Taut: The Ford Book
Page 99
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She turns away and walks over to the door, but I’m there before her hand touches the handle. “No. No, you’re not walking away. I’m not running away. We’re gonna have to figure this out, Rook. Because I do love you. I do. I’m not sure what it means, but you’re important to me and what I did to you was wrong. I was—” I breathe deeply. “I was just hurting so badly that night. And I had that speech prepared, I was planning that escape. And even though I told myself it wasn’t to confuse you and make you feel what I was feeling, that’s exactly why I did it. I wanted to hurt you. I wanted you to miss me and regret not choosing me.”
She looks up at me with tears in her eyes and I feel like total shit. Rook is not a crier. She holds pretty much everything inside, so the fact that I’m making her cry right now… well, that’s painful too. “Don’t. Please. Don’t cry over this. I’m not worth it. I’m a total piece of shit.”
“Ford,” she says in a soft voice. She turns into me and throws her arms around my neck and hugs me. “You are worth it. To me, you are worth it. I can’t stand this. I can’t stand knowing that I was making you so upset all those months. All those months I was so happy and content and you were miserable. It—” She chokes back a sob. “It breaks my heart, Ford.”
I hug her back. “Did you leave Ronin?”
She pulls back to look at me. “Do you want me to leave Ronin?”
“Answer my question. I’m tired of the games.”
“No, I didn’t leave him. I love him. He’s my one, Ford. But you’re friendship is important to me. I need you. I can’t picture my life without you. Please, just tell me what I need to do to make this better.”
I am the biggest piece of shit alive. I win all the piece of shit awards.
I hug her close and breathe her in. “Rook, you’re a living goddess to me. You’re the most tragically beautiful creature I’ve ever seen. I love you so much. I’d do anything for you, you know that right?”
She pushes back a little so she can look up at me.
“But you’re right. It’s just a very special friendship. We’re friends. It’s taken me a while, but I finally get it. You belong to Ronin, Rook. And I’m so sorry that I caused all this bullshit with my childish actions.” She nods into my chest and breathes out a long sigh. “I might’ve found my one in this girl I was on the road with. But the shit just hit the fan this morning and to be honest, I could use a friend’s advice on what to do about it all.”
She turns her head up to me again and then wipes her eyes. “You can ask me, Ford. I’m pretty bad at making good decisions, but I’ll do my best to help you sort it out.”
“Let’s go eat first. You look so thin, Rook. I don’t like it.”
“I know,” she says, sniffling. “I can’t eat when you’re mad at me.”
“I’m sorry. But I’m not mad anymore, so let’s go get steaks at Mastro’s. Have you ever been?”
She snorts. God, I’ve missed her snorts. “Every time I come to LA, I hit up Mastro’s first.”
And just like that our fight is wiped away. We drive down the hill into Beverly and have dinner. Ashleigh is still weighing heavily on my mind. I feel like I’m wasting time, like I need to be doing something right now. But it’s not good to act impulsively. I need information and advice. And Rook is my sounding board. I tell her everything. We are friends. Best friends. And that’s exactly how it feels. Like this girl is the only person on this whole planet who won’t judge me, no matter what I tell her.
She listens to the entire story—laughing at the funny parts, crying her blue eyes out when I describe Ashleigh at the cemetery, and then sighing with sadness when I describe the scene this morning at my house.
“What should I do, Rook?”
“She wants you to sweep her off her feet, Ford.”
“Yeah, but she’s gone. How the hell?”
“You’re the genius,” she says, taking a drink of her soda. “I’m sure you can come up with something. There has to be a way to get her away from them and not have her committed in the process. Can’t you just hack into her father’s shit and f**k it up?”
I laugh at her silliness. “No, he’s big time. He’s dirty, like me. He’s not going to sit back and let me f**k with his multi-billion-dollar pharmaceutical business.”
“So you have to make it personal then, right?”
“Yeah,” I sigh. I look down at my watch. “Pam has you booked first class on the eleven-fifteen flight back to DIA. You can’t spend the night. Ronin will be pissed.”
She takes my hand and pouts. “Are you sure, Ford? I can smooth things out with Ronin if you need my help.”
“No, I need to think. I’ll drive you to the airport.”
It’s hard to say goodbye to Rook when I drop her off at LAX Departures, but she needs to go home where she belongs and I need to come up with a plan, and that plan involves another phone call to Merc. I take out my phone and press Adam.
Merc answers on the second ring. “Yeah.”
“I need a big Merc.”
“I hope to God that baby-fucking-sitter didn’t steal your kid and you went apeshit and killed her and now you need to escape the country under the assumed name of BJ Cobbledick.” He pauses. “Or something.”
She looks up at me with tears in her eyes and I feel like total shit. Rook is not a crier. She holds pretty much everything inside, so the fact that I’m making her cry right now… well, that’s painful too. “Don’t. Please. Don’t cry over this. I’m not worth it. I’m a total piece of shit.”
“Ford,” she says in a soft voice. She turns into me and throws her arms around my neck and hugs me. “You are worth it. To me, you are worth it. I can’t stand this. I can’t stand knowing that I was making you so upset all those months. All those months I was so happy and content and you were miserable. It—” She chokes back a sob. “It breaks my heart, Ford.”
I hug her back. “Did you leave Ronin?”
She pulls back to look at me. “Do you want me to leave Ronin?”
“Answer my question. I’m tired of the games.”
“No, I didn’t leave him. I love him. He’s my one, Ford. But you’re friendship is important to me. I need you. I can’t picture my life without you. Please, just tell me what I need to do to make this better.”
I am the biggest piece of shit alive. I win all the piece of shit awards.
I hug her close and breathe her in. “Rook, you’re a living goddess to me. You’re the most tragically beautiful creature I’ve ever seen. I love you so much. I’d do anything for you, you know that right?”
She pushes back a little so she can look up at me.
“But you’re right. It’s just a very special friendship. We’re friends. It’s taken me a while, but I finally get it. You belong to Ronin, Rook. And I’m so sorry that I caused all this bullshit with my childish actions.” She nods into my chest and breathes out a long sigh. “I might’ve found my one in this girl I was on the road with. But the shit just hit the fan this morning and to be honest, I could use a friend’s advice on what to do about it all.”
She turns her head up to me again and then wipes her eyes. “You can ask me, Ford. I’m pretty bad at making good decisions, but I’ll do my best to help you sort it out.”
“Let’s go eat first. You look so thin, Rook. I don’t like it.”
“I know,” she says, sniffling. “I can’t eat when you’re mad at me.”
“I’m sorry. But I’m not mad anymore, so let’s go get steaks at Mastro’s. Have you ever been?”
She snorts. God, I’ve missed her snorts. “Every time I come to LA, I hit up Mastro’s first.”
And just like that our fight is wiped away. We drive down the hill into Beverly and have dinner. Ashleigh is still weighing heavily on my mind. I feel like I’m wasting time, like I need to be doing something right now. But it’s not good to act impulsively. I need information and advice. And Rook is my sounding board. I tell her everything. We are friends. Best friends. And that’s exactly how it feels. Like this girl is the only person on this whole planet who won’t judge me, no matter what I tell her.
She listens to the entire story—laughing at the funny parts, crying her blue eyes out when I describe Ashleigh at the cemetery, and then sighing with sadness when I describe the scene this morning at my house.
“What should I do, Rook?”
“She wants you to sweep her off her feet, Ford.”
“Yeah, but she’s gone. How the hell?”
“You’re the genius,” she says, taking a drink of her soda. “I’m sure you can come up with something. There has to be a way to get her away from them and not have her committed in the process. Can’t you just hack into her father’s shit and f**k it up?”
I laugh at her silliness. “No, he’s big time. He’s dirty, like me. He’s not going to sit back and let me f**k with his multi-billion-dollar pharmaceutical business.”
“So you have to make it personal then, right?”
“Yeah,” I sigh. I look down at my watch. “Pam has you booked first class on the eleven-fifteen flight back to DIA. You can’t spend the night. Ronin will be pissed.”
She takes my hand and pouts. “Are you sure, Ford? I can smooth things out with Ronin if you need my help.”
“No, I need to think. I’ll drive you to the airport.”
It’s hard to say goodbye to Rook when I drop her off at LAX Departures, but she needs to go home where she belongs and I need to come up with a plan, and that plan involves another phone call to Merc. I take out my phone and press Adam.
Merc answers on the second ring. “Yeah.”
“I need a big Merc.”
“I hope to God that baby-fucking-sitter didn’t steal your kid and you went apeshit and killed her and now you need to escape the country under the assumed name of BJ Cobbledick.” He pauses. “Or something.”
