The Best Kind of Trouble
Page 60
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He snarled, but turned and kept walking. “I don’t like that. You deserve respect.”
“I respect myself. You respect me. What they think? Doesn’t matter to me.”
He drove them back to the hotel and ordered room service. Once he’d done that, he pulled her close. “I’m sorry about today.”
“About what? Spending the day with me instead of in the studio? Responding to your fans when they see you and want to interact? I don’t expect to have one hundred percent of your attention at all times.”
“No, but this was a day for you and me. We got interrupted over and over.”
“Three times in three hours. That’s not too bad.”
“And the women. I’m embarrassed.”
“Paddy.” She heaved a sigh and moved away from him, standing to look out over the river. “Do I like it that you’ve f**ked your way from one side of the globe to the other? Not really. But I’m not a virgin and I can’t control what you did when you weren’t with me. So I guess the real question I have is why you’re embarrassed.”
Sometimes she was sharply intuitive.
“It’s sort of seedy. I clearly must have been with those women.”
“Both of them at once, and I bet it wasn’t the first time you’d been with more than one woman at a time. But so what? You’re a man in the prime of his life. You’re handsome and powerful. Charismatic and famous, too. It’s not like it’s a secret to women that dudes want to bone two women at once. We aren’t dumb. Not even those heifers who came on to you earlier. So it’s not the three-way.”
“Notice you didn’t argue that it was seedy.”
She gave him a look, and he sighed.
“I’m standing here in a hotel room with you. With a woman I once had a fling with all those years ago, and I remembered you. Pretty much the instant I saw you. I don’t want you to think you’re like them.”
She laughed. “But they’re like them. Do you get my meaning? Are you maybe embarrassed that you’ve stuck your dick in so many women, it’s like fast food? You don’t remember which burger shack you ate in, and maybe that leaves you empty at the end of the day? Not every sexual encounter has to be deep, meaningful love. But after a while, if you’re only giving yourself the dollar menu, you’re treating yourself like you’re only worth a buck.”
“Ouch.”
She reached up to cup his cheek. “I think you’re worth more than the dollar menu. I don’t want you to feel bad for being irresistible. I understand that better than those women ever will. I don’t want you to feel bad because you take the time to talk to your fans. I don’t even want you to feel guilty because you slept with so many women, you can’t remember a threesome. If you look back and think it’s seedy, maybe it was.” Her expression was rueful. “But you can’t go back and change it and let’s face it, you wouldn’t. It’s okay that you took advantage of one of the very reasons young men want to be rock stars.”
“But I have you. And I know the difference between what’s real and what’s seedy. It makes me feel disrespectful to you and what we have.”
“I can’t tell you how to feel. It’s sweet and all that you’re worried. But when I express discomfort over your lifestyle, it’s not that you banged a zillion girls before I came into the picture. Respect me now that we’re together. Right? That’s what I need. I don’t need you to feel bad because some catty bitch shoved me out of the way to try to hump you in the middle of the street. You handled it. We’re here. Right now.”
“I’m a lucky man. You know that?”
She nodded. “You totally are.”
Before he could show her just how lucky she could be, room service arrived to set up lunch.
“Foiled.”
She laughed as he moved to let them in. “It’s okay. I’ll just be thinking about it more now.”
“That works, too.”
* * *
SHE DISAPPEARED FOR a bit, coming back to find a fire built and crackling merrily and lunch laid out and ready to be eaten. He was in the process of taking a bite of the chocolate cake.
“What? It’s totally okay to eat dessert first at Christmas. It’s the American way. And stuff.”
She rolled her eyes and sat, forking up a bite of her own and humming. “This is really good.”
The soup she’d ordered was perfect and warmed her up. “The first time I tried pumpkin soup, I did not believe it could be good. I turned my nose up at it, and Tuesday shamed me into trying it. She’s usually right. It was delicious.”
“Was it just me, or were there some sparks when she and Ezra met?”
“It wasn’t just you. But she’s...well, she’s not easy to reach. She’s had a rough time since Eric died. I don’t know if she’s ready for more than sparks. She dates a little, mainly to have sex, I think.” But her friend was way too comfortable with her inner darkness.
“The first time I really understood Ezra was in trouble, we were on the road. It was the second tour, right after we’d made it pretty big.”
He hadn’t shared this with her, so she settled back and listened.
“We all... Look, I’m not going to pretend I was an innocent. I had enough problems of my own. I just liked coke better than heroin. I did it with him a few times, but where he loved the way it sucked him under and smoothed him out, I wanted the opposite. I liked being up. Loved the creative jolt coke gave me. At first, until it f**ked my voice up and ate all my money and made my dick soft. All that was enough to keep me away from it after a while. Anyway, we were on tour, and he started getting rooms on a different floor. And at first I was like, well, I like to get the hell away from them sometimes, too. But then I realized his dealer was with us in every damned city.”
“I respect myself. You respect me. What they think? Doesn’t matter to me.”
He drove them back to the hotel and ordered room service. Once he’d done that, he pulled her close. “I’m sorry about today.”
“About what? Spending the day with me instead of in the studio? Responding to your fans when they see you and want to interact? I don’t expect to have one hundred percent of your attention at all times.”
“No, but this was a day for you and me. We got interrupted over and over.”
“Three times in three hours. That’s not too bad.”
“And the women. I’m embarrassed.”
“Paddy.” She heaved a sigh and moved away from him, standing to look out over the river. “Do I like it that you’ve f**ked your way from one side of the globe to the other? Not really. But I’m not a virgin and I can’t control what you did when you weren’t with me. So I guess the real question I have is why you’re embarrassed.”
Sometimes she was sharply intuitive.
“It’s sort of seedy. I clearly must have been with those women.”
“Both of them at once, and I bet it wasn’t the first time you’d been with more than one woman at a time. But so what? You’re a man in the prime of his life. You’re handsome and powerful. Charismatic and famous, too. It’s not like it’s a secret to women that dudes want to bone two women at once. We aren’t dumb. Not even those heifers who came on to you earlier. So it’s not the three-way.”
“Notice you didn’t argue that it was seedy.”
She gave him a look, and he sighed.
“I’m standing here in a hotel room with you. With a woman I once had a fling with all those years ago, and I remembered you. Pretty much the instant I saw you. I don’t want you to think you’re like them.”
She laughed. “But they’re like them. Do you get my meaning? Are you maybe embarrassed that you’ve stuck your dick in so many women, it’s like fast food? You don’t remember which burger shack you ate in, and maybe that leaves you empty at the end of the day? Not every sexual encounter has to be deep, meaningful love. But after a while, if you’re only giving yourself the dollar menu, you’re treating yourself like you’re only worth a buck.”
“Ouch.”
She reached up to cup his cheek. “I think you’re worth more than the dollar menu. I don’t want you to feel bad for being irresistible. I understand that better than those women ever will. I don’t want you to feel bad because you take the time to talk to your fans. I don’t even want you to feel guilty because you slept with so many women, you can’t remember a threesome. If you look back and think it’s seedy, maybe it was.” Her expression was rueful. “But you can’t go back and change it and let’s face it, you wouldn’t. It’s okay that you took advantage of one of the very reasons young men want to be rock stars.”
“But I have you. And I know the difference between what’s real and what’s seedy. It makes me feel disrespectful to you and what we have.”
“I can’t tell you how to feel. It’s sweet and all that you’re worried. But when I express discomfort over your lifestyle, it’s not that you banged a zillion girls before I came into the picture. Respect me now that we’re together. Right? That’s what I need. I don’t need you to feel bad because some catty bitch shoved me out of the way to try to hump you in the middle of the street. You handled it. We’re here. Right now.”
“I’m a lucky man. You know that?”
She nodded. “You totally are.”
Before he could show her just how lucky she could be, room service arrived to set up lunch.
“Foiled.”
She laughed as he moved to let them in. “It’s okay. I’ll just be thinking about it more now.”
“That works, too.”
* * *
SHE DISAPPEARED FOR a bit, coming back to find a fire built and crackling merrily and lunch laid out and ready to be eaten. He was in the process of taking a bite of the chocolate cake.
“What? It’s totally okay to eat dessert first at Christmas. It’s the American way. And stuff.”
She rolled her eyes and sat, forking up a bite of her own and humming. “This is really good.”
The soup she’d ordered was perfect and warmed her up. “The first time I tried pumpkin soup, I did not believe it could be good. I turned my nose up at it, and Tuesday shamed me into trying it. She’s usually right. It was delicious.”
“Was it just me, or were there some sparks when she and Ezra met?”
“It wasn’t just you. But she’s...well, she’s not easy to reach. She’s had a rough time since Eric died. I don’t know if she’s ready for more than sparks. She dates a little, mainly to have sex, I think.” But her friend was way too comfortable with her inner darkness.
“The first time I really understood Ezra was in trouble, we were on the road. It was the second tour, right after we’d made it pretty big.”
He hadn’t shared this with her, so she settled back and listened.
“We all... Look, I’m not going to pretend I was an innocent. I had enough problems of my own. I just liked coke better than heroin. I did it with him a few times, but where he loved the way it sucked him under and smoothed him out, I wanted the opposite. I liked being up. Loved the creative jolt coke gave me. At first, until it f**ked my voice up and ate all my money and made my dick soft. All that was enough to keep me away from it after a while. Anyway, we were on tour, and he started getting rooms on a different floor. And at first I was like, well, I like to get the hell away from them sometimes, too. But then I realized his dealer was with us in every damned city.”
