The Gravity of Us
Page 64
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“Excuse me?”
I held my hat against my chest. “I said does he love you? Do you love him?”
“Listen—”
“Does he make you laugh so hard you have to toss your head backward? How many inside jokes do you share? Does he try to change you or inspire you? Are you good enough for him? Does he make you feel worthy? Is he good enough for you? Do you sometimes lie in bed beside him and wonder why you’re still there?” I paused. “Do you miss her? Did she make you laugh so hard you had to toss your head backward? How many inside jokes did you share? Did she try to change you or inspire you? Were you good enough for her? Did she make you feel worthy? Was she good enough for you? Do you sometimes lie in bed and wonder why she’s gone?”
Mari’s small frame started to shake as I asked the questions. She parted her lips, but no words left her tongue.
So, I continued speaking. “Being with someone you aren’t meant to be with out of fear of being alone isn’t worth it. I promise you, you’ll spend your life being lonelier with him than you would being without him. Love doesn’t push things away. Love doesn’t suffocate. It makes the world bloom. She taught me that. She taught me how love works, and I’m certain she taught you the same.”
“Graham,” Mari said softly, tears falling down her cheeks.
“I’ve never loved your oldest sister. I’ve been numb for years, and Jane was just another form of numbness. She never loved me either, but Lucille…she’s my world. She’s everything I needed, and so much more than I deserve. I know you might not understand that, but I’d go to war for her heart for the rest of my life if it meant she’d find her smile again. So, I’m standing in your shop right now, Mari, asking if you love him. If he is everything you know love to be, stay. If he is your Lucille, then don’t for a second leave his side. But, if he isn’t…if there is even a sliver of your soul that doubts that he’s the one—run. I need you to run to your sister. I need you to go to war with me for the one person who always stayed, even when she owed us nothing. I can’t be there for her right now, and her heart is broken halfway across the world. So, this is me, going to war for her by coming to you. This is me, begging you to choose her. She needs you, Mari, and I am going to assume that your heart needs her, too.”
“I…” She started to fall apart, shaking as she covered her mouth with her hands. “The things I’ve said to her…the way I’ve treated her…”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not,” she said, her head shaking. “She was my best friend, and I tossed her and her feelings to the side. I chose them over her.”
“It was a mistake.”
“It was a choice, and she’d never forgive me.”
I grimaced and narrowed my eyes. “Mari, we’re talking about Lucille here. Forgiveness is all she knows. I know where she is right now. I’ll help you get there so you can do whatever you need to do to get your best friend back. I’ll handle all of the details. All you have to do is run.”
Monet’s gardens at Giverny were everything and more. I spent time walking around the land, breathing in the flowers, taking in the sights day after day. In those gardens, I almost felt like myself. Being surrounded by that much beauty reminded me of Talon’s eyes, of Graham’s crooked smile, of home.
As I walked a stone path, I smiled at all the passersby who were taking in the experience of the gardens. Oftentimes I wondered where they came from. What had brought them to the point they were at in that very moment? What was their story? Had they ever loved? Did it consume them? Had they left?
“Pod.”
My chest tightened at the word, and the recognition of the voice that produced it. I turned around and my heart landed in my throat when I saw Mari standing there. I wanted to step closer, but my feet wouldn’t move. My body wouldn’t budge. I stood still, as she had.
“I…” she started as her voice cracked. She held an envelope tight to her chest and tried again. “He told me you’d be here. He said you visit every day. I just didn’t know what time.” No words from me. Tears formed in Mari’s eyes and she tried her best to keep it together. “I’m so sorry, Lucy. I’m sorry for losing my way. I’m sorry for settling. I’m sorry for pushing you away. I just want you to know, I left Parker. The other night I was lying beside him in bed, and his arms were wrapped tightly around me. He was holding me so close, but I felt as if I was falling apart. Every time he told me he loved me, I felt less and less like myself. I’ve been so blind to the truth that I let my fear of being alone drive me back into the arms of a man who didn’t deserve me. I was so worried about being loved, that I didn’t even care if I loved back. And then, I pushed you away. You’ve been the only constant in my life, and I can’t believe I hurt you the way I did. You’re my best friend, Lucy, you’re my heartbeats, and I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m—”
She didn’t have time to say anything else before my arms wrapped around her body and I pulled her closer to me. She sobbed into my shoulder, and I held her tighter.
“I’m so sorry, Lucy. I’m so sorry for everything.”
“Shh,” I whispered, pulling her closer to me. “You have no clue how good it is to see you, Pea.”
She sighed, relief racing through her. “You have no clue how good it is to see you, Pod.”
After some time of settling down, we walked across one of the many bridges in the gardens and sat down, cross-legged. She handed me the envelope and shrugged. “He told me to give this to you, and he told me to not let you leave the gardens until each page is read.”
“What is it?”
“I don’t know,” she said, standing up. “But I was instructed to give you time to read it by yourself. I’ll be exploring and I’ll meet you here when you’re done.”
“Okay. Sounds good.” I opened the package, and there was a manuscript titled The Story of G.M. Russell. I inhaled hard—his autobiography.
“Oh, and, Lucy?” Mari called out, making me turn to look her way. “I was wrong about him. The way he loves you is inspiring. The way you love him is breathtaking. If I am ever lucky enough to feel even a fourth of what you two have, then I’ll die happy.”
I held my hat against my chest. “I said does he love you? Do you love him?”
“Listen—”
“Does he make you laugh so hard you have to toss your head backward? How many inside jokes do you share? Does he try to change you or inspire you? Are you good enough for him? Does he make you feel worthy? Is he good enough for you? Do you sometimes lie in bed beside him and wonder why you’re still there?” I paused. “Do you miss her? Did she make you laugh so hard you had to toss your head backward? How many inside jokes did you share? Did she try to change you or inspire you? Were you good enough for her? Did she make you feel worthy? Was she good enough for you? Do you sometimes lie in bed and wonder why she’s gone?”
Mari’s small frame started to shake as I asked the questions. She parted her lips, but no words left her tongue.
So, I continued speaking. “Being with someone you aren’t meant to be with out of fear of being alone isn’t worth it. I promise you, you’ll spend your life being lonelier with him than you would being without him. Love doesn’t push things away. Love doesn’t suffocate. It makes the world bloom. She taught me that. She taught me how love works, and I’m certain she taught you the same.”
“Graham,” Mari said softly, tears falling down her cheeks.
“I’ve never loved your oldest sister. I’ve been numb for years, and Jane was just another form of numbness. She never loved me either, but Lucille…she’s my world. She’s everything I needed, and so much more than I deserve. I know you might not understand that, but I’d go to war for her heart for the rest of my life if it meant she’d find her smile again. So, I’m standing in your shop right now, Mari, asking if you love him. If he is everything you know love to be, stay. If he is your Lucille, then don’t for a second leave his side. But, if he isn’t…if there is even a sliver of your soul that doubts that he’s the one—run. I need you to run to your sister. I need you to go to war with me for the one person who always stayed, even when she owed us nothing. I can’t be there for her right now, and her heart is broken halfway across the world. So, this is me, going to war for her by coming to you. This is me, begging you to choose her. She needs you, Mari, and I am going to assume that your heart needs her, too.”
“I…” She started to fall apart, shaking as she covered her mouth with her hands. “The things I’ve said to her…the way I’ve treated her…”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not,” she said, her head shaking. “She was my best friend, and I tossed her and her feelings to the side. I chose them over her.”
“It was a mistake.”
“It was a choice, and she’d never forgive me.”
I grimaced and narrowed my eyes. “Mari, we’re talking about Lucille here. Forgiveness is all she knows. I know where she is right now. I’ll help you get there so you can do whatever you need to do to get your best friend back. I’ll handle all of the details. All you have to do is run.”
Monet’s gardens at Giverny were everything and more. I spent time walking around the land, breathing in the flowers, taking in the sights day after day. In those gardens, I almost felt like myself. Being surrounded by that much beauty reminded me of Talon’s eyes, of Graham’s crooked smile, of home.
As I walked a stone path, I smiled at all the passersby who were taking in the experience of the gardens. Oftentimes I wondered where they came from. What had brought them to the point they were at in that very moment? What was their story? Had they ever loved? Did it consume them? Had they left?
“Pod.”
My chest tightened at the word, and the recognition of the voice that produced it. I turned around and my heart landed in my throat when I saw Mari standing there. I wanted to step closer, but my feet wouldn’t move. My body wouldn’t budge. I stood still, as she had.
“I…” she started as her voice cracked. She held an envelope tight to her chest and tried again. “He told me you’d be here. He said you visit every day. I just didn’t know what time.” No words from me. Tears formed in Mari’s eyes and she tried her best to keep it together. “I’m so sorry, Lucy. I’m sorry for losing my way. I’m sorry for settling. I’m sorry for pushing you away. I just want you to know, I left Parker. The other night I was lying beside him in bed, and his arms were wrapped tightly around me. He was holding me so close, but I felt as if I was falling apart. Every time he told me he loved me, I felt less and less like myself. I’ve been so blind to the truth that I let my fear of being alone drive me back into the arms of a man who didn’t deserve me. I was so worried about being loved, that I didn’t even care if I loved back. And then, I pushed you away. You’ve been the only constant in my life, and I can’t believe I hurt you the way I did. You’re my best friend, Lucy, you’re my heartbeats, and I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m—”
She didn’t have time to say anything else before my arms wrapped around her body and I pulled her closer to me. She sobbed into my shoulder, and I held her tighter.
“I’m so sorry, Lucy. I’m so sorry for everything.”
“Shh,” I whispered, pulling her closer to me. “You have no clue how good it is to see you, Pea.”
She sighed, relief racing through her. “You have no clue how good it is to see you, Pod.”
After some time of settling down, we walked across one of the many bridges in the gardens and sat down, cross-legged. She handed me the envelope and shrugged. “He told me to give this to you, and he told me to not let you leave the gardens until each page is read.”
“What is it?”
“I don’t know,” she said, standing up. “But I was instructed to give you time to read it by yourself. I’ll be exploring and I’ll meet you here when you’re done.”
“Okay. Sounds good.” I opened the package, and there was a manuscript titled The Story of G.M. Russell. I inhaled hard—his autobiography.
“Oh, and, Lucy?” Mari called out, making me turn to look her way. “I was wrong about him. The way he loves you is inspiring. The way you love him is breathtaking. If I am ever lucky enough to feel even a fourth of what you two have, then I’ll die happy.”
