The Jesus Incident
Chapter Twenty-Four

You speak of gods. Very well. Avata speaks that language now. Avata says consciousness is the Species-God's gift to the individual. Conscience is the Individual-God's gift to the species. In conscience you find the structure, the form of consciousness, the beauty.
- Kerro Panille, Translations from the Avata
HALI FELT no passage of time, but when the echoes of her own voice stopped reverberating in her consciousness, she found she was facing herself. She still sensed the tiny reaching lab which Ship had revealed behind the terminal in Records. And there was her own flesh in that lab. Her body lay stretched out on the yellow couch, and she stared down at it without knowing how she did this. Light filled the lab, splashed from every surface. It startled her how different she appeared from the mirror image she had known all of her life. The slick yellow material of the couch accented her brown skin. She thought the brilliance of the light should be dazzling, but could feel no discomfort. Where her short black hair stopped below her left ear there was a dark mole. Her nose ring caught the light and glittered against her skin. An odd aura surrounded her body.
She wanted to speak and for a panic-seized instant wondered how she could do this. It was as though she struggled to get back into her body. Sudden calm washed her and she heard Ship's voice.
"I am here, Ekel."
"Is that like hybernation?" She had no sensation of speaking, but heard her own voice.
"Far more difficult, Ekel. I show you this because you must remember it."
"I'll remember."
Abruptly, she felt herself tumbling slowly in darkness. And at the front of her awareness was Ship's promise to give her another body for this experience. An old woman's body. How will that feel?
There was no answer except the tunnel. It was a long, warm tunnel and the most disturbing thing was that it contained no heartbeat, no pulse at all. But there was a glimmer of light at some distance and she could glimpse a hillside beyond the light. Raised shipside, she understood corridors without thinking about them, but when she emerged through the oval whiteness it was a shock to find herself in an unconfined area.
Now, there was a pulse beat, though. It was in her breast. She put a hand there, felt rough fabric and looked down. The hand was dark, old and wrinkled. That's not my hand!
She looked around. It was a hillside. She felt the deep vulnerability of her presence here. There was sunlight, a golden glowing which felt good to this body. She looked at her feet, her arms: an old body. And there were other people at a distance.
Ship spoke in her mind: "It will take a moment for you to become acquainted with this body. Do not try to rush it."
Yes - she could feel her awareness creeping outward through halting linkages. Sandals covered her feet; she felt the straps. Rough ground underfoot when she tried two shuffling steps. Fabric swished against her ankle...coarsely woven sack of a garment. She felt how it abraded her shoulders when she moved; it was the only garment covering her bod.... no. There was a piece of cloth wound around her hair. She reached up and touched it, turning as she did this to face downhill.
A crowd of several hundred people could be seen down there - perhaps as many as three hundred. She was not sure.
She felt that this body might have been running before she assumed her place in it. Breathing was difficult. A stink of old perspiration assaulted her nostrils.
She could hear the crowd now: a murmurous animal noise. They were moving slowly uphill toward her. The people in it surrounded a man who dragged what appeared to be part of a tree over his shoulder. As he drew nearer, she saw blood on his face, an odd circlet at his bro.... it looked like a spiney sweat band. The man appeared to have been beaten; bruises and cuts could be discerned through his shredded gray robe.
While the man still was at some distance from her, she saw him stumble and fall on his face in the dirt. A woman in a faded blue robe hurried to help him up but she was beaten back by two young men who wore crested helmets and stiff upper garments which glittered. There were many such men in the crowd. Two of them were kicking and prodding the fallen man, trying to force him to his feet.
Armor, she thought, recalling her history holos. They're wearing armor.
A sense of the great time which stretched between this moment and her shipside life threatened to overwhelm her. Ship?
Be calm, Ekel. Be calm.
She forced several deep, painful breaths into the old lungs. The armored men, she saw, wore dark skirts which covered them to the knees...heavy sandals on their feet, metal greaves over their shins. Each had a short sword sheathed at the shoulder with the handle sticking up beside his head. They used long staves to control the crow.... No, she corrected herself. They were using spears, clubbing the crowd back with the butt ends.
The crowd was milling around now, concealing the fallen figure from her. There was a great screaming and crying from the...conflict which she did not understand.
Some called out: "Let him up! Please let him up!"
Others shouted: "Beat the bastard! Beat him!"
And there was one shrill voice heard above all the others: "Stone him here! He won't make it to the top."
A line of the armored men pushed the crowd back, leaving a tall dark man beside the fallen one. The dark man glanced all around, his fear obvious. He jerked to one side, trying to flee, but two of the armored men cut him off, swinging the butts of their spears at him. He dodged back to the side of the fallen man.
One of the soldiers shook the pointed tip of his spear at the dark one, shouted something which Hali could not make out. But the dark one stooped and picked up the tree, lifting it off the fallen one.
What is happening here?
Observe and do not interfere.
A cluster of women was wailing nearby. As the fallen man climbed to his feet and accompanied the dark one, who now dragged the tree, all moved up the hill toward Hali. She watched them carefully, seeking any clue to tell her what was happening. Obviously, it was something painful. Was it momentous? Why had Ship insisted she witness this scene?
They drew nearer. The beaten man lurched along and, presently, stopped near the wailing women. Hali saw that he was barely able to stand. One of the women slipped through the ring of soldiers and mopped the injured man's bloody face with a gray cloth. He coughed in long, hard spasms, holding his left side and grimacing with each cough.
Hali's med-tech training dominated her awareness. The man was badly injured - broken ribs at least, and perhaps a punctured lung. There was blood at the corner of his mouth. She wanted to run to him, use her sophisticated skills to ease his suffering.
Do not interfere!
Ship's presence was like a palpable thing, a wall between her and the injured man.
Steady, Ekel.
Ship was in her mind.
She gripped her hands into fists, took several deep gasping breaths. This brought the smell of the crowd into focus. It was the most disgusting sensory experience she had ever known. They were rank with an unwashed festering. How could they survive the things which her nostrils reported?
She heard the injured man speak then. His voice was soft and directed at the women who fell silent when he spoke. "Weep not for me, but for your children." Hali heard him clearly. Such tenderness in that voice! One of the armored men struck the injured one in the back with a spear butt then, forcing him to resume that lurching march uphill. They drew nearer. The dark one dragged the section of tree.
What were they doing?
The injured one looked back at the cluster of women who once more were wailing. His voice was strong, much stronger than Hali had thought possible.
"If they do these things in a green tree, what will they do in a dry?"
Turning back, the injured one looked full at Hali. He still clutched his side and she saw the characteristic red froth of a lung puncture at his lips.
Ship! What are they doing to him?
Observe.
The injured one said: "You have traveled far to see this."
Ship intruded on her shock: "He's talking to you, Ekel. You can answer him."
The dust of the crowd welled up around her and she choked on it before being able to speak, then: "Ho.... how do you know how far I've come?"
It was an old woman's cracked voice she heard issuing from her mouth.
"You are not hidden from me," the injured one said.
One of the soldiers laughed at her then and thrust his spear in her direction. He did it almost playfully. "Get along, old woman. You may've traveled far but I can send you farther."
His companions guffawed at the jest.
Hali recalled Ship's reassurance: No one bothers an old woman. The injured man called out to her: "Let them know it was done!"
Then the angry shouts of the crowd and the swirling, odorous dust engulfed her. She almost choked as they moved past, caught by a coughing spasm which cleared her throat. When she could, she turned to gaze after the crowd and a gasp was forced from her. At the top of the hill beyond the crowd two men were hanging on tree constructions with crosspieces such as that being dragged along with the injured man.
A momentary opening in the crowd gave her another glimpse of the injured one and, turning back toward her, he shouted: "If anyone understands God's will, you must."
Once more, the milling crowd hid him from her.
God's will?
A hand touched her arm and she jerked away in fright, whirling to see a young man in a long brown robe at her side. His breath smelled of sewage. And his voice was an unctuous whine.
"He says you come from afar, mother," the foul-breathed one said. "Do you know him?"
The look in Foul-breath's eyes made her acutely aware of the vulnerable old flesh which housed her consciousness. This was a dangerous ma.... very dangerous. The look in his eyes reminded her of Oakes. He could cause great pain.
"You had better answer me," he said, and there was poison in his voice.
You call Avata "Firefly in the night of the sea." Avata has doubts about such words because Avata sees the landscape of your mind. Avata moves through your landscape with difficulty. It shifts and twists and changes as Avata goes through. But Avata has made such journeys before. Avata is an explorer of such landscapes. Your phantoms are Avata's guides. We are linked in motion.
What is this thing you call "the natural universe"? Is that something taken from your god? Ahhh, you have separated your parts to create the unique. You do not need this separation for your creations. This fluid evasiveness of your landscape is your strength. The pattern.... ahhh, the patterns. From yourself come the forces which shape the course of each thought. Why do you confine your thought in a tiny fixed landscape?
You find a distinction between measurement and preparation of your landscape. You continually prepare, saying: "I am going to say something abou...." But that limits what you say and it tells your listener to accept your limits. All such measurement and limiting date back to a common system in a simple, linear landscape. Look about you, Human! Where do your senses find such simplicity?
Does a second look at the landscape yield the same view as the first look? Why is your will so inflexible?