It was only now, with Alex hovering in the periphery of his life – though arguably, also in the very centre of it – that he knew he’d simply been content. And with each moment spent in Alex’s company, Nick was aware that contentment was no longer enough to satisfy him.
In the days and weeks that followed their first meeting, their friendship escalated and they found each other’s company intoxicating. They grabbed every available opportunity to spend time together, from meeting for lunch to walking with each other to the tram station after work. They chatted like old friends about their schooldays, spent on opposite sides of the world, and the ambitions they had yet to fulfil. And at times, it was simply enough just to be with each other without needing to say a word.
Alex spoke candidly about his father’s battle with dementia and how his medication was keeping him on an even keel. However, his mother had warned it was a temporary measure and it wouldn’t be long before they’d lose him to the disease. And that was the very reason that their relationship was destined to remain temporary, because Alex and his girlfriend’s flights to New Zealand were booked for six weeks’ time.
Along with their girlfriends, Alex’s imminent departure was the second subject the two didn’t refer to often. Each time the elephant tried to barge its way back into the room, they’d fix another padlock to the door. And both of them could feel the hinges creaking under the elephant’s weight.
‘What the hell? How can you suddenly be a gay?’ Deepak exclaimed.
‘I’m not.’
‘Well, bisexual then.’
‘Again, I’m not and that’s the point and that’s why my head is screwed.’ Nick sighed and held his face in his hands as Deepak opened the top off yet another bottle of beer and handed it to him. ‘You can’t tell Sumaira any of this, by the way; you know what she’s like. She’ll be straight on to Sally and I’m not ready to have that conversation yet.’
‘Of course I won’t.’ Deepak reassured him. ‘I don’t tell her everything. But when you say “yet” do you mean you’re thinking of leaving Sal?’
‘What? No, of course not. We’re getting married in a few months, how can I?’
‘Mate, you can’t really marry her if your heart isn’t in it. You two won’t stand a cat in hell’s chance.’
‘But it is. I swear to God, I love that girl. It’s just that what Alex and I have is … different.’
‘Different how?’
‘You must know what I mean: you and Sumaira have been Matched, haven’t you?’
Deepak nodded, though there was something in his expression that didn’t reach his eyes.
‘It’s that feeling you don’t get when you’re around anyone else, like nobody in the world matters when you’re in their company. Like you and them are this one, solitary … thing … And no matter what crap the world throws at you, you can get through it because you have them on your side.’
Nick took a long swig from his bottle and placed it on a coaster on the table.
‘You’re stuck in a shit storm, dude,’ Deepak said. ‘I don’t know why you’re fighting it, though. If he’s your Match, don’t you owe it to yourself to follow it through?’
‘I don’t want to cheat on my girlfriend.’
‘You already are, mate. And it’s not as bad a thing as you’re making out. Sometimes you’ve got to put yourself first and go with the flow. You know she’d do the same if she found her Match.’
‘You think?’
‘Of course. It’s ingrained in everyone, isn’t it? Everyone wants to cheat, but it’s whether you’ve got a good enough reason to do it.’
Nick had often suspected his friend hadn’t always been the most monogamous of husbands, but he left it at that.
‘Anyway, enough about me, what is it that you wanted to talk to me about? You said you had some news.’
‘Oh, it can wait until another time.’
‘No, tell me. I could do with something to take my mind off my own problems,’ Nick pressed.
‘OK. Well, it turns out I’m going to be a dad. Sumaira’s pregnant.’
‘Oh, Deeps, that’s fantastic!’ Nick said with genuine enthusiasm. He leaned across to shake his hand, delighted for his friend. ‘How far along is she?’
‘She just got past the first three months and they’re all doing great.’
‘All?’
‘She’s expecting twins. Apparently they run in Sumaira’s side of the family.’
‘That’s incredible! I can’t wait to see you juggling one dirty nappy let alone two,’ Nick joked. ‘That’s no more five-aside for you, no more getting hammered on a weeknight, no more sneaky spliffs on the balcony when you think she isn’t looking …’
‘Tell me about it. She’s already started putting on weight and our sex life has gone to nothing. If this is the future, I’m going to be hammering the hell out of Tinder.’
Nick waited for Deepak to laugh or indicate he was joking, but he didn’t.
‘Well, it’s going to be a hell of an adjustment for the both of you, but I’m sure you’ll get through it,’ he added.
‘I reckon my life’s in for a bumpy ride from here on out.’
‘You’re telling me,’ Nick replied, and downed the rest of his beer.
Chapter 50
ELLIE
Ellie tapped her restless foot absent-mindedly against the mat in the Range Rover’s rear footwell.
In ordinary circumstances, her first trip home to see her family in almost a year was enough to make her anxious. But for this outing she had brought Tim. Sensing her trepidation, Tim placed his hand over hers, gave it a squeeze, and smiled to offer his reassurance.
‘You know I’ve been certified as a safe bet to introduce to parents?’ he began. ‘Honestly, I’ve been tested and probed and it’s highly unlikely I’ll steal anything or call your nana a whore.’
‘My nana’s dead.’
‘Then she won’t care what I call her, will she? Come on, give me a smile.’
‘I’m sorry, it’s just that I haven’t seen them for a while and, the longer the gap between visits, the harder it is.’
‘How painful can it be? They’re your family.’
Ellie sighed. ‘We don’t have much in common these days and it’s not their fault – it’s mine. When my business started taking off, I had less and less time for a private life.
‘I began to think that to be a successful businesswoman, I had to put my personal life on hold. I assumed that to be taken seriously I had to act in a certain way or be seen in the right places and with the right people, and that came at the expense of my family. Then by the time I realised I was being an idiot, I’d missed too many weddings, christenings and Christmases. I bought them cars, paid off their mortgages and set up trust funds for my nieces and nephews, but it didn’t make up for it.’
‘But what they really wanted was for you to be around, right?’
‘I suppose, yes.’
‘Well then, let’s make tonight the start of a new chapter. You’re lucky you have a family. It was just my mum and me my whole life until she died, and now it’s just me.’ Tim gave a meek smile.
In the days and weeks that followed their first meeting, their friendship escalated and they found each other’s company intoxicating. They grabbed every available opportunity to spend time together, from meeting for lunch to walking with each other to the tram station after work. They chatted like old friends about their schooldays, spent on opposite sides of the world, and the ambitions they had yet to fulfil. And at times, it was simply enough just to be with each other without needing to say a word.
Alex spoke candidly about his father’s battle with dementia and how his medication was keeping him on an even keel. However, his mother had warned it was a temporary measure and it wouldn’t be long before they’d lose him to the disease. And that was the very reason that their relationship was destined to remain temporary, because Alex and his girlfriend’s flights to New Zealand were booked for six weeks’ time.
Along with their girlfriends, Alex’s imminent departure was the second subject the two didn’t refer to often. Each time the elephant tried to barge its way back into the room, they’d fix another padlock to the door. And both of them could feel the hinges creaking under the elephant’s weight.
‘What the hell? How can you suddenly be a gay?’ Deepak exclaimed.
‘I’m not.’
‘Well, bisexual then.’
‘Again, I’m not and that’s the point and that’s why my head is screwed.’ Nick sighed and held his face in his hands as Deepak opened the top off yet another bottle of beer and handed it to him. ‘You can’t tell Sumaira any of this, by the way; you know what she’s like. She’ll be straight on to Sally and I’m not ready to have that conversation yet.’
‘Of course I won’t.’ Deepak reassured him. ‘I don’t tell her everything. But when you say “yet” do you mean you’re thinking of leaving Sal?’
‘What? No, of course not. We’re getting married in a few months, how can I?’
‘Mate, you can’t really marry her if your heart isn’t in it. You two won’t stand a cat in hell’s chance.’
‘But it is. I swear to God, I love that girl. It’s just that what Alex and I have is … different.’
‘Different how?’
‘You must know what I mean: you and Sumaira have been Matched, haven’t you?’
Deepak nodded, though there was something in his expression that didn’t reach his eyes.
‘It’s that feeling you don’t get when you’re around anyone else, like nobody in the world matters when you’re in their company. Like you and them are this one, solitary … thing … And no matter what crap the world throws at you, you can get through it because you have them on your side.’
Nick took a long swig from his bottle and placed it on a coaster on the table.
‘You’re stuck in a shit storm, dude,’ Deepak said. ‘I don’t know why you’re fighting it, though. If he’s your Match, don’t you owe it to yourself to follow it through?’
‘I don’t want to cheat on my girlfriend.’
‘You already are, mate. And it’s not as bad a thing as you’re making out. Sometimes you’ve got to put yourself first and go with the flow. You know she’d do the same if she found her Match.’
‘You think?’
‘Of course. It’s ingrained in everyone, isn’t it? Everyone wants to cheat, but it’s whether you’ve got a good enough reason to do it.’
Nick had often suspected his friend hadn’t always been the most monogamous of husbands, but he left it at that.
‘Anyway, enough about me, what is it that you wanted to talk to me about? You said you had some news.’
‘Oh, it can wait until another time.’
‘No, tell me. I could do with something to take my mind off my own problems,’ Nick pressed.
‘OK. Well, it turns out I’m going to be a dad. Sumaira’s pregnant.’
‘Oh, Deeps, that’s fantastic!’ Nick said with genuine enthusiasm. He leaned across to shake his hand, delighted for his friend. ‘How far along is she?’
‘She just got past the first three months and they’re all doing great.’
‘All?’
‘She’s expecting twins. Apparently they run in Sumaira’s side of the family.’
‘That’s incredible! I can’t wait to see you juggling one dirty nappy let alone two,’ Nick joked. ‘That’s no more five-aside for you, no more getting hammered on a weeknight, no more sneaky spliffs on the balcony when you think she isn’t looking …’
‘Tell me about it. She’s already started putting on weight and our sex life has gone to nothing. If this is the future, I’m going to be hammering the hell out of Tinder.’
Nick waited for Deepak to laugh or indicate he was joking, but he didn’t.
‘Well, it’s going to be a hell of an adjustment for the both of you, but I’m sure you’ll get through it,’ he added.
‘I reckon my life’s in for a bumpy ride from here on out.’
‘You’re telling me,’ Nick replied, and downed the rest of his beer.
Chapter 50
ELLIE
Ellie tapped her restless foot absent-mindedly against the mat in the Range Rover’s rear footwell.
In ordinary circumstances, her first trip home to see her family in almost a year was enough to make her anxious. But for this outing she had brought Tim. Sensing her trepidation, Tim placed his hand over hers, gave it a squeeze, and smiled to offer his reassurance.
‘You know I’ve been certified as a safe bet to introduce to parents?’ he began. ‘Honestly, I’ve been tested and probed and it’s highly unlikely I’ll steal anything or call your nana a whore.’
‘My nana’s dead.’
‘Then she won’t care what I call her, will she? Come on, give me a smile.’
‘I’m sorry, it’s just that I haven’t seen them for a while and, the longer the gap between visits, the harder it is.’
‘How painful can it be? They’re your family.’
Ellie sighed. ‘We don’t have much in common these days and it’s not their fault – it’s mine. When my business started taking off, I had less and less time for a private life.
‘I began to think that to be a successful businesswoman, I had to put my personal life on hold. I assumed that to be taken seriously I had to act in a certain way or be seen in the right places and with the right people, and that came at the expense of my family. Then by the time I realised I was being an idiot, I’d missed too many weddings, christenings and Christmases. I bought them cars, paid off their mortgages and set up trust funds for my nieces and nephews, but it didn’t make up for it.’
‘But what they really wanted was for you to be around, right?’
‘I suppose, yes.’
‘Well then, let’s make tonight the start of a new chapter. You’re lucky you have a family. It was just my mum and me my whole life until she died, and now it’s just me.’ Tim gave a meek smile.
