Amy interrupted his recollections with an audible, post-coital sigh, and Christopher wondered what she was dreaming about. He never dreamed, or at least if he did, he never remembered them. He was sure he wasn’t missing out though because dreams were unattainable; what was the point in doing anything if there was no chance of success?
The sex between Christopher and Amy was unlike anything he’d experienced before. He’d had no substantial urge to pleasure the seventy or so women he’d slept with since losing his virginity at the age of twelve; it was – and had always been – only about his own gratification. But Amy was an exception and he revelled in the fact that he was the one who could make her groan and who could take her to the edge, only to pull back until he was ready for her to succumb. He relished being in control of her orgasms, but then he also readily gave into her taking charge and not allowing him to climax until she gave him permission. He had never relinquished dominance like this in any aspect of his life, yet it felt perfectly normal to do so with Amy.
This left him conflicted – normal was not something Christopher aspired to be; he believed his brain was wired in such a way that was much more powerful than ‘normal’. It was a gift that enabled him to do anything he wanted to, without fear and – to date – without consequence.
He moved closer towards her so that there was barely anything between his nose and the back of Amy’s head. He inhaled deeply and took in the lemon-seagrass-scented shampoo she’d used the night before. That was his favourite – he liked it when she smelled of citrus.
With one swift manoeuvre, the wire would be wrapped around her neck and she’d be clawing at it like all the others had.
‘Why are you so fidgety?’ Amy mumbled, to his surprise.
‘Sorry, I thought you were asleep.’
‘I was, but I sensed you weren’t. What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing. I just can’t sleep and got to thinking about those women you’ve been investigating.’
‘The victims.’
‘Yes.’ He swallowed, still finding the word distasteful.
‘And what were you thinking about them?’
He wanted to say that he could recall every different scent and brand of shampoo each girl had used as he jolted their heads backwards once the wire was wrapped around their necks. And how since he’d begun all this, he understood a person’s beauty was transient because within just a few days of biological decay they all looked identical: bloated, discoloured and eaten inside and out by their own bacteria.
‘I was wondering what went through their heads when they knew they were about to die,’ he replied. ‘What would you think about?’
Amy paused before she answered. ‘Probably all the things I wished I’d accomplished while I’d had the chance. What about you?’
‘The same,’ Christopher lied.
He lifted the wire back above her head and lowered it down to where he’d left it under the bed. Knowing he could strangle her at any given moment gave him more pleasure than would the actual act itself.
But while Christopher was aware he was making good progress in the project he’d began all those months ago, there was a fly in the ointment. He’d met a woman he liked and, for the first time in his life, he was falling in love.
And that had not been part of the plan.
Chapter 43
JADE
Just over a week into Jade’s Australia adventure and Kevin’s health was deteriorating quickly.
He was losing his appetite and spending more and more time sleeping in his bedroom. Despite the thirty-five-degree temperature outside, Kevin often complained he was cold and layered himself in baggy clothing. He swallowed so many tablets each day that sometimes, when she listened closely, she swore she could hear him rattle.
Jade was resentful that their time together was slipping through her fingers and she wasn’t prepared for it to come to an end. So while he was awake, she did all she could to engage him in conversation and spend time being with him. They spent much of their days talking about their lives before she left England and before he was diagnosed with cancer. Hours passed as they lay sprawled across the sofa in his bedroom watching classic 1980s Brat Pack films on Netflix, and they grew so comfortable with each other that there were times when Jade forgot her moments with Kevin came with a time limit. When she was reminded of it, she couldn’t help but imagine how her life would change when he wasn’t around anymore, and she felt herself becoming sullen.
In the beginning of their relationship, when Jade lived in blissful ignorance of Kevin’s condition, talking to him had become an integral part of her everyday routine, and she planned her mornings and evenings around it. She’d set her alarm so she could wake up earlier than necessary and talk to him as they ate together – her, breakfast and him, supper. And she’d always record anything on TV that was broadcast after 10pm to watch later, so they had more time of an evening.
Jade was used to her heart fluttering when he texted her or when her phone lit up with his call. And she knew that when the unavoidable came, she would miss that. But what she had yet to figure out was if it was Kevin she’d miss or the knowledge there was someone in the world who was made for her.
As Kevin slept, Jade would lie beside him with her head on his stomach as it rose and fell with shallow breaths. And during the long periods when Kevin was out of action, she’d offer to help his parents Susan and Dan around the house, or drive into town to run errands for them. They taught her how a dairy and sheep farm operated, taking her out in the truck to help round up the sheep, or teaching her how to affix the milking equipment to the cows. It was a whole world away from the one she’d been stagnating in in Sunderland. But she now saw that the city wasn’t the problem, it was her. Something about the quiet farming life agreed with her, and she felt like she could finally relax into who she was.
Jade was astonished at how close she could feel to people she had only met two weeks ago, and she desperately wished there was a way that she could remove the pain they felt as they watched their son struggle. The more time she spent around them, the more she felt that they were sanding away her rough edges.
It also made her think of her own parents, and the sadness and frustration she’d put them through in recent years. She had spent so long harbouring this unnecessary animosity towards them for making her move back home after she left university, and only now did she understand it was for her own benefit. They were good, solid, working-class Northerners – her father a mechanic on a car factory assembly line and her mother a baker – and she had repaid their pride and values with brattish behaviour. She felt ashamed of herself.
Like Kevin’s cancer and Susan and Dan’s pain, there was something of her own she wished she could remove too, but it wasn’t something she could ever share with her new adoptive family.
However, as each day passed, her affection became all the more consuming.
Chapter 44
NICK
‘To what do I owe this pleasure?’ Alex asked Nick as they drove away from the rugby club ground in his car.
Nick clenched his fists to stop his hands from tingling at the smell of Alex’s damp hair and recently applied aftershave.
‘Honestly? I don’t know,’ he replied. ‘It was a spur-of-the-moment thing. I remembered who you played for and I read up about them online, and the next thing I know, I’m waving Sally off to spend the weekend with her mum and I’m on my way over to see you play a game I don’t even understand. Have I stepped over the line?’
The sex between Christopher and Amy was unlike anything he’d experienced before. He’d had no substantial urge to pleasure the seventy or so women he’d slept with since losing his virginity at the age of twelve; it was – and had always been – only about his own gratification. But Amy was an exception and he revelled in the fact that he was the one who could make her groan and who could take her to the edge, only to pull back until he was ready for her to succumb. He relished being in control of her orgasms, but then he also readily gave into her taking charge and not allowing him to climax until she gave him permission. He had never relinquished dominance like this in any aspect of his life, yet it felt perfectly normal to do so with Amy.
This left him conflicted – normal was not something Christopher aspired to be; he believed his brain was wired in such a way that was much more powerful than ‘normal’. It was a gift that enabled him to do anything he wanted to, without fear and – to date – without consequence.
He moved closer towards her so that there was barely anything between his nose and the back of Amy’s head. He inhaled deeply and took in the lemon-seagrass-scented shampoo she’d used the night before. That was his favourite – he liked it when she smelled of citrus.
With one swift manoeuvre, the wire would be wrapped around her neck and she’d be clawing at it like all the others had.
‘Why are you so fidgety?’ Amy mumbled, to his surprise.
‘Sorry, I thought you were asleep.’
‘I was, but I sensed you weren’t. What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing. I just can’t sleep and got to thinking about those women you’ve been investigating.’
‘The victims.’
‘Yes.’ He swallowed, still finding the word distasteful.
‘And what were you thinking about them?’
He wanted to say that he could recall every different scent and brand of shampoo each girl had used as he jolted their heads backwards once the wire was wrapped around their necks. And how since he’d begun all this, he understood a person’s beauty was transient because within just a few days of biological decay they all looked identical: bloated, discoloured and eaten inside and out by their own bacteria.
‘I was wondering what went through their heads when they knew they were about to die,’ he replied. ‘What would you think about?’
Amy paused before she answered. ‘Probably all the things I wished I’d accomplished while I’d had the chance. What about you?’
‘The same,’ Christopher lied.
He lifted the wire back above her head and lowered it down to where he’d left it under the bed. Knowing he could strangle her at any given moment gave him more pleasure than would the actual act itself.
But while Christopher was aware he was making good progress in the project he’d began all those months ago, there was a fly in the ointment. He’d met a woman he liked and, for the first time in his life, he was falling in love.
And that had not been part of the plan.
Chapter 43
JADE
Just over a week into Jade’s Australia adventure and Kevin’s health was deteriorating quickly.
He was losing his appetite and spending more and more time sleeping in his bedroom. Despite the thirty-five-degree temperature outside, Kevin often complained he was cold and layered himself in baggy clothing. He swallowed so many tablets each day that sometimes, when she listened closely, she swore she could hear him rattle.
Jade was resentful that their time together was slipping through her fingers and she wasn’t prepared for it to come to an end. So while he was awake, she did all she could to engage him in conversation and spend time being with him. They spent much of their days talking about their lives before she left England and before he was diagnosed with cancer. Hours passed as they lay sprawled across the sofa in his bedroom watching classic 1980s Brat Pack films on Netflix, and they grew so comfortable with each other that there were times when Jade forgot her moments with Kevin came with a time limit. When she was reminded of it, she couldn’t help but imagine how her life would change when he wasn’t around anymore, and she felt herself becoming sullen.
In the beginning of their relationship, when Jade lived in blissful ignorance of Kevin’s condition, talking to him had become an integral part of her everyday routine, and she planned her mornings and evenings around it. She’d set her alarm so she could wake up earlier than necessary and talk to him as they ate together – her, breakfast and him, supper. And she’d always record anything on TV that was broadcast after 10pm to watch later, so they had more time of an evening.
Jade was used to her heart fluttering when he texted her or when her phone lit up with his call. And she knew that when the unavoidable came, she would miss that. But what she had yet to figure out was if it was Kevin she’d miss or the knowledge there was someone in the world who was made for her.
As Kevin slept, Jade would lie beside him with her head on his stomach as it rose and fell with shallow breaths. And during the long periods when Kevin was out of action, she’d offer to help his parents Susan and Dan around the house, or drive into town to run errands for them. They taught her how a dairy and sheep farm operated, taking her out in the truck to help round up the sheep, or teaching her how to affix the milking equipment to the cows. It was a whole world away from the one she’d been stagnating in in Sunderland. But she now saw that the city wasn’t the problem, it was her. Something about the quiet farming life agreed with her, and she felt like she could finally relax into who she was.
Jade was astonished at how close she could feel to people she had only met two weeks ago, and she desperately wished there was a way that she could remove the pain they felt as they watched their son struggle. The more time she spent around them, the more she felt that they were sanding away her rough edges.
It also made her think of her own parents, and the sadness and frustration she’d put them through in recent years. She had spent so long harbouring this unnecessary animosity towards them for making her move back home after she left university, and only now did she understand it was for her own benefit. They were good, solid, working-class Northerners – her father a mechanic on a car factory assembly line and her mother a baker – and she had repaid their pride and values with brattish behaviour. She felt ashamed of herself.
Like Kevin’s cancer and Susan and Dan’s pain, there was something of her own she wished she could remove too, but it wasn’t something she could ever share with her new adoptive family.
However, as each day passed, her affection became all the more consuming.
Chapter 44
NICK
‘To what do I owe this pleasure?’ Alex asked Nick as they drove away from the rugby club ground in his car.
Nick clenched his fists to stop his hands from tingling at the smell of Alex’s damp hair and recently applied aftershave.
‘Honestly? I don’t know,’ he replied. ‘It was a spur-of-the-moment thing. I remembered who you played for and I read up about them online, and the next thing I know, I’m waving Sally off to spend the weekend with her mum and I’m on my way over to see you play a game I don’t even understand. Have I stepped over the line?’
