Author: Robyn Carr
“Devon, you were the brave one. You were ready to go alone.”
She just shrugged. “When your child is at risk, you don’t even think. You just do what you have to do.”
“It’s the same deal when it’s the woman you love,” he said. “I went to the clinic to see you. Scott said you were taking a couple of days to try to recuperate.”
“And think,” she said. “I really needed to think. It’s like a bad dream. A four-year bad dream. And it’s finally really over. I don’t have to be afraid to leave Thunder Point...don’t have to be afraid of some bogeyman just around the corner.”
“Listen,” he said. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you. To explain...”
“Spencer, it’s all right. I understand. After all you’d been through you weren’t ready to get involved with some woman with a mysterious and bizarre past, with a child, with baggage. You don’t have to explain.”
He turned toward her. “If we hadn’t been sidetracked by Mercy’s abduction, this would be coming sooner. I realized immediately, I made a mistake.”
“I know. It’s all right. At least you caught it before it was too late.”
“Devon, my mistake was that I almost lost you. I almost let you get away. The idiotic part is that I let you go because I was afraid of losing you. When you asked me to be responsible for Mercy, it hit me like a ton of bricks—if I let myself make a life with you and something happened, something completely unpredictable and catastrophic, like a car accident or...or cancer...” He stopped for a second. He reached for her hand. “It makes no sense at all, but I panicked. I thought—if something happens to her? How will I live? How many people can I lose before I go completely crazy? And you? Lose you? For just one split second I thought it would be easier not to have you at all than to face something like that. Again.”
“I understand,” she said. “I really do.”
“Not yet, you don’t. When you came to the bar to ask Rawley for a weapon so you could go after Mercy, I faced it head-on—there it was, that thing I feared the most, that your life could be in danger. And, Devon, I love you too much to let you go. I don’t know if we’ll have six weeks together or sixty years—it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I have you in my life, in my arms, for as long as we’re lucky enough to get.”
She stared at him, openmouthed.
He smiled at her. “Now is the part where you say you understand.”
She turned toward him. “Spencer, think about what you’re saying. You’re not ready, you know you’re not. This panic could rise again anytime. Don’t get ahead of yourself here, because I don’t want to love you and count on you and have you—”
He slid an arm around her waist and pulled her to him, holding her hard against his chest while he went after her mouth like a starving man. Her eyes flew open in surprise, but a moment later she was holding him, returning the kiss. He moaned in appreciation, wishing he would never have to release her. But eventually he did because there was talking to do. “I love you, Devon. I wasn’t looking for it, I didn’t expect it, but I love you. I was so busy worrying about my own fears, my own losses, I didn’t really think about yours. You’ve been through so much, but you didn’t even blink. You never panicked. You just faced it all head-on.” He took a breath. “I don’t know what life will throw at us, but I can’t reel it back in. I’m in love with you. It’s a done deal.”
She just shook her head. “I don’t know, Spencer. I do love you, but I’m afraid to get involved again. Maybe we should just give it some time.”
“No time like the present,” he said. “If you ever feel like you’re in over your head or if you’re having second thoughts, you tell me. I’m not going to hold you captive—I’m just going to love you as well as I can for as long as I can. I don’t deserve it, but will you give me another chance? We were so good together.”
“We were,” she said, giving him a small smile.
“I want to marry you.”
“Now wait a minute. I’m not sure I’m convinced enough to take that plunge.”
“I just want to negotiate one plunge at a time—it’s all up to you. Let’s start with dinner and a game of Candy Land and after the kids are asleep...”
She couldn’t help it, she laughed at him. But then she started to cry.
“Aw, baby, don’t,” he said, pulling her into his arms again. “Don’t be afraid. I had a meltdown, that’s all. You know I’m not really that guy—that afraid-of-commitment kind of guy. That was just an overreaction. I know how I feel, I really do.”
“I’m a little too emotional to make a good decision about this.”
“I scared you, that’s all. I screwed up and made you think I’m fickle. That I don’t know what I want or how I feel. That I scare easy. But I’m not any of those things. I’ll prove it. Just let me try. Any time it doesn’t feel right, all you have to do is say so, tell me what you want and you’ll have it. I just want a chance. I can’t walk away from you again.”
“I want to,” she said. “It made me so happy, loving you, being loved by you.”
He wiped away her tears with the pad of his thumb. “Devon, I’d walk into hell for you, I love you that much. Let’s take it one day at a time. Together. Can you trust me that much?”
She put her hand against his cheek. “Do you have any idea how special I felt with you? Curled up on the couch, just watching a movie? Hanging out with the kids? Watching you train or coach your team? Making love?”
“We’ll have all that again, I promise. I’ll be there for you, I swear.”
“One day at a time? You’ll let me relearn that I can count on you?”
“Absolutely. I won’t rush you, but I’m ready.”
She sniffed back her tears. “Okay, then. I’ll give us a try.”
He grabbed her and kissed her again, deeply, passionately, holding her against him so tightly he was surprised she didn’t break.
There was a tapping on his shoulder and he broke away to stare into Mercy’s beautiful blue eyes.
“Why you always kissing?” she asked.
“Because I love your mommy,” he said.
“Oh,” she said. And she turned and went back to her bucket and pail.
He chuckled. Then he looked at Devon and said, “The first thing we’ll do is spend some quality time together. Then I’m taking you to a jewelry store so you can pick out a ring.”
“Spencer,” she said in warning.
“You don’t have to wear it until you’re ready, but I want you to have one. I want to spend my life with you. With you and Mercy and Austin.”
“You’re going to rush me,” she said.
“Go easy on me, honey. I almost lost you.”
“I almost lost you, too, Spencer,” she whispered.
* * *
Eric got a call from Ashley—Gina wondered if he’d be willing to come to the house to have a chat with her and her husband. Here it comes, he thought. He didn’t regret the way he played it out—giving them plenty of time to talk it over and give him an honest answer regarding his possible full-time presence in Thunder Point. It had been the right thing to do. He didn’t expect her to be happy with such a decision. After all, it brought into focus so many regrettable things from her past. Not only had she gotten pregnant by some loser who’d abandoned her, but that loser had gone to prison. What woman in her right mind wanted regular reminders?
The service station in Thunder Point had been a good piece of property, one that he could easily renovate. It wasn’t a rich town and he hadn’t expected to turn a big profit on gas and repairs, however some of his customers had come from far away for his custom restoration work and if he added space and equipment to any property, many of them would follow him. Classic car restoration was not only good business, most of his customers collected cars—it wasn’t usually a matter of one or two, but many. To that end, Eric had looked at many similar properties. He’d begun to like the idea of taking the investors’ money and putting it into something new, some little gem he could grow into something good.
When he arrived in Gina’s neighborhood at the edge of town, he felt an odd kind of happiness knowing that she’d settled herself so well. Life couldn’t have been easy for her, living with her mother and raising their daughter alone. But now, while she was still young, she had a fine husband, a good home and many nonjudgmental friends in Thunder Point. It gave him a sense of comfort, if not relief, to know he hadn’t completely destroyed her life. And she’d done an outstanding job with Ashley—she was as fine a young woman as any he’d ever met.
He had to park across the street and down the block. He walked to their house, up the walk and knocked on the door. Gina answered, smiling. “Hi, Eric. You’re right on time.”
“You said four o’clock. Listen, I hope you know I just want to be considerate of your feelings. Yours and Mac’s.”
“I know. That was thoughtful. And I want you to know, we discussed it at great length and you will have an honest response.”
“Thanks, Gina. I understand, I really do. I know I asked a lot. Ashley doesn’t really understand what it’s like to have ghosts and hard memories.”
“Oh, Eric,” she said with a laugh. “Ashley understands that better than just about anyone.”
“Right, I guess that’s right,” he said, remembering the rough spring she’d had, terrible breakup with a serious boyfriend, some cruel texting going on meant only to cause her hurt. “And I sure wouldn’t want to cause her any more...”
“We’re in the backyard, Eric. Follow me.”
She turned and walked through the house. He passed by the kitchen and saw a couple of women who seemed to be preparing food in there. Then out the sliding doors onto the deck and there, in the backyard, mingling around a couple of barbecues and sitting at picnic tables were many teenagers and children and older couples.
“I’m interrupting something,” he said.
Gina laughed. “No, Eric. You’re definitely not.”
Mac broke away from the grill, passing his spatula to a man beside him. He approached with his hand outstretched. “Welcome,” he said. “Glad you could make it.”
“What’s going on?” Eric asked, immediately uncomfortable.
Gina put a hand on his arm. “The answer was easy,” Gina said. “If you find a good business in this town and this is a place you’d like to settle, we’d be happy to welcome you to town. So we thought we’d introduce you to some of our friends.”
It was a good thing he wasn’t a crying fool, he thought. Not only was this one of the last things he ever expected, it was one of the kindest things anyone had ever done for him. “I don’t know what to say....”
“Well, say hello. I’ll make some introductions. Then you can tell me how you’d like your burger, not that I’m very great at getting it right,” Mac said. “Most of these folks have been here forever, but there are a few newcomers. They can give you some tips on settling in.”
“If you decide this is the right place for you,” Gina said. “We just thought we’d find a way to let you know—it would make us happy to have a new business and responsible citizen come to town. This seemed like a good way to demonstrate that.”
Good way to let him know? he thought. If these people had any lingering hope that he’d give up this opportunity, they were going to be disappointed.
He wanted to be a part of a community that behaved with compulsive kindness.
“Devon, you were the brave one. You were ready to go alone.”
She just shrugged. “When your child is at risk, you don’t even think. You just do what you have to do.”
“It’s the same deal when it’s the woman you love,” he said. “I went to the clinic to see you. Scott said you were taking a couple of days to try to recuperate.”
“And think,” she said. “I really needed to think. It’s like a bad dream. A four-year bad dream. And it’s finally really over. I don’t have to be afraid to leave Thunder Point...don’t have to be afraid of some bogeyman just around the corner.”
“Listen,” he said. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you. To explain...”
“Spencer, it’s all right. I understand. After all you’d been through you weren’t ready to get involved with some woman with a mysterious and bizarre past, with a child, with baggage. You don’t have to explain.”
He turned toward her. “If we hadn’t been sidetracked by Mercy’s abduction, this would be coming sooner. I realized immediately, I made a mistake.”
“I know. It’s all right. At least you caught it before it was too late.”
“Devon, my mistake was that I almost lost you. I almost let you get away. The idiotic part is that I let you go because I was afraid of losing you. When you asked me to be responsible for Mercy, it hit me like a ton of bricks—if I let myself make a life with you and something happened, something completely unpredictable and catastrophic, like a car accident or...or cancer...” He stopped for a second. He reached for her hand. “It makes no sense at all, but I panicked. I thought—if something happens to her? How will I live? How many people can I lose before I go completely crazy? And you? Lose you? For just one split second I thought it would be easier not to have you at all than to face something like that. Again.”
“I understand,” she said. “I really do.”
“Not yet, you don’t. When you came to the bar to ask Rawley for a weapon so you could go after Mercy, I faced it head-on—there it was, that thing I feared the most, that your life could be in danger. And, Devon, I love you too much to let you go. I don’t know if we’ll have six weeks together or sixty years—it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I have you in my life, in my arms, for as long as we’re lucky enough to get.”
She stared at him, openmouthed.
He smiled at her. “Now is the part where you say you understand.”
She turned toward him. “Spencer, think about what you’re saying. You’re not ready, you know you’re not. This panic could rise again anytime. Don’t get ahead of yourself here, because I don’t want to love you and count on you and have you—”
He slid an arm around her waist and pulled her to him, holding her hard against his chest while he went after her mouth like a starving man. Her eyes flew open in surprise, but a moment later she was holding him, returning the kiss. He moaned in appreciation, wishing he would never have to release her. But eventually he did because there was talking to do. “I love you, Devon. I wasn’t looking for it, I didn’t expect it, but I love you. I was so busy worrying about my own fears, my own losses, I didn’t really think about yours. You’ve been through so much, but you didn’t even blink. You never panicked. You just faced it all head-on.” He took a breath. “I don’t know what life will throw at us, but I can’t reel it back in. I’m in love with you. It’s a done deal.”
She just shook her head. “I don’t know, Spencer. I do love you, but I’m afraid to get involved again. Maybe we should just give it some time.”
“No time like the present,” he said. “If you ever feel like you’re in over your head or if you’re having second thoughts, you tell me. I’m not going to hold you captive—I’m just going to love you as well as I can for as long as I can. I don’t deserve it, but will you give me another chance? We were so good together.”
“We were,” she said, giving him a small smile.
“I want to marry you.”
“Now wait a minute. I’m not sure I’m convinced enough to take that plunge.”
“I just want to negotiate one plunge at a time—it’s all up to you. Let’s start with dinner and a game of Candy Land and after the kids are asleep...”
She couldn’t help it, she laughed at him. But then she started to cry.
“Aw, baby, don’t,” he said, pulling her into his arms again. “Don’t be afraid. I had a meltdown, that’s all. You know I’m not really that guy—that afraid-of-commitment kind of guy. That was just an overreaction. I know how I feel, I really do.”
“I’m a little too emotional to make a good decision about this.”
“I scared you, that’s all. I screwed up and made you think I’m fickle. That I don’t know what I want or how I feel. That I scare easy. But I’m not any of those things. I’ll prove it. Just let me try. Any time it doesn’t feel right, all you have to do is say so, tell me what you want and you’ll have it. I just want a chance. I can’t walk away from you again.”
“I want to,” she said. “It made me so happy, loving you, being loved by you.”
He wiped away her tears with the pad of his thumb. “Devon, I’d walk into hell for you, I love you that much. Let’s take it one day at a time. Together. Can you trust me that much?”
She put her hand against his cheek. “Do you have any idea how special I felt with you? Curled up on the couch, just watching a movie? Hanging out with the kids? Watching you train or coach your team? Making love?”
“We’ll have all that again, I promise. I’ll be there for you, I swear.”
“One day at a time? You’ll let me relearn that I can count on you?”
“Absolutely. I won’t rush you, but I’m ready.”
She sniffed back her tears. “Okay, then. I’ll give us a try.”
He grabbed her and kissed her again, deeply, passionately, holding her against him so tightly he was surprised she didn’t break.
There was a tapping on his shoulder and he broke away to stare into Mercy’s beautiful blue eyes.
“Why you always kissing?” she asked.
“Because I love your mommy,” he said.
“Oh,” she said. And she turned and went back to her bucket and pail.
He chuckled. Then he looked at Devon and said, “The first thing we’ll do is spend some quality time together. Then I’m taking you to a jewelry store so you can pick out a ring.”
“Spencer,” she said in warning.
“You don’t have to wear it until you’re ready, but I want you to have one. I want to spend my life with you. With you and Mercy and Austin.”
“You’re going to rush me,” she said.
“Go easy on me, honey. I almost lost you.”
“I almost lost you, too, Spencer,” she whispered.
* * *
Eric got a call from Ashley—Gina wondered if he’d be willing to come to the house to have a chat with her and her husband. Here it comes, he thought. He didn’t regret the way he played it out—giving them plenty of time to talk it over and give him an honest answer regarding his possible full-time presence in Thunder Point. It had been the right thing to do. He didn’t expect her to be happy with such a decision. After all, it brought into focus so many regrettable things from her past. Not only had she gotten pregnant by some loser who’d abandoned her, but that loser had gone to prison. What woman in her right mind wanted regular reminders?
The service station in Thunder Point had been a good piece of property, one that he could easily renovate. It wasn’t a rich town and he hadn’t expected to turn a big profit on gas and repairs, however some of his customers had come from far away for his custom restoration work and if he added space and equipment to any property, many of them would follow him. Classic car restoration was not only good business, most of his customers collected cars—it wasn’t usually a matter of one or two, but many. To that end, Eric had looked at many similar properties. He’d begun to like the idea of taking the investors’ money and putting it into something new, some little gem he could grow into something good.
When he arrived in Gina’s neighborhood at the edge of town, he felt an odd kind of happiness knowing that she’d settled herself so well. Life couldn’t have been easy for her, living with her mother and raising their daughter alone. But now, while she was still young, she had a fine husband, a good home and many nonjudgmental friends in Thunder Point. It gave him a sense of comfort, if not relief, to know he hadn’t completely destroyed her life. And she’d done an outstanding job with Ashley—she was as fine a young woman as any he’d ever met.
He had to park across the street and down the block. He walked to their house, up the walk and knocked on the door. Gina answered, smiling. “Hi, Eric. You’re right on time.”
“You said four o’clock. Listen, I hope you know I just want to be considerate of your feelings. Yours and Mac’s.”
“I know. That was thoughtful. And I want you to know, we discussed it at great length and you will have an honest response.”
“Thanks, Gina. I understand, I really do. I know I asked a lot. Ashley doesn’t really understand what it’s like to have ghosts and hard memories.”
“Oh, Eric,” she said with a laugh. “Ashley understands that better than just about anyone.”
“Right, I guess that’s right,” he said, remembering the rough spring she’d had, terrible breakup with a serious boyfriend, some cruel texting going on meant only to cause her hurt. “And I sure wouldn’t want to cause her any more...”
“We’re in the backyard, Eric. Follow me.”
She turned and walked through the house. He passed by the kitchen and saw a couple of women who seemed to be preparing food in there. Then out the sliding doors onto the deck and there, in the backyard, mingling around a couple of barbecues and sitting at picnic tables were many teenagers and children and older couples.
“I’m interrupting something,” he said.
Gina laughed. “No, Eric. You’re definitely not.”
Mac broke away from the grill, passing his spatula to a man beside him. He approached with his hand outstretched. “Welcome,” he said. “Glad you could make it.”
“What’s going on?” Eric asked, immediately uncomfortable.
Gina put a hand on his arm. “The answer was easy,” Gina said. “If you find a good business in this town and this is a place you’d like to settle, we’d be happy to welcome you to town. So we thought we’d introduce you to some of our friends.”
It was a good thing he wasn’t a crying fool, he thought. Not only was this one of the last things he ever expected, it was one of the kindest things anyone had ever done for him. “I don’t know what to say....”
“Well, say hello. I’ll make some introductions. Then you can tell me how you’d like your burger, not that I’m very great at getting it right,” Mac said. “Most of these folks have been here forever, but there are a few newcomers. They can give you some tips on settling in.”
“If you decide this is the right place for you,” Gina said. “We just thought we’d find a way to let you know—it would make us happy to have a new business and responsible citizen come to town. This seemed like a good way to demonstrate that.”
Good way to let him know? he thought. If these people had any lingering hope that he’d give up this opportunity, they were going to be disappointed.
He wanted to be a part of a community that behaved with compulsive kindness.
