The One Real Thing
Page 81

“I’m sorry, Cooper.”
“You’ve known for a while.”
“I suspected. That’s why I insisted she see her doctor right away.”
He brushed his thumb over my mouth and then leaned in to rest his forehead against mine. He sighed heavily. “Must be hard, Doc. Telling people they’ve got a battle ahead of them.”
“It’s not easy.”
He slid his nose along my cheek and pressed a kiss to my earlobe. “You know what, though?” he whispered, and shivers cascaded down my neck. “You gave her a better chance of survival by getting her to the doctor right away.”
I pulled away to stare into his eyes and saw deep admiration.
“Cooper,” I whispered, unsure what to say, “I’m sorry about the whole Sadie thing. I know you weren’t flirting with her. I guess I got a little jealous.”
He opened his mouth as if to say something and then immediately seemed to think better of it. Instead his hands slid under my shirt as he drew me back against him. “She doesn’t matter to me. You do. And right now I’m reminded how we should grab what happiness we have by both hands while we’ve got the chance.”
When he kissed me slowly, in an embrace that was both sweet and hungry, I forgot about everything else but grabbing that happiness with him.
My bed at the inn was smaller than Cooper’s, but we were cozy and satiated after Cooper’s tender lovemaking. I was happy.
He lay on his back, staring up at my ceiling with his arms tucked behind his head, and I was on my side, my head resting in my hand, as I stared at him.
I could never get enough of staring at him.
“You never talk about life in Iowa,” he suddenly said.
Surprised, and not in a good way, I didn’t say anything for a minute.
The truth was that I’d hoped my telling him about my sister committing suicide would be enough to keep him off the subject of my past for good.
He turned his head on the pillow to look at me.
I tried not to shift uncomfortably. “There’s not much to say.”
“Well, what was it like growing up there?”
I knew there had been good moments in my childhood, but after everything my family went through it was pretty hard to remember them. There was one bright light back in Iowa. “Well, I met my best friend, Matthew, when I was eight years old.”
Cooper turned onto his side to face me, relaxed, clearly happy I was sharing something. “Yeah?”
Guilt suffused me.
I was so closed off about this stuff. I worried it would start to bother him.
“Yeah. His family moved in next door and we bonded over a shared love of Thundercats.”
He chuckled. “You’ve been friends ever since.”
“We’ve been friends ever since.” I smiled.
His gaze turned curious. “Nothing more than that?”
I shook my head and then laughed as I remembered something. “We were each other’s first kiss, though. We both had a crush on other people but decided to get the nervousness of a first kiss over with by kissing each other.”
“Cute.” Cooper smirked.
“It was weird. We’re too much like brother and sister. Although our friendship did cause problems. My date to junior prom dumped me because I got pissed he’d booked a hotel room. He said, in front of everyone, that I was an ice queen and we were over, and he walked out of the prom with Jessie Young, who happened to put out.” God, I’d been humiliated. “Matthew insisted we leave and his girlfriend at the time, who hated me anyway, dumped him for choosing me over her. Before we knew it, a rumor started that we were secretly having sex behind his girlfriend’s back. Then from there the rumor took life. By the end of the week I was pregnant with Matt’s love child.”
“High school.” Cooper heaved a sigh. “Who the fuck would ever want to go back?”
“I thought you had a good time in high school.”
“It was good. But it was also filled with drama. I don’t do drama.”
I snuggled closer to him. “That makes two of us.”
He skimmed the back of his hand down my arm, following his touch with his eyes. “Tell me more. About home.”
Damn.
“There’s not much else to say.”
His gaze flicked back to mine and his hand stilled against my arm. “What about your other friends? Your parents? Your kid sister?” He leaned in. “I know it isn’t easy for you, Jess, but you must have good memories, too.”
I could feel an uprising of familiar panic inside of me, the kind of panic that turned to trembling, and I didn’t want that. I didn’t want Cooper to see how I reacted to the mere idea of him, or anyone, finding out the truth. “I don’t talk about them.” The words came out icier, sharper, than I’d meant. I hurried to warm the sudden answering coolness in Cooper’s eyes and said, “You tell me more about yours.”
Instead, he sighed, dropped his hand, and rolled onto his back. “Actually, it’s getting late. We should try to get some sleep.”
Shit.
“Okay,” I said softly.
As he closed his eyes, I felt the panic I’d been feeling transform into a new kind of anxiety. Usually we curled up with our arms and legs all tangled before we fell asleep.
He was frustrated with me.
Double shit.
After a while his chest rose and fell in steady breaths as sleep took him. Sleep didn’t take me, though. Instead I watched him sleep, hoping that I’d get to watch him sleep for a long time to come, and worrying that it just wasn’t in the cards for me.