The Heart's Ashes
Page 107

I exhaled. “Does a lion have a right to live?”
“Huh?”
“Answer me. Do you not marvel at the lion, do you not awe the speed, agility, expertise of his attack? You’re no different, David. Humans are, for all intents and purposes, parasites. How long did you think it would be before we dropped a rank in the food chain?”
He smirked, obviously liking my direction.
“What you do,” I said, “what the lion does, what you are, doesn’t make you unworthy of existence. It’s horrible, but you’re still good.”
His eyes became small. “You hate it when I think otherwise, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I love you.”
“And if you love me, then there must be something wrong with you.”
“I never said that.”
“No, but you’re justifying my existence so you suffer no guilt for loving me—being that your feelings, obviously, in some distorted way, condone my actions.”
I went to retaliate, but bit my tongue. “Maybe. I’ve never really analysed my human emotional inner-workings. I’ll ask Vicki,” I said with a certain amount of enthusiasm.
David laughed. “I can just see that conversation unfolding. Rather amusing.”
I flopped down on the pillow beside him, my ear against his upper arm, my hand in his, and we laid that way for a while, the house quiet around us with Emily and Mike off for a run. “Hey, David?”
“Yeah?”
“Since we’re getting married and, you know, we’re gonna be together for eternity, do you think...”
“Whoa!” He held up a hand and rolled onto his side to face me. “I know what you’re about to say.”
“You do?”
“Yes.” He blinked, letting out a breath. “You want to have sex.”
I smiled. “Well, yeah, but, for a reason.”
“Other than wanting to have sex?” The humour in his voice made me smile.
“Yeah, kinda. It was more that I wanted to feel what it’s like to be spirit bound, you know, to not feel things for Mike anymore, to not think of him.”
David frowned.
“Emily said that when she woke up—as a vampire—it was a relief not to feel anything for us humans anymore. I just...I wanted to know what that feels like before I become a vampire.”
His face showed visible signs of anguished and carnal thoughts ticking through his mind. “Really?”
“Yeah.” I nodded, breathless. I think I broke the barrier. The idea of us—together—had me hot, all over.
The secret smile curled around David’s lips. He slid a hand beside my face, cupping my jaw, his thumb making gentle strokes over my ear. “I can hear your thoughts when you’re hot like this, Ara.”
My smile mimicked his. “Good.”
The poised vampire was knocked back for a second, showing a winded, unrestrained David. “Ara, just...just the thought of having you, I...” His breath quickened, his eyes alight with thoughts I offered him—thoughts I imagined only too many times—enough to perfect them, as if they were a movie.
“I don’t want this to be just thoughts anymore, David.”
“We’re getting married in a few weeks, Ara. Why not just wait ‘til then?”
Oh, there was absolutely no persuasion in his voice then. I beamed. “Why wait? We’re here, in bed, I’m willing, you’re wanting.”
“Stop it.” He smiled, rolling onto his back, releasing my face.
“No way.” I laid alongside him, the heat flooding though my body forced me to touch him—no longer satiated by nearness. “I’ve got you now. I can feel you caving. One push and you’re all mine.”
“Such a brave girl.” He cupped my hand tightly, stopping my touch. “What if I don’t want to do this?”
I laughed, a little nervous. “I know you do.”
“But I don’t, Ara.” He rolled away and stood up, leaving me to fall down a gaping vortex, obviously in my own world—again. When he looked back, his face softened. “Oh, Ara. I’m sorry.”
I sniffled as his hands fell along my face, lifting it to meet his gaze. “Why don’t you want me? Am I too plain for you?”
“Please, Ara, don’t say such things. I am craving your skin. I want desperately to make love to you.”
“Then why won’t you?”
“Because I’ve never done anything in my life the right way around. I just—I just wanted to do this one thing.”
“But that’s not fair on me. I don’t see sex the way you do. I don’t care if it’s before or after marriage. I just want you, and I want you to want me.”
“I do want you,” he said, his brow against mine, agony filling his fingertips.
I pushed them off my face. “Coulda fooled me.”
“Ara, please.” He turned to face me as I stood and leaned against the wall—away from him.
I shook my head, folding my arms. “I don’t get it. I’m not asking you to give up your life or murder people. It’s just sex. That’s it. Sex.”
He sat on the edge of the bed and pressed his palms together, breathing into them.
“David. We’re not in the nineteen hundreds. Grow up!” The heat of lust dissipated from everywhere below my belt, turning into humiliation as it left; I turned to storm out of the room, but a hand caught mine.
“Don’t go. Please.”
“Why not?”
“Because I—” His shoulders dropped. “I want to do this. You just—you don’t understand.”
“Then tell me.” I stepped into him, tilting my head up to look into his eyes. “Make me understand.”
He gently grabbed my arm, his fingers binding, and stared at it. “I’m hungry.”
“What? No, you’re not. You went hunting with Emily last night.”
He shook his head. “No. I went, but I...I didn’t eat.”
“Why?”
“I don’t’ know.”
“So, go eat now. I’ll wait.”
He smiled, his lips wide, his affronted laughter breathy. “You want me to kill someone, then come home and make love to you?”