The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms
Page 35

I rejected that image, that feeling, almost as soon as it came to my mind. But it was another warning.
* * *
The Maelstrom that begat us was slow, Nahadoth said. If he sensed my sudden unease, he gave no sign. I was born first, then Itempas. For uncountable eternities He and I were alone in the universefirst enemies, then beloved. He liked it that way.
I tried not to think of the priests tales. Tried not to wonder if Nahadoth was lying, toothough there was a feel of truth to his words that rang within me on an almost instinctive level. The Three were more than siblings; they were forces of nature, opposed yet inextricably linked. I, an only child and a mortal who had never had a beloved of her own, could not begin to understand their relationship. Yet I felt compelled to try.
When Enefa came along Lord Itempas saw her as an interloper?
Yes. Even though before her we felt our incompleteness. We were made to be Three, not two. Itempas resented that, as well.
Then Nahadoth glanced at me sidelong. In the shadow of my body, for just an instant, the uncertain shift of his face resolved into a singular perfection of lines and features that made my breath catch. I had never seen anything so beautiful. At once I understood why Itempas had killed Enefa to have him.
Does it amuse you to hear that we can be just as selfish and prideful as humankind? There was an edge to Nahadoths voice now. I barely noticed it. I could not look away from his face. We made you in our image, remember. All our flaws are yours.
No, I said. A-all that surprises me are the lies Ive been told.
I would have expected the Darre to do a better job of preserving the truth. He leaned closer, slow, subtle. Something predatory was in his eyesand I, entranced, was easy prey. Not every race of humankind worships Itempas by choice, after all. I would have thought their ennu at least would know the old ways.
I would have thought so, too. I clenched my hand around the silver fruitstone, feeling light-headed. I knew that once my people had been heretics. That was why the Amn called races like mine darkling: we had accepted the Bright only to save ourselves when the Arameri threatened us with annihilation. But what Nahadoth impliedthat some of my people had known the real reason for the Gods War all along and had hidden it from meno. That I could not, did not want to, believe.
There had always been whispers about me. Doubts. My Amn hair, my Amn eyes. My Amn mother, who might have inculcated me with her Arameri ways. I had fought so hard to win my peoples respect. I thought I had succeeded.
No, I whispered. My grandmother would have told me
Wouldnt she?
So many secrets surround you, the Nightlord whispered. So many lies, like veils. Shall I strip them away for you? His hand touched my hip. I could not help jumping. His nose brushed mine, his breath tickling my lips. You want me.
If I had not already been trembling, I would have begun. N-no.
So many lies. On the last word, his tongue licked out to brush my lips. Every muscle in my body seemed to tighten; I could not help whimpering. I saw myself on the green grass again, under him, pinned by him. I saw myself on a bedthe very bed on which I sat. I saw him take me on my mothers bed, his face savage and his movements violent, and I did not own him or control him. How had I ever dared to imagine that I might? He used me and I was helpless, crying out in pain and want. I was his and he devoured me, relishing my sanity as he tore it apart and swallowed it in oozing chunks. He would destroy me and I would love every minute of it.
Oh gods The irony of my oath was lost on me. I reached up, burying my hands in his black aura to push at him. I felt cool night air and thought my hands would just go on, touching nothing. Instead I encountered solid flesh, a warm body, cloth. I clutched at the latter to remind me of reality and danger. It was so hard not to pull him closer. Please dont. Please, oh gods, please dont.
He still loomed over me. His mouth still brushed mine, so that I felt his smile. Is that a command?
I was shaking with fear and desire and effort. The last finally paid off as I managed to turn my face away from his. His cool breath tickled my neck and I felt it down my whole body, the most intimate of caresses. I had never wanted a man so much, never in my whole life. I had never been so afraid.
Please, I said again.
He kissed me, very lightly, on my neck. I tried not to moan and failed miserably. I ached for him. But then he sighed, rose, and walked over to the window. The black tendrils of his power lingered on me a moment longer; I had been almost buried in his darkness. But as he moved away the tendrils released mereluctantly, it seemedand settled back into the usual restlessness of his aura.
I wrapped my arms around myself, wondering if I would ever stop shivering.
Your mother was a true Arameri, said Nahadoth.