Taut: The Ford Book
Page 93

Suddenly she’s crying. Her face is all red as she tries to stop, but can’t. “I’m sorry, Ford.”
I pull my lounge chair over to her and put my arm around her. “It’s OK, Ashleigh. You’re allowed to cry.”
She wipes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “And he did that all season. And then in the spring, he was at the finish line every time I crossed. I did cross-country that year. But he never talked to me. Not once. He was just there, encouraging me. And that’s not something I got a lot of, ya know? I was not encouraged. My father never came to my games, he had no idea what I was doing in school. But Tony, he was there. He was always there. And the next year, I was in tenth grade and he was a senior. And this is when everything changed. Because he asked me to homecoming at Trinity Day.”
I smile as I picture her getting asked on that date. “Sounds like a perfect start to a perfect relationship.”
“Anthony Fenici is the son of a prominent man. Just like I am the daughter of another, equally prominent man.” She looks over at me with a sad smile. “Our fathers are business rivals.”
“Legal business?” I ask.
She shrugs her shoulders. “Mostly. My father runs an”—she does air quotes—“import-export business. Black-market drugs. Not like cocaine and heroin, more like non-FDA approved treatments. Hormones mostly, for doping, fertility, anti-aging. His business services hospitals in Mexico, Costa Rica, and others.”
“And Tony’s father?”
“Your basic Italian stuff.”
I laugh. “Straight Sicilian mafia?”
“Yeah.”
“So you two were a modern-day Romeo and Juliet?”
“No, he wanted out and I had no intention of ever doing anything remotely related to what my father does. My sister is in the business, she’s an accountant, which comes in handy, I hear. My educational trust came from my mother’s estate. It was not conditional, so I left, picked a major that would never be useful to my father and got on with life.”
“And Tony?”
She smiles up at me. “He joined the Marines. We did go to dances and he always showed up at my games when they were at Trinity Day, but we never dated in high school. Not like most kids do. We knew it was impossible, so instead of dating, we planned our future and talked on the phone and met up every once in a while for sports or a dance. He joined the Marines when I was in eleventh grade thinking he’d get out after two years and join me wherever I was going to school. But…” She looks up at me and tries to force a smile, but fails. “He liked it, Ford. He enjoyed the combat stuff. He told me he felt part of something real, something like a family. Something he never got from his home life. This was something I could relate to. I understood, so I thought the right thing to do was to encourage him. When his two-year Marine contract was up he applied for SEALs, he got in the BUD/S program and the whole time I told myself, he’ll never make it. They never make it. Almost everyone fails. But he didn’t fail, he wasn’t top of his class, but he was not bottom either. It wasn’t easy, he said, but he’d do it again in a heartbeat. And then before I knew it, he was over the hardest parts and that was that. He was in.”
She stops and lets out an I-give-up sigh. “What could I say? Nothing. I had to support him. This was his dream. He put himself through hell to achieve it. What could I do?”
This pause is much longer and I can only assume she’s thinking up all the ways she should’ve discouraged him. Maybe she’d have crushed his dream, but he’d still be alive.
“I was already in Japan by then, and we saw each other when he could make the trip. And two years later here I am. Alone.”
It takes me a few minutes to put all this information together and she pats Kate on the back, waiting patiently to see what I’ll say. “It’s pretty unconventional, Ashleigh. I’m not discounting how you feel about him, but that’s not exactly a dream relationship. When did you do all the fun stuff?”
“I know what you’re trying to say, and I’m not saying I disagree, I’m just telling you I love him and that’s how it happened.”
I nod. “Fair enough. But there’s more to life than that. Ash. There’s more to love than that. Maybe you don’t like me, and that’s cool. If you don’t I’ll totally understand. I’m not for everyone. But if you like me, Ashleigh, then hear me out.”
She closes her eyes as she continues to pat Kate on the back. “I do like you Ford. A lot. But I’m complicated.”
“I’m complicated too, shit. I’m like the King of Complicated.”
She laughs and then opens her eyes and looks at me. Sees me for the first time this morning. “I don’t know, Ford. I’m not sure what I’m doing right now. I’m just drifting. I’m completely unraveled, I’m nothing but slack. Everything about me is frayed at the moment. So, I’m not sure I’m ready for life just yet. I just don’t know. Maybe, Ford.”
All I hear is yes. Yes, Ford. God I love it when she says my name. “I can pull you taut, Ashleigh. Like the poems. I can bring you back together. You are so f**king delicious, Ashleigh. So f**king perfect. I wish I could take this pain away from you, really, I swear I feel your sadness and it makes me crazy. Do I ask for more information and risk the tears? Do I pretend it’s not happening and risk you feeling ignored? Tell me what to do.” The words surprise me as much as they do her and all I can do is shrug. “I don’t understand what you need, Ashleigh. And I feel like it’s my job to provide for you and I don’t know how to do that. If you know what you need, tell me.”