Author: Robyn Carr
Sarah turned in her chair, facing him. “I can’t wait to hear this.”
He chuckled softly. “Try not to be too amused,” Cooper said. “I was dating Patti. Same drill. I was the runaway boyfriend—in the States for a few weeks, away for long stretches, expecting the woman of the moment to be so thrilled by my occasional presence that she’d never think of asking more from me.”
Sarah just shook her head and snickered. “You were such a dog. I’ve known a hundred guys just like you.”
“Yeah, not really flattering to know I’m just another brute. Inconsiderate and self-absorbed. So, I was dating Patti and ran into, guess who? Bridget. At the grocery store, of all places. I hardly ever went to the grocery store. She was picking through tomatoes or something and she looked...” He just shook his head in wonder. “She looked amazing. Happier than I’d ever seen her. She had a rosy-cheeked one-year-old in her shopping cart and she was making him giggle. When she saw me, she gasped and laughed and threw her arms around me and said it was so good to see me. I knew she was married but I have to tell you, Sarah, the way I saw her that day? She was never that happy with me. We talked for about five minutes—she married a teacher, had a nice little house not far from her mom and dad, hoped to fill it up with kids. She asked me about how I was doing...I was doing the same thing. She had grown a family and I had grown a little savings account—contract labor outsourced by the Army was good money.”
“And that was when you wanted her back?” Sarah asked.
“I don’t know,” he said. “I don’t remember feeling that way. What I remember was thinking I hadn’t been as smart as I thought I was. So, right after that I asked Patti to marry me and she was thrilled. What is it about women and the capture, huh? What did she have to be thrilled about? In two weeks I knew it was a mistake and we broke up. That’s all there is to the Patti/Cooper story. I think I was trying to reach back in time—I think I felt like I’d been an idiot. A fool. I packed up and left San Antonio, went to the Gulf coast, got a job for an oil company flying equipment and people to off shore rigs. Right then I made a decision to live alone for the rest of my life.” He squeezed her shoulders and grinned. “Until you came along.”
“You grieve her,” Sarah said. “You grieve Bridget and the life you might’ve had together.”
He shook his head. “I don’t think it’s that simple, babe. I grieve the foolishness of my youth. But I’m grateful for all the things that happened, even the stupid things. I want to be here with you now and if I’d been smarter back then, this wouldn’t have happened. So, I’m sorry I was an idiot and grateful I was an idiot? Does that make any sense?”
Derek Stiles, Sarah’s ex-husband, instantly came to her mind. She had so wanted her marriage to work but now she was so grateful things had gone the way they had, allowing her to be here with Cooper. “I think I understand, Cooper. I’m just sorry you’re so sad.”
“She left a husband and young son,” he said. “That just shouldn’t happen.”
“It happens all the time,” she said. “It happened to Landon.”
“I think about that all the time,” Cooper said. “I know I can’t ever be a father to Landon. But you know what, Sarah? If something terrible happened tomorrow and Landon was left alone, I want you to know—I’d never abandon him. Never.” Then he laughed at himself. “I’d be his shadow. I’d stick with him.”
* * *
Cooper got better over the next week. He might’ve been a little bit quiet, but he was lightening up. And then the following weekend, she could tell something had changed. He was as morose and preoccupied as he’d been that first day he had returned from Texas.
Sarah went out on the bay on her board while he had customers in the bar and planned what she was going to say to Cooper, because this had to be resolved. Later that day she didn’t say anything and tried to ignore his mood until it was late enough for them to be alone. Sarah was sure that Bridget’s death had opened his eyes—he must know in his heart that he’d been in love with her and was sorry he’d let her go.
When the last four people from town were walking back down the beach she said, “Let’s get it over with. I want to know what’s going on with you. And I want it all, right now.”
He just stared at her for a second, shocked. Speechless.
“I know it has to do with me,” she said. “Just get it out. Stop with all this ‘I love you so much’ stuff and tell me the truth. What’s eating you?”
He smiled slightly. “I was going to tell you tonight. I’m sorry you had to wait,” he said. “Come here.” He put out his hand and led her inside.
Once they were in the shop and there was sufficient light, he pulled out his cell phone and scrolled through the pictures, handing it to her.
“Bridget wanted to tell me before she died that I have a son. She didn’t realize Austin was mine—it was an honest mistake that came to light when her whole extended family, including Austin, had blood tests to try to find a match for a bone marrow transplant. It revealed that Austin and Spencer, Bridget’s husband, weren’t a match. I had a DNA test while I was in Texas and was waiting for confirmation. The letter came yesterday afternoon. I’m a match. I wanted us to have some time to talk it over once I knew for sure.”
She looked at the face of an adorable little boy. Then she looked at Cooper. “Oh, God,” she said. “You feel like you lost your love of a lifetime!”
“No, Sarah. I feel like I have a son. I feel like I have more responsibility. To you, to Landon, to Austin, even a little bit to Spencer. Bridget asked me not to take Austin away from the only father he’s had and, of course, I agreed to that. But I have to find a way to get to know him. I have to be a father, even if I’m not a full-time father. I have absolutely no idea how that’s done.” He took a breath. “Baby, how the hell did you do it? Take on Landon when you were just a kid yourself? How did you do such a great job at that?”
Her eyes welled with tears. “And that’s what’s been beating you up?”
“Isn’t that a lot?” he asked. “I have a kid, Sarah. I have a family. It might be a part-time job, but Jesus. What if Bridget and I had known back then? What if we’d gotten married? I think Austin is lucky it worked out like it did. But I have no idea what to do next.”
Sarah wiped the tears from her cheeks. “You have a family,” she said.
“I know and it all feels kinda heavy for a guy like me. Am I going to get used to this?” he asked her.
“He has to come first,” she said. “Even if he has a good father already, you have to put your son first. He’s your first priority. That’s how it’s done.”
And that, Sarah thought, is going to make it even harder for us to be first to each other.
* * *
Mac hadn’t seen Cooper in a couple of weeks. He’d dropped into the beach bar one evening on his way home from work to discover that Cooper was away—some kind of family emergency that Rawley said Cooper would explain later. Mac left the bar thinking he would catch up with his friend eventually.
More than a week later Cooper walked into the deputy’s office.
“Break time?” Cooper asked.
“I’ll be damned,” Mac said. “I thought you’d made good on your threats and just sold the bar and land and left us.”
“Nah, I had business out of town. I wasn’t gone that long.”
Mac rubbed his neck, leaning back in his desk chair. “Right, but then I had a busy week and it seemed like you’d been gone forever. Well, good to see you. I heard there was some kind of emergency.”
“Yes and no. It turned out that my ex-fiancée’s husband was looking for me. She had cancer. Terminal. Time was short. I didn’t have much notice.”
“I’m sorry, man.”
“I didn’t know she was sick. By the time I saw her she was ready to go, just had a few loose ends and goodbyes to wrap up and then, thank God, she could just let go. It was hopeless and she was...man, she was suffering. I was one of her loose ends.” He looked down and shook his head solemnly. “I’ll be honest—that really screwed up my head for a while. Poor Sarah. She had to try to figure me out. I think she should’ve just slapped me a few times.”
“You okay?” Mac asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine now. But here’s the thing—you might be hearing from her husband and I wanted to give you a heads-up. The guy’s name is Spencer Lawson and I suggested he call you. I suggested he do a complete background search on me and that you are a personal reference, but one with a real professional expertise.” At the puzzled look on Mac’s face Cooper got right to the point. “I just got confirmation—lab work confirmation—but it was just a formality. It seems I have a son. And none of us knew.”
“Whoa! Cooper, you old dog!”
Cooper laughed in spite of himself. He pulled out his cell phone and showed Mac a bunch of pictures of Austin while he explained about the broken engagement, the bone marrow transplant work-up, all the details. “I’m going to have to figure out how to tell my family. My mom and dad, my sisters.”
“Probably prudent,” Mac said, but his grin was huge.
“I’m really surprised by how much I want to tell them, my dad especially.”
“I suppose you’ll be bringing him here to live with you?”
The smile left Cooper’s face. “Well, no. Spencer is a good father. Austin just lost his mother. He wants to stay with Spencer and why would I screw with that? But I am planning to visit in a couple of weeks. I want to take in a Little League game, maybe go out for pizza. I’m not practiced at this, man,” he said with an embarrassed laugh. “I haven’t even been that great an uncle to my sisters’ kids!”
“Oh, you’re good with kids. You might even be a natural—I’ve seen you with Landon.”
“He’s a lot older. Austin is only ten,” Cooper said. “Besides, I owe Landon. Through him I found Sarah.”
“How’s that working out?” Mac asked. “You and Sarah? Now that there’s a kid in the picture?”
“She’s completely afraid to get serious about me, but I’m wearing her down. I’m counting on Austin to soften her up a little. He’s cute as the devil—obviously doesn’t look that much like me,” he lied. And the grin was back. “I’m hoping that once I check out, Spencer will let Austin come for a visit. He really likes the idea of a Jet Ski. You know what’s so ironic? One of the reasons Bridget and I broke up was because I wasn’t ready for an anchor. I wanted to get married, that was real—I was ready for a permanent woman. But all the stuff that went with it—settled, house, no more contract flying to warring countries, kids...I wasn’t there yet. Little did I know.”
“What if you had known?” Mac asked.
“Hard to say. I probably would’ve gotten married—I was prepared for that. But I was the stubborn idiot who thought nothing had to change about my life. I’d keep doing whatever I wanted to do and Bridget would go along. Right? Isn’t that what young men think?”
“Oh, man,” Mac said. “You really would’ve been surprised.”
“I think Spencer will call you. Be honest, Mac—this isn’t a favor I’m asking. You don’t have to tell me when he calls, what he asks. Austin’s a good little kid. I want his dad to be careful, to know the truth.”
“I don’t know anything bad about you, Cooper. And there’s a tradition that goes along with all this.”
Sarah turned in her chair, facing him. “I can’t wait to hear this.”
He chuckled softly. “Try not to be too amused,” Cooper said. “I was dating Patti. Same drill. I was the runaway boyfriend—in the States for a few weeks, away for long stretches, expecting the woman of the moment to be so thrilled by my occasional presence that she’d never think of asking more from me.”
Sarah just shook her head and snickered. “You were such a dog. I’ve known a hundred guys just like you.”
“Yeah, not really flattering to know I’m just another brute. Inconsiderate and self-absorbed. So, I was dating Patti and ran into, guess who? Bridget. At the grocery store, of all places. I hardly ever went to the grocery store. She was picking through tomatoes or something and she looked...” He just shook his head in wonder. “She looked amazing. Happier than I’d ever seen her. She had a rosy-cheeked one-year-old in her shopping cart and she was making him giggle. When she saw me, she gasped and laughed and threw her arms around me and said it was so good to see me. I knew she was married but I have to tell you, Sarah, the way I saw her that day? She was never that happy with me. We talked for about five minutes—she married a teacher, had a nice little house not far from her mom and dad, hoped to fill it up with kids. She asked me about how I was doing...I was doing the same thing. She had grown a family and I had grown a little savings account—contract labor outsourced by the Army was good money.”
“And that was when you wanted her back?” Sarah asked.
“I don’t know,” he said. “I don’t remember feeling that way. What I remember was thinking I hadn’t been as smart as I thought I was. So, right after that I asked Patti to marry me and she was thrilled. What is it about women and the capture, huh? What did she have to be thrilled about? In two weeks I knew it was a mistake and we broke up. That’s all there is to the Patti/Cooper story. I think I was trying to reach back in time—I think I felt like I’d been an idiot. A fool. I packed up and left San Antonio, went to the Gulf coast, got a job for an oil company flying equipment and people to off shore rigs. Right then I made a decision to live alone for the rest of my life.” He squeezed her shoulders and grinned. “Until you came along.”
“You grieve her,” Sarah said. “You grieve Bridget and the life you might’ve had together.”
He shook his head. “I don’t think it’s that simple, babe. I grieve the foolishness of my youth. But I’m grateful for all the things that happened, even the stupid things. I want to be here with you now and if I’d been smarter back then, this wouldn’t have happened. So, I’m sorry I was an idiot and grateful I was an idiot? Does that make any sense?”
Derek Stiles, Sarah’s ex-husband, instantly came to her mind. She had so wanted her marriage to work but now she was so grateful things had gone the way they had, allowing her to be here with Cooper. “I think I understand, Cooper. I’m just sorry you’re so sad.”
“She left a husband and young son,” he said. “That just shouldn’t happen.”
“It happens all the time,” she said. “It happened to Landon.”
“I think about that all the time,” Cooper said. “I know I can’t ever be a father to Landon. But you know what, Sarah? If something terrible happened tomorrow and Landon was left alone, I want you to know—I’d never abandon him. Never.” Then he laughed at himself. “I’d be his shadow. I’d stick with him.”
* * *
Cooper got better over the next week. He might’ve been a little bit quiet, but he was lightening up. And then the following weekend, she could tell something had changed. He was as morose and preoccupied as he’d been that first day he had returned from Texas.
Sarah went out on the bay on her board while he had customers in the bar and planned what she was going to say to Cooper, because this had to be resolved. Later that day she didn’t say anything and tried to ignore his mood until it was late enough for them to be alone. Sarah was sure that Bridget’s death had opened his eyes—he must know in his heart that he’d been in love with her and was sorry he’d let her go.
When the last four people from town were walking back down the beach she said, “Let’s get it over with. I want to know what’s going on with you. And I want it all, right now.”
He just stared at her for a second, shocked. Speechless.
“I know it has to do with me,” she said. “Just get it out. Stop with all this ‘I love you so much’ stuff and tell me the truth. What’s eating you?”
He smiled slightly. “I was going to tell you tonight. I’m sorry you had to wait,” he said. “Come here.” He put out his hand and led her inside.
Once they were in the shop and there was sufficient light, he pulled out his cell phone and scrolled through the pictures, handing it to her.
“Bridget wanted to tell me before she died that I have a son. She didn’t realize Austin was mine—it was an honest mistake that came to light when her whole extended family, including Austin, had blood tests to try to find a match for a bone marrow transplant. It revealed that Austin and Spencer, Bridget’s husband, weren’t a match. I had a DNA test while I was in Texas and was waiting for confirmation. The letter came yesterday afternoon. I’m a match. I wanted us to have some time to talk it over once I knew for sure.”
She looked at the face of an adorable little boy. Then she looked at Cooper. “Oh, God,” she said. “You feel like you lost your love of a lifetime!”
“No, Sarah. I feel like I have a son. I feel like I have more responsibility. To you, to Landon, to Austin, even a little bit to Spencer. Bridget asked me not to take Austin away from the only father he’s had and, of course, I agreed to that. But I have to find a way to get to know him. I have to be a father, even if I’m not a full-time father. I have absolutely no idea how that’s done.” He took a breath. “Baby, how the hell did you do it? Take on Landon when you were just a kid yourself? How did you do such a great job at that?”
Her eyes welled with tears. “And that’s what’s been beating you up?”
“Isn’t that a lot?” he asked. “I have a kid, Sarah. I have a family. It might be a part-time job, but Jesus. What if Bridget and I had known back then? What if we’d gotten married? I think Austin is lucky it worked out like it did. But I have no idea what to do next.”
Sarah wiped the tears from her cheeks. “You have a family,” she said.
“I know and it all feels kinda heavy for a guy like me. Am I going to get used to this?” he asked her.
“He has to come first,” she said. “Even if he has a good father already, you have to put your son first. He’s your first priority. That’s how it’s done.”
And that, Sarah thought, is going to make it even harder for us to be first to each other.
* * *
Mac hadn’t seen Cooper in a couple of weeks. He’d dropped into the beach bar one evening on his way home from work to discover that Cooper was away—some kind of family emergency that Rawley said Cooper would explain later. Mac left the bar thinking he would catch up with his friend eventually.
More than a week later Cooper walked into the deputy’s office.
“Break time?” Cooper asked.
“I’ll be damned,” Mac said. “I thought you’d made good on your threats and just sold the bar and land and left us.”
“Nah, I had business out of town. I wasn’t gone that long.”
Mac rubbed his neck, leaning back in his desk chair. “Right, but then I had a busy week and it seemed like you’d been gone forever. Well, good to see you. I heard there was some kind of emergency.”
“Yes and no. It turned out that my ex-fiancée’s husband was looking for me. She had cancer. Terminal. Time was short. I didn’t have much notice.”
“I’m sorry, man.”
“I didn’t know she was sick. By the time I saw her she was ready to go, just had a few loose ends and goodbyes to wrap up and then, thank God, she could just let go. It was hopeless and she was...man, she was suffering. I was one of her loose ends.” He looked down and shook his head solemnly. “I’ll be honest—that really screwed up my head for a while. Poor Sarah. She had to try to figure me out. I think she should’ve just slapped me a few times.”
“You okay?” Mac asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine now. But here’s the thing—you might be hearing from her husband and I wanted to give you a heads-up. The guy’s name is Spencer Lawson and I suggested he call you. I suggested he do a complete background search on me and that you are a personal reference, but one with a real professional expertise.” At the puzzled look on Mac’s face Cooper got right to the point. “I just got confirmation—lab work confirmation—but it was just a formality. It seems I have a son. And none of us knew.”
“Whoa! Cooper, you old dog!”
Cooper laughed in spite of himself. He pulled out his cell phone and showed Mac a bunch of pictures of Austin while he explained about the broken engagement, the bone marrow transplant work-up, all the details. “I’m going to have to figure out how to tell my family. My mom and dad, my sisters.”
“Probably prudent,” Mac said, but his grin was huge.
“I’m really surprised by how much I want to tell them, my dad especially.”
“I suppose you’ll be bringing him here to live with you?”
The smile left Cooper’s face. “Well, no. Spencer is a good father. Austin just lost his mother. He wants to stay with Spencer and why would I screw with that? But I am planning to visit in a couple of weeks. I want to take in a Little League game, maybe go out for pizza. I’m not practiced at this, man,” he said with an embarrassed laugh. “I haven’t even been that great an uncle to my sisters’ kids!”
“Oh, you’re good with kids. You might even be a natural—I’ve seen you with Landon.”
“He’s a lot older. Austin is only ten,” Cooper said. “Besides, I owe Landon. Through him I found Sarah.”
“How’s that working out?” Mac asked. “You and Sarah? Now that there’s a kid in the picture?”
“She’s completely afraid to get serious about me, but I’m wearing her down. I’m counting on Austin to soften her up a little. He’s cute as the devil—obviously doesn’t look that much like me,” he lied. And the grin was back. “I’m hoping that once I check out, Spencer will let Austin come for a visit. He really likes the idea of a Jet Ski. You know what’s so ironic? One of the reasons Bridget and I broke up was because I wasn’t ready for an anchor. I wanted to get married, that was real—I was ready for a permanent woman. But all the stuff that went with it—settled, house, no more contract flying to warring countries, kids...I wasn’t there yet. Little did I know.”
“What if you had known?” Mac asked.
“Hard to say. I probably would’ve gotten married—I was prepared for that. But I was the stubborn idiot who thought nothing had to change about my life. I’d keep doing whatever I wanted to do and Bridget would go along. Right? Isn’t that what young men think?”
“Oh, man,” Mac said. “You really would’ve been surprised.”
“I think Spencer will call you. Be honest, Mac—this isn’t a favor I’m asking. You don’t have to tell me when he calls, what he asks. Austin’s a good little kid. I want his dad to be careful, to know the truth.”
“I don’t know anything bad about you, Cooper. And there’s a tradition that goes along with all this.”
