The Heart's Ashes
Page 154

“He’s confused,” Morgaine said.
“No, he’s not. He loves Emily.”
“Yes, but he hasn’t had time to think about that.”
“And that’s my fault?”
“No one said that.” She sighed heavily. “Look, Amara, when Eric came and told us what he saw on Jason’s list, Mike literally punched a wall. Then…” her voice slowed and she twiddled her fingers in her lap. “Then he just sat against it with his head in his knees, and cried. I’ve never heard a man cry such deep agony.” She shook her head softly. “Emily was beside herself—not just because of what you were going through, but because at that moment, she realised he’s never going to let go. He’s incapable of not loving you. Confused doesn’t even begin to describe it.”
My mouth dropped open.
“Oh, no. I’m sorry, that’s one of my other talents—gift of the gab.” She slapped her forehead. “I always say too much. I’m—please, Amara. Don’t listen to me. I’m a horrible person. I—” She reached for me.
“No.” I placed my hand on hers. “No, it’s okay. Really. I think—I think it’s better if I know what’s going on.” I forced a smile. “Maybe it’s good you say too much. At least I can rely on someone to tell me the truth about what’s going on around here.”
“Well, then, we’ll make good friends,” she beamed. “If you can always handle the cold, hard truth, and I can rely on you not to hate me for it, I think we’ll get along great.”
Her smile stretched out, pulling me into the kinship I’d seen between her and Emily earlier. I studied her soft skin and thin, heart-shaped face. “I can see why he loved you.”
“Who?”
“David.” I nearly choked on the word.
Morgaine dropped her chin to her chest. “Did he—did David ever tell you why he left me?”
“No. Apparently he never told me anything—never even told me about Pepper, or the Set, or what he did to Jason’s girlfriend.”
“Don’t hate him for it, Amara. He just wanted to protect you from the truth about himself. He was so worried you’d hate him for it.”
“I can’t hate him. I—” I can’t even think about him. “Why didn’t you marry him? He did tell me once that you were the only one he ever considered marrying.”
“Really?” Morgaine flipped her head to one side and grinned. “David and I, we were in love, but…we were too different. He needed someone to care for—to protect—while I’m really more the sort to be the protector.”
“So that’s it?” I asked. “That’s the only reason?”
“We just weren’t right for each other, but he’ll always have a special place in my heart.”
“So, why did they bring you in to torture him?”
Morgaine pressed her lips together, her nose crinkling across the bridge. “I’m kind of like David in that sense. He was the best punisher in the Vampire Set, and I was the best in the Lilithian Order. They wanted his punishment to be grave.”
“But you didn’t hurt him?”
She shook her head. “We had to starve him and smack him around a little to make it look like I had, but—” She stared forward, her eyes glassing over. “I never thought—when the vampires came to take him, I just never thought they’d—” Her delicate fingertips covered her lips. “Oh, God, poor David.”
I nodded, digging my thumbnail into my fingertip.
“I know what Jason’s done to your life, Amara.” She turned to me quickly, grabbed both my hands. “I saw it in his soul. He suffered for what he did to you. Not enough, but I saw the suffering.”
“He bound me to him.” I looked down.
“What? A spirit bind?
“Mm-hm.”
She brushed my hair from my neck. “But Lilithians can’t be bound.”
“I was still human then.”
“You have no Mark.”
“It wasn’t physical. He bound me in a dream.”
“A dream?”
“Yes.”
Morgaine smiled. “But, a spirit bind is only physical? How can he—”
“He made me believe my hair was blonde once, even when I woke.”
“Really? Well, he kept his powers to himself, then. He never so much as even hinted he might have that kind of power.”
“Why would he keep it secret?”
Her knowing smile displayed thoughts behind her eyes that I would never be let in on. “In the vampire world?” she said. “He’d have many reasons.”
“Well, thanks to him wearing Mike’s face when he did it, half my mind believes it’s bound to Mike.”
“No, you have feelings for Mike because you love him. The spirit bind breaks when the vampire who placed it dies.” Her face went white as her lips slowly parted. “Oh, no, only if you kill him.”
“What?” My eyes stung. “So, I’ll never be free?”
“Free?” She studied me, confusion in her frown. “Oh. Oh. Amara.” She covered her mouth. “Of course. The bind makes you believe you have feelings for Jason, too.”
“No,” I said, disgusted. “No, I just…I keep finding myself trying to understand why he did what he did—trying to find a reason, something I did, maybe, that set him off.”
“Oh, princess.” She touched my face. “You won’t find a reason. And you never did anything to deserve what happened to you.”
“Except be born,” I said.
“Yes—born into an age-old feud. I am sorry, but I’m also not sorry. Your existence alone is enough to give strength to our people. After centuries of darkness and slavery, you’re our light—our hope.”
“But I’m just a girl, Morgaine.”
“I know.” She nodded. “But I’m not asking you to swear an oath to us, I’m just asking you to realise, for now, that you have descended from royal blood, and you do have a duty to your people. If you don’t save us…”
“No one will?” I rolled my eyes.
“I know it sounds cliché, Amara, but it’s the truth. We need you.”