The Savage Grace
Page 80

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have done that. I get it. You’re Daniel’s, and he’s yours. You’re the perfect match. But I still want to be a part of your life, Grace. Any way I can.”
“I don’t know how that could work,” I said, and stepped away.
“Hey, Talbot?” the young Urbat with the shaved head called from the lawn. “Is this right?” He swung the knife with an upward jab.
While Talbot’s attention was turned away, I took the sword and went into the farmhouse to join Daniel and the Elders at as they huddled over a drawing of the battlefield.
And I didn’t look back.
FRIDAY EVENING, TWENTY-NINE HOURS TO GO
We kept working until the sun started to set, and Gabriel announced that he and his pack were going to retire into a meditative state—as was their custom on nights when the moon was full. He told me it would be best if I took my family home, and we could resume preparations in the morning.
Mom, Dad, and Charity piled into one of the Escalades driven by Daniel, but Jude told me he wanted to be locked up for the night again.
“There’s an empty silo in one of the adjacent fields,” he said. “I can sleep there tonight during the full moon, and you can let me out in the morning.”
The idea of his not going home again with the family made my heart feel heavy, but I didn’t fight him on it. We walked silently together out to the silo. Before Jude could close the door between us, I pressed the moonstone pendant into his hand.
He folded his fingers over it and closed his eyes with a sigh so heavy I suddenly felt guilty for keeping the stone to myself all day.
“Today was a hard day, Gracie,” Jude whispered.
“I know. It’s a lot of work, but we’re getting closer to being ready for the ceremony. And we’ll get James back.”
“The preparations weren’t the hard part for me. I almost welcome the ceremony because it’s something I can focus on. It’s thinking beyond it that’s so hard. How can I ever hold James again and not burst from guilt, knowing that what happened to him was because I brought the Shadow Kings into our lives in the first place? And I have no idea how I’m going to go back to school, or walk into the parish during one of Dad’s sermons, and pretend to be normal again. The idea of it is just so hard.…”
I nodded. I’d felt the same things to some lesser degree, but I knew that didn’t really compare to how difficult it must be for him. “You can do it, though. I know you can.”
He gave the slightest nod and pulled the heavy silo door closed. I hoped my words hadn’t echoed empty in his mind.
Chapter Thirty-four
WHERE SOUL MEETS BODY
FRIDAY NIGHT, TWENTY-SIX HOURS LEFT
When I pulled into the driveway of our house, I saw Daniel balancing up in the highest branches of the walnut tree. It almost looked like he was trying to reach out and touch the bright yellow moon above him. His head was tipped back, allowing moonlight to bathe his beautiful face. He opened his mouth, and I was almost afraid he was about to send a great howl into the night—but instead, he simply said my name as I approached.
“Are you okay?” I called up to him.
“I can feel it,” he said, “the pull of the moon. It calls to me. I remember that from when I was stuck as the white wolf—feeling that undeniable pull, keeping me trapped. The white wolf wants me to heed it again. Wants me to set it free.”
“I don’t like the sound of that,” I said.
Daniel dropped his gaze from the moon. “Neither do I.” He pushed off from a branch and jumped from the top of the tree. He landed with barely a sound in the grass in front of me. “I want you to know that when I say I feel the pull of the moon, or the pull of the wolf, I don’t mean it the way you or Jude feel the wolf. It isn’t some terrible voice anymore, trying to drive me to embrace any terrible thoughts. I’m not a danger to you.”
“I understand that. The wolf that’s inside of you isn’t a demon. It’s a pure Hound of Heaven.”
“But at the same time, I still have to fight it constantly. It wants me to shed my human form and embrace my natural state.”
“Are you saying that being the white wolf is your natural state?” I placed my hands on his arms. Heat radiated off his skin, and it reminded me too much of the night he’d spent fighting to stay human. I wrapped my fingers around his elbows, feeling like I needed to hold on to him. Keep him from going away again. “Not this? Not you? Not Daniel?”
“The white wolf seems to think so.” Daniel returned my gesture, wrapping his own hands around my arms. He tapped his ring finger against my skin. “This is helping,” he said about the moonstone ring on his finger. It was same ring Sirhan had worn, and Gabriel had presented it to Daniel after Sirhan’s death—as a token of the grandfather he’d never really known. “And you’re helping, too. Just being near you gives me the drive to stay in my human form. So I can be with you.”
“Then you’d better stay as close as you can.” I pulled him against me, embracing him as tightly as I could, even though he radiated enough heat to make me sweat.
“I’m not going to go wolf at the Challenging Ceremony,” he said. “I’m afraid the draw of the white wolf will be so powerful under the eclipse that I might not be able to fight my way back again.”
I nodded against his chest, knowing that not going wolf when the other challengers did might put him at a disadvantage. “My money is still on you,” I said. “Even human you.”
He let out a short laugh. “All my life I wanted to be normal. Now I’ll just settle for having only two legs, two arms, and a human face.”
“I like your face,” I said, trying to lighten my heart.
“I like yours, too.” He shifted his head close to mine and kissed me with lips that felt like fire. Our lips melted together until his body convulsed with a great shudder, and I knew he was still fighting the wolf. “Will you stay with me again tonight?”
“Yes,” I answered, holding him tight.
“The white wolf is wrong,” he said, and kissed my shoulder. “This right here—you and me together, under this old walnut tree—this is my true natural state.”
“We always do seem to end up back here,” I said. “It’s comforting.”