“You paid for this house. It’s your home even more than mine. Make it your home.”
“I will if that’s what you want.”
“More than anything.” He opened his eyes and looked up at Søren. “No one loves me. And I don’t love anyone here. No one trusts me and I don’t trust anyone. I need you.”
“You trust me? After what I did to you?”
“I trust you. Because of what you did to me.”
Søren took a deep breath. Kingsley felt his chest rise and fall.
Kingsley sensed Søren’s reluctance to pull away, but pull away he did.
“I’ll help your girl,” Kingsley said. “I know people. I’ll make sure she doesn’t go away.”
“Don’t hate her. You’ll want to hate her, and we both know why. But try to keep your heart open.”
“How long have you been back in the United States?” Kingsley asked.
Søren seemed taken aback by the question.
“A few months,” he said.
“You’ve been to the city before?”
“Yes.”
“But you never came to see me.”
Søren didn’t say anything. Kingsley hated him for that silence.
“You weren’t planning on seeing me ever again, were you?” Kingsley asked.
“I thought about seeing you again,” Søren said. “I wasn’t sure if I should. For the obvious reasons.”
“Your little girl got herself in trouble, and that’s what it took to bring you back to me? How can I hate her?”
Søren nodded. It looked as if he had something else to say. Whatever it was, he decided against saying it.
“I’ll come back tomorrow,” Søren said. “I’ve been up all night, and it looks like you have, too. We’ll talk more after we’ve both had some sleep.”
“Good.” Kingsley was so relieved to hear he’d see Søren tomorrow, he was almost ashamed of himself. He could have cried from relief. “I have a car. It can take you home.”
“It’s fine. I have a way back.”
“Please, don’t tell me you’re taking public transportation. I can handle the vow of celibacy better than that.”
Søren laughed—a joyful new morning laugh. Joyful? He hadn’t expected joy. Søren was happy in his new life? That was good. Kingsley wanted him happy. At least one of them was happy. Better than nothing.
“I promise, no public transportation.”
Kingsley followed Søren out on to the sidewalk. From the two-foot gap between his town house and the house next to him, Søren wheeled out a black motorcycle—a Ducati.
Kingsley whistled.
“If this is standard-issue transportation for Jesuits, no wonder you joined.”
“It’s a bribe, actually,” Søren said, pulling on a leather jacket and zipping it up. He slipped his white collar out of his shirt and pocketed it. Just like that, Søren ceased looking like a priest and became himself again in Kingsley’s eyes.
“Priests take bribes?”
“We have a long history of it. Ever heard of indulgences?”
“My entire life is an indulgence.”
“I’m starting to see that,” Søren said, looking the town house up and down. “But this bribe was my father’s doing. He assumed—wrongly—that I’d drop out of seminary so I could keep it. Jesuits hold all property in common. If I accepted the bike and stayed in seminary, I’d have to give it up to the order. They often sell large expensive gifts and use the money for more important things—like food and books.”
“What happened?”
“I told my superior at the province. He told me to take the bike, become a priest and let my father go to hell. That’s the sort of spiritual counsel I can live with.”
“Your father must hate you.”
“Almost as much as I hate him.”
Søren started the engine. Before he could drive off, Kingsley stepped in front of the bike.
“Don’t forget the favor. Don’t leave me again,” Kingsley said.
“Again? You seem to be forgetting something,” Søren said.
“What?”
Søren looked him deep in the eyes. And in those gray depths Kingsley caught a glimpse of something. Fury—old, cold, but still burning.
“Eleven years ago, I didn’t leave you,” Søren said. “You left me first.”
And with that, Søren put on his helmet, revved up his bike and rode off into the street.
Funny. Kingsley had forgotten that.
He had left Søren first.
6
THE THINGS KINGSLEY did for love.
Kingsley took a breath, walked up the steps into the Eastside Rifle and Pistol Range. He was on time, but Robert Dixon was already there. Dixon caught Kingsley’s eye, nodded at him, then raised his pistol and shot six bullets into the target. Kingsley stood safely behind him and watched. Dixon could shoot. Kingsley had to give him that. Six bullets, six hits. He’d peppered an erratic circle around the target’s heart.
Dixon, aged forty and looking every day of it, took off his earmuffs.
“Your turn,” Dixon said to Kingsley. “Impress me, and I’ll hear you out.”
With another sigh, Kingsley put on his earmuffs and safety glasses, aimed his 9mm and shot six rounds into a fresh target. Two in the head between the eyes, two in the heart and two in the groin just to make Dixon think twice.
“I will if that’s what you want.”
“More than anything.” He opened his eyes and looked up at Søren. “No one loves me. And I don’t love anyone here. No one trusts me and I don’t trust anyone. I need you.”
“You trust me? After what I did to you?”
“I trust you. Because of what you did to me.”
Søren took a deep breath. Kingsley felt his chest rise and fall.
Kingsley sensed Søren’s reluctance to pull away, but pull away he did.
“I’ll help your girl,” Kingsley said. “I know people. I’ll make sure she doesn’t go away.”
“Don’t hate her. You’ll want to hate her, and we both know why. But try to keep your heart open.”
“How long have you been back in the United States?” Kingsley asked.
Søren seemed taken aback by the question.
“A few months,” he said.
“You’ve been to the city before?”
“Yes.”
“But you never came to see me.”
Søren didn’t say anything. Kingsley hated him for that silence.
“You weren’t planning on seeing me ever again, were you?” Kingsley asked.
“I thought about seeing you again,” Søren said. “I wasn’t sure if I should. For the obvious reasons.”
“Your little girl got herself in trouble, and that’s what it took to bring you back to me? How can I hate her?”
Søren nodded. It looked as if he had something else to say. Whatever it was, he decided against saying it.
“I’ll come back tomorrow,” Søren said. “I’ve been up all night, and it looks like you have, too. We’ll talk more after we’ve both had some sleep.”
“Good.” Kingsley was so relieved to hear he’d see Søren tomorrow, he was almost ashamed of himself. He could have cried from relief. “I have a car. It can take you home.”
“It’s fine. I have a way back.”
“Please, don’t tell me you’re taking public transportation. I can handle the vow of celibacy better than that.”
Søren laughed—a joyful new morning laugh. Joyful? He hadn’t expected joy. Søren was happy in his new life? That was good. Kingsley wanted him happy. At least one of them was happy. Better than nothing.
“I promise, no public transportation.”
Kingsley followed Søren out on to the sidewalk. From the two-foot gap between his town house and the house next to him, Søren wheeled out a black motorcycle—a Ducati.
Kingsley whistled.
“If this is standard-issue transportation for Jesuits, no wonder you joined.”
“It’s a bribe, actually,” Søren said, pulling on a leather jacket and zipping it up. He slipped his white collar out of his shirt and pocketed it. Just like that, Søren ceased looking like a priest and became himself again in Kingsley’s eyes.
“Priests take bribes?”
“We have a long history of it. Ever heard of indulgences?”
“My entire life is an indulgence.”
“I’m starting to see that,” Søren said, looking the town house up and down. “But this bribe was my father’s doing. He assumed—wrongly—that I’d drop out of seminary so I could keep it. Jesuits hold all property in common. If I accepted the bike and stayed in seminary, I’d have to give it up to the order. They often sell large expensive gifts and use the money for more important things—like food and books.”
“What happened?”
“I told my superior at the province. He told me to take the bike, become a priest and let my father go to hell. That’s the sort of spiritual counsel I can live with.”
“Your father must hate you.”
“Almost as much as I hate him.”
Søren started the engine. Before he could drive off, Kingsley stepped in front of the bike.
“Don’t forget the favor. Don’t leave me again,” Kingsley said.
“Again? You seem to be forgetting something,” Søren said.
“What?”
Søren looked him deep in the eyes. And in those gray depths Kingsley caught a glimpse of something. Fury—old, cold, but still burning.
“Eleven years ago, I didn’t leave you,” Søren said. “You left me first.”
And with that, Søren put on his helmet, revved up his bike and rode off into the street.
Funny. Kingsley had forgotten that.
He had left Søren first.
6
THE THINGS KINGSLEY did for love.
Kingsley took a breath, walked up the steps into the Eastside Rifle and Pistol Range. He was on time, but Robert Dixon was already there. Dixon caught Kingsley’s eye, nodded at him, then raised his pistol and shot six bullets into the target. Kingsley stood safely behind him and watched. Dixon could shoot. Kingsley had to give him that. Six bullets, six hits. He’d peppered an erratic circle around the target’s heart.
Dixon, aged forty and looking every day of it, took off his earmuffs.
“Your turn,” Dixon said to Kingsley. “Impress me, and I’ll hear you out.”
With another sigh, Kingsley put on his earmuffs and safety glasses, aimed his 9mm and shot six rounds into a fresh target. Two in the head between the eyes, two in the heart and two in the groin just to make Dixon think twice.
