“I think I’m going to have to get him to give me a new one soon; I’m already fraying this one. I guess if he works in the stables, I’ll have to make him a new ring every day.” She playfully shrugged. “Not that I mind.”
My mind had jumped to another question that I worried might be rude to ask, but I knew I would never be able to have this kind of conversation with my mom or Kenna. “So, have you … you know?”
It took her a moment to understand, but then she laughed. “Oh! Yes, we have.”
We both giggled. “How is it?”
“Honestly? A little uncomfortable at first. The second time was better.”
“Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say.
“Yeah.”
There was a bit of a pause.
“I’ve been really lonely without you. I miss you.” I played with the little piece of twine on her finger.
“I miss you, too. Maybe once you’re the princess, I can sneak up here all the time.”
I snorted. “I’m not so sure that’ll happen.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, her face turning serious. “You’re still his favorite, right?”
I shrugged.
“What happened?” The question was laced with concern, and I didn’t want to admit that it had started with losing her. It wasn’t her fault.
“Just things.”
“America, what’s going on?”
I sighed. “After you got caned, I was upset with Maxon. It took me a while to realize that he wouldn’t have done something like that if he could have stopped it.”
Marlee nodded. “He tried so hard, America. And when he couldn’t, he did everything he could to make the situation better. So don’t be mad at him.”
“I’m not anymore, but I’m also not sure I want to be the princess. I don’t know if I could do what he did. And then there was this poll in a magazine Celeste showed me. The people don’t like me, Marlee. I’m at the bottom.
“I’m not sure I have what it takes. I was never a good choice, and it seems like I’m plummeting. And now … now … I think Maxon wants Kriss.”
“Kriss? When did that happen?”
“I have no idea, and I don’t know what to do. Part of me thinks it’s a good thing. She’d make a better princess; and if he really likes her, I want him to be happy. And he’s supposed to do another elimination really soon. When he called me out today, I thought I might be going home.”
Marlee laughed. “You’re so ridiculous. If Maxon didn’t have feelings for you, he’d have sent you home a long time ago. The reason you’re still here is because he refuses to lose hope.”
Something between a choke and a laugh came out of my mouth.
“I wish we could talk more, but I should go,” she said. “We’re taking advantage of guards changing to do this.”
“I don’t care that it’s short. I’m just glad to know you’re okay.”
She pulled me in for a hug. “Don’t give up yet, all right?”
“I won’t. Maybe you could send me a letter or something sometime?”
“That might work. We’ll see.” She let me go, and we stood together. “If they polled me, I would have voted for you. I’ve always thought it should be you.”
I blushed. “Go on, now. Say hello to your husband for me.”
She smiled. “I will.” Nimbly, she went over to the armoire and found the latch. For some reason, I thought the caning would break her, but she was stronger now. She even carried herself differently. Marlee turned to blow me a kiss and disappeared.
I quickly exited the room and found that Maxon was waiting in the hallway. At the sound of the door, he looked up from his book, smiling, and I went over to sit by him.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“I had to make sure they were safe first. My father doesn’t know I did this; and until I knew it wouldn’t endanger them, I had to keep it to myself. I’m hoping to arrange for you to see her more, but that will take time.”
I felt my shoulders lighten, as if the bricks of worry I’d been carrying around were falling off all at once. The happiness at seeing Marlee, the assurance that Maxon was as kind as I thought he was, and the general relief that this meeting wasn’t about him sending me home were overwhelming.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“Of course.”
I wasn’t sure what else to say. After a moment Maxon cleared his throat.
“I know that you are averse to doing the difficult parts of this job, but there are a lot of opportunities here. I think you could do great things. I can tell you see the prince in me now, but that had to come eventually if you were ever going to truly be mine.”
My eyes held his. “I know.”
“I can’t read you anymore. I used to be able to see it in the beginning when you didn’t really care for me; and when things changed between us, you looked at me differently. Now there are moments when I think it’s there and others when it seems like you’re already gone.”
I nodded.
“I’m not asking you to say you love me. I’m not asking for you to suddenly decide you want to be a princess. I just need to know if you want to be here at all.”
That was the question, wasn’t it? I still didn’t know if I could do the job, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to give up on it. And seeing this kindness in Maxon shifted my heart. There was still so much to consider, but I couldn’t give up. Not now.
Maxon’s hand was resting on his leg, and I slid mine under his. He gave me a welcoming squeeze. “If you’ll still have me, I want to stay.”
Maxon let out a relieved sigh. “I’d like that very much.”
I returned to the Women’s Room after a quick stop in the bathroom. No one said anything until I sat down, and it was Kriss who was bold enough to ask.
“What was that all about?”
I looked not just to her, but to all the watching eyes. “I’d rather not say.”
With my puffy face, a response like that was enough to make it seem like nothing good could have come from the meeting; but if that was what I had to say to protect Marlee, then I was fine with it.
What really stung was Celeste pressing her lips together to hide her smile, Natalie’s raised eyebrows as she pretended to read her borrowed magazine, and the hopeful glance between Kriss and Elise.
My mind had jumped to another question that I worried might be rude to ask, but I knew I would never be able to have this kind of conversation with my mom or Kenna. “So, have you … you know?”
It took her a moment to understand, but then she laughed. “Oh! Yes, we have.”
We both giggled. “How is it?”
“Honestly? A little uncomfortable at first. The second time was better.”
“Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say.
“Yeah.”
There was a bit of a pause.
“I’ve been really lonely without you. I miss you.” I played with the little piece of twine on her finger.
“I miss you, too. Maybe once you’re the princess, I can sneak up here all the time.”
I snorted. “I’m not so sure that’ll happen.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, her face turning serious. “You’re still his favorite, right?”
I shrugged.
“What happened?” The question was laced with concern, and I didn’t want to admit that it had started with losing her. It wasn’t her fault.
“Just things.”
“America, what’s going on?”
I sighed. “After you got caned, I was upset with Maxon. It took me a while to realize that he wouldn’t have done something like that if he could have stopped it.”
Marlee nodded. “He tried so hard, America. And when he couldn’t, he did everything he could to make the situation better. So don’t be mad at him.”
“I’m not anymore, but I’m also not sure I want to be the princess. I don’t know if I could do what he did. And then there was this poll in a magazine Celeste showed me. The people don’t like me, Marlee. I’m at the bottom.
“I’m not sure I have what it takes. I was never a good choice, and it seems like I’m plummeting. And now … now … I think Maxon wants Kriss.”
“Kriss? When did that happen?”
“I have no idea, and I don’t know what to do. Part of me thinks it’s a good thing. She’d make a better princess; and if he really likes her, I want him to be happy. And he’s supposed to do another elimination really soon. When he called me out today, I thought I might be going home.”
Marlee laughed. “You’re so ridiculous. If Maxon didn’t have feelings for you, he’d have sent you home a long time ago. The reason you’re still here is because he refuses to lose hope.”
Something between a choke and a laugh came out of my mouth.
“I wish we could talk more, but I should go,” she said. “We’re taking advantage of guards changing to do this.”
“I don’t care that it’s short. I’m just glad to know you’re okay.”
She pulled me in for a hug. “Don’t give up yet, all right?”
“I won’t. Maybe you could send me a letter or something sometime?”
“That might work. We’ll see.” She let me go, and we stood together. “If they polled me, I would have voted for you. I’ve always thought it should be you.”
I blushed. “Go on, now. Say hello to your husband for me.”
She smiled. “I will.” Nimbly, she went over to the armoire and found the latch. For some reason, I thought the caning would break her, but she was stronger now. She even carried herself differently. Marlee turned to blow me a kiss and disappeared.
I quickly exited the room and found that Maxon was waiting in the hallway. At the sound of the door, he looked up from his book, smiling, and I went over to sit by him.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“I had to make sure they were safe first. My father doesn’t know I did this; and until I knew it wouldn’t endanger them, I had to keep it to myself. I’m hoping to arrange for you to see her more, but that will take time.”
I felt my shoulders lighten, as if the bricks of worry I’d been carrying around were falling off all at once. The happiness at seeing Marlee, the assurance that Maxon was as kind as I thought he was, and the general relief that this meeting wasn’t about him sending me home were overwhelming.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“Of course.”
I wasn’t sure what else to say. After a moment Maxon cleared his throat.
“I know that you are averse to doing the difficult parts of this job, but there are a lot of opportunities here. I think you could do great things. I can tell you see the prince in me now, but that had to come eventually if you were ever going to truly be mine.”
My eyes held his. “I know.”
“I can’t read you anymore. I used to be able to see it in the beginning when you didn’t really care for me; and when things changed between us, you looked at me differently. Now there are moments when I think it’s there and others when it seems like you’re already gone.”
I nodded.
“I’m not asking you to say you love me. I’m not asking for you to suddenly decide you want to be a princess. I just need to know if you want to be here at all.”
That was the question, wasn’t it? I still didn’t know if I could do the job, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to give up on it. And seeing this kindness in Maxon shifted my heart. There was still so much to consider, but I couldn’t give up. Not now.
Maxon’s hand was resting on his leg, and I slid mine under his. He gave me a welcoming squeeze. “If you’ll still have me, I want to stay.”
Maxon let out a relieved sigh. “I’d like that very much.”
I returned to the Women’s Room after a quick stop in the bathroom. No one said anything until I sat down, and it was Kriss who was bold enough to ask.
“What was that all about?”
I looked not just to her, but to all the watching eyes. “I’d rather not say.”
With my puffy face, a response like that was enough to make it seem like nothing good could have come from the meeting; but if that was what I had to say to protect Marlee, then I was fine with it.
What really stung was Celeste pressing her lips together to hide her smile, Natalie’s raised eyebrows as she pretended to read her borrowed magazine, and the hopeful glance between Kriss and Elise.
