I roll my eyes. “Fate? Please. Fate’s a frigging fairytale, sweetheart. And the rest of the story is a bonfire of bullshit too. Real life doesn’t work like that.”
“But that’s—”
“That’s why the divorce rate is so high. Because movies like that give women unreasonable expectations.”
And the same goes for romance novels. Alexandra practically took Steven’s head off once because he borrowed one of my Playboys. Yet every summer, there’s The Bitch laying out on the beach with her Fabio-covered soft p**n .
Yeah, I said, “porn.” That’s what it is.
And it’s not even good p**n : “He moved his trunk-like manhood toward the weeping petals of her womanly center.”
Who the f**k talks like that?
“Real guys don’t think like Nolan or Niles or whatever the hell that douchebag’s name was.”
“Noah.”
“And any man who would build a room in his house for some chick who blew him off? Any man who would wait years for that same girl to show up at his door, knowing she was with someone else? He’s not a man at all.”
“What is he?”
“A big, hairy, unwaxed vagina.”
Was that too crude?
I’m afraid that it was.
Until Kate covers her mouth with her hands and falls over on the couch, convulsing in a fit of deep, snorting laughter. “Oh…my…God. You’re such…a…pig. How…how do you even come up with these things?”
I shrug. “I call them like I see them. I won’t apologize for it.”
Her laughter dies down, but the smile’s still there. “Okay, no Notebook.”
“Thank you.”
Then her whole face lights up. “Oohh, how about Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy?”
“You like Will Ferrell?”
“Are you kidding? Have you seen Blades of Glory?”
It’s one of my favorites. “The Iron Lotus? Classic.”
She wiggles her eyebrows at me and quotes expertly, “You got some sweet cream to soothe that nasty burn?”
I laugh. “God, I love y—”
And then I choke.
And cough.
And clear my throat.
“I love…that movie.” I fiddle with the remote, and we lay down on the couch as Anchorman starts.
Okay—don’t get crazy on me now. Let’s just all calm down for a second, shall we? It was a simple mistake. A slip of the tongue. Nothing more.
My tongue’s been getting quite the workout lately, so I think it’s allowed.
After eating, we continue watching Ron Burgundy, lying against each other on the couch, her back to my front. My face is in her hair again, inhaling the scent that I’ve become addicted to. I drift in and out of sleep. Kate’s laughter vibrates against my chest as she asks softly, “Is that what you thought of me?”
“Mmmm?”
“When I first started at the firm. Did you think I was a ‘scorpion woman’?”
She’s referring to a line Will Ferrell just delivered in the movie. I smile drowsily. “I…when I first saw you that day in the conference room, it knocked me right on my ass. After that, I just knew nothing would ever be the same.”
She must have liked my answer. Because a minute later, she rubs her hips back against me. And my half-erect c**k slides between the cheeks of her ass.
I don’t care how exhausted a guy is—he could’ve just worked a thirty-five-hour shift hauling sand bags across state lines—that move will always, always wake him up.
My lips find their way to her neck as my hand skims across her stomach. “God, Kate. I can’t stop…wanting you.”
It’s getting kind of ridiculous, isn’t it?
I feel her breathing pick up. She turns to face me, and our lips meet. But before we go further, my curiosity gets the better of me, and I pull back. “What did you think of me when we first met?”
Her eyes roll to the ceiling as she contemplates her answer. Then she smiles. “Well…that first night at REM, I thought you were…lethal. You just radiated sex and charm.” Her fingers trace my lips and brows. “That smile, your eyes, they really should be illegal. It was the only time in all my years with Billy that I wished I was single.”
Wow.
“And then at the office I’d hear the secretaries talking about you. How you had a different girl every weekend. But after a while…I saw that there was so much more to you. You’re brilliant and funny. You’re protective and caring. You shine so bright, Drew. Everything you do—how you think, the things you say, the way you move—it’s…blinding. I feel…lucky, just being close to you.”
I’m speechless.
If any other woman said that to me, I’d agree with her. I’d tell her she was lucky to be with me—’cause I’m the best of the best. There’s no one better. But coming from Kate? From someone whose mind I envy, whose opinion I actually admire? I just…don’t have any words. So, once again, I let my actions do the talking.
My mouth presses against hers, and my tongue begs for entrance. But when I try to roll us over so I’m on top, Kate has other ideas. She pushes me on the shoulders until I’m on my back. Then she moves her mouth over my jaw and down my neck, burning a trail down my chest and stomach. I swallow hard.
She takes my c**k in her hand and pumps slowly, and I’m already stiff as steel. I was hard the minute she started talking. “Jesus, Kate…” I keep my eyes open, and watch from above as she wets her lips, opens her mouth, and slides me in. “Fuck…” She takes my entire length in deep and sucks hard as she pulls back slowly. Then she does it again.
“But that’s—”
“That’s why the divorce rate is so high. Because movies like that give women unreasonable expectations.”
And the same goes for romance novels. Alexandra practically took Steven’s head off once because he borrowed one of my Playboys. Yet every summer, there’s The Bitch laying out on the beach with her Fabio-covered soft p**n .
Yeah, I said, “porn.” That’s what it is.
And it’s not even good p**n : “He moved his trunk-like manhood toward the weeping petals of her womanly center.”
Who the f**k talks like that?
“Real guys don’t think like Nolan or Niles or whatever the hell that douchebag’s name was.”
“Noah.”
“And any man who would build a room in his house for some chick who blew him off? Any man who would wait years for that same girl to show up at his door, knowing she was with someone else? He’s not a man at all.”
“What is he?”
“A big, hairy, unwaxed vagina.”
Was that too crude?
I’m afraid that it was.
Until Kate covers her mouth with her hands and falls over on the couch, convulsing in a fit of deep, snorting laughter. “Oh…my…God. You’re such…a…pig. How…how do you even come up with these things?”
I shrug. “I call them like I see them. I won’t apologize for it.”
Her laughter dies down, but the smile’s still there. “Okay, no Notebook.”
“Thank you.”
Then her whole face lights up. “Oohh, how about Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy?”
“You like Will Ferrell?”
“Are you kidding? Have you seen Blades of Glory?”
It’s one of my favorites. “The Iron Lotus? Classic.”
She wiggles her eyebrows at me and quotes expertly, “You got some sweet cream to soothe that nasty burn?”
I laugh. “God, I love y—”
And then I choke.
And cough.
And clear my throat.
“I love…that movie.” I fiddle with the remote, and we lay down on the couch as Anchorman starts.
Okay—don’t get crazy on me now. Let’s just all calm down for a second, shall we? It was a simple mistake. A slip of the tongue. Nothing more.
My tongue’s been getting quite the workout lately, so I think it’s allowed.
After eating, we continue watching Ron Burgundy, lying against each other on the couch, her back to my front. My face is in her hair again, inhaling the scent that I’ve become addicted to. I drift in and out of sleep. Kate’s laughter vibrates against my chest as she asks softly, “Is that what you thought of me?”
“Mmmm?”
“When I first started at the firm. Did you think I was a ‘scorpion woman’?”
She’s referring to a line Will Ferrell just delivered in the movie. I smile drowsily. “I…when I first saw you that day in the conference room, it knocked me right on my ass. After that, I just knew nothing would ever be the same.”
She must have liked my answer. Because a minute later, she rubs her hips back against me. And my half-erect c**k slides between the cheeks of her ass.
I don’t care how exhausted a guy is—he could’ve just worked a thirty-five-hour shift hauling sand bags across state lines—that move will always, always wake him up.
My lips find their way to her neck as my hand skims across her stomach. “God, Kate. I can’t stop…wanting you.”
It’s getting kind of ridiculous, isn’t it?
I feel her breathing pick up. She turns to face me, and our lips meet. But before we go further, my curiosity gets the better of me, and I pull back. “What did you think of me when we first met?”
Her eyes roll to the ceiling as she contemplates her answer. Then she smiles. “Well…that first night at REM, I thought you were…lethal. You just radiated sex and charm.” Her fingers trace my lips and brows. “That smile, your eyes, they really should be illegal. It was the only time in all my years with Billy that I wished I was single.”
Wow.
“And then at the office I’d hear the secretaries talking about you. How you had a different girl every weekend. But after a while…I saw that there was so much more to you. You’re brilliant and funny. You’re protective and caring. You shine so bright, Drew. Everything you do—how you think, the things you say, the way you move—it’s…blinding. I feel…lucky, just being close to you.”
I’m speechless.
If any other woman said that to me, I’d agree with her. I’d tell her she was lucky to be with me—’cause I’m the best of the best. There’s no one better. But coming from Kate? From someone whose mind I envy, whose opinion I actually admire? I just…don’t have any words. So, once again, I let my actions do the talking.
My mouth presses against hers, and my tongue begs for entrance. But when I try to roll us over so I’m on top, Kate has other ideas. She pushes me on the shoulders until I’m on my back. Then she moves her mouth over my jaw and down my neck, burning a trail down my chest and stomach. I swallow hard.
She takes my c**k in her hand and pumps slowly, and I’m already stiff as steel. I was hard the minute she started talking. “Jesus, Kate…” I keep my eyes open, and watch from above as she wets her lips, opens her mouth, and slides me in. “Fuck…” She takes my entire length in deep and sucks hard as she pulls back slowly. Then she does it again.
