The Best Goodbye
Page 42

When his lips touched the base of my throat, I inhaled so sharply I startled myself and tightened my hold on him. “Just let me taste a little. I need a small taste of you. I swear, I’ll stop.” I wasn’t sure if he was begging me or convincing himself.
If I could talk, I would tell him I was at his mercy, and he could do whatever he wanted. It had been so long since I’d been touched like this. So very long.
His other hand slid over my hip and then behind my back, until it was pressed against my bottom. He pulled me close as his lips trailed kisses along my collarbone and back up my neck.
My head fell back, giving him more access to my neck. My body was becoming liquid heat, and I was sure he could do whatever he wanted at this point, and I’d let him.
His other hand slid into my hair and cupped the back of my head while he kissed his way up my neck, stopping to give me small licks where my pulse beat furiously. He pressed his tongue against one small point and groaned.
“I need your mouth again, Addy,” he said. Before I could even think to respond, he covered mine with his own.
I gave him what he wanted, because I wanted it, too. The plumpness of his lips drove me to shiver and cling desperately to him. He picked me up until our bodies were flush. The friction I’d get if I opened my legs and wrapped them around him was so tempting I had to fight not to do it. I had to stop this.
Franny was asleep in the truck, but if she woke up, she’d see us, and it would confuse her. She’d think something was happening that wasn’t. Because this didn’t change anything. He’d said he wanted friendship. So why was I giving him this?
I tore my mouth from his and pushed him away. To get space. To clear my head. God, I was so weak. Franny could have woken up and seen this. What was I thinking? When had I gotten so careless? Furious with myself, I shoved the lingering need back. Franny came first.
“We can’t do this,” I said, sounding like I’d just run five miles.
The look in Captain’s eyes was too much, so I looked over his shoulder at the moon. I couldn’t look at him right now. I felt the heat he was feeling, too. I just didn’t know what we were going to do with it. Because quickie grope sessions were not something I was OK with.
“I fought touching you all night, and I just . . .” He paused. “I lost control for a minute. I had to touch you and taste you again.”
Well, he got props for being honest. I glanced back at the truck, glad that Franny was still sleeping. “I need to get her to bed. It’s late,” I said.
“I’ll carry her in,” Captain said, turning to open the truck door and retrieve our daughter.
I opened the front door. Deep breaths and the evening breeze helped to cool my flushed skin. I could feel Captain’s eyes on me as he walked inside, but I wouldn’t look at him. I couldn’t. He had to know how this made me feel. This wasn’t fair. He wasn’t being fair.
“Where to?” he whispered. I nodded in the direction of the bedroom and led the way so I could pull back the covers.
I slipped off her sandals and quickly tucked her in, kissing her forehead as she curled deeper into the covers. When I turned around, Captain was watching her sleep. The love in his eyes made my stomach feel funny, and I had to leave him there. If he wanted to soak in that moment, fine. But I didn’t have to watch him do it. That played with another set of my heartstrings.
I felt him move and knew he was following me. The soft click of the bedroom door made me wish I’d stayed in there with Franny. Safe from him. Safe from my weakness and emotions.
“I’m not going to apologize for that out there,” he said, his voice low.
I didn’t turn back to look at him. “I was a willing participant. No need for you to apologize.”
He let out a heavy sigh. “Come on, Addy. Look at me.”
The idea of looking at him scared me. Even now, my body was still humming. Looking at him would not help. “It’s late,” I said.
I heard his heavy footsteps and tensed as his warmth drew closer to me. If he touched me, I had to remember myself. Our daughter was asleep just a room away.
“I want to protect you. From everything. I always have. But I don’t think I can protect you from me. I thought I could.” His voice was so close I could feel the warmth of his breath. “I can’t. I want you too bad. I want to be able to touch you. It’s not gone for me, Addy. None of it is gone.”
I took a step back and bumped into the bar. “Why do you think I need to be protected from you?” I asked. When had I ever needed that?
He dropped his gaze this time, and I thought he was going to shut me out, but instead, he ran the backs of his fingers down my arm and over my hand in a gentle caress. “I’ve done a lot. Things that damaged me. I thought I was too broken ever to feel this way again. I didn’t think my blackened soul could need, want, desire, anyone again.”
Although I wanted to know what he had done, that wasn’t what I was clinging to at the moment. He wanted, needed, and desired me.
“I think you brought a piece of me back to life. The biggest piece of me. The piece I lost when I thought you were gone. I feel so much more than I’ve felt in a long time.” His hand slipped into mine, and I let him thread our fingers together.
“What are we doing?” I asked.
“Everything. We’re doing everything. I’m all in. I’ve always been all in with you. That hasn’t changed.”
Wow. Not what I expected. “What does ‘all in’ mean?” I asked. I didn’t want to hope for anything.