The Mistress
Page 107
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“That’s a good question.”
“I’d hated Søren for a long time, hated that world you lived in. And now that I’ve gotten to know him, and I know you’re safe with him, and I don’t hate him anymore...”
“What are you saying?”
“I think half of me being in love with you came from how much I wanted to keep you from him. The thing is...I think S&M is weird. I don’t get it and I never will. I don’t know why the hell I would ever want to tie up a woman in bed. How is she going to touch me if her hands are tied up?”
“That’s a fair question.”
“And I don’t want to share the woman in my life with another guy. I don’t. I want to love her completely and I want her to love me completely.”
“I don’t blame you. Lot of people feel that way.”
“And I want kids.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“And I’d like to sleep with a woman who wasn’t comparing me to all the other older and more experienced guys she’s been with so I’m not thinking the entire time that I’m not measuring up. I think I deserve that.”
“All that and more.”
“My point is...I don’t understand your world, and I never will. But you’re happy there. You’re safe. And the more I think about it the more I realize that you and I are too different to be together forever. I do love you and you’re my best friend but—”
“Wes...” Nora took a step back. Then another. She stared at Wesley with wide eyes. “You’re dumping me, aren’t you?”
“It’s not that.” Wes put his hand on his chest.
He seemed to lose the ability to speak for a moment. Nora felt something in her throat, something like a rock, and she couldn’t seem to swallow it.
“I love you,” he whispered. “You have no idea how much. And I love you enough to know you’ll be happier with him. As much as that hurts to admit, it would hurt worse keeping you and knowing the whole time you belong somewhere else. I was...” He stopped and raised his hand and closed his eyes. “I was going to pay every penny I had to get you back. Every penny my parents had. Every penny I could beg, borrow or steal. And he...he went to pay with his life.”
Nora couldn’t speak at all. She could do nothing but wrap her arms around Wesley and hold him tight to her, hold him one more time.
“I know you love him,” he whispered into her hair, “and you always will.”
“I know I love you...and I always will.”
“I love you, too. You crazy, weird, wild woman, I love you. But...”
“I know. I do know. It’s the right thing. You’re absolutely right.”
“He’ll be good to you.”
“He always has been.”
“And you’re safe with him.”
“I always have been.”
“I get that now.”
Nora pulled Wesley even closer. It hurt her bruised body to cling to him so hard but she had to. She had no choice, and by now, she was used to this kind of pain.
“You’re going to find the most amazing girl,” Nora said as she leaned her head against his heart. “A girl who adores you and loves you and sees all the good I see in you. And she’ll be as vanilla as the day is long.”
“God, I hope so.”
“And she’ll be your best friend and your partner and she’ll help you run that big damn farm of yours.”
“I like this girl already.”
“And she’ll be smart and strong, but sweet, too. She won’t have my rough edges. She won’t keep riding crops in her closet.”
“Just in the stables.”
“And she’ll be so beautiful...”
“Crazy long legs?”
“If you want.”
“I want.”
“Long legs, it is, then. You and Legs will be so damn happy together it’ll hurt to look at you.”
“I don’t want you to hurt,” Wesley said, his voice breaking a little as he buried his head into her shoulder. “Never again.”
“A little pain never killed anybody,” she said. “And you know me, I only like it when it hurts a little.”
“Right. It is you, after all.”
“So what now?” She looked up at him, at those big brown eyes with the flecks of gold around the irises and all the innocence that even a week with her in his bed hadn’t made a dent in.
“We let go,” he said. “And we get on with our lives.”
She nodded and took a hard breath.
“You let go first.” She inhaled deeply, wanting to take in as much of his scent as she could. Summer. Warmth. Clean laundry hanging out to dry. Wesley.
“I can’t.”
“I can’t either.”
“Same time, then?”
“Okay. On the count of three. Ready?” Nora asked, trying to steel herself.
“No, but we better do it, anyway.”
“All right. One...” she said.
“Two,” whispered Wesley.
The met each other’s eyes and together spoke the final count.
“Three.”
They let each other go.
Nora forced herself to stand there in the hall and not move. After all she’d put Wesley through he deserved this much from her. He deserved to be the one who walked away first.
“I’d hated Søren for a long time, hated that world you lived in. And now that I’ve gotten to know him, and I know you’re safe with him, and I don’t hate him anymore...”
“What are you saying?”
“I think half of me being in love with you came from how much I wanted to keep you from him. The thing is...I think S&M is weird. I don’t get it and I never will. I don’t know why the hell I would ever want to tie up a woman in bed. How is she going to touch me if her hands are tied up?”
“That’s a fair question.”
“And I don’t want to share the woman in my life with another guy. I don’t. I want to love her completely and I want her to love me completely.”
“I don’t blame you. Lot of people feel that way.”
“And I want kids.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“And I’d like to sleep with a woman who wasn’t comparing me to all the other older and more experienced guys she’s been with so I’m not thinking the entire time that I’m not measuring up. I think I deserve that.”
“All that and more.”
“My point is...I don’t understand your world, and I never will. But you’re happy there. You’re safe. And the more I think about it the more I realize that you and I are too different to be together forever. I do love you and you’re my best friend but—”
“Wes...” Nora took a step back. Then another. She stared at Wesley with wide eyes. “You’re dumping me, aren’t you?”
“It’s not that.” Wes put his hand on his chest.
He seemed to lose the ability to speak for a moment. Nora felt something in her throat, something like a rock, and she couldn’t seem to swallow it.
“I love you,” he whispered. “You have no idea how much. And I love you enough to know you’ll be happier with him. As much as that hurts to admit, it would hurt worse keeping you and knowing the whole time you belong somewhere else. I was...” He stopped and raised his hand and closed his eyes. “I was going to pay every penny I had to get you back. Every penny my parents had. Every penny I could beg, borrow or steal. And he...he went to pay with his life.”
Nora couldn’t speak at all. She could do nothing but wrap her arms around Wesley and hold him tight to her, hold him one more time.
“I know you love him,” he whispered into her hair, “and you always will.”
“I know I love you...and I always will.”
“I love you, too. You crazy, weird, wild woman, I love you. But...”
“I know. I do know. It’s the right thing. You’re absolutely right.”
“He’ll be good to you.”
“He always has been.”
“And you’re safe with him.”
“I always have been.”
“I get that now.”
Nora pulled Wesley even closer. It hurt her bruised body to cling to him so hard but she had to. She had no choice, and by now, she was used to this kind of pain.
“You’re going to find the most amazing girl,” Nora said as she leaned her head against his heart. “A girl who adores you and loves you and sees all the good I see in you. And she’ll be as vanilla as the day is long.”
“God, I hope so.”
“And she’ll be your best friend and your partner and she’ll help you run that big damn farm of yours.”
“I like this girl already.”
“And she’ll be smart and strong, but sweet, too. She won’t have my rough edges. She won’t keep riding crops in her closet.”
“Just in the stables.”
“And she’ll be so beautiful...”
“Crazy long legs?”
“If you want.”
“I want.”
“Long legs, it is, then. You and Legs will be so damn happy together it’ll hurt to look at you.”
“I don’t want you to hurt,” Wesley said, his voice breaking a little as he buried his head into her shoulder. “Never again.”
“A little pain never killed anybody,” she said. “And you know me, I only like it when it hurts a little.”
“Right. It is you, after all.”
“So what now?” She looked up at him, at those big brown eyes with the flecks of gold around the irises and all the innocence that even a week with her in his bed hadn’t made a dent in.
“We let go,” he said. “And we get on with our lives.”
She nodded and took a hard breath.
“You let go first.” She inhaled deeply, wanting to take in as much of his scent as she could. Summer. Warmth. Clean laundry hanging out to dry. Wesley.
“I can’t.”
“I can’t either.”
“Same time, then?”
“Okay. On the count of three. Ready?” Nora asked, trying to steel herself.
“No, but we better do it, anyway.”
“All right. One...” she said.
“Two,” whispered Wesley.
The met each other’s eyes and together spoke the final count.
“Three.”
They let each other go.
Nora forced herself to stand there in the hall and not move. After all she’d put Wesley through he deserved this much from her. He deserved to be the one who walked away first.
