They made their way down the hall and she’d finally accepted that it obviously wasn’t any of her business how they met when he spoke.
“Fritz Brose and I met about ten years ago. He was my mentor.” He flashed her a smile. “You could say everything I learned about BDSM, I learned from him.”
“I thought you said you researched it while at university.”
“I did. He was my main source of information and when I decided to take a more hands-on approach, he said he’d make sure I learned the right way.” He came to a stop outside of the kitchen. “You’ve heard people say there’s no one true way?”
She nodded.
“Fritz doesn’t believe that. There’s his way and there’s the wrong way.”
Those words still echoed in her head when the doorbell rang a few hours later.
Cole instructed her to wait in the living room and though he didn’t specifically tell her, she knelt by the couch. She wore a green dress that came to her knees when she stood. She thought it brought out the green in her eyes, and that the plunging neckline showed off the collar.
Funny, she didn’t own a lot of dresses, but they were Cole’s number-one item for her to wear and she’d grown to like them. She could only imagine the look Julie would give her if she started wearing dresses to work. At the moment, work and Julie seemed so far away, like they belonged in a different world.
From the hallway came the sound of male laughter. She double-checked her posture in her mind to make sure she was perfectly positioned and took a deep breath.
Cole’s voice seemed to be filled with pride when he spoke from the doorway. “Come on in. There’s someone waiting to see you.”
“Ah, the lovely Kate,” a gruff voice replied and then just as suddenly added, “That’s not Kate.”
Tears sprang to her eyes unbidden, but even worse, the familiar unrelenting clawing of a panic attack filled her throat. Her body shook. She tried to say something, but all that came out was a squeak.
“Bloody hell, Fritz.” Pride no longer filled Cole’s voice and suddenly he was on the floor, by her side. “I’m going to touch your back,” he said, reverting back to how he’d talked to her weeks ago.
She couldn’t even nod, but his hand felt good and his whispered, “Breathe in, little one,” helped ground her. She took a shaky breath in.
“Good girl,” he said. “Exhale for me.”
Her body obeyed without effort.
“There we go. Again.”
Deep breath in. Let it out.
His hand rubbed her back in comforting circles. “Again for me. You’re safe. Nothing will hurt you while I’m here.”
Safe.
The panic receded.
“Excellent. One more time.” His hand moved up her back and brushed the training collar. “Who am I?”
“Cole,” she whispered. “You’re Cole.”
“That’s right and what are you?”
“Safe.”
“You are, Sasha. You are safe and nothing’s going to touch you or hurt you.” He continued rubbing her back while he talked. “And you looked so gorgeous kneeling here waiting for us. I’d never seen a more beautiful sight.”
“I’m sorry.” She didn’t know why she was apologizing. Maybe because she’d messed up the meeting with his friend or maybe because she wasn’t Kate.
“There’s nothing to apologize for, little one. It’s my fault.”
Actually, now that her mind was clearing up, she really thought it was Fritz’s fault. Fritz, who hadn’t said a word during the entire exchange.
“Can you come sit with me on the couch?” Cole asked.
She nodded, not sure she was ready to meet Fritz, but she had to try. She took a hasty glance around the room as she stood. It was empty.
Cole led her to the couch and pulled her into his lap. “He’s waiting in the kitchen.”
His arms felt so good around her. She didn’t ever want to leave their shelter.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “It was my fault. I didn’t tell Fritz about Kate and I breaking up, so he assumed it was her waiting in the living room. To be honest, it’s been almost nine months. She’s so far out of mind lately, it didn’t even occur to me to tell him.”
She snuggled deeper into his embrace.
“I’m fairly certain Fritz is beating himself up in the kitchen. I know you don’t know him, but that’s not a common occurrence. When you’re up to it, I know he’d like to apologize to you.”
“Can I sit here just a little bit longer, Sir?”
“For as long as you like.” And she didn’t think she imagined his arms tightening around her. “God, Sasha. You have to know there isn’t a thing in this world I’d do to hurt you.”
She inhaled deeply, drawing in the scent of him. “I know.”
“When I saw you start to shake . . .”
“You always know what to say to make me feel better and to stop it.”
“Before today, it’d been quite some time since your last attack, right?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Good. I’ll be thrilled when you don’t have them anymore.”
“You and me both.”
He kissed her head and stroked her arm and in that moment, she closed her eyes and let herself get lost in his embrace. Pretended, just for a second, that she was his and he would always be at her side to keep the panic from taking over.
But as comforting as his arms were and as much as she enjoyed being in his lap, they couldn’t stay like that forever. She pulled back. “I’m ready to meet him, Sir.”
“Are you sure? If you’re not up to it, I’ll send him away and tell him to come back later.”
Though she would never ask him to do that, just him saying it endeared him to her even more. “I’m positive.”
He helped her to her feet and then put his arm around her as they walked to the kitchen. Fritz had been sitting at the table, but he stood when they made it inside.
He was devilishly handsome with sharp, angular features that spoke of his German heritage. His hair was dark and cut above his collar. His eyes traveled over her in frank assessment and then he looked to Cole. For permission, she supposed. Everything about the way Cole was touching her said, “Mine.” She looked up at him, and he nodded.
“Fritz Brose and I met about ten years ago. He was my mentor.” He flashed her a smile. “You could say everything I learned about BDSM, I learned from him.”
“I thought you said you researched it while at university.”
“I did. He was my main source of information and when I decided to take a more hands-on approach, he said he’d make sure I learned the right way.” He came to a stop outside of the kitchen. “You’ve heard people say there’s no one true way?”
She nodded.
“Fritz doesn’t believe that. There’s his way and there’s the wrong way.”
Those words still echoed in her head when the doorbell rang a few hours later.
Cole instructed her to wait in the living room and though he didn’t specifically tell her, she knelt by the couch. She wore a green dress that came to her knees when she stood. She thought it brought out the green in her eyes, and that the plunging neckline showed off the collar.
Funny, she didn’t own a lot of dresses, but they were Cole’s number-one item for her to wear and she’d grown to like them. She could only imagine the look Julie would give her if she started wearing dresses to work. At the moment, work and Julie seemed so far away, like they belonged in a different world.
From the hallway came the sound of male laughter. She double-checked her posture in her mind to make sure she was perfectly positioned and took a deep breath.
Cole’s voice seemed to be filled with pride when he spoke from the doorway. “Come on in. There’s someone waiting to see you.”
“Ah, the lovely Kate,” a gruff voice replied and then just as suddenly added, “That’s not Kate.”
Tears sprang to her eyes unbidden, but even worse, the familiar unrelenting clawing of a panic attack filled her throat. Her body shook. She tried to say something, but all that came out was a squeak.
“Bloody hell, Fritz.” Pride no longer filled Cole’s voice and suddenly he was on the floor, by her side. “I’m going to touch your back,” he said, reverting back to how he’d talked to her weeks ago.
She couldn’t even nod, but his hand felt good and his whispered, “Breathe in, little one,” helped ground her. She took a shaky breath in.
“Good girl,” he said. “Exhale for me.”
Her body obeyed without effort.
“There we go. Again.”
Deep breath in. Let it out.
His hand rubbed her back in comforting circles. “Again for me. You’re safe. Nothing will hurt you while I’m here.”
Safe.
The panic receded.
“Excellent. One more time.” His hand moved up her back and brushed the training collar. “Who am I?”
“Cole,” she whispered. “You’re Cole.”
“That’s right and what are you?”
“Safe.”
“You are, Sasha. You are safe and nothing’s going to touch you or hurt you.” He continued rubbing her back while he talked. “And you looked so gorgeous kneeling here waiting for us. I’d never seen a more beautiful sight.”
“I’m sorry.” She didn’t know why she was apologizing. Maybe because she’d messed up the meeting with his friend or maybe because she wasn’t Kate.
“There’s nothing to apologize for, little one. It’s my fault.”
Actually, now that her mind was clearing up, she really thought it was Fritz’s fault. Fritz, who hadn’t said a word during the entire exchange.
“Can you come sit with me on the couch?” Cole asked.
She nodded, not sure she was ready to meet Fritz, but she had to try. She took a hasty glance around the room as she stood. It was empty.
Cole led her to the couch and pulled her into his lap. “He’s waiting in the kitchen.”
His arms felt so good around her. She didn’t ever want to leave their shelter.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “It was my fault. I didn’t tell Fritz about Kate and I breaking up, so he assumed it was her waiting in the living room. To be honest, it’s been almost nine months. She’s so far out of mind lately, it didn’t even occur to me to tell him.”
She snuggled deeper into his embrace.
“I’m fairly certain Fritz is beating himself up in the kitchen. I know you don’t know him, but that’s not a common occurrence. When you’re up to it, I know he’d like to apologize to you.”
“Can I sit here just a little bit longer, Sir?”
“For as long as you like.” And she didn’t think she imagined his arms tightening around her. “God, Sasha. You have to know there isn’t a thing in this world I’d do to hurt you.”
She inhaled deeply, drawing in the scent of him. “I know.”
“When I saw you start to shake . . .”
“You always know what to say to make me feel better and to stop it.”
“Before today, it’d been quite some time since your last attack, right?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Good. I’ll be thrilled when you don’t have them anymore.”
“You and me both.”
He kissed her head and stroked her arm and in that moment, she closed her eyes and let herself get lost in his embrace. Pretended, just for a second, that she was his and he would always be at her side to keep the panic from taking over.
But as comforting as his arms were and as much as she enjoyed being in his lap, they couldn’t stay like that forever. She pulled back. “I’m ready to meet him, Sir.”
“Are you sure? If you’re not up to it, I’ll send him away and tell him to come back later.”
Though she would never ask him to do that, just him saying it endeared him to her even more. “I’m positive.”
He helped her to her feet and then put his arm around her as they walked to the kitchen. Fritz had been sitting at the table, but he stood when they made it inside.
He was devilishly handsome with sharp, angular features that spoke of his German heritage. His hair was dark and cut above his collar. His eyes traveled over her in frank assessment and then he looked to Cole. For permission, she supposed. Everything about the way Cole was touching her said, “Mine.” She looked up at him, and he nodded.
