The Fortunate Ones
Page 42

“Obviously we’d like you to come with us if you accept the position. It might be nice to have another adult to make the trip overseas more bearable,” Nicolás admits.
“Right. Of course.” I smile and nod, trying to ignore how wrong this all feels. It’s one thing to talk about leaving, but now that I have a real job lined up, I’m not sure I should take it.
The next day they arrange a meeting to introduce me to Olive and Luciana, and I try hard not to like them. If they were two snotty teenagers, I’d turn down the job in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, they’re both adorable and well mannered. Olive is older, nearly twelve, and Luciana is nine. Because Diego and Nicolás don’t keep televisions in the house, they both tell me their favorite hobby is reading—READING—not to mention, Olive pulls out a tube of strawberry Lip Smacker and NOT a Kylie Lip Kit like every other tween in the continental United States. Their innocence is infectious, and I know I’d enjoy teaching them.
The girls apparently give me the thumbs up because the next day, Diego calls to formally offer me the position. I let his call go to voicemail so I don’t have to give an answer on the spot, though I know they need to hear from me in a day or two so they’ll have enough time to scramble and find someone else. I don’t want to put them in that position, but I also want to postpone the decision in front of me: move to Spain and leave James for good, or stay at the cost of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
This position with Diego and Nicolás is what I’ve been holding out for these last few months, and the fact that I’m wavering about it only makes me hate myself more.
The problem I have with life-changing decisions is my imagination. I’m way too adept at projecting out all the different timelines, imagining the many lives I stand to unlock and the ones I’m leaving behind forever. When you’re young, life stretches out in front of you like a train track. Grade school, high school, college—every new stage is designed to feel like some pre-ordained leveling up, but then suddenly you’re thrust into the Grand Central Station of your mid-twenties with just enough pocket change to buy a one-way ticket. There are no maps with warnings of heartbreak ahead, no guideposts to direct you on the path to happiness, just a churning sea of doubt, and with enough time, regret.
Not two weeks ago, I was in Vegas with James, sick to my stomach over how fast things were progressing with us. I wanted an out and I got it, and now that I have the potential to leave Twin Oaks and start my dream job in Europe, I should be ecstatic.
But I’m not.
My indecisiveness is so frustrating that I sit in my room staring down at a coin, debating whether or not I should just flip it and let fate decide my next step. Heads, I stay. Tails, I leave. At least that way I will have something else to blame for any ill that comes of it. Then I think about James, and how I would feel if I knew he was letting a coin decide whether or not he wanted to be with me. I toss the coin aside quickly, embarrassed that I even came close to using it.
Even though I’m still debating what I’m going to do, I decide to submit my two weeks notice at Twin Oaks. Whether or not I’m leaving for Spain, I can’t stomach working there another day. Brian doesn’t even feign surprise.
“I heard what happened the other day in the dining room,” he says, reclining in his chair.
He’s referring to when I spilled green sludge all over myself in front of James and Lacy.
I glance down. “Yeah, sorry I left before my shift. I wasn’t really in the right state of mind.”
“Our chef demanded that I fire you.”
I glance back up and smile when I see the amusement on his face. “Guess I’m saving you the trouble.”
He nods with a small, sad smile. “It’ll make my life easier.”
Later that night, I join Ellie, Martha, and my dad for dinner and decide to broach the subject of my potential move. Ellie already knows about it (she’s furious), but I fill my dad in over the first course.
“Spain, huh?”
I nod.
“I guess there’s no talking you out of it?”
I focus on my plate so he can’t see just how close I am to being talked out of it. A soft breeze could keep me from Spain at this point.
“She’s already put in her two weeks at the club,” Ellie announces right before she jabs her heel into my foot under the table.
“Ow!”
“That’s what you get for leaving me.”
Like I said, she isn’t coping with the news well.
I meet her gaze across the table. “I was never going to stay at Twin Oaks, you know that.”
“Aren’t there tutoring positions in Austin?” Martha asks.
“She’s just like her mother,” my dad says.
My fork clatters down onto my plate and I whip my gaze up to meet his. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
His blue eyes widen with understanding. “No! Sweetie, I meant your wanderlust!”
“He didn’t mean it like that, Brooke,” Ellie insists, coming to his defense.
“Getting a job that doesn’t make me want to kill myself isn’t the same as abandoning my family,” I point out harshly.
My dad reaches out to grip my hand on the table and squeezes gently. “I know that, Brooke. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”
The silence around the table is fraught, and my dad tries hard to salvage the rest of dinner by asking us how our days went. Ellie offers a quick reply and I stay silent, so it’s up to Martha. Fortunately, she can talk enough for all of us.
“Oh, it was fine. I had lunch with Lacy and Jillian to go over final plans for the fall fundraiser. It’s going to be sensational. We’ve got everything booked at the Driskill. Bob Schneider has agreed to perform, and you won’t believe this, but apparently Lacy was able to get quite a large sponsorship from BioWear.” She turns to address me. “You know James don’t you, honey?”
The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. Ellie tries to meet my eye, but I keep my gaze on my lap.
“Apparently they’re dating! Can you believe it? You know how much I love Lacy. She’s done so much for the League, and I’d be so happy to see her land someone like James. He’s quite a catch.”
“H—” I try to speak, but my throat is so tight I can barely get the words out. I clear it and try again. “How do you know they’re dating?”
She beams. “She told me so herself. She thinks they’re on the fast track to marriage.”
“How is that possible?” Ellie asks on my behalf. “They just started dating.”
Martha casts a loving glance toward my father. “Sometimes when you know, you know.”
Shockingly, I’m not able to force down the rest of dinner. I ask to be excused before dessert and storm straight up to my old bedroom. Once the door’s locked, I dial James’ number. He doesn’t answer, but I call again. Still…nothing. I wait for his voicemail to click on and ignore how chipper his voice sounds as he politely asks me to leave a message. I have a scathing monologue prepared in my head all about his so-called feelings for me, but the moment the beep sounds, I pull the phone away and quickly stab my finger at the end button before the message starts recording.
Later, back in my room at the co-op, Ellie points out the obvious. “Why is this bothering you so much? You don’t want to be with him, remember?”
“Don’t really wanna talk about it, Ellie.”
“You should be happy he’s with Lacy.”
I yank a dress out of my closet and toss it on the ground. I’m creating three piles: clothes for Spain, clothes for Ellie, and clothes for Goodwill.
“She’s horrible.”
“Ohhhh, so you’re upset because you don’t think she’s good enough for him?”
“Exactly.”
She grunts in disbelief. “You’re delusional.”
I ignore her and go back to sorting clothes. When I come across the slinky flapper dress from the speakeasy party, I toss it into the Goodwill pile without a second thought.
“Whoa!” Ellie leaps up off the bed to rescue it. “Why are you donating this?”