The Heart's Ashes
Page 39

As we spun, the humans around us screaming and laughing, Eric moved to the front of my pony. “Can I kiss you?”
Closing my eyes, I leaned toward him. “Yes.”
His cool breath fell over my lips, but he stopped before they touched.
I opened my eyes. “What is it?”
“I can’t. I’m too hungry. I’ll bite you.” He took a step back. “Being around you—it’s just making things worse.”
“Can’t you control it?”
He touched his own lips. “It’s—I’ve never had to. Ever. It’s automatic for me not to. Kind of like holding a piece of chocolate just inside your lips.”
My mouth watered thinking about it, visualising it.
“See? Now tell yourself there’s no reason you can’t have it.”
I nodded. “I’d eat it.”
“Precisely.”
“But—” I licked my lips, almost expecting to taste chocolate. “You do have a reason to control it; me, right?”
“Amara.” He gripped the pole a little tighter, leaning in. “Not really. I like hanging out with you, and you’re damn cute, and, I mean, I’d probably miss hanging out if you were dead, but you’re still just a human. I’ll never love ya, kiddo. I just want other things.”
I nodded. “So, you would kill me?”
“If you didn’t belong to David, I already would have.”
“Then, isn’t fear of David enough of a reason to make yourself stop?”
“Not right now. If the law passes, yes, but right now, while I’m hungry, the punishment isn’t grave enough, and, truthfully, I could hide your body where no one would ever find it. No one would ever know I did it.”
I swallowed, tracing the mane on my pony as the ride began to slow. “Okay. Go eat, then.”
“Okay. And...do you still wanna...?” his tone rolled away to suggestion.
“Yeah, I—” My words stopped with a quick turn of my head as a familiar face flashed past us for a split second. And when we came back around again, it was gone.
“Amara? What is it?”
“I—” I searched the carnival grounds. “I thought I just saw David.”
Eric looked behind him, then back at me. “It won’t be him.”
“I know. I just—”
“You just wish.” He sighed as we came to a stop.
“Mm-hm.” I nodded, not meeting his eyes, but revelling in the way he gently combed the ends of my hair.
“I can make you forget about him. Just one night with me, and you’ll never think of him again.”
“Fine.” My gut churned. I wasn’t sure if it was because I just decided to give my virginity up for the sake of getting past my true love, or if it was because the ride had come to a complete stop but my stomach hadn’t realised yet.
“Fine what? What’s fine?”
“Just take me back to your house. Make love to me.”
“Make love?”
“Uh, yeah.” I smiled bashfully. “I guess I mean...um...sex.”
“Now, sex, I can do.”
I nodded, still feeling the burn of my flushing cheeks.
“Are you sure about this?” He lifted my chin.
“Yes. I’m sick of it, Eric. It’ll help me move on. I’m tired of thinking about them all the time.”
“Who’s them?”
“Mike and David.”
Eric clenched his fists slightly and took a breath. “Both of them, huh?”
I nodded.
“Boy, you are messed up, aren’t ya?”
“So?”
“So, I don’t do high maintenance girls usually, but—”
Scoffing loudly, I shifted my weight and swung my leg over the horse. “Get screwed, Eric. I am not high maintenance!”
“Whoa, whoa, wait a sec.” He grabbed my arm gently and made me stay on the platform. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
I didn’t respond.
“Amara?”
“Just take me home. I’ve had enough,” I said, looking down at the ground.
“Aw, kiddo, I’m sorry. Look, you know I want you—so damn bad I’ve had to class myself as a stalker.” He scratched his brow and looked up at me. “But...I’m not looking for love, and...”
I waited for a few breaths before looking at him. “And?”
“Well, you’re a virgin, aren’t you?”
“Yeah. So?”
“Did David ever—” Eric stopped, cursing when his watch beeped.
“What? What’s wrong?”
He silenced the alarm. “I gotta go eat before we leave. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“I’ll be back in a sec.”
“Sure, I’ll just go walk alone, among all the dangerous predators, and get some candy-floss.”
“Okay.” He nodded, then disappeared.
I stood with my arms by my sides, feeling small and out of place among the crowd.
“You lost, sweetie?” asked a man on stilts.
“I’m fine.” I looked up at him—all the way up. “Are you human?”
His brow crinkled. “Well, I may be tall, but last I checked—” He felt for a pulse. “Still beating.”
I cleared my throat. “Sorry.” That was awkward. I felt his eyes on my back as I walked toward the scent of vanilla and sugar. The warm pink light of the candyfloss stand enveloped me, making me feel a little less out in the open. I placed a coin on the counter, wishing I had two so I could buy one of those hot cinnamon doughnuts as well, and said, “One please.”
“Candyfloss?” As the woman turned around, she stopped dead and flashed a wicked grin. “Well, hello there.”
Vampire. For sure. “Uh, yeah, candyfloss, thanks.”
She went about twisting it onto a stick, all the while gawking at me like she knew something I didn’t. Each vertebrae in my spine lengthened, as if being taller might make me feel less alone—less awkward.
A group of teens dressed all Emo passed and laughed at me, whispering as they did; the way they moved, the way they glided over the dry, sandy carnival floor, made my skin inch up my arms.
“’Ere ya go, luv.” The lady handed me the floss, checking her watch as our fingers touched.