I expected Rally to let me down. But not you. You were the one person I trusted above everyone, and you betrayed me.”
“God, I’m so sorry.” His voice breaks on a sob. He wraps his arm over his stomach like he’s in pain. “If I could take it back, I would. I’d give anything to go back and do it differently. I wouldn’t go near Chad. I would tell you upfront how I was feeling about him before anything could happen. I wouldn’t do what I did.” Tears are streaming down his face.
“The betrayal wrecked me so badly—not because it was Chad—but, because it was you. You were my fucking hero, Dex. I adored you. I never thought you would hurt me like that.”
“Neither did I,” he says sadly. Using the sleeve of the hospital gown he’s wearing, he wipes his tears from his face.
He lowers his hand to the bed, and tentatively, he reaches for mine. I let him take it.
“Ly, I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness or to have you back in my life…but will you to consider trying…”
My eyes lift to his and I see them shining with fresh tears. I let out a breath. “When I got that call from your mom, for a split second…I feared the worst.” I rub my eye with the heel of my hand. “It made me realize that no matter how mad or hurt or betrayed I feel by you…nothing would be worse than not having you here, alive and well. I knew if you were gone, and we hadn’t fixed the broken between us, then, regret would eat me alive. I’m not saying we can go back to how we were because we can’t. But I’m saying, I’ll try and work toward something…forgiveness. But you need to promise me that you’ll go to counseling, and get real help.”
A soft smile touches his lips. “I will. I promise.” He squeezes my hand.
“You get help, and then you and I can start talking…with someone’s assistance. Knowing you and me, I think we’re gonna need a mediator in this.” My lips lift at the corner, attempting a smile.
“Anything. As long as I get to have my sister back in my life, I’ll do whatever it takes.”
I see a shadow by the door, and I lift my eyes to see Dr. Lowe there. He lifts his wrist and taps his watch, letting me know that it’s time to go.
“I have to go.” I nod in the direction of the door.
Dex looks at the doctor and then back to me. He gives me a joyless smile.
“You’ll see me again.” I squeeze his hand before letting go. I get up from the chair and start to leave. I stop when I remember something. “Sonny asked me to tell you that he’s here, him and Cale.”
Surprise touches Dex’s face.
“Sonny and…Cale? They’re here?”
“Yeah.” I smile lightly. “Came as soon as I called. They wanted to come in and see you, but the doctor said family only.”
He nods in understanding. “Will you tell them I said thanks…for coming?”
“I will.”
I’m at the door when his voice pulls me back.
“Ly…I know you said I have to get help first before you and me can start to work on things…but I was wondering…if I can maybe…call you tomorrow? Just to say hi.”
I pause for a moment. I turn to him and shake my head. “You don’t need to call. I’ll come back in the morning. Your mom and dad will be here. I’ll pick them up from the airport and come in with them. I’ve got a feeling that you might need the support.”
