Taut: The Ford Book
Page 59
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“Then let me take control so you can stop thinking. Let me make it feel better. Just trust me, Ashleigh.”
“I don’t want to be hit. I don’t want to follow orders just because someone tells me to.”
“I’m not talking about that now.”
“Then what?”
“Just give yourself to me. Trust me. For one day. I’ll take care of you.” She exhales and stares up at me. She looks lost and broken. She looks sad and defeated. And I hate it. “One day of trust, Ashleigh. Just one day. And then tomorrow we can drive to LA and life can start again. But don’t let your pause end up meaningless. Make it count. Give me control. I’ll show you life goes on.”
She starts crying again. “I want life to go on, Ford. I do. I want to get over it. I just can’t find my way right now. I can’t see past this pain. It shuts me down completely.”
“Listen to what I’m offering, Ashleigh. You’re not listening. You keep repeating yourself. I get it, it sucks. You got shit on. You don’t know what to do, you’re lost, you’re wandering aimlessly looking for answers. And I’m the answer, Ash. I’m the answer and I’m offering you relief. I don’t want you to give up, I just want you to give in.”
She takes a deep breath and I can physically see the mental shift she goes through. One second she’s defeated and closed off, the next she’s—open. Not quite hopeful, but there’s a spark of acceptance in there. “OK,” she finally says as she wipes the tears from her eyes. “For today then. I’ll give it a try.”
My smile is immediate and all the hurt I was just feeling over her sadness melts away.
One day.
I have one day to wipe her mind of Tony.
Chapter Twenty-Six
“Eat in Green River or next town we come to with a restaurant?”
“I thought you were calling the shots?”
“Ashleigh, I’m not trying to take away your freedom, I’m trying to take away your pain.”
She smiles at that and then relaxes into the seat. “Next town then.” She looks back at Kate and then to me. “Why wake her up if we don’t have to.” I like how she uses we in that sentence. Like we’re in this together. “This state is weird-looking,” she says as she looks out the window. “I’ve never seen this kind of landscape. It’s a little like New Mexico with the red rocks and the sandstone, but it’s even more desolate, if that’s even possible.”
“I like Utah. I used to take the Bronco out to Moab in college and rock crawl.” We’re both silent as we look around. Utah is unique. It does look like New Mexico, but with real mountains.
“You’re like one of those outdoorsy guys, aren’t you Ford?”
“I guess. I like to keep busy, that’s all.”
“And you like to compete.”
“No, I like to win.”
“But you can’t always win.”
I grin over at her. “Depends on how you look at it. I always win.”
“But some things have definite winners and losers. Like in a hockey game. One team wins and the other team loses.”
“True, but maybe one player wins on the losing team? Then it’s still a win.”
She huffs out a breath. “So you’re a half-full kind of person? Figures. You know I first pegged you as a mopey emo guy, but it turns out you’re sorta goody-two-shoes.”
Oh, f**k. “What? How the hell do you figure?”
“It’s all in how you look at it,” she says in a false voice. “That is annoying. It’s all upbeat and positive. I’m gonna put the Naked and Famous back on, that’ll cure your optimism.”
I grab the phone in the center console before she does. “No way. I’m not chasing your ass across Utah again just because these songs make you think about Tony.” I sneer his name this time and she gasps at that. “Today is all about Ford. No more sad music. Get that reader out, read to me.”
“Pfffft. They have audiobooks for that, Ford, I’m not your personal narrator.”
“Yes, Miss Li, you are. Get the reader and do as you’re told. You can choose the book—wait, are there even books on that thing? It’s like a few years old.”
“Oh, yeah, it has books all right. I made the mistake of turning it on and it synced all your freaking books since the last time you used it. It said three hundred and forty-five. I had to leave it on all night to get all those stupid books on there.”
“My choice in books is very classic. They are not stupid.”
“You’re right, they’re not stupid, they’re boring.” She cackles at that as she stares out the window.
“You can choose the book, just get it and start reading.”
She climbs into the back seat and reaches over into the cargo area to fish around. She comes back a few minutes later with the old reader and turns it on. “God, it’s even in black and white.”
“You have one minute to find a book and then I’m pulling over and finding one myself.”
“Hold your horses, I’m looking… oh, what? You like Odd Thomas? I love him.”
“Good, read one of those.”
“No, I’ve read them all. You like them because he’s weird, right? You can relate to his oddballness? I mean, his name is Odd, that’s strange right off the bat. And then the whole I see dead Elvis thing? Yeah. Ford and Odd are like blood brothers.”
“I don’t want to be hit. I don’t want to follow orders just because someone tells me to.”
“I’m not talking about that now.”
“Then what?”
“Just give yourself to me. Trust me. For one day. I’ll take care of you.” She exhales and stares up at me. She looks lost and broken. She looks sad and defeated. And I hate it. “One day of trust, Ashleigh. Just one day. And then tomorrow we can drive to LA and life can start again. But don’t let your pause end up meaningless. Make it count. Give me control. I’ll show you life goes on.”
She starts crying again. “I want life to go on, Ford. I do. I want to get over it. I just can’t find my way right now. I can’t see past this pain. It shuts me down completely.”
“Listen to what I’m offering, Ashleigh. You’re not listening. You keep repeating yourself. I get it, it sucks. You got shit on. You don’t know what to do, you’re lost, you’re wandering aimlessly looking for answers. And I’m the answer, Ash. I’m the answer and I’m offering you relief. I don’t want you to give up, I just want you to give in.”
She takes a deep breath and I can physically see the mental shift she goes through. One second she’s defeated and closed off, the next she’s—open. Not quite hopeful, but there’s a spark of acceptance in there. “OK,” she finally says as she wipes the tears from her eyes. “For today then. I’ll give it a try.”
My smile is immediate and all the hurt I was just feeling over her sadness melts away.
One day.
I have one day to wipe her mind of Tony.
Chapter Twenty-Six
“Eat in Green River or next town we come to with a restaurant?”
“I thought you were calling the shots?”
“Ashleigh, I’m not trying to take away your freedom, I’m trying to take away your pain.”
She smiles at that and then relaxes into the seat. “Next town then.” She looks back at Kate and then to me. “Why wake her up if we don’t have to.” I like how she uses we in that sentence. Like we’re in this together. “This state is weird-looking,” she says as she looks out the window. “I’ve never seen this kind of landscape. It’s a little like New Mexico with the red rocks and the sandstone, but it’s even more desolate, if that’s even possible.”
“I like Utah. I used to take the Bronco out to Moab in college and rock crawl.” We’re both silent as we look around. Utah is unique. It does look like New Mexico, but with real mountains.
“You’re like one of those outdoorsy guys, aren’t you Ford?”
“I guess. I like to keep busy, that’s all.”
“And you like to compete.”
“No, I like to win.”
“But you can’t always win.”
I grin over at her. “Depends on how you look at it. I always win.”
“But some things have definite winners and losers. Like in a hockey game. One team wins and the other team loses.”
“True, but maybe one player wins on the losing team? Then it’s still a win.”
She huffs out a breath. “So you’re a half-full kind of person? Figures. You know I first pegged you as a mopey emo guy, but it turns out you’re sorta goody-two-shoes.”
Oh, f**k. “What? How the hell do you figure?”
“It’s all in how you look at it,” she says in a false voice. “That is annoying. It’s all upbeat and positive. I’m gonna put the Naked and Famous back on, that’ll cure your optimism.”
I grab the phone in the center console before she does. “No way. I’m not chasing your ass across Utah again just because these songs make you think about Tony.” I sneer his name this time and she gasps at that. “Today is all about Ford. No more sad music. Get that reader out, read to me.”
“Pfffft. They have audiobooks for that, Ford, I’m not your personal narrator.”
“Yes, Miss Li, you are. Get the reader and do as you’re told. You can choose the book—wait, are there even books on that thing? It’s like a few years old.”
“Oh, yeah, it has books all right. I made the mistake of turning it on and it synced all your freaking books since the last time you used it. It said three hundred and forty-five. I had to leave it on all night to get all those stupid books on there.”
“My choice in books is very classic. They are not stupid.”
“You’re right, they’re not stupid, they’re boring.” She cackles at that as she stares out the window.
“You can choose the book, just get it and start reading.”
She climbs into the back seat and reaches over into the cargo area to fish around. She comes back a few minutes later with the old reader and turns it on. “God, it’s even in black and white.”
“You have one minute to find a book and then I’m pulling over and finding one myself.”
“Hold your horses, I’m looking… oh, what? You like Odd Thomas? I love him.”
“Good, read one of those.”
“No, I’ve read them all. You like them because he’s weird, right? You can relate to his oddballness? I mean, his name is Odd, that’s strange right off the bat. And then the whole I see dead Elvis thing? Yeah. Ford and Odd are like blood brothers.”
