The Power
Page 87
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I sucked in a sharp breath. He’d been all over me that day, and I had . . . I shook my head, so . . . so freaking numb. And suddenly, it made sense. Why he’d pulled away immediately afterward. It wasn’t just because he thought he wasn’t worth it, but also because he’d done something wrong, horribly wrong. To me.
And he’d never fessed up to it. Not until now.
Seth had fed off me.
I shot off that bed like a rocket. He faced me just as I reached him. I didn’t even think as I cocked my arm back and punched him right in the stomach. Seth doubled over with a grunt.
“That,” I said, shaking as I forced myself to step back. “That is for feeding off me.”
“Gods,” he gasped. “I deserved that.”
“How could you?” I demanded, hands clenching into fists again. “How could you do that after knowing Hyperion had—he had done that to me?”
“I . . .” He didn’t finish that statement, because what could he say?
I wanted to hit him again. I wanted to kick him. Gods, I wanted to whale on him. Tears filled my eyes as I continued walking back, until I bumped into the bench. I wanted to . . . I wanted to shake him and I wanted him to never have told me what had happened. “Why didn’t you try harder?”
He straightened and he sounded like he’d swallowed glass when he spoke. “I didn’t realize what I was doing at first. That . . . that doesn’t make it right, but as soon as I did, I stopped. That’s why . . .”
“Why what?” My voice cracked.
Seth looked away. “That’s why you weren’t hurt. You were just tired.”
“Just tired,” I whispered, remembering falling asleep while eating. My legs shook and I sat down heavily on the bench. I tried to make sense of this. “So you stopped when you realized what you were doing.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that I did it.”
Did it? Or not? I had no idea. Nothing to base this on. I mean, it wasn’t like he’d cheated on me or had been abusive in the way normal people were, but this was a betrayal. This was a big deal.
I smoothed my hand down my face, shaken. “I want you to be honest with me. You only did it once?”
Seth nodded.
“And that’s why you stayed away from me after that?”
Another nod.
I squeezed my hand, placing it against my chest. “But you haven’t done it since we . . . since we got back together. Why?”
“I . . . I never want to ever hurt you or . . . take from you what is not mine.” He went to the door and leaned against it. Slowly, he shook his head, and in that moment, I’d never seen him look so young and vulnerable. So human. “And I decided that night we came together that I wouldn’t ever do it again, and if I did . . .”
“What? What would you do then?”
Lips thin and pressed together, he closed his eyes again. “I would make sure you’d never see my face again.”
Anger beat out all the other emotions once more. “Oh, instead of, I don’t know, coming and talking to me about it? Letting me help you? Us working together—”
“Working together on what, Josie? You think you can help me with this, with this thing inside of me?”
I snapped my mouth shut even though there was so much I wanted to say, that could be said. I could’ve told him no. That this—that becoming better and doing better—was all on him. I could’ve told him yes. That I could help him. I could support him making right . . . right choices. I could be aware of when it was becoming too much for him. I could tell him that I wanted to throat punch him. I could tell him that I still loved him.
And I did.
But I didn’t.
Because I was furious. My skin practically split with the anger. Because I was hurt. The ache was in my chest, spreading and swelling, because . . . dammit. Because I was revolted. I expected better from him, and he had betrayed that expectation and trust. He’d done to me what Hyperion had done to me. That made me want to hurl.
Lowering my gaze, I pressed my balled hand against my forehead and forced the knot in my throat to ease back.
“So.” His gravelly voice broke the silence. “This is it?”
I didn’t say anything. All I could think about was that night he said he was afraid that everything would turn into a nightmare and that I would hate him forever. He’d been living with this secret for weeks, like a sword of Damocles hanging over his head.
Several moments passed and Seth then said, “Out of everything that I’ve done, what I did to you was the worst. You were a gift to me, and I fucked that up. That’s on me, and I’m so incredibly sorry.” He paused, and I squeezed my eyes shut. “There’s nothing more in this world I’m—”
A sudden shout from downstairs cut him off. I reacted out of instinct, springing to my feet as Seth spun around, throwing open the door. There was a loud crash, raising the hairs on my arms. Everything with Seth was pushed aside as we rushed from the room.
CHAPTER 29
Seth
Feeling gutted, I left the room, rushing out into the long hallway. At the end, Deacon was coming out of the room he was sharing with Luke, his expression pinched with concern as he tugged a clean shirt on over his head. He joined us as we hit the steps.
I was sick to my stomach, even though I’d done the right thing by telling Josie, and discouraging her from making a deal she’d regret.
Shit. I’d tasted fear the moment she said she planned on making a deal with the gods for me. They would’ve flipped it back on her so fast her head would be spinning. There was no way I could allow her to do that.
And he’d never fessed up to it. Not until now.
Seth had fed off me.
I shot off that bed like a rocket. He faced me just as I reached him. I didn’t even think as I cocked my arm back and punched him right in the stomach. Seth doubled over with a grunt.
“That,” I said, shaking as I forced myself to step back. “That is for feeding off me.”
“Gods,” he gasped. “I deserved that.”
“How could you?” I demanded, hands clenching into fists again. “How could you do that after knowing Hyperion had—he had done that to me?”
“I . . .” He didn’t finish that statement, because what could he say?
I wanted to hit him again. I wanted to kick him. Gods, I wanted to whale on him. Tears filled my eyes as I continued walking back, until I bumped into the bench. I wanted to . . . I wanted to shake him and I wanted him to never have told me what had happened. “Why didn’t you try harder?”
He straightened and he sounded like he’d swallowed glass when he spoke. “I didn’t realize what I was doing at first. That . . . that doesn’t make it right, but as soon as I did, I stopped. That’s why . . .”
“Why what?” My voice cracked.
Seth looked away. “That’s why you weren’t hurt. You were just tired.”
“Just tired,” I whispered, remembering falling asleep while eating. My legs shook and I sat down heavily on the bench. I tried to make sense of this. “So you stopped when you realized what you were doing.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that I did it.”
Did it? Or not? I had no idea. Nothing to base this on. I mean, it wasn’t like he’d cheated on me or had been abusive in the way normal people were, but this was a betrayal. This was a big deal.
I smoothed my hand down my face, shaken. “I want you to be honest with me. You only did it once?”
Seth nodded.
“And that’s why you stayed away from me after that?”
Another nod.
I squeezed my hand, placing it against my chest. “But you haven’t done it since we . . . since we got back together. Why?”
“I . . . I never want to ever hurt you or . . . take from you what is not mine.” He went to the door and leaned against it. Slowly, he shook his head, and in that moment, I’d never seen him look so young and vulnerable. So human. “And I decided that night we came together that I wouldn’t ever do it again, and if I did . . .”
“What? What would you do then?”
Lips thin and pressed together, he closed his eyes again. “I would make sure you’d never see my face again.”
Anger beat out all the other emotions once more. “Oh, instead of, I don’t know, coming and talking to me about it? Letting me help you? Us working together—”
“Working together on what, Josie? You think you can help me with this, with this thing inside of me?”
I snapped my mouth shut even though there was so much I wanted to say, that could be said. I could’ve told him no. That this—that becoming better and doing better—was all on him. I could’ve told him yes. That I could help him. I could support him making right . . . right choices. I could be aware of when it was becoming too much for him. I could tell him that I wanted to throat punch him. I could tell him that I still loved him.
And I did.
But I didn’t.
Because I was furious. My skin practically split with the anger. Because I was hurt. The ache was in my chest, spreading and swelling, because . . . dammit. Because I was revolted. I expected better from him, and he had betrayed that expectation and trust. He’d done to me what Hyperion had done to me. That made me want to hurl.
Lowering my gaze, I pressed my balled hand against my forehead and forced the knot in my throat to ease back.
“So.” His gravelly voice broke the silence. “This is it?”
I didn’t say anything. All I could think about was that night he said he was afraid that everything would turn into a nightmare and that I would hate him forever. He’d been living with this secret for weeks, like a sword of Damocles hanging over his head.
Several moments passed and Seth then said, “Out of everything that I’ve done, what I did to you was the worst. You were a gift to me, and I fucked that up. That’s on me, and I’m so incredibly sorry.” He paused, and I squeezed my eyes shut. “There’s nothing more in this world I’m—”
A sudden shout from downstairs cut him off. I reacted out of instinct, springing to my feet as Seth spun around, throwing open the door. There was a loud crash, raising the hairs on my arms. Everything with Seth was pushed aside as we rushed from the room.
CHAPTER 29
Seth
Feeling gutted, I left the room, rushing out into the long hallway. At the end, Deacon was coming out of the room he was sharing with Luke, his expression pinched with concern as he tugged a clean shirt on over his head. He joined us as we hit the steps.
I was sick to my stomach, even though I’d done the right thing by telling Josie, and discouraging her from making a deal she’d regret.
Shit. I’d tasted fear the moment she said she planned on making a deal with the gods for me. They would’ve flipped it back on her so fast her head would be spinning. There was no way I could allow her to do that.
