The Queen of All that Lives
Page 82
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He doesn’t speak, doesn’t ask me why I’m here, or what I need.
“How loyal are you to the king?” I finally ask.
He rubs his chin and speculates me from where he sets. “I would die for him. And for you, Your Majesty.”
You can’t trust people. Even the most decent ones can turn on you for the right price; I know that better than most. But I decide to trust this man because I’m out of options.
“What if I told you that I needed your help to end the war?”
He stares at me for several seconds before saying, “I would ask you what you need from me.”
“I was hoping you’d say that.”
And then I tell him exactly what I intend to do.
I’m not even finished speaking when he starts shaking his head.
“No,” he barks out, “I know what I said before, but I won’t do this.”
“Then I will die, and the world will continue to be at war.”
“It’s too risky.” He’s arguing with me, which I take as a good sign. It means he’s considering it on some level. “For you and for the king. I will be executed for treason,” he says.
“How many people has this war already killed?” I say. “How many more people will it kill if we don’t end it? You and I both know I can manage it.”
“Listen, let’s forget for one second that we’re not equals. Let me put this plainly: I like you, Serenity. You have a good heart. But this is madness.
“I won’t tell the king you came to me. Just forget about this whole plan.”
I run my hands through my hair. I need this man backing me.
I try one last time. “When I was nineteen, the general of the Western United Nations, our leader at the time, asked me to marry the king, the man who had killed my family and countless numbers of my countrymen. That was the king’s price—if the WUN handed me over, the war would end.
“I couldn’t imagine a worse fate, but I agreed to it because I knew the world would be better off.
“I’m asking the same thing of you now,” I beseech the grand marshal, “to rise above the ethics of it all to serve the greater good. I know that’s not fair of me to ask, but I can’t do this alone.”
He runs a palm over his buzzed hair. He shifts his weight. Deliberating, deliberating. The entire time, those flinty eyes watch me.
Finally, his jaw tightens, and he blows out a breath. “You have my loyalty, Your Majesty. I will do what you ask.”
I feel my muscles loosen. I didn’t know how tense I was until he accepted.
“Then this is what I need you to do …”
The King
Someone raps against my closed door.
I drop the report I’m reading, and lean back in my seat. “Come in,” I say.
My grand marshal enters the room.
“Your Majesty,” Heinrich says, bowing, “I have something alarming to tell you. Something that concerns the queen.”
I feel my muscles go tight. “What is it?”
And then he tells me.
The news is a hit to the gut—so much so that it takes me several seconds to get my emotions under control.
Once I do, I lean forward. “You’re going to go along with her plan,” I say.
“But, Your Majesty—”
“You’re going to go along with her plan and mine.”
That night, when I see Serenity, Heinrich’s words echo in my head. I had to go to the gym and beat the shit out of an inanimate object to work off everything I felt. And I felt so goddamn much. Neither Serenity nor I can escape what fate has always had in mind for us.
She sits across from me at the small, intimate table. Seeing that loose golden hair of hers framing her bittersweet face, it’s a shock to the chest.
I can tell by the way her leg jiggles that she wants to kick her heels up to the edge of the table and slouch in her seat.
Instead she runs a hand over one of the flames. “Why are you looking at me like that?” she asks.
I almost hunted you down and confronted you. I almost threw your damn body in a Sleeper. I almost went on a warpath in this palace. Only a hundred years of wisdom and temperance stopped me.
She’s oblivious.
There’s a deep ache in my bones that I can’t drive away.
Her hand stops over the flame. “Is everything alright?”
I move her hand out of the way. “It’s been a long day.” I lean forward to kiss her scarred knuckles.
This beloved, wild creature. She doesn’t belong here, inside these gilded walls, sitting in front of an intricately carved wooden table set with delicate china.
It was foolish of me to think that she could ever be caged.
I’ve been running from everything she represents for so very long. And I’m tired of running.
It’s time to stop being so afraid.
It’s time to accept everything she is.
It’s time to set her free.
Chapter 50
Serenity
The days turn into weeks. Time bleeds away, stealing hours from me. And as the time slips by, so does the strange happiness that had grown in my heart.
I might never believe Montes is truly a good man, but I’m not sure I ever wanted good. He’s complex, and terrible, and at the end of the day he’s my monster.
And I have to slay him.
This is what remorse feels like. It’s premature, which is almost worse. Because I have time to change the course of my actions, but I won’t. I made a promise to the world, one I intend to keep.
“How loyal are you to the king?” I finally ask.
He rubs his chin and speculates me from where he sets. “I would die for him. And for you, Your Majesty.”
You can’t trust people. Even the most decent ones can turn on you for the right price; I know that better than most. But I decide to trust this man because I’m out of options.
“What if I told you that I needed your help to end the war?”
He stares at me for several seconds before saying, “I would ask you what you need from me.”
“I was hoping you’d say that.”
And then I tell him exactly what I intend to do.
I’m not even finished speaking when he starts shaking his head.
“No,” he barks out, “I know what I said before, but I won’t do this.”
“Then I will die, and the world will continue to be at war.”
“It’s too risky.” He’s arguing with me, which I take as a good sign. It means he’s considering it on some level. “For you and for the king. I will be executed for treason,” he says.
“How many people has this war already killed?” I say. “How many more people will it kill if we don’t end it? You and I both know I can manage it.”
“Listen, let’s forget for one second that we’re not equals. Let me put this plainly: I like you, Serenity. You have a good heart. But this is madness.
“I won’t tell the king you came to me. Just forget about this whole plan.”
I run my hands through my hair. I need this man backing me.
I try one last time. “When I was nineteen, the general of the Western United Nations, our leader at the time, asked me to marry the king, the man who had killed my family and countless numbers of my countrymen. That was the king’s price—if the WUN handed me over, the war would end.
“I couldn’t imagine a worse fate, but I agreed to it because I knew the world would be better off.
“I’m asking the same thing of you now,” I beseech the grand marshal, “to rise above the ethics of it all to serve the greater good. I know that’s not fair of me to ask, but I can’t do this alone.”
He runs a palm over his buzzed hair. He shifts his weight. Deliberating, deliberating. The entire time, those flinty eyes watch me.
Finally, his jaw tightens, and he blows out a breath. “You have my loyalty, Your Majesty. I will do what you ask.”
I feel my muscles loosen. I didn’t know how tense I was until he accepted.
“Then this is what I need you to do …”
The King
Someone raps against my closed door.
I drop the report I’m reading, and lean back in my seat. “Come in,” I say.
My grand marshal enters the room.
“Your Majesty,” Heinrich says, bowing, “I have something alarming to tell you. Something that concerns the queen.”
I feel my muscles go tight. “What is it?”
And then he tells me.
The news is a hit to the gut—so much so that it takes me several seconds to get my emotions under control.
Once I do, I lean forward. “You’re going to go along with her plan,” I say.
“But, Your Majesty—”
“You’re going to go along with her plan and mine.”
That night, when I see Serenity, Heinrich’s words echo in my head. I had to go to the gym and beat the shit out of an inanimate object to work off everything I felt. And I felt so goddamn much. Neither Serenity nor I can escape what fate has always had in mind for us.
She sits across from me at the small, intimate table. Seeing that loose golden hair of hers framing her bittersweet face, it’s a shock to the chest.
I can tell by the way her leg jiggles that she wants to kick her heels up to the edge of the table and slouch in her seat.
Instead she runs a hand over one of the flames. “Why are you looking at me like that?” she asks.
I almost hunted you down and confronted you. I almost threw your damn body in a Sleeper. I almost went on a warpath in this palace. Only a hundred years of wisdom and temperance stopped me.
She’s oblivious.
There’s a deep ache in my bones that I can’t drive away.
Her hand stops over the flame. “Is everything alright?”
I move her hand out of the way. “It’s been a long day.” I lean forward to kiss her scarred knuckles.
This beloved, wild creature. She doesn’t belong here, inside these gilded walls, sitting in front of an intricately carved wooden table set with delicate china.
It was foolish of me to think that she could ever be caged.
I’ve been running from everything she represents for so very long. And I’m tired of running.
It’s time to stop being so afraid.
It’s time to accept everything she is.
It’s time to set her free.
Chapter 50
Serenity
The days turn into weeks. Time bleeds away, stealing hours from me. And as the time slips by, so does the strange happiness that had grown in my heart.
I might never believe Montes is truly a good man, but I’m not sure I ever wanted good. He’s complex, and terrible, and at the end of the day he’s my monster.
And I have to slay him.
This is what remorse feels like. It’s premature, which is almost worse. Because I have time to change the course of my actions, but I won’t. I made a promise to the world, one I intend to keep.
