“I’d forget, but you keep reminding me!” I teased.
Kile fidgeted. “I’ll ease up. But seriously, are we okay?”
I watched as he bit his lip, and I had to fight myself from daydreaming about them. He said he was here for me, so I hoped, maybe, I’d get to feel those lips again.
“Yes, Kile. We’re okay. Don’t worry so much.”
“All right. Come over here. I think you’re going to like this idea.”
We turned and walked down to the cluster of boys waiting. Henri immediately kissed my hand.
“Hello today,” he greeted, making me laugh.
“Hello, Henri. Burke, Fox. Hi, Erik.”
“Your Highness,” Burke began. “Maybe this is a little out of line, but we were thinking that the Selection is a very challenging time for you.”
I chuckled. “You have no idea.”
Fox smiled. He and Burke looked a little comical next to each other. Burke was so burly, and he was so lean. “It has to be crazy. You have your work to do, and then you need to find time to do solo dates or try to get around to everyone at a party. It seems exhausting.”
“So we had an idea,” Kile said. “Could the four of us do something with you this week?”
This was completely brilliant. “Yes!” I exclaimed. “That would be great. Any ideas on what to do?”
“We were thinking about cooking together.” Burke’s face was so happy, I couldn’t say no, even though that was exactly what I wanted to do.
“Cooking?” I said, a fake smile plastered on my face.
“Come on,” Kile urged. “It’ll be fun.”
I exhaled nervously. “All right. Cooking. How about tomorrow night?”
“Perfect!” Fox said quickly, like he was worried I’d change my mind.
“Okay. Thursday, six o’clock. I’ll meet you in the foyer, and we can walk to the kitchens together.” This was going to be a nightmare. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to get ready for dinner.”
I headed upstairs wondering if there was any way to make this better. I doubted it.
“Neena,” I called, walking into my room.
“Yes, miss?”
“Can you start a bath? I need one before dinner.”
“Certainly.”
I wrestled with my boots and flung off my dress. Besides the simple giving and responding to orders, we hadn’t spoken much lately, and I had to admit, it was hard on me. My room was my retreat, the place I rested and sketched and hid from the world. Neena was a part of that, and her being upset with me set everything off-kilter.
I walked into the bathroom, happy to find that she was dropping pieces of lavender into the tub without me asking.
“Neena, you’re a mind reader.”
“I try,” she said slyly.
I moved cautiously, not wanting to anger her again. “Have you heard from Mark recently?”
It seemed she couldn’t help her smile. “Yes, just yesterday.”
“What did you say he studied again?” I slipped into the warm water, already feeling better.
“Biochemistry.” She looked down. “I admit, he uses plenty of words I don’t understand when he tells me about it, but I get the idea of what he means.”
“I wasn’t trying to imply I thought you were stupid, Neena. I was curious. I thought that was obvious.” Biochemistry. Something about that rang a bell.
She sighed and dropped more lavender into the bath. “It came out much harsher than that.”
“There are boys here from very different walks of life than mine. I can hardly stand to be in the same room with some of them. It was intriguing that the two of you do such varied jobs and still manage to share common ground.”
She shook her head. “We work. It’s not something you can figure out on paper. Some people are meant to be together.”
I leaned back in the tub. If there was no way to explain anything, then why bother? I thought again of Ean’s offer and Kile’s worry and Hale’s questions. I couldn’t believe how murky everything had become. I barely understood my own feelings anymore. I knew I wanted my independence, and the idea of any man coming up behind me trying to fix my work or do it for me was unacceptable. Then I thought of Dad’s gray hairs, slowly mixing in with the blond, and wondered how far I’d go to make his life easier.
It was strange. Basically, every boy downstairs was an option, if I really had to choose one. And each of them could easily hurl my world into a new trajectory. I didn’t like that. I wanted to be in charge of my path. I wondered if that was the reason for putting a fence around myself, if it was the worry that anyone who crossed it would take away my control.
But maybe that control was an illusion. Even if I passed on all the Selected boys, would someone eventually come along and make me not even care about control? Would he cause me to hand it over willingly?
It seemed impossible, something I certainly couldn’t have imagined happening a few weeks ago.
There were still plenty of reasons to keep my guard up, and I knew I would. Still, I didn’t think I’d be able to ignore the way these boys were affecting me much longer.
CHAPTER 23
I WAITED NERVOUSLY IN THE palace foyer. I wasn’t sure about what I was wearing—what did people wear to cook?—or how to fake expertise in the kitchen or how to disperse attention evenly among four suitors.
And while I knew having a photographer there was both good for publicity and personal safety, the idea of someone documenting this night did not make me feel any less jittery.
I pulled at my shirt, which was rather plain in case I got dirty, and touched my hair, making sure it was still in place. The clock showed the boys were four minutes late, and I was getting antsy.
Just as I was about to send a butler to fetch them, I heard the echo of voices in the hallway. Kile rounded the corner first. Burke was right beside him, clearly trying to buddy up to the alleged leader of the pack. Fox was with Henri, both smiling quietly. Not far behind, Erik walked with his hands tucked behind him. His presence was necessary, but I sensed he felt a little out of place as the sole nonparticipant in a group date.
Kile rubbed his hands together. “You ready to eat?”
“Eat, yes. Cook? We’ll see how that goes.” I tried to hide my worry with a smile, but I think Kile knew.
“So is it true you two have known each other your whole lives?” Burke asked. It was so abrupt, I didn’t know how to respond.
“Trust me, you’ve got the better end of the deal,” Kile replied smoothly, elbowing him in the ribs.
Kile fidgeted. “I’ll ease up. But seriously, are we okay?”
I watched as he bit his lip, and I had to fight myself from daydreaming about them. He said he was here for me, so I hoped, maybe, I’d get to feel those lips again.
“Yes, Kile. We’re okay. Don’t worry so much.”
“All right. Come over here. I think you’re going to like this idea.”
We turned and walked down to the cluster of boys waiting. Henri immediately kissed my hand.
“Hello today,” he greeted, making me laugh.
“Hello, Henri. Burke, Fox. Hi, Erik.”
“Your Highness,” Burke began. “Maybe this is a little out of line, but we were thinking that the Selection is a very challenging time for you.”
I chuckled. “You have no idea.”
Fox smiled. He and Burke looked a little comical next to each other. Burke was so burly, and he was so lean. “It has to be crazy. You have your work to do, and then you need to find time to do solo dates or try to get around to everyone at a party. It seems exhausting.”
“So we had an idea,” Kile said. “Could the four of us do something with you this week?”
This was completely brilliant. “Yes!” I exclaimed. “That would be great. Any ideas on what to do?”
“We were thinking about cooking together.” Burke’s face was so happy, I couldn’t say no, even though that was exactly what I wanted to do.
“Cooking?” I said, a fake smile plastered on my face.
“Come on,” Kile urged. “It’ll be fun.”
I exhaled nervously. “All right. Cooking. How about tomorrow night?”
“Perfect!” Fox said quickly, like he was worried I’d change my mind.
“Okay. Thursday, six o’clock. I’ll meet you in the foyer, and we can walk to the kitchens together.” This was going to be a nightmare. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to get ready for dinner.”
I headed upstairs wondering if there was any way to make this better. I doubted it.
“Neena,” I called, walking into my room.
“Yes, miss?”
“Can you start a bath? I need one before dinner.”
“Certainly.”
I wrestled with my boots and flung off my dress. Besides the simple giving and responding to orders, we hadn’t spoken much lately, and I had to admit, it was hard on me. My room was my retreat, the place I rested and sketched and hid from the world. Neena was a part of that, and her being upset with me set everything off-kilter.
I walked into the bathroom, happy to find that she was dropping pieces of lavender into the tub without me asking.
“Neena, you’re a mind reader.”
“I try,” she said slyly.
I moved cautiously, not wanting to anger her again. “Have you heard from Mark recently?”
It seemed she couldn’t help her smile. “Yes, just yesterday.”
“What did you say he studied again?” I slipped into the warm water, already feeling better.
“Biochemistry.” She looked down. “I admit, he uses plenty of words I don’t understand when he tells me about it, but I get the idea of what he means.”
“I wasn’t trying to imply I thought you were stupid, Neena. I was curious. I thought that was obvious.” Biochemistry. Something about that rang a bell.
She sighed and dropped more lavender into the bath. “It came out much harsher than that.”
“There are boys here from very different walks of life than mine. I can hardly stand to be in the same room with some of them. It was intriguing that the two of you do such varied jobs and still manage to share common ground.”
She shook her head. “We work. It’s not something you can figure out on paper. Some people are meant to be together.”
I leaned back in the tub. If there was no way to explain anything, then why bother? I thought again of Ean’s offer and Kile’s worry and Hale’s questions. I couldn’t believe how murky everything had become. I barely understood my own feelings anymore. I knew I wanted my independence, and the idea of any man coming up behind me trying to fix my work or do it for me was unacceptable. Then I thought of Dad’s gray hairs, slowly mixing in with the blond, and wondered how far I’d go to make his life easier.
It was strange. Basically, every boy downstairs was an option, if I really had to choose one. And each of them could easily hurl my world into a new trajectory. I didn’t like that. I wanted to be in charge of my path. I wondered if that was the reason for putting a fence around myself, if it was the worry that anyone who crossed it would take away my control.
But maybe that control was an illusion. Even if I passed on all the Selected boys, would someone eventually come along and make me not even care about control? Would he cause me to hand it over willingly?
It seemed impossible, something I certainly couldn’t have imagined happening a few weeks ago.
There were still plenty of reasons to keep my guard up, and I knew I would. Still, I didn’t think I’d be able to ignore the way these boys were affecting me much longer.
CHAPTER 23
I WAITED NERVOUSLY IN THE palace foyer. I wasn’t sure about what I was wearing—what did people wear to cook?—or how to fake expertise in the kitchen or how to disperse attention evenly among four suitors.
And while I knew having a photographer there was both good for publicity and personal safety, the idea of someone documenting this night did not make me feel any less jittery.
I pulled at my shirt, which was rather plain in case I got dirty, and touched my hair, making sure it was still in place. The clock showed the boys were four minutes late, and I was getting antsy.
Just as I was about to send a butler to fetch them, I heard the echo of voices in the hallway. Kile rounded the corner first. Burke was right beside him, clearly trying to buddy up to the alleged leader of the pack. Fox was with Henri, both smiling quietly. Not far behind, Erik walked with his hands tucked behind him. His presence was necessary, but I sensed he felt a little out of place as the sole nonparticipant in a group date.
Kile rubbed his hands together. “You ready to eat?”
“Eat, yes. Cook? We’ll see how that goes.” I tried to hide my worry with a smile, but I think Kile knew.
“So is it true you two have known each other your whole lives?” Burke asked. It was so abrupt, I didn’t know how to respond.
“Trust me, you’ve got the better end of the deal,” Kile replied smoothly, elbowing him in the ribs.
