“Why don’t you let me decide what I need to know. Considering you shouldn’t have f**king talked to her at all.”
Tap-tap-tap goes the calculator.
“Ungrateful much? I was just trying to help.”
Dr. Kevorkian was just trying to help his patients too. And we all know how they turned out.
“I don’t need your help. I have a plan.”
Alexandra’s hands go to her hips. “Right. Your master plan that entails what, exactly? Annoying Kate until she agrees to go out with you? You gonna call her names on the playground too? Pull on her braids? I have to admit, Sister Beatrice was an interesting touch. I can’t believe Kate isn’t falling on her knees, begging you to take her back after that. Very romantic, Drew.”
My jaw clenches. “It’s. Working.”
She raises a brow. “That’s not what Kate said.”
And there she is. Take a good look.
The Bitch in all her glory.
And you thought I was overreacting.
“Did she say something to you? About me? What did she say?”
She waves her hand in the air. “Oh, this and that.”
You know how some kids like to tease their dogs by showing them a bone and then yanking it away before they can bite it? My sister was one of those kids.
“Goddamnit, Lex.”
Tap-tap-tap.
“I like her, by the way,” she says. “She really doesn’t take any shit does she?”
Tap-tap-tap.
“How do you know she doesn’t take any shit?”
Tap-tap-tap.
“Did you give her shit, Lex?”
Tap-tap-tap.
“What kind of shit did you give her, Alexandra?”
Tap-tap-tap.
She laughs. “My God, would you relax. I haven’t seen you this wound up in…well, never. Now that you’re not pathetic and sad, it’s actually kind of fun.”
My status with Kate at the moment is like a house of cards. I’ve managed to build myself up a few floors, but one small tremor and the whole damn thing falls apart.
“If you f**ked this up for me, I’ll—”
Tap-tap-tap.
“You know stress causes premature gray hair. If you keep this up, you’re going to look like Daddy before you turn thirty.”
“I’m glad you find this so amusing. I don’t. We’re talking about my frigging life here.”
That sobers her up. Her head tilts to the side. Appraising me. And then her voice isn’t teasing anymore.
It’s tender, sincere.
“I’m proud of you, you know. You’re sticking this out. Seeing it through. You’re…all grown up.” She smiles softly. “Never thought I’d see the day.” And then she hugs me. “It’ll be okay, Drew. Promise.”
When I was eight, my grandfather had a heart attack. After my parents left for the hospital, Alexandra promised me everything would be okay.
It wasn’t.
“Did Kate tell you that?”
She shakes her head. “Not in so many words.”
“Then how do you know?”
She shrugs again. “It’s the estrogen. It gives us ESP. If you had a vagina, you’d know too.”
Mackenzie raises her hand proudly. “I have a bagina.”
I smirk. “Yes, you do sweetheart. And someday, it’s gonna help you rule the world.”
“Johnny Fitzgerald has a penis. He say his penis is better than my bagina.”
“Johnny Fitzgerald’s an idiot. Vaginas beat penises every time. They’re like kryptonite. Penises are defenseless against them.”
My sister puts an end to our discussion. “O-kay. That’s enough of that lovely conversation. Although I’m sure Mackenzie’s preschool teacher will enjoy hearing all about it. Right before she calls Child Protective Services on me.”
I put my hands up. “I’m just trying to tell her like it is. The sooner she realizes the power she has, the better off she’ll be.” I check my watch; I need to get upstairs. I look at Mackenzie. “What’s the damage, sweetie?”
“Eighty dollars.”
Ouch.
I need to start billing my clients more. Or work out some kind of payment plan.
As the bills fall into the jar, Alexandra takes her hand. “Come on Mackenzie, let’s go to the American Girl store and spend some of Uncle Drew’s money.”
“Okay!”
They walk across the lobby but stop at the double doors. Mackenzie whispers something to Alexandra and hands over her balloons.
Then she runs back to me.
I scoop her up and hold her tight as her little arms come around my shoulders and squeeze.
“I love you, Uncle Drew.”
You ever drink brandy? Usually I’m more of a whiskey man myself. But a good glass of brandy warms you all over, from the inside. And that’s me—right now.
“I love you too, Mackenzie.”
She pulls back. “Guess what?”
“What?”
“Kate ask me what I wanna be when I grown up.”
I nod. “And did you tell her you want to be a princess?”
Her forehead creases adorably, and she shakes her head. “I no wanna be a princess no more.”
“Well, that’s a relief. What do you want to be?”
She grins. “A banker.”
“Fantastic choice. What made you change your mind?”
Her fingers play with the collar of my shirt as she tells me, “Well, Kate is a immessment banker, and you say you be proud of me to be jus’ like her. So tha’s what I wanna be.”
Tap-tap-tap goes the calculator.
“Ungrateful much? I was just trying to help.”
Dr. Kevorkian was just trying to help his patients too. And we all know how they turned out.
“I don’t need your help. I have a plan.”
Alexandra’s hands go to her hips. “Right. Your master plan that entails what, exactly? Annoying Kate until she agrees to go out with you? You gonna call her names on the playground too? Pull on her braids? I have to admit, Sister Beatrice was an interesting touch. I can’t believe Kate isn’t falling on her knees, begging you to take her back after that. Very romantic, Drew.”
My jaw clenches. “It’s. Working.”
She raises a brow. “That’s not what Kate said.”
And there she is. Take a good look.
The Bitch in all her glory.
And you thought I was overreacting.
“Did she say something to you? About me? What did she say?”
She waves her hand in the air. “Oh, this and that.”
You know how some kids like to tease their dogs by showing them a bone and then yanking it away before they can bite it? My sister was one of those kids.
“Goddamnit, Lex.”
Tap-tap-tap.
“I like her, by the way,” she says. “She really doesn’t take any shit does she?”
Tap-tap-tap.
“How do you know she doesn’t take any shit?”
Tap-tap-tap.
“Did you give her shit, Lex?”
Tap-tap-tap.
“What kind of shit did you give her, Alexandra?”
Tap-tap-tap.
She laughs. “My God, would you relax. I haven’t seen you this wound up in…well, never. Now that you’re not pathetic and sad, it’s actually kind of fun.”
My status with Kate at the moment is like a house of cards. I’ve managed to build myself up a few floors, but one small tremor and the whole damn thing falls apart.
“If you f**ked this up for me, I’ll—”
Tap-tap-tap.
“You know stress causes premature gray hair. If you keep this up, you’re going to look like Daddy before you turn thirty.”
“I’m glad you find this so amusing. I don’t. We’re talking about my frigging life here.”
That sobers her up. Her head tilts to the side. Appraising me. And then her voice isn’t teasing anymore.
It’s tender, sincere.
“I’m proud of you, you know. You’re sticking this out. Seeing it through. You’re…all grown up.” She smiles softly. “Never thought I’d see the day.” And then she hugs me. “It’ll be okay, Drew. Promise.”
When I was eight, my grandfather had a heart attack. After my parents left for the hospital, Alexandra promised me everything would be okay.
It wasn’t.
“Did Kate tell you that?”
She shakes her head. “Not in so many words.”
“Then how do you know?”
She shrugs again. “It’s the estrogen. It gives us ESP. If you had a vagina, you’d know too.”
Mackenzie raises her hand proudly. “I have a bagina.”
I smirk. “Yes, you do sweetheart. And someday, it’s gonna help you rule the world.”
“Johnny Fitzgerald has a penis. He say his penis is better than my bagina.”
“Johnny Fitzgerald’s an idiot. Vaginas beat penises every time. They’re like kryptonite. Penises are defenseless against them.”
My sister puts an end to our discussion. “O-kay. That’s enough of that lovely conversation. Although I’m sure Mackenzie’s preschool teacher will enjoy hearing all about it. Right before she calls Child Protective Services on me.”
I put my hands up. “I’m just trying to tell her like it is. The sooner she realizes the power she has, the better off she’ll be.” I check my watch; I need to get upstairs. I look at Mackenzie. “What’s the damage, sweetie?”
“Eighty dollars.”
Ouch.
I need to start billing my clients more. Or work out some kind of payment plan.
As the bills fall into the jar, Alexandra takes her hand. “Come on Mackenzie, let’s go to the American Girl store and spend some of Uncle Drew’s money.”
“Okay!”
They walk across the lobby but stop at the double doors. Mackenzie whispers something to Alexandra and hands over her balloons.
Then she runs back to me.
I scoop her up and hold her tight as her little arms come around my shoulders and squeeze.
“I love you, Uncle Drew.”
You ever drink brandy? Usually I’m more of a whiskey man myself. But a good glass of brandy warms you all over, from the inside. And that’s me—right now.
“I love you too, Mackenzie.”
She pulls back. “Guess what?”
“What?”
“Kate ask me what I wanna be when I grown up.”
I nod. “And did you tell her you want to be a princess?”
Her forehead creases adorably, and she shakes her head. “I no wanna be a princess no more.”
“Well, that’s a relief. What do you want to be?”
She grins. “A banker.”
“Fantastic choice. What made you change your mind?”
Her fingers play with the collar of my shirt as she tells me, “Well, Kate is a immessment banker, and you say you be proud of me to be jus’ like her. So tha’s what I wanna be.”
