Now she’s full and sleepy and lying half in Sabrina’s arms, half in mine. Never in my life have I felt more at peace than in this very moment.
“I love you,” I whisper.
Sabrina stiffens slightly. She doesn’t respond.
I suddenly realize that she probably thinks I’m talking to the baby. So I add, “Both of you.”
“Tucker…” There’s a note of warning in her voice.
I instantly regret opening my mouth. And since I don’t particularly want to hear her say she doesn’t love me back or make excuses about why she can’t say it, I paste on a cheerful smile and change the subject.
“We really need to pick a name.”
Sabrina bites her lip. “I know.”
I tenderly run my thumb over our daughter’s perfect little mouth. She makes a sniffling noise and stirs in our arms. “Should we tackle the first name or the last name?”
I’m hoping she picks the former. We haven’t even discussed first names because we’ve been too busy arguing about the James-Tucker dilemma.
Sabrina surprises me by saying, “You know…I guess James-Tucker isn’t a terrible idea.”
My breath hitches. “James Tucker.”
“That’s what I said.”
“No, I mean, that should be her name—James Tucker.”
“Are you nuts? You want to name her James?”
“Yeah,” I say slowly. “Why not? We can call her Jamie. But the birth certificate will say James Tucker. That way she’s equal parts both of us, without the hyphen we both seem to hate.”
She laughs and leans in to kiss our baby’s perfect cheek. “Jamie… I like it.”
And that’s that.
33
Sabrina
Little James is in the back of the truck. The nurse waves to us from inside the foyer. I have a bag full of free shit sitting at my feet. Tucker’s hands are on the steering wheel. But we’re not moving.
“Why aren’t we moving?”
Tucker swings his bloodshot eyes toward the backseat. “We have a baby in this truck, Sabrina.”
“I know.”
He swallows hard. “This is fucked up. We shouldn’t be allowed to leave the hospital with a kid. I’ve never even had a pet before.”
I shouldn’t laugh at Tucker’s misery. In fact, it sort of hurts to do anything but sit in a still, slightly reclined position. But his frustrated, somewhat terrorized expression is so unlike him that I can’t stop a giggle from escaping. I cover my mouth to muffle the sound, having learned quickly in the forty-eight hours since the delivery that sleep is a precious and all-too-scarce commodity for new parents.
“I love that you’re the one freaking out. Start the car, Tuck. The family behind us wants to leave.”
He twists to peer through the back windshield. “They already have two kids. Let’s follow them home.”
“Let’s not.”
Gingerly, I reach over to Jamie’s car seat and tug the blanket down, because even though baby Jamie is sleeping and I should definitely not disturb her, I can’t help but want to stare into her beautiful, wrinkly face again. Her tiny baby mouth is slightly parted and her little baby fists are clenched tight by her side.
“Let’s go home,” I say firmly. “I want to hold her.”
My arms feel empty. Yes, Tuck and I are only twenty-two years old. Neither of us have steady jobs. I’m living at home with my angry nana and my asshole stepfather. Tucker’s living with a guy whose dream is to be an extra on the set of Entourage. And now we have a child together.
But looking at Jamie’s sweet face, all I can think of is how much I love her—and Tucker.
I ease back into my seat and watch as Tucker gets the truck into gear and pulls out slowly. I could walk faster than he’s moving the pickup along, but at least we’re leaving. Still, it takes us nearly forty-five minutes to make the drive home because Tucker maintains a steady speed of five miles under the speed limit.
“I’m surprised that even the Boston cop flipping you off and honking didn’t make you drive faster.”
“That asshole should be written up,” he retorts. “Stay there and I’ll come and help you out.”
I’ve learned in these last ten months that Tucker really gets off on helping me out of the truck, and I’m not gonna lie, I’m getting used to it.
He’s got these old-school courtly manners. Like, doors are always held open. I have to walk on the inside of the sidewalk in case there’s a drive-by shooting. He even holds my coat.
Mama Tucker raised him right. I could learn a lot from her. And since we’re bound together by this child, by her son, I’ve decided that we’re going to get along. No matter how many arrows she slings my way, I’m going to take them and prove to her that I’m good enough to be the mother of her grandchild.
“I wonder if I should get one of those baby-on-board signs. That way the assholes behind me can learn a little patience instead of laying on the horn like we’re all in some motherfucking emergency,” Tucker grumbles as he helps me out.
“What’s going to happen when one of those fuckers comes to your door wanting to take Jamie out on a date?”
Tucker stops abruptly, causing me to collide with his stiff back. “She’s going to an all-girls school.”
“Okay, so what happens if one of those fuckers is a female wanting to take Jamie out on a date?”
“None of this would be a problem,” he accuses, “if we stayed in the hospital like I suggested.”
I giggle and brush him aside so I can get to my girl. “She’s still sleeping.”
His solid frame presses into my back as he leans over to peek inside. “She’s so gorgeous. I can’t believe we made her,” he says quietly against my ear. “I’m buying a chastity belt.”
“I don’t think she needs one yet.”
“I’m thinking ahead.” He gently moves me aside to pluck the carrier out of the base.
I arch a brow. “I heard you once had a threesome.”
He nearly trips on a non-existent crack in the sidewalk. A light cough precedes his query, “A threesome? Who’d you hear that from?”
Ha! He doesn’t deny it. Amused, I brush by him to get the front door. “Carin heard it. Said it was always the quiet ones.”
“I love you,” I whisper.
Sabrina stiffens slightly. She doesn’t respond.
I suddenly realize that she probably thinks I’m talking to the baby. So I add, “Both of you.”
“Tucker…” There’s a note of warning in her voice.
I instantly regret opening my mouth. And since I don’t particularly want to hear her say she doesn’t love me back or make excuses about why she can’t say it, I paste on a cheerful smile and change the subject.
“We really need to pick a name.”
Sabrina bites her lip. “I know.”
I tenderly run my thumb over our daughter’s perfect little mouth. She makes a sniffling noise and stirs in our arms. “Should we tackle the first name or the last name?”
I’m hoping she picks the former. We haven’t even discussed first names because we’ve been too busy arguing about the James-Tucker dilemma.
Sabrina surprises me by saying, “You know…I guess James-Tucker isn’t a terrible idea.”
My breath hitches. “James Tucker.”
“That’s what I said.”
“No, I mean, that should be her name—James Tucker.”
“Are you nuts? You want to name her James?”
“Yeah,” I say slowly. “Why not? We can call her Jamie. But the birth certificate will say James Tucker. That way she’s equal parts both of us, without the hyphen we both seem to hate.”
She laughs and leans in to kiss our baby’s perfect cheek. “Jamie… I like it.”
And that’s that.
33
Sabrina
Little James is in the back of the truck. The nurse waves to us from inside the foyer. I have a bag full of free shit sitting at my feet. Tucker’s hands are on the steering wheel. But we’re not moving.
“Why aren’t we moving?”
Tucker swings his bloodshot eyes toward the backseat. “We have a baby in this truck, Sabrina.”
“I know.”
He swallows hard. “This is fucked up. We shouldn’t be allowed to leave the hospital with a kid. I’ve never even had a pet before.”
I shouldn’t laugh at Tucker’s misery. In fact, it sort of hurts to do anything but sit in a still, slightly reclined position. But his frustrated, somewhat terrorized expression is so unlike him that I can’t stop a giggle from escaping. I cover my mouth to muffle the sound, having learned quickly in the forty-eight hours since the delivery that sleep is a precious and all-too-scarce commodity for new parents.
“I love that you’re the one freaking out. Start the car, Tuck. The family behind us wants to leave.”
He twists to peer through the back windshield. “They already have two kids. Let’s follow them home.”
“Let’s not.”
Gingerly, I reach over to Jamie’s car seat and tug the blanket down, because even though baby Jamie is sleeping and I should definitely not disturb her, I can’t help but want to stare into her beautiful, wrinkly face again. Her tiny baby mouth is slightly parted and her little baby fists are clenched tight by her side.
“Let’s go home,” I say firmly. “I want to hold her.”
My arms feel empty. Yes, Tuck and I are only twenty-two years old. Neither of us have steady jobs. I’m living at home with my angry nana and my asshole stepfather. Tucker’s living with a guy whose dream is to be an extra on the set of Entourage. And now we have a child together.
But looking at Jamie’s sweet face, all I can think of is how much I love her—and Tucker.
I ease back into my seat and watch as Tucker gets the truck into gear and pulls out slowly. I could walk faster than he’s moving the pickup along, but at least we’re leaving. Still, it takes us nearly forty-five minutes to make the drive home because Tucker maintains a steady speed of five miles under the speed limit.
“I’m surprised that even the Boston cop flipping you off and honking didn’t make you drive faster.”
“That asshole should be written up,” he retorts. “Stay there and I’ll come and help you out.”
I’ve learned in these last ten months that Tucker really gets off on helping me out of the truck, and I’m not gonna lie, I’m getting used to it.
He’s got these old-school courtly manners. Like, doors are always held open. I have to walk on the inside of the sidewalk in case there’s a drive-by shooting. He even holds my coat.
Mama Tucker raised him right. I could learn a lot from her. And since we’re bound together by this child, by her son, I’ve decided that we’re going to get along. No matter how many arrows she slings my way, I’m going to take them and prove to her that I’m good enough to be the mother of her grandchild.
“I wonder if I should get one of those baby-on-board signs. That way the assholes behind me can learn a little patience instead of laying on the horn like we’re all in some motherfucking emergency,” Tucker grumbles as he helps me out.
“What’s going to happen when one of those fuckers comes to your door wanting to take Jamie out on a date?”
Tucker stops abruptly, causing me to collide with his stiff back. “She’s going to an all-girls school.”
“Okay, so what happens if one of those fuckers is a female wanting to take Jamie out on a date?”
“None of this would be a problem,” he accuses, “if we stayed in the hospital like I suggested.”
I giggle and brush him aside so I can get to my girl. “She’s still sleeping.”
His solid frame presses into my back as he leans over to peek inside. “She’s so gorgeous. I can’t believe we made her,” he says quietly against my ear. “I’m buying a chastity belt.”
“I don’t think she needs one yet.”
“I’m thinking ahead.” He gently moves me aside to pluck the carrier out of the base.
I arch a brow. “I heard you once had a threesome.”
He nearly trips on a non-existent crack in the sidewalk. A light cough precedes his query, “A threesome? Who’d you hear that from?”
Ha! He doesn’t deny it. Amused, I brush by him to get the front door. “Carin heard it. Said it was always the quiet ones.”
