The Last of the Red Hot Vampires
Chapter 11

"Here's another scone. And more coffee. Why did Theo tell me to tell you to be sure to put lots of jam on the scone?"
I accepted the plate of scones and cup of coffee, although I wasn't sure I could consume either. It was my fifth cup of coffee and fourth scone, and I was getting full. "He wants me to rebuild my strength."
"Uh-huh." Sarah sat down across from me, the tiny private dining room blissfully empty of everyone but the two of us. "OK, I've been the good friend. I didn't once smirk when Theo emerged from your room this morning. I didn't make any jokes about the fact that you obviously have the hickey to end all hickeys under that bandage on your neck. And I haven't even hinted that I'd like full details about what the two of you have been up to, even though, as your best friend, I believe I'm due some consideration in that area."
I sighed and pushed the half-eaten scone away.
"And just who is that man in the Indiana Jones hat who has been talking to Theo for the last hour?"
"His name is Christian Dante."
"Dante?" She looked thoughtful as she stirred a spoon of sugar in her tea. "There's an author named C. J. Dante, but he lives in the Czech Republic, not England. I wonder if he's related?"
"No idea. Christian is..." I took a deep breath and looked Sarah dead in the eye. "He's a vampire."
"A vampire?" Sarah's eyes grew huge. She dropped the spoon, chipping the edge of the saucer. "Oh my god, a Dark One? Then that has to be C. J. Dante! He writes about Dark Ones! Good god, I had no idea he was in England. We have the same publisher. I have to meet him!"
"Hang on a second," I said, stopping Sarah as she was about to rush out of the room. "There's something more."
"I have always wanted to meet a Dark One! Dante makes them sound so incredibly sexy! All dark and tormented, spending long centuries seeking their Beloved. This is wild! What is the something more?"
Dark and tormented. It didn't quite fit Theo, but who was I to quibble? "It's about Theo. He's...last night we...oh, I don't know where to start."
Sarah patted my hand in a comforting manner. "A simple, 'We had wild, sweaty bunny sex' would do."
"Well, we didn't. I mean, we did, but that's not all we did." I tried to sort out my unusually tangled thoughts. "We didn't start out the evening that way. I went to bed not long after you, and woke up in a crypt."
"A crypt? What crypt?"
"One in the ruined abbey we saw two days ago. I wasn't alone in the crypt - there was a woman named Noelle, who was some sort of demon wrangler or something. She said she was there to administer the third trial. She summoned a demon, and I was supposed to subdue it."
I thought Sarah's eyes were going to pop right out of her head. "Oh my god! A demon?" She scrabbled in her purse for the minirecorder she carried around to make notes on book ideas. "Start over again. I want to get all of this down."
I told her about the trial, how Theo had shown up, and how my experience with the demon had at last dropped the blinkers from my eyes.
"About time, too," Sarah said with no little satisfaction.
"I'm willing to concede you were right, and admit you won the bet, but any 'I told you sos' will be summarily ignored."
She grinned. "Fair enough. It's worth swallowing them to get you to admit you were wrong. Proceed."
By the time I had described our time spent with the demon lord, Sarah was taking frantic notes on a tiny notepad. "This is incredible material. I can't believe you had the balls to talk back to a demon lord! So, what was this curse he put on Theo? It can't be too serious - he looked fine a few minutes ago. And obviously, if you guys spent the night together, I take it that none of his various and sundry parts were harmed."
I looked past her, out the window. It was sunny and fairly warm. An hour earlier, Theo had stepped outside the pub to greet the Dark One who had come to see him, only to end up with a nasty burn on his arms and face. It seemed that about one thing, legend was correct - vampires and sunlight didn't mix. "No, nothing was harmed in the way you mean...unless you call having your soul ripped from your being and a curse damning you to eternal vampire-hood harm. Which, it need not be said, I do."
Sarah did her googly-eyed impression of a pug. "You're kidding!"
I lifted an eyebrow at her.
"Oh dear god, you're not kidding! Theo is a vampire?"
"Could you speak a little louder, Sarah? I don't think everyone in the village heard you."
"He's a vampire?" Her voice dropped until it was a husky whisper. "He can't be a vampire - he's an angel."
"No, he's the son of a fallen angel, and evidently there is no rule that says nephilims can't also be vampires. I am told the correct terminology is Dark One. That's why the Christian person is here - Theo's hoping to get some information from him about how to go about changing back to his normal self. Or as normal as an immortal person can be."
"This is absolutely astounding," Sarah said, her eyes distant as she poked a scone with her butter knife. "I can't believe this is really happening, but you're the last person on earth who would ever try to pull my leg about something like this. A vampire! You know, Portia..." She looked up at me. "There are some drawbacks to having a boyfriend who is a Dark One."
Theo found me five minutes later, wiping my eyes and hiccupping with the aftereffects of laughter that was only slightly tinged with hysteria.
"I'm delighted to see you're so amused about the situation," he said, handing me the napkin that had fallen from my lap.
"It's better to laugh than go outright insane. Did you get all the information you needed?"
Theo turned and gestured to the man in the doorway. "Yes, thanks to Christian."
"We did not have the opportunity to be introduced earlier," Christian said, coming forward and taking my hand. He made an old-fashioned bow over it that should have seemed hokey, but was quite the opposite. "I am delighted to make your acquaintance. It is not often I meet a Beloved who is also a member of the Court of Divine Blood."
"Beloved?" I sent Theo a quick, embarrassed glance. "We've only just...that is, we're not really...we're not...oh, crap." I glared at Theo. "Would you like to tell the man that we only just met, and have not yet established if there is a relationship waiting to happen?"
The two men exchanged looks. Sarah looked uncomfortable. The silence in the room was thick with some unspoken comment.
"What?" I asked them all.
"There are a few things I need to explain to you," Theo said, taking my hand and pulling me toward the hall.
"You have my mobile number if you have any other questions," Christian said as I reluctantly followed my personal champion.
Theo tossed a thank you over his shoulder. As I closed the door, Sarah was pouncing on Christian with an explanation of who she was, and how they were related by publisher.
"I'm not sure it's the wisest thing in the world to leave them alone," I said as we went upstairs to my room. "She can be horribly fangirl about some authors."
"He'll survive. There are a few things you should know that I felt you'd prefer hearing privately."
"Uh-oh." I entered my room, sitting primly on a chair. "That doesn't sound good. Is it about you being a Dark One?"
"Yes." Theo paced to the window, spun around, and paced back to the door, one hand ruffling his hair.
"I have an awful feeling you're going to say you can't get your soul back, but I refuse to accept that. If someone can take something away, someone else must be able to put it back. I was quite serious when I said I would do whatever it takes to get your soul back, you know. I am aware such a thing won't be easy, but I am fully dedicated to doing whatever is required."
"It's not quite that easy." Theo paced past me.
"But it can be done? You can get your soul back?"
"In a manner of speaking." Theo made three more passes before he sat on the end of the bed and fixed me with a grey-eyed look. "Christian was very informative about Dark Ones. It turns out there are two types - those born of an unredeemed father, and those cursed by a demon lord."
"Unredeemed? There's redemption possible?"
"Yes." He took a deep breath. "Each Dark One has a female counterpart, a woman who is, for lack of a better word, his soul mate. This woman is called a Beloved, and she has the ability to restore to the Dark One his soul."
"Beloved. That's what Christian called me. You think I'm your soul mate?"
"Yes. I don't know. Possibly." Theo jumped up and resumed pacing. "The relationship between a Beloved and a Dark One is a complicated thing. He can take blood only from her. Their lives are linked together - if for some reason she is destroyed, he dies as well."
"That seems a bit extreme," I said slowly, watching him as I thought about the ramifications of what he was saying. "There's a flaw in that reasoning. Christian called me a Beloved, but you don't have your soul back."
"No, there are seven steps we would have to go through before you would be considered a bona fide Beloved." He walked to the window, pulling the curtain back to look out. Sunlight spilled into the room, causing him to yelp when it splashed across his bare wrist. "I gather Christian referred to you in that manner as a courtesy, rather than as a description."
"Seven steps, seven trials...is that the only number you people know?"
"It's a good number," he said, stalking past me. "It's a prime number. Those are always good."
I was unable to keep from smiling. "Words to warm the heart of anyone who's spent the time I did in math classes. What are the seven steps?"
"Christian gave me a list." He stopped in front of me, pulling out a small card. "First is marking."
"Marking? Like a cat marking its territory?" My nose scrunched at the thought.
"No. Evidently the fact that we can communicate without speaking is a form of marking."
"Ah." I mentally cleared my throat. It is pretty different, I'll give you that.
"Yes. Second is protection from afar."
I thought. "Well, you did save Sarah and me from those whatever-they-weres."
"Hashmallim."
"Yeah. Is that considered from afar?"
Theo shrugged. "Third is an exchange of body fluids."
"Body...oh. Well, we've done that."
To my secret delight, Theo smiled. I felt a warm little glow at the sight of it. "Actually, Christian said a French kiss would qualify in that situation."
"I see. Well, I'm happy to revisit that step as often as you like."
His eyes darkened to charcoal. "The fourth step requires me to entrust my life to you by giving you the means to destroy me."
I looked away. "Well, I've failed that one already. I've destroyed your soul - I don't know what can ever wipe clear that sin."
His hands were warm on my knees as he knelt before me. "I've told you that you are not to blame for what happened. If you continue to be obstinate, I will be forced to take action."
"What sort of action?"
His smile grew wicked. "Trust me, you will find my gratitude far more to your liking."
Images grew in my mind, erotic images that I knew were Theo's fantasies. My nipples tightened. My breath grew short. And I had the most overwhelming urge to push him backward and do all the things to him that he wanted to do to me. "All right. I'm willing to concede that your good humor is by far a better attitude to cultivate. Is it hot in here?"
"I'm always hot when you're near me," he said, his voice rich with innuendo.
I shivered at the blatantly carnal thoughts he was sharing. "I won't say I'm not interested in the things you'd like to do, especially that one with the pillows, although I'm not sure I'm limber enough to pull it off, but I do think that we should concentrate on getting your soul back first."
Reluctantly, Theo ceased thinking of ways he'd like to make love to me, and consulted the list again. "The fifth step is the second exchange of body fluids, and yes, last night would count for that."
I grinned.
"The sixth requires you to assist me in overcoming my darker self."
"Darker self," I repeated, wondering what that meant. "I suppose getting you back your soul might qualify for that, but if it doesn't, there's always getting you pardoned with the Court."
His jaw tightened. "Assuming we can make that happen."
I brushed an errant curl off his forehead. "We will. I'm not going to go through all this just to make it rain at my command. If I'm going to do this whole virtue thing, then I'm going to get you what you need for a pardon."
"I'm beginning to think I will not be able to get along without you," he said, kissing my knuckles.
My heart melted at his words. I looked down at his head as he nibbled on my fingers, wondering how I could fall so fast and so hard for a man who I was convinced was a lunatic felon a few days ago. "So far this seems very doable. What's the last step?"
"A blood exchange, followed by a sacrifice where you offer something in recompense for my soul."
"What sort of a something?"
He stood up, pulling me to my feet and into his arms. "Christian didn't say. I gather it's something unique to each couple. Kiss me."
"Oh, I don't think so," I said, squirming out of his arms. "If I do that, we'll end up spending the whole day in bed, and much as I'd like that, we have a soul to find."
A frown creased his brow, as if he was going to argue with me, but after a moment's thought, he nodded. "It saddens me to agree, but you are correct, although there is a more pressing concern than conducting the seven steps of Joining."
"The trials," I said, changing my shoes from sandals to tennis shoes. "Yes, I was thinking about that. I'm getting a little tired of having these trials sprung on us when we least expect them."
A slow smile spread across his face as I stood up. "I think one of the things I admire most about you is the way you face life head-on. It's refreshing to find a woman who doesn't play games."
"Hey now." I poked him in the chest, then smoothed over the spot with the palm of my hand. "Men play just as many games as women do."
"True, but we aren't the masters of manipulation that you women are."
I gave a faux sigh, opening the door as I did so. "Spoken like a man raised in the dark ages. Can you take me to the Court of Divine Blood?"
The retort that perched on the edge of Theo's mind faded away in his surprise. "You want to go to the Court?"
"I do." I took his hand as we walked down the hall toward the stairs, a secret part of me thrilling to the sensation of his thumb brushing the top of my hand. "It's time we take charge of this situation, Theo, and I mean to do just that. I'm going to see whoever is in charge, and have a little discussion about this whole trial thing. And while we're there, we can find out what it will take to get you a pardon."
"You think it will be just that easy?" he asked, amusement rich in his voice and face.
"Of course it won't be easy. But we can at least approach the problem in a logical manner, and that means learning enough to have a sound understanding of what sorts of solutions are reasonable. Thus, to Court we go."
Theo's lips twitched.
"We are smart people, Theo," I said as we marched down the stairs, pausing so he could don a long overcoat and a hat he'd bought off the pub owner. "We both have perfectly good brains, you have knowledge of the Court, and I have...well, I know physics, which I'm not quite certain how it will benefit us, but I am confident that we'll figure it all out."
Theo's laughter trailed behind him as we dashed out to his car.
It failed to reassure me.