The Heart's Ashes
Page 50

“Certainly not,” he scoffed. “Then again, I don’t suppose you planned to meet your attacker, nearly get killed, then see your two best friends in bed together, either, did you?”
I wish he hadn’t said that. I looked up at the gloomy-looking house; once a refuge, now a tower of impossible emotions. I couldn’t sort them all out in my head, and I didn’t know which ones I even wanted to sort. “What do I say to them, David?”
“Just listen to your heart.” He stroked my cheek with his thumb. “You’ll know what to say.”
“Hm.” I opened my door. “Helpful.”
David laughed, standing on the driveway in front of me before I’d fully turned away from him. “Want me to come in with you, or wait here for a minute?”
“You better wait here. I don’t need Em freaking out over you before I get to talk to her.”
“Okay. But—” he grabbed my hand as I walked away, “I’ll be here if you need me. Just say my name and I’ll come.”
“Okay.” I stepped backward, one slow step at a time. “Don’t go anywhere, okay?”
“Okay.” He jammed his hands into his pockets.
“Promise.” I pointed at him.
He nodded, smiling. “I promise.”
It was hard to walk up the drive, shivering from the nasty cold stored in my clothes, made worse by the circling breeze. The storm here had settled, but it left a breath of winter behind.
Reaching for the door, my fingers trembled; I had to focus to make myself turn the nob, unsure if it was fear or just cold. And David’s advice didn’t help me find the words I needed for my feelings. In my heart I wanted to say Gee, sorry I saw your completely naked-self, Emily, but keep your legs off my friend slash ex-fiancé. Or perhaps I should say; Emily, I’m so happy you and Mike like each other—but leave a sock on the door next time.
“Em? Mike?” I whispered into the darkness.
A warm grasp of skinny arms flung around my neck, stealing my footing for a second. “Ara! Oh-my-God, I’m so sorry.”
I pulled Emily’s arms away, one at a time, and stood back from her. “Where’s Mike?”
“He’s gone,” she sobbed. “He’s out looking for you.”
“How long’s he been gone?”
She wiped her eyes and looked at her watch. “Three hours.”
“And you’ve been here? All by yourself?”
She nodded, her lip quivering. “He loves you, Ara—not me. I made a mistake. I would never have done it if I didn’t believe it was love.”
“Em—” I let out a breath and bit my lip. “Really, you love him?”
“I...I’m not sure anymore.”
“Why, what happened?”
“I was wrong,” she said, bursting into tears again. “And I should have told you I was in love with him. I know that, and I’m so, so sorry, Ara. I just didn’t know how to say it.”
I considered slapping her for a second, finding it hard to muster one ounce of pity. I nodded instead. “You’re right. You should have told me. I shouldn’t have found out by seeing you two like that.”
“I—I just don’t know what to say. I’m so humiliated.”
I shook my head, staring forward. “Look. It was a shock—to see you two, okay. It was just so out of the blue—for me. I didn’t see the signs. I mean, I see them now, but...I didn’t know you were in love with him.”
“Do you hate me?”
Right now? I don’t know. I blinked a few times. “No. And I’m not mad either.” Liar. Liar.
Her lip folded down and a gust of air burst through them as she covered her mouth with the tissue, hunching her shoulders around her ears.
“Er,” I groaned. “All right, come here.” I hugged her, letting her cry tears for my Mike into my neck.
“He doesn’t love me, Ara,” she whimpered after a while. “He told me—he said it was a mistake. That he...that he was just lonely, and he should have—he should have—”
I felt a tiny twang of pity for her then. “He should have what?”
“He said he should never have let me think he had feelings for me.”
“Oh.” With a click of my tongue, the me inside that was hurt by Emily and Mike stepped aside for the friend, the one who’s always been there for Em with a boy crisis. “What an asshole. He better not have meant that.”
“He was lying.” We both looked up to a tall silhouette, shrouding the light coming in from the front door.
“Mike,” I said it more as a sigh. “What the hell?”
He stood with his arms folded, shaking his head at us, but as soon as Emily started crying again, his arms fell to his sides. “I’ve made a right mess here, haven’t I?” he said.
“Understatement of the century,” I said, and Emily laughed into my shoulder, wiping her mouth after.
“Emily,” Mike said, touching her arm. “I’m sorry. I’m a first class dick. I didn’t mean that. Not a word of it.”
She looked up, her tears ceasing. “Really?”
He gave her the look of apology he used to give me; the one that meant he just didn’t have the right words, but felt them.
When she sniffled, it made such a blobby, goobery sound that we all laughed. “I need another tissue.”
“I’ll get you one,” Mike said.
“No.” She held up a hand. “You stay. You probably need to talk to Ara anyway, right?”
“Thanks, Em.” He smiled at her, running his hand down her arm. There was a kinship between them then, which obviously formed while I wasn’t paying attention, and it almost made me feel like an outsider. Mike looked at me after Emily left. “Ara?”
Shaking my head, I wandered over and sunk down on the couch, my head in my hands.
“What can I say, Ar?” He sat beside me.
I wanted to say You don’t need to say anything, but flashes of them together just kept coming, and it hurt. It really hurt. “By rights, Mike—” I looked at him, “—you don’t have to say a word.”
“But it’s not that simple, is it? We both know that.”
“Nothing with us ever is.”