The Return
Page 77

He arched his brows. “Apparently it was.”
Scowling at him, I backed off before I hit him again. I had to take several deep breaths as I plucked the wet clothing off my skin. “Does that stuff happen regularly?”
“I have no idea, but I’m not surprised. Some of those pures are real bastards.”
Giving up on my shirt, I exhaled roughly. “The pure used a compulsion on a half. Told him to go jump out a window.”
“That sucks.” Seth started to turn. “Stay in here until either Luke or I tell you it’s okay to come out.”
I don’t know what did it. Maybe it was the fading adrenaline from what had gone down in the cafeteria. Maybe it was the rough and tough training. Maybe it was the frustration that was pent up inside me. Maybe it was everything.
Either way, I lost my shit a little.
“You’re going to leave again? How typical.”
He turned back to me, both brows raised. “What?”
“You! You’re going to leave again. Because that’s all you do. So I’m supposed to just sit in here on my hands until someone tells me it’s okay to come out again. That’s bullshit.”
His brows slammed down. “It’s for your safety.”
“It’s bullshit!” I repeated. “We could be training right now! And I need to be doing that because I can’t just sit here and do nothing.”
Seth moved a step forward. “You have been training nonstop, Josie. A day or two here and there isn’t going to change anything.”
My hands closed into fists. “You don’t get it,” I said, heading into the bedroom. “Whatever. Go do whatever you do in your free time.”
“What the hell, Josie? What is your deal?”
What was my deal? Kicking off my sneakers, I plopped down and yanked off my socks, tossing them into the corner of the room.
Seth was in the doorway. “Josie.”
I yanked my hair down and slingshot the rubber band across the room, and when I looked at him, I really lost my shit.
Shooting onto my feet, my hands balled into fists. “You don’t get it, Seth! I don’t want to sit around in my room alone, because I don’t want to sit here and think about how fucked up everything is!”
He straightened. “I know—”
“No, you don’t!” I shouted. “I just saw someone get lit on fire, and you’re acting like it’s really not that big of a deal. People just get burned alive all the time around here, apparently. And I saw someone get told to jump out of a window and that person was seriously going to do it! That’s crazy. That’s legit insane!” “Josie,” he said softly, carefully.
“And it took me almost three weeks to learn how to take a fall and to get up correctly. Three weeks! Hibernating bears learn faster than that.”
His lips twitched and his voice dropped, “Josie.”
“Don’t you dare laugh, you asshole!”
“Josie,” he drawled, amber eyes twinkling.
“And I can’t think about my grandparents without it hurting, or my mom without wondering if she’s even alive!” Squeezing my eyes shut, I drew in a shaky breath. Tears burned my eyes as I plopped down on the edge of the bed. Except, of course, I misjudged it and ended up landing on my butt on the floor by the foot of the bed. The pain didn’t even register as I pulled my knees up and pressed my palms against my eyes.
“Hey.” His voice was closer, and I felt his hand wrap around my knee.
The next breath I took got stuck. “They’re dead, Seth.” My voice cracked, because it was the first time I’d said it since it’d happened. “They’re dead, and because of what? They were good people—great people. They didn’t deserve what happened to them.”
His hand moved up to my arms. He pulled one down, and I lowered the other as his steady gaze locked with my teary-eyed one. “You’re right. They didn’t deserve that, Josie. But you can’t bottle that stuff up in you. No amount of training or anything will help you if you keep the lid on it. It’s not healthy.”
“No shit,” I retorted, pulling my arm away. I wiped under my eyes with the backs of my hands. More tears were building. The knot in my throat was getting thicker. I could feel myself starting to crumble, and I forced my thoughts away from them and my mom, and latched onto the next thing. I blurted it out without really thinking. “And then there’s you…”
“Me?”
I looked at him. “You come in here every night and you touch me and you…you make me feel these things—”
Seth rocked back, putting distance between us. “Josie—” Warmth infused my cheeks, but I continued on, because why not? It was either embarrass myself or cry all over him. I was going to go with the former. “You touch me, and then you leave me, and I want you to stay. I want you to keep touching me, but you…you leave.”
He turned his head, dipping his chin down as his chest rose. “You don’t want that. Trust me, you—”
“Don’t tell me what I want!” I shifted onto my knees and slammed my hands into his broad shoulders.
Unprepared for what I’d done, he fell back on his ass. His eyes widened on me, like he couldn’t believe I’d just done that, and yeah, it was wrong.
But I didn’t care. “Don’t tell me what I want. You don’t live in my head or in my body. Don’t you dare make that call for me.”