The Glittering Court
Page 71

There, I sat down miserably and buried my face in my hands, trying to keep my sobs as quiet as possible. I couldn’t stand the thought of my weakness getting back to Warren. I had this horrible image of him looking down at me with a too-kind expression, saying sympathetically: “You could have been my wife. You could have traveled in the padded carriage and slept in my tent.” I’d seen one of his men haul a mattress into it earlier.
A hand touched my shoulder, and I jumped to my feet. Cedric stood there, shadows playing over his startled face. He’d been busy with his own chores, and I hadn’t seen him all evening. “It is you. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
I furiously wiped at my face. “What are you doing here?”
“I went over to the Marshall wagon hoping to steal you for a quick word. When you weren’t there, I started searching around.” He reached for my face, but I pulled back. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Adelaide, I’m serious. What’s wrong?”
I threw up my hands. “Pick something, Cedric! Using my skirt as a napkin at dinner tonight. No bathrooms. I keep swallowing gnats. And the smell! I get that bathing will be limited on this trip, but didn’t any of them do it before we left? It’s only been one day.”
“You knew this wouldn’t be easy,” he said quietly. “Do you regret it? Do you regret . . .”
“Us?” I finished. “No. Not for an instant. And that leads to the worst part of all: hating myself for feeling this way. I hate listening to myself whine. I hate that I’m too weak to put our love above these conditions.”
“No one said you had to love it out here.”
“You do. I saw your face once we were truly clear of the Cape Triumph settlements. This is some kind of spiritual experience for you.”
He held up his hands. From the glow of scattered fires, I could see dirt and cuts. His face was dirty too. “This isn’t that spiritual. Neither is the guy who keeps saying my face is too pretty and he wants to break my nose. And you wouldn’t believe how sore I am after being on that horse all day.”
“Oh, I can believe it. But you aren’t letting it get to you. You’re not that weak.”
He drew me to him, and this time, I didn’t resist. “You aren’t weak. But for the first time in your life you aren’t good at everything. The world rotated around you in Osfro and told you that you could do no wrong. At Blue Spring, despite some mishaps, you were still the best in all your studies. And in Cape Triumph, you were the star of the Glittering Court. Out here, you’re . . .”
“Miserable? Useless?”
“Adjusting. This is the first day, and it’s a shock. You’ll get used to it as the trip goes on, and once you’re in Hadisen with a roof over you, you’ll think you’ve gone back to an Osfridian palace.”
I let those words sink in. “Speaking of roofs, what happens if it rains out here?”
“One worry at a time.”
He smiled in that bewitching way he had, that way that said he could take care of everything. But could he this time? “I’m tired, Cedric. So, so tired. It was a long day, but I can’t sleep. The ground’s horrible. And I’m cold. How can it be this cold? It’s spring.”
He took my hand and pulled me down. “I can’t do anything about the ground, but I can help with the cold.”
He had a thin blanket of his own, and he spread both of ours on the ground. Lying down, he urged me to do the same, and we snuggled together, each of us trying to wrap the other in our respective coats. The ground was still bumpy, but with his body against mine and the sound of his heartbeat by my ear, I didn’t mind as much.
“We can’t stay like this,” I said. “We’ll get in trouble if we’re caught.”
“We’ll go back before dawn.”
“How will we know?”
“I’ll know.”
I felt warmth settle around me and the first glimmers of drowsiness seeping in. “I will do anything for us,” I said through a yawn. “I hope you know that.”
“I’ve never doubted it.” He kissed the top of my head.
“You can give me a better kiss than that if you want.”
“I do want to, but you need to sleep. Maybe tomorrow night, when you’re better rested.”
I fought another yawn. “Some things don’t change. You’re so full of yourself, Cedric Thorn. Certain I’ll just sleep next to you again tomorrow. We’re not married yet. I haven’t taken any vows to lie with you under the moon.”
He kissed the top of my head again. I melted into the security of his body and felt true happiness burn through me. After several minutes, I asked, “Cedric?”
His breathing had grown steady, and I wondered if he was asleep. Then: “Yes?”
“You smell good. You’re the only thing that smells good out here. Is that from putting on the vetiver this morning, or did you bring it with you?”
“I brought it with me.”
I moved closer to him. “Thank Uros.”
As promised, Cedric woke up just before sunrise so that we could each go back to our respective places before we were missed. My body still ached, but waking up next to Cedric made me not notice the pain as much.
“Is that some Alanzan thing?” I whispered before we parted. “Are you synced with the sun?”
“It’s something I’ve done since childhood. I’ve always been a restless sleeper.” He squinted over at the eastern sky and raised a hand in salute. “But maybe it’s some gift I didn’t even know I had, right from Alanziel herself.” Seeing the golden dawn play over Cedric’s features and cast a fiery hue to his hair, I could very well believe he was favored by the patron angel of passionate love.
As I returned to the Marshall wagon, I felt better than I had the previous night. Both venting and getting rest had given me new perspective. Cedric had been right. There was no question these were harsh conditions. Anyone would have difficulty. But it was truly the most out of my depth I’d ever felt in my life—which was saying something, after assuming someone else’s identity. I had to be patient with myself as I figured this out.
And I did, in the days to come. I still didn’t like the food or sleeping on the ground. But at least it didn’t rain. Cedric and I continued spending our nights together at the camp’s edge, and as the caravan fell into a routine, he spent more time with me in the day. Having such a large party, we moved pretty slowly. He and I could walk together, leading the horse, and easily keep pace with the others. The rough terrain and increasing elevation made it tiring, but I gradually toughened up.
“Grant Elliott was right about the sun,” I told Cedric one day. It was a few days into our trip. We were on a lunch break, sitting off by ourselves in the shade.
“What did he say?”
“That it was brutal.” I held up my hands for examination. “Look how tan these are already. I can’t even imagine how my face must look.”
“Beautiful, as always,” said Cedric. He tore apart a piece of jerky and handed half to me.
“You didn’t even look.”
“I don’t have to.” But he did glance up and study my face. “I think you’re getting a few freckles. They’re cute.”