Tempt Me, Taste Me, Touch Me
Page 3
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Vanessa shrugged. "James was rich and successful and good looking, and you seemed to like that:' ''And this was your 'Year of Marriage:" Rose said, an embarrassing reminder of Carrie's drunken New Year's resolution. "We didn't want to mess that up for you."
Last December 31 she'd decided that nearly two years with James and no wedding ring was long enough. Plus, she'd been thirty-two, and time had seemed of the essence. Babies, the next stage of life, the whole nine yards. Which meant it had been time to get her boyfriend to make the big move. And so she'd declared her "Year of Marriage" resolution to her friends in a private, well-liquored embrace and had dropped numerous hints to James for the past nine months, not to mention leaving dogeared copies of Bride magazine on the coffee table at her apartment.
"I still don't understand why neither of you went out on a limb to tell me what you really felt about James. If I'm too blind, too stupid to save myself, isn't it up to my best friends to save me?" Vanessa pressed her lips together, making it clear that she didn't appreciate having to defend herself. Rose stepped in to smooth things over. "You always said how perfect everything was with James, so we kind of figured things were just how you wanted them. That they were good enough."
Carrie looked at Vanessa for the full, unvarnished truth. ''And?''
"You never want to hear anything negative. You convinced yourself that he was wonderful, and if we'd said anything you would have blown us off."
"We didn't want you to have to choose sides:' Rose said, trying to soften Vanessa's harsh, but honest, statement. "No matter who you marry, we'd always want to be your friends. But if we'd said we didn't like him ... " Rose didn't say any more, didn't say how Carrie might have given up her best friends because she hadn't wanted to face the truth about the man she'd been dating.
Carrie felt tears welling up and was glad she had her sunglasses on. "You're right."
"Don't be mad at us, Carrie:' Rose said.
Carrie shook her head. "Of course I'm not mad at you guys.
How can I be? I'm just upset that it took me so long to face up to who James really was. To what our relationship was all about. I wanted him to be perfect, and he was on paper, so I pretended that he was in real life too. But all along, he was only good enough. And I was just as bad as he was, because last night I realized that I never truly loved him. Even though I tried to convince all of us that I did."
While Rose rubbed Carrie's knotted shoulder muscles gently from the backseat, Carrie wished she could rewind the last two years and start over.
In a shaky voice, she said, "Well, now you know the whole sad story:' hoping that they could drop the subject for now. But, of course, she knew there was one more question on everyone's . mind. And she could trust Vanessa to ask it.
"So, since you said no, what are you doing with his ring in your pocket? Shouldn't that be on its way back to Tiffany's so that one of my uber thankful lovers can buy it for moi?"
Carrie sighed. "He told me to think it over. He thinks I'm going to say yes on Monday:'
"What an idiot." Vanessa rolled her eyes. ''Any guy who gets turned down with a ring like that should know that it's going to take a hell of a lot more than a weekend to change a girl's mind."
Sensing that Carrie would welcome a change of subject, Rose poked Vanessa in the back. "Speaking of breakups, Elliot dumped me:' no
Carrie's head whipped to the backseat again. "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry:'
Vanessa grabbed the wheel and straightened out their weaving course. "You want to watch the road already? I'm not going to be too happy if we roll into Napa in an ambulance." She shifted in her seat again to see Rose better. "What happened?"
Rose shrugged. "The usual, I guess. He went thinner. Younger.
Have I mentioned thinner yet?"
Vanessa snarled. "I don't get it. So what if you're not an anorexic stick? You're lush. You're curved in all the right places:' She looked down at her own slim hips and small br**sts. "I hear butt implants are the new breast implants. When I was sleeping with that plastic surgeon, he gave me a great price quote on some work and I briefly toyed with the idea."
Rose groaned. "Don't tell me that I've been trying my whole life to look like you and even you're not happy with what you look like." She closed her eyes, and when she opened them, her blue orbs were' bleak. "I'll tell you a surefire way to get some curves. Right after your boyfriend dumps you, eat every cookie, piece of chocolate, and ice cream bar in your house. I always get a nice five-pound bonus with the 'it's not you, it's me' speech."
Carrie couldn't believe the bad turns their relationships had taken this week. "You know he didn't deserve you, Rose. And one day you'll find a man who loves you for the gorgeous, wonderful woman you are." Rose pinched her lips together, and it was clear that she didn't believe a word of it, so Carrie barreled on, saying, "Seems like at least two of us desperately need this weekend to unwind:'
Rose shook her head. "I don't need to unwind. I need to diet:' "Bullshit:'Vanessa said. "You need to get flamingly drunk with me and Carrie by the pool while we pick apart all the women's haircuts and drool over the men. Elliot was a boring, balding loser with a roving eye. You deserve better. Both of you do:' "Which brings us to you:' Carrie said, pointing a finger at Vanessa. ''Any traumas come your way lately? Any losers to lose?"
Vanessa pulled the black cap off and let her striking red hair blow free. "You know I don't do boyfriends. Or trauma. I do sex. And fun. This weekend is all about the girls, the booze, and, if all goes well, an uncomplicated, wine-country fling:' The corner of her mouth curved up. "For all of us:'
Carrie shook her head. "I can't. I mean, I've hardly broken up with James. There's no way I could jump into bed with a stranger:'
''I'm with Carrie:' Rose said. "I can't imagine sleeping with someone I don't know or have feelings for:' "Your problem is that you think Prince Charming actually exists Vanessa said pointedly. "Because he most certainly doesn't."
Rose protested immediately. "Don't say that, Vanessa. Lots of people find true love:' She paused for a moment, frowning. "At least I think they do:' Vanessa pounced on that small seed of doubt. "Haven't you ever wondered what really went on behind the scenes in all those fairy tales? All the things they don't let little girls know about."
The conversation was hitting far too close to home for Carrie's 'comfort, but Vanessa had a way of drawing people into her world, whether they wanted to go there or not.
Last December 31 she'd decided that nearly two years with James and no wedding ring was long enough. Plus, she'd been thirty-two, and time had seemed of the essence. Babies, the next stage of life, the whole nine yards. Which meant it had been time to get her boyfriend to make the big move. And so she'd declared her "Year of Marriage" resolution to her friends in a private, well-liquored embrace and had dropped numerous hints to James for the past nine months, not to mention leaving dogeared copies of Bride magazine on the coffee table at her apartment.
"I still don't understand why neither of you went out on a limb to tell me what you really felt about James. If I'm too blind, too stupid to save myself, isn't it up to my best friends to save me?" Vanessa pressed her lips together, making it clear that she didn't appreciate having to defend herself. Rose stepped in to smooth things over. "You always said how perfect everything was with James, so we kind of figured things were just how you wanted them. That they were good enough."
Carrie looked at Vanessa for the full, unvarnished truth. ''And?''
"You never want to hear anything negative. You convinced yourself that he was wonderful, and if we'd said anything you would have blown us off."
"We didn't want you to have to choose sides:' Rose said, trying to soften Vanessa's harsh, but honest, statement. "No matter who you marry, we'd always want to be your friends. But if we'd said we didn't like him ... " Rose didn't say any more, didn't say how Carrie might have given up her best friends because she hadn't wanted to face the truth about the man she'd been dating.
Carrie felt tears welling up and was glad she had her sunglasses on. "You're right."
"Don't be mad at us, Carrie:' Rose said.
Carrie shook her head. "Of course I'm not mad at you guys.
How can I be? I'm just upset that it took me so long to face up to who James really was. To what our relationship was all about. I wanted him to be perfect, and he was on paper, so I pretended that he was in real life too. But all along, he was only good enough. And I was just as bad as he was, because last night I realized that I never truly loved him. Even though I tried to convince all of us that I did."
While Rose rubbed Carrie's knotted shoulder muscles gently from the backseat, Carrie wished she could rewind the last two years and start over.
In a shaky voice, she said, "Well, now you know the whole sad story:' hoping that they could drop the subject for now. But, of course, she knew there was one more question on everyone's . mind. And she could trust Vanessa to ask it.
"So, since you said no, what are you doing with his ring in your pocket? Shouldn't that be on its way back to Tiffany's so that one of my uber thankful lovers can buy it for moi?"
Carrie sighed. "He told me to think it over. He thinks I'm going to say yes on Monday:'
"What an idiot." Vanessa rolled her eyes. ''Any guy who gets turned down with a ring like that should know that it's going to take a hell of a lot more than a weekend to change a girl's mind."
Sensing that Carrie would welcome a change of subject, Rose poked Vanessa in the back. "Speaking of breakups, Elliot dumped me:' no
Carrie's head whipped to the backseat again. "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry:'
Vanessa grabbed the wheel and straightened out their weaving course. "You want to watch the road already? I'm not going to be too happy if we roll into Napa in an ambulance." She shifted in her seat again to see Rose better. "What happened?"
Rose shrugged. "The usual, I guess. He went thinner. Younger.
Have I mentioned thinner yet?"
Vanessa snarled. "I don't get it. So what if you're not an anorexic stick? You're lush. You're curved in all the right places:' She looked down at her own slim hips and small br**sts. "I hear butt implants are the new breast implants. When I was sleeping with that plastic surgeon, he gave me a great price quote on some work and I briefly toyed with the idea."
Rose groaned. "Don't tell me that I've been trying my whole life to look like you and even you're not happy with what you look like." She closed her eyes, and when she opened them, her blue orbs were' bleak. "I'll tell you a surefire way to get some curves. Right after your boyfriend dumps you, eat every cookie, piece of chocolate, and ice cream bar in your house. I always get a nice five-pound bonus with the 'it's not you, it's me' speech."
Carrie couldn't believe the bad turns their relationships had taken this week. "You know he didn't deserve you, Rose. And one day you'll find a man who loves you for the gorgeous, wonderful woman you are." Rose pinched her lips together, and it was clear that she didn't believe a word of it, so Carrie barreled on, saying, "Seems like at least two of us desperately need this weekend to unwind:'
Rose shook her head. "I don't need to unwind. I need to diet:' "Bullshit:'Vanessa said. "You need to get flamingly drunk with me and Carrie by the pool while we pick apart all the women's haircuts and drool over the men. Elliot was a boring, balding loser with a roving eye. You deserve better. Both of you do:' "Which brings us to you:' Carrie said, pointing a finger at Vanessa. ''Any traumas come your way lately? Any losers to lose?"
Vanessa pulled the black cap off and let her striking red hair blow free. "You know I don't do boyfriends. Or trauma. I do sex. And fun. This weekend is all about the girls, the booze, and, if all goes well, an uncomplicated, wine-country fling:' The corner of her mouth curved up. "For all of us:'
Carrie shook her head. "I can't. I mean, I've hardly broken up with James. There's no way I could jump into bed with a stranger:'
''I'm with Carrie:' Rose said. "I can't imagine sleeping with someone I don't know or have feelings for:' "Your problem is that you think Prince Charming actually exists Vanessa said pointedly. "Because he most certainly doesn't."
Rose protested immediately. "Don't say that, Vanessa. Lots of people find true love:' She paused for a moment, frowning. "At least I think they do:' Vanessa pounced on that small seed of doubt. "Haven't you ever wondered what really went on behind the scenes in all those fairy tales? All the things they don't let little girls know about."
The conversation was hitting far too close to home for Carrie's 'comfort, but Vanessa had a way of drawing people into her world, whether they wanted to go there or not.
