‘No, it doesn’t sound nasty at all, love. And I’m not going to pretend I know what it’s like for you. But please take some advice from an old ’un; don’t let the chance to be happy pass you by. I had to let go of my anger at the disease that was killing my son as the only person that hate was hurting was me. Now you’ve got to let your anger towards Mark go. I’m sure that’s what Kevin would have wanted. If you’ve got the opportunity to love someone as much as they love you, then grab it with both hands and hold on to it for dear life.’
Chapter 94
NICK
Nick didn’t understand why Sally was so averse to accepting pain relief to make her labour a little more bearable.
For the best part of a month she’d complained of crippling headaches that had made her feel sick, but she’d been unable to take anything stronger than paracetamol. Now she was being offered a cocktail of drugs but she refused to accept any. Nick knew, in her position, he’d have taken enough to knock out a hippo, especially after the twentieth hour passed.
Watching Sally’s body contort in pain, he wondered if she was trying to prove a point. Nick had been hurt mentally by sacrificing his Match for her and the baby. Was she voluntarily going through such physical discomfort to prove she could hurt too? He shook his head and decided he was being foolish – nobody would put themselves through that just to make a point.
‘That’s it Sally,’ said the midwife confidently. ‘Keep pushing when I tell you, and don’t worry, you’re doing great.’
‘I can’t,’ yelled Sally, and looked at Nick with such desperation in her eyes he felt bad for being responsible for so much of her pain. He regained his composure, held her hand firmly and rubbed her shoulder.
Nick realised that, no matter what had happened in the past or what had been taken away from him, at that moment the only two people in the world that mattered were in that room with him. He made a silent vow to make the best of their relationship for the sake of Sally and the tiny person about to make its way into the world to join their unconventional unit.
‘You can do this, babe,’ he said softly. ‘I’m here, I’m not going anywhere again.’
‘But what if—’
‘There’s no what if,’ Nick interrupted. ‘I’m in this with you for the long haul. I promise.’
During a break in her contractions, the midwife suggested Nick took a break. It had been twenty hours – he needed something to eat. Sally was the one doing all the work, yet supporting her had left him shattered and he desperately craved something sweet. A £2 coin bought him a Snickers bar and a full-fat Coke in the hope that the sugar-rush might perk him up. Then, with nobody else in the corridor to catch him, he took a few sneaky drags from the e-cigarette he had tucked inside his pocket while they had been waiting for the taxi to take them to the hospital.
For a moment, Nick allowed thoughts of Alex to creep into his head and he wondered how he might be coping back home in New Zealand. They had both agreed to block each other on Facebook so neither could see the other getting on with their life. But that didn’t stop him wondering if Alex had started dating again and, if so, who the lucky person was – and whether they were male or female. He couldn’t imagine what it might be like to be with someone new after losing the person you were designed to be with. How could any potential relationship stand a hope in hell when you know you’ve loved somebody else with every inch of your being?
He threw his empty can and sweet wrapper into a bin, but as he made his way back to the ward he heard a loud alarm and beeping sounds coming from the direction of Sally’s room. He quickened his pace until he spotted her midwife and two nurses pushing Sally and her bed out of her room, into the corridor and towards a sign which read ‘Theatre’.
‘Sal?’ Nick yelled but she didn’t respond. She lay motionless with her eyes closed. ‘What’s happening?’
‘There have been some complications, Nick,’ the midwife explained calmly, as a porter took her place. ‘Sally has fallen unconscious and is not responding to our attempts to revive her.’
The colour drained from Nick’s face and his legs threatened to buckle. ‘And the baby?’
‘Our first priority is Sally, but an obstetrician is on her way now to perform an emergency caesarean while we work on Sally. There’s a team in theatre ready.’
‘Can I go with her?’
‘I’m afraid you can’t. Let me take you to the waiting room and as soon as I get any news I’ll come and find you.’
‘She’s been having headaches for weeks …’
‘We’re doing all we can for her, now let’s get you into the waiting room.’
As the glass door closed behind him, Nick stood helpless and stared at the midwife as she hurried down the corridor and out of sight.
He was too numb to take in his surroundings, but stood in the empty room bolt upright and motionless, his brain whirring ten to the dozen as he tried to make to make sense of what was happening. He’d already lost Alex; losing both Sally and their child was unthinkable. Without them, he would have nothing. He would be nothing.
The midwife returned fifteen minutes later, accompanied by the obstetrician. He knew by the look on their faces what they were about to say, long before the words fell from their mouths.
Chapter 95
ELLIE
Ellie stood over Matthew’s lifeless body, frozen in a moment that would change everything.
Her hand began to tremble as she covered her mouth with it, suddenly struck by the enormity of her actions and petrified she might let out an involuntary scream. She glanced around the office, unsure of which way to turn as the shaking spread to her legs. She was scared that if she dared sit down to steady herself, she might never get back up again. She wanted to escape her office, jump into her car and drive home to the safety of Derbyshire and her family, leaving Matthew hundreds of miles away. That would have been possible had she not just deliberately killed him.
Ellie took several deep breaths and tried to focus her mind on her now limited options. Andrei would help her, she reckoned. She felt for the panic alarm and pressed down hard. Less than a minute later, she heard his shoes running down the marble floored corridor before he burst through the door with a baton in his hand. He stared at her and then at Matthew’s body on the floor, his head now framed by a halo of blood.
Andrei’s face remained expressionless.
‘I need your help,’ she said, her tone hushed but panicked.
He checked around the room for any potential threats and pulled out his mobile phone.
‘You won’t get a signal,’ she continued. ‘He saw to that.’
‘Change into clean clothes and then we are leaving,’ Andrei said gruffly, gesturing to the spots of blood splattered across her dress. ‘I know people who can make it look like this never happened.’
Ellie glanced at him with nervous gratitude.
‘Change now,’ he repeated, his voice more authoritative.
She hurried to her adjacent bathroom and dipped into her wardrobe where she kept a selection of spare clothes, pulling out a virtually identical blouse and skirt. She rinsed her face under the tap and the remaining blood from her hands. For a moment, stared at her reflection in the mirror, unable to fully comprehend her living nightmare. ‘He did this to himself, he gave you no choice,’ she said out loud. ‘You’re a good person who has done amazing things for the world. He didn’t just want to take it away from you, he wanted to take it away from everyone. He did this to himself, not you.’
Chapter 94
NICK
Nick didn’t understand why Sally was so averse to accepting pain relief to make her labour a little more bearable.
For the best part of a month she’d complained of crippling headaches that had made her feel sick, but she’d been unable to take anything stronger than paracetamol. Now she was being offered a cocktail of drugs but she refused to accept any. Nick knew, in her position, he’d have taken enough to knock out a hippo, especially after the twentieth hour passed.
Watching Sally’s body contort in pain, he wondered if she was trying to prove a point. Nick had been hurt mentally by sacrificing his Match for her and the baby. Was she voluntarily going through such physical discomfort to prove she could hurt too? He shook his head and decided he was being foolish – nobody would put themselves through that just to make a point.
‘That’s it Sally,’ said the midwife confidently. ‘Keep pushing when I tell you, and don’t worry, you’re doing great.’
‘I can’t,’ yelled Sally, and looked at Nick with such desperation in her eyes he felt bad for being responsible for so much of her pain. He regained his composure, held her hand firmly and rubbed her shoulder.
Nick realised that, no matter what had happened in the past or what had been taken away from him, at that moment the only two people in the world that mattered were in that room with him. He made a silent vow to make the best of their relationship for the sake of Sally and the tiny person about to make its way into the world to join their unconventional unit.
‘You can do this, babe,’ he said softly. ‘I’m here, I’m not going anywhere again.’
‘But what if—’
‘There’s no what if,’ Nick interrupted. ‘I’m in this with you for the long haul. I promise.’
During a break in her contractions, the midwife suggested Nick took a break. It had been twenty hours – he needed something to eat. Sally was the one doing all the work, yet supporting her had left him shattered and he desperately craved something sweet. A £2 coin bought him a Snickers bar and a full-fat Coke in the hope that the sugar-rush might perk him up. Then, with nobody else in the corridor to catch him, he took a few sneaky drags from the e-cigarette he had tucked inside his pocket while they had been waiting for the taxi to take them to the hospital.
For a moment, Nick allowed thoughts of Alex to creep into his head and he wondered how he might be coping back home in New Zealand. They had both agreed to block each other on Facebook so neither could see the other getting on with their life. But that didn’t stop him wondering if Alex had started dating again and, if so, who the lucky person was – and whether they were male or female. He couldn’t imagine what it might be like to be with someone new after losing the person you were designed to be with. How could any potential relationship stand a hope in hell when you know you’ve loved somebody else with every inch of your being?
He threw his empty can and sweet wrapper into a bin, but as he made his way back to the ward he heard a loud alarm and beeping sounds coming from the direction of Sally’s room. He quickened his pace until he spotted her midwife and two nurses pushing Sally and her bed out of her room, into the corridor and towards a sign which read ‘Theatre’.
‘Sal?’ Nick yelled but she didn’t respond. She lay motionless with her eyes closed. ‘What’s happening?’
‘There have been some complications, Nick,’ the midwife explained calmly, as a porter took her place. ‘Sally has fallen unconscious and is not responding to our attempts to revive her.’
The colour drained from Nick’s face and his legs threatened to buckle. ‘And the baby?’
‘Our first priority is Sally, but an obstetrician is on her way now to perform an emergency caesarean while we work on Sally. There’s a team in theatre ready.’
‘Can I go with her?’
‘I’m afraid you can’t. Let me take you to the waiting room and as soon as I get any news I’ll come and find you.’
‘She’s been having headaches for weeks …’
‘We’re doing all we can for her, now let’s get you into the waiting room.’
As the glass door closed behind him, Nick stood helpless and stared at the midwife as she hurried down the corridor and out of sight.
He was too numb to take in his surroundings, but stood in the empty room bolt upright and motionless, his brain whirring ten to the dozen as he tried to make to make sense of what was happening. He’d already lost Alex; losing both Sally and their child was unthinkable. Without them, he would have nothing. He would be nothing.
The midwife returned fifteen minutes later, accompanied by the obstetrician. He knew by the look on their faces what they were about to say, long before the words fell from their mouths.
Chapter 95
ELLIE
Ellie stood over Matthew’s lifeless body, frozen in a moment that would change everything.
Her hand began to tremble as she covered her mouth with it, suddenly struck by the enormity of her actions and petrified she might let out an involuntary scream. She glanced around the office, unsure of which way to turn as the shaking spread to her legs. She was scared that if she dared sit down to steady herself, she might never get back up again. She wanted to escape her office, jump into her car and drive home to the safety of Derbyshire and her family, leaving Matthew hundreds of miles away. That would have been possible had she not just deliberately killed him.
Ellie took several deep breaths and tried to focus her mind on her now limited options. Andrei would help her, she reckoned. She felt for the panic alarm and pressed down hard. Less than a minute later, she heard his shoes running down the marble floored corridor before he burst through the door with a baton in his hand. He stared at her and then at Matthew’s body on the floor, his head now framed by a halo of blood.
Andrei’s face remained expressionless.
‘I need your help,’ she said, her tone hushed but panicked.
He checked around the room for any potential threats and pulled out his mobile phone.
‘You won’t get a signal,’ she continued. ‘He saw to that.’
‘Change into clean clothes and then we are leaving,’ Andrei said gruffly, gesturing to the spots of blood splattered across her dress. ‘I know people who can make it look like this never happened.’
Ellie glanced at him with nervous gratitude.
‘Change now,’ he repeated, his voice more authoritative.
She hurried to her adjacent bathroom and dipped into her wardrobe where she kept a selection of spare clothes, pulling out a virtually identical blouse and skirt. She rinsed her face under the tap and the remaining blood from her hands. For a moment, stared at her reflection in the mirror, unable to fully comprehend her living nightmare. ‘He did this to himself, he gave you no choice,’ she said out loud. ‘You’re a good person who has done amazing things for the world. He didn’t just want to take it away from you, he wanted to take it away from everyone. He did this to himself, not you.’
