The Fill-In Boyfriend
Page 53
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“You couldn’t have predicted that. It doesn’t mean you’d do the same thing just because you chose him as your friend.”
“I know. I just feel like I should be over it already.”
I squeezed his hand. “He hurt you. That’s not easy to get over.”
He sighed.
“What Bec said, about you being different from your friends . . .”
“I’m not lonely,” he answered almost too quickly.
“But you don’t really relate to them like you want to?”
“I like sports and sometimes they come to plays. It works out.”
“But you feel left out?”
I waited for him to tell me that Bec was wrong again but instead he said, “So did the baseball-throwing experiment help? How are you feeling?”
“I had a fun day, and considering everything that happened the last few days, I think that’s a good thing. Thank you for making me laugh.”
He studied my face and I smiled to reassure him. He said, “I don’t want to be thanked for that. You don’t seem to have a problem laughing. You’re good at putting on that face. It’s what’s behind the smile that I wonder about. You don’t have to be perfect all the time.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m not, believe me.”
He brushed at something on my face, probably some dirt from the seat. “I like it when you’re not perfect.”
I felt my cheeks get hot again and this time I couldn’t hide it.
“What about you, Gia? Do you ever feel lonely in your group of friends?”
I found myself automatically wanting to say no. But he was right. I did always put on a happy face. This whole day was supposed to be about letting go. Letting my feelings out. It wasn’t something that came easily to me but Hayden made me want to try. “I never used to.”
“But now?”
“I don’t know. I love my friends, but yes, I’m discovering that they don’t know me very well. It’s not their fault, though. I’ve never let them. I’ve never really known myself.”
“Isn’t that part of being a teenager? Discovering who we are? Who we want to be?”
“I hope so because otherwise I’m really far behind.”
“I think you know yourself better than you think.”
From across the yard Bec yelled out, “Where are you guys?”
Hayden backed up and I realized how close we had gotten. “Guess we’d better get going.”
It took me several deep breaths to even out my breathing. Hayden climbed out the window and then turned back toward me.
“Can’t I use the door?” I asked, scooting over to the open window.
“It’s rusted shut.” He reached out his hands. “I won’t let you fall this time. Promise.” His eyes twinkled as if remembering my not-so-graceful entry.
I moved to my knees, trying to avoid the exposed springs, and put my head and shoulders out the window. I used the doorframe to push myself up and twisted so I was now sitting on the frame, my upper body facing the car, my legs still inside. That’s when Hayden scooped me up, putting one arm beneath my legs and the other around my back, and lifted me out of the car. I let out a surprised yelp and threw my arms around his neck for support.
Even when I had cleared the window he held on to me for several breaths. Finally I looked up, wondering why he wasn’t putting me down.
He met my eyes. “I had fun today too.”
“Good,” I said, more breathy than I intended.
Bec appeared behind him. “Did you use the ‘climb over me into the car’ move on her? I swear, you’re pulling out all the stops today.”
My previously fast-beating heart seemed to drop, and as if to emphasize the feeling, he put me down.
“It wasn’t a move, Bec,” he said, steadying me while I took a few wobbly steps.
She shrugged. “I’m pretty sure you don’t have to put on the moves to ask her to the play on Friday.”
Hayden narrowed his eyes at her.
She offered him an innocent smile. “I’m going to get the baseballs. Meet you at the car.”
And then Hayden and I were alone again. He ran a hand through his hair. “She’s really subtle, yes?”
“You don’t have to,” I said at the same exact time he said, “Would you want to?”
“I know,” he said at the same time as I said, “Sure.”
We both laughed. “Okay, let’s try talking one at a time,” he said. “You first.”
“I was saying, don’t feel like you have to ask me just because your sister told you to.”
“I don’t. In fact, I was going to tell you that you had to go to the play because I can’t be friends with someone who’s never seen a live play before.”
“Well, in that case . . .”
He looked to where Bec was throwing balls into the bucket. “I don’t know how you won her over, but you have.”
“Just ten minutes of screaming out our problems seemed to work.”
He smiled. “She wouldn’t have let you in her bedroom in the first place if she didn’t like you.”
“I don’t think I earned it in any way.” I wondered if she really liked me or if I was just the lesser of two evils in her mind. “But I like her.”
“So, Friday? Six.”
“Sounds good.”
CHAPTER 30
“I know. I just feel like I should be over it already.”
I squeezed his hand. “He hurt you. That’s not easy to get over.”
He sighed.
“What Bec said, about you being different from your friends . . .”
“I’m not lonely,” he answered almost too quickly.
“But you don’t really relate to them like you want to?”
“I like sports and sometimes they come to plays. It works out.”
“But you feel left out?”
I waited for him to tell me that Bec was wrong again but instead he said, “So did the baseball-throwing experiment help? How are you feeling?”
“I had a fun day, and considering everything that happened the last few days, I think that’s a good thing. Thank you for making me laugh.”
He studied my face and I smiled to reassure him. He said, “I don’t want to be thanked for that. You don’t seem to have a problem laughing. You’re good at putting on that face. It’s what’s behind the smile that I wonder about. You don’t have to be perfect all the time.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m not, believe me.”
He brushed at something on my face, probably some dirt from the seat. “I like it when you’re not perfect.”
I felt my cheeks get hot again and this time I couldn’t hide it.
“What about you, Gia? Do you ever feel lonely in your group of friends?”
I found myself automatically wanting to say no. But he was right. I did always put on a happy face. This whole day was supposed to be about letting go. Letting my feelings out. It wasn’t something that came easily to me but Hayden made me want to try. “I never used to.”
“But now?”
“I don’t know. I love my friends, but yes, I’m discovering that they don’t know me very well. It’s not their fault, though. I’ve never let them. I’ve never really known myself.”
“Isn’t that part of being a teenager? Discovering who we are? Who we want to be?”
“I hope so because otherwise I’m really far behind.”
“I think you know yourself better than you think.”
From across the yard Bec yelled out, “Where are you guys?”
Hayden backed up and I realized how close we had gotten. “Guess we’d better get going.”
It took me several deep breaths to even out my breathing. Hayden climbed out the window and then turned back toward me.
“Can’t I use the door?” I asked, scooting over to the open window.
“It’s rusted shut.” He reached out his hands. “I won’t let you fall this time. Promise.” His eyes twinkled as if remembering my not-so-graceful entry.
I moved to my knees, trying to avoid the exposed springs, and put my head and shoulders out the window. I used the doorframe to push myself up and twisted so I was now sitting on the frame, my upper body facing the car, my legs still inside. That’s when Hayden scooped me up, putting one arm beneath my legs and the other around my back, and lifted me out of the car. I let out a surprised yelp and threw my arms around his neck for support.
Even when I had cleared the window he held on to me for several breaths. Finally I looked up, wondering why he wasn’t putting me down.
He met my eyes. “I had fun today too.”
“Good,” I said, more breathy than I intended.
Bec appeared behind him. “Did you use the ‘climb over me into the car’ move on her? I swear, you’re pulling out all the stops today.”
My previously fast-beating heart seemed to drop, and as if to emphasize the feeling, he put me down.
“It wasn’t a move, Bec,” he said, steadying me while I took a few wobbly steps.
She shrugged. “I’m pretty sure you don’t have to put on the moves to ask her to the play on Friday.”
Hayden narrowed his eyes at her.
She offered him an innocent smile. “I’m going to get the baseballs. Meet you at the car.”
And then Hayden and I were alone again. He ran a hand through his hair. “She’s really subtle, yes?”
“You don’t have to,” I said at the same exact time he said, “Would you want to?”
“I know,” he said at the same time as I said, “Sure.”
We both laughed. “Okay, let’s try talking one at a time,” he said. “You first.”
“I was saying, don’t feel like you have to ask me just because your sister told you to.”
“I don’t. In fact, I was going to tell you that you had to go to the play because I can’t be friends with someone who’s never seen a live play before.”
“Well, in that case . . .”
He looked to where Bec was throwing balls into the bucket. “I don’t know how you won her over, but you have.”
“Just ten minutes of screaming out our problems seemed to work.”
He smiled. “She wouldn’t have let you in her bedroom in the first place if she didn’t like you.”
“I don’t think I earned it in any way.” I wondered if she really liked me or if I was just the lesser of two evils in her mind. “But I like her.”
“So, Friday? Six.”
“Sounds good.”
CHAPTER 30
