The Burning Claw
Page 26
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“It’s alright, baby. It’s alright. He will not hold it against you. I know it must be hard for you to see him this way. This is a part of what makes us who we are. The Great Luna designed us to love our mate so deeply, so completely, that death is a better option than life without them. When Reyaz took you and the other females, I—”
“Wanted to destroy everything and everyone in sight,” Jen finished for him.
He nodded. “That is how I would deal with the anguish. This” —he motioned to Costin— “is how he is dealing with it. Let me talk to him. We will be along in a bit to see the others.”
Jen hurried forward and took Titus from her mate. She started backing into the house and sent Decebel a thought through their bond. “Please, tell him I’m sorry.”
Decebel nodded and then watched as she left him kneeling there, unsure of exactly what to say to Costin. Decebel’s wolf wanted to howl out a long bellow of pain for their fellow pack member. Costin was hurting; he was scared, and he felt helpless. But Costin was also a threat to the pack, and Decebel’s wolf wanted to neutralize that threat.
Decebel laid a hand on Costin’s head, offering the only comfort he knew—his presence. The Alpha wouldn’t tell him that everything was going to be okay. He wouldn’t lie to his pack mate like that. More than likely, Decebel was going to have to subdue Costin until they found his mate, or he’d have to kill him. He didn’t relish that thought, but he would do it. He wanted so badly for it not to come to that. Decebel knew that they would do everything they could to find Sally, but sometimes even your best wasn’t enough. Sometimes life just kicked your ass and death finished it.
Decebel bowed his head and felt his chest tighten as his own tears filled his eyes. Not many things could make the huge wolf cry, but seeing Costin so inconsolable and knowing that he would have to be the one to destroy him, was enough to cause physical pain to the Alpha. It brought back memories of the emotions he felt when he lost is sister so long ago—the feeling of being helpless and unable to fix it. After fifteen minutes, Decebel sat completely on the ground, keeping his hand on his friend’s head. Costin’s shoulders shook as he seemed to mourn her loss all over again.
“It’s my fault,” Costin finally said after another fifteen minutes. “I should have been with her. I belong by her side, always, and I wasn’t there. I left her unprotected.”
Decebel knew exactly how he felt. The level of responsibility he felt for Jennifer was exactly the same. Yes, his pack would help protect her, but ultimately it was his job. She was his—his to love, his to provide for, and his to protect. What did you say to a male who felt he’d let his mate down, knowing that you would feel exactly the same way if the roles were reversed?
“I shouldn’t have listened to the damn prophecy. I should have gone with my gut, which is always to be with her. But I didn’t, and now she’s gone.” Costin sat up and looked at Decebel.
The emptiness and darkness that filled his eyes was shocking to Decebel. It was as if something had crawled into Costin’s head and was now staring back at him. He shuttered at the sight and his wolf perked up even more, paying close attention to the Beta’s scent and body language. Costin didn’t need another lecture on dealing with the darkness. All he needed was a friend. He needed someone to listen to him and simply let him know that he wasn’t alone. And if that wasn’t enough to keep the darkness at bay, then Costin would need someone to deal with him.
“How am I going to find her?” Costin growled. “How the hell am I going to find her in this vast world? She could be anywhere.”
“You aren’t going to be looking alone,” Decebel reminded him. “We will be helping you in any way we can.”
“We don’t even know where to start,” Costin said, his voice saturated with defeat. “What if we never find her?”
“We will never stop looking. I would never stop looking for Jennifer and we will never, not ever, stop looking for Sally. I don’t know if this helps or not, but Sally isn’t just a pack mate. She is our healer. She is more important than any other pack member, even me. We will not rest until she is back where she belongs.”
Costin continued to growl and the sound was growing louder instead of softer. His body was shaking as he wrestled with his wolf, who was nearly completely consumed with darkness. The man was the only thing holding them together. When hair started to sprout on his arms, Decebel jumped to his feet pulling Costin up with him by the back of his shirt. He shifted his other hand up to his Beta’s throat and then slammed him down onto the ground. Decebel followed, landing on his knees, bending over Costin. His hand was still around the younger wolf’s throat, but Costin’s body seemed to have relaxed and the hair had disappeared. That was a good sign. If his wolf had been a hundred percent feral, he would have phased and fought Decebel. But instead Costin submitted, again.
“You will hold it together,” Decebel snarled into his face. “You didn’t live sixty years waiting on your true mate, only to give up now. Fight dammit! Fight the darkness, fight your wolf, fight the demons you’ve created by your grief and anger and fear. Fight so that you can live to see her again.”
“What. If. I. Can’t? Costin asked through the hand wrapped tightly around his neck.
“Then you’d better run, run far and fast.” Decebel gave his neck one more shake to drive home his dominance over Costin’s wolf and then released him. He climbed to his feet and offered a hand to the younger wolf. Costin took it and let himself be pulled up.
“Decebel,” Costin began but Decebel cut him off with a raised hand.
“You’re not gone yet so don’t talk as though you’ve already succumbed.”
“Thank you,” Costin said the two simple words filled with so many meanings.
“You’re welcome. Now, please don’t make me kill you.”
Sally woke with a start. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest and it ached. There was a deep sadness in her that she didn’t understand. It was as though something inside of her was tearing apart. At first, she thought the feeling must be for her parents, and though she was definitely still sad over their loss, but she knew that the pain she felt in that moment had nothing to do with them. This pain was something much deeper. It was as though she’d lost a part of herself.
“Wanted to destroy everything and everyone in sight,” Jen finished for him.
He nodded. “That is how I would deal with the anguish. This” —he motioned to Costin— “is how he is dealing with it. Let me talk to him. We will be along in a bit to see the others.”
Jen hurried forward and took Titus from her mate. She started backing into the house and sent Decebel a thought through their bond. “Please, tell him I’m sorry.”
Decebel nodded and then watched as she left him kneeling there, unsure of exactly what to say to Costin. Decebel’s wolf wanted to howl out a long bellow of pain for their fellow pack member. Costin was hurting; he was scared, and he felt helpless. But Costin was also a threat to the pack, and Decebel’s wolf wanted to neutralize that threat.
Decebel laid a hand on Costin’s head, offering the only comfort he knew—his presence. The Alpha wouldn’t tell him that everything was going to be okay. He wouldn’t lie to his pack mate like that. More than likely, Decebel was going to have to subdue Costin until they found his mate, or he’d have to kill him. He didn’t relish that thought, but he would do it. He wanted so badly for it not to come to that. Decebel knew that they would do everything they could to find Sally, but sometimes even your best wasn’t enough. Sometimes life just kicked your ass and death finished it.
Decebel bowed his head and felt his chest tighten as his own tears filled his eyes. Not many things could make the huge wolf cry, but seeing Costin so inconsolable and knowing that he would have to be the one to destroy him, was enough to cause physical pain to the Alpha. It brought back memories of the emotions he felt when he lost is sister so long ago—the feeling of being helpless and unable to fix it. After fifteen minutes, Decebel sat completely on the ground, keeping his hand on his friend’s head. Costin’s shoulders shook as he seemed to mourn her loss all over again.
“It’s my fault,” Costin finally said after another fifteen minutes. “I should have been with her. I belong by her side, always, and I wasn’t there. I left her unprotected.”
Decebel knew exactly how he felt. The level of responsibility he felt for Jennifer was exactly the same. Yes, his pack would help protect her, but ultimately it was his job. She was his—his to love, his to provide for, and his to protect. What did you say to a male who felt he’d let his mate down, knowing that you would feel exactly the same way if the roles were reversed?
“I shouldn’t have listened to the damn prophecy. I should have gone with my gut, which is always to be with her. But I didn’t, and now she’s gone.” Costin sat up and looked at Decebel.
The emptiness and darkness that filled his eyes was shocking to Decebel. It was as if something had crawled into Costin’s head and was now staring back at him. He shuttered at the sight and his wolf perked up even more, paying close attention to the Beta’s scent and body language. Costin didn’t need another lecture on dealing with the darkness. All he needed was a friend. He needed someone to listen to him and simply let him know that he wasn’t alone. And if that wasn’t enough to keep the darkness at bay, then Costin would need someone to deal with him.
“How am I going to find her?” Costin growled. “How the hell am I going to find her in this vast world? She could be anywhere.”
“You aren’t going to be looking alone,” Decebel reminded him. “We will be helping you in any way we can.”
“We don’t even know where to start,” Costin said, his voice saturated with defeat. “What if we never find her?”
“We will never stop looking. I would never stop looking for Jennifer and we will never, not ever, stop looking for Sally. I don’t know if this helps or not, but Sally isn’t just a pack mate. She is our healer. She is more important than any other pack member, even me. We will not rest until she is back where she belongs.”
Costin continued to growl and the sound was growing louder instead of softer. His body was shaking as he wrestled with his wolf, who was nearly completely consumed with darkness. The man was the only thing holding them together. When hair started to sprout on his arms, Decebel jumped to his feet pulling Costin up with him by the back of his shirt. He shifted his other hand up to his Beta’s throat and then slammed him down onto the ground. Decebel followed, landing on his knees, bending over Costin. His hand was still around the younger wolf’s throat, but Costin’s body seemed to have relaxed and the hair had disappeared. That was a good sign. If his wolf had been a hundred percent feral, he would have phased and fought Decebel. But instead Costin submitted, again.
“You will hold it together,” Decebel snarled into his face. “You didn’t live sixty years waiting on your true mate, only to give up now. Fight dammit! Fight the darkness, fight your wolf, fight the demons you’ve created by your grief and anger and fear. Fight so that you can live to see her again.”
“What. If. I. Can’t? Costin asked through the hand wrapped tightly around his neck.
“Then you’d better run, run far and fast.” Decebel gave his neck one more shake to drive home his dominance over Costin’s wolf and then released him. He climbed to his feet and offered a hand to the younger wolf. Costin took it and let himself be pulled up.
“Decebel,” Costin began but Decebel cut him off with a raised hand.
“You’re not gone yet so don’t talk as though you’ve already succumbed.”
“Thank you,” Costin said the two simple words filled with so many meanings.
“You’re welcome. Now, please don’t make me kill you.”
Sally woke with a start. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest and it ached. There was a deep sadness in her that she didn’t understand. It was as though something inside of her was tearing apart. At first, she thought the feeling must be for her parents, and though she was definitely still sad over their loss, but she knew that the pain she felt in that moment had nothing to do with them. This pain was something much deeper. It was as though she’d lost a part of herself.
