The Scarlet Deep
Page 61

Carwyn nodded slowly. “I was wondering whether this would be an issue. It doesn’t surprise me that it has become one.”
“I know things—things told to me in sessions—and… they’re pertinent. They would add information, possibly vital information—to the discussion.”
“You cannot share them,” he said quietly.
Anne leaned forward. “I told myself that. Before I came here, I drew a line, and I knew… It seemed so simple.”
Carwyn’s face took on the weight of a thousand years. “Oh no, my dear. It is never simple. Bearing another’s secrets, holding their trust, is a precious burden. But it is never simple.”
“Faced with the prospect of others being hurt because of this knowledge or sharing it and violating the trust of a patient, I confess I do not know what to do.”
“Is Murphy aware of this?”
“He is now. I don’t think either he or Mary thought through the consequences of sending me here in a political position. The negotiating I’ve done for Mary in the past has been smaller scale. Business related. But now… I’m hearing things and realizing that I know things that could have a bearing on this summit.”
Carwyn stared into the fire. “It’s possible that Murphy didn’t think through the consequences of bringing you here because he was so eager to have you join him, but I very much doubt that Mary wasn’t aware of the position she was putting you in.”
Anne froze. “Why do you say that?”
“You don’t really think she approves of what you do, do you?” Carwyn’s voice was kind, but his eyes were piercing when he looked at her. “I have much respect for your sister, but she is ruthless, Anne. She wants you at her side. Or at Murphy’s. This strange independent space you’ve occupied between them has never sat well with her.”
“You think she put me in this position intentionally?”
“I do.”
“You think she wants me to choose?”
“Yes.”
Anne took a deep breath and realized she wasn’t as surprised as she would have expected. Forcing Anne to declare political allegiance and abandon her assumed neutrality was just so… Mary.
“I love my sister, Carwyn, but sometimes I want to strangle her.”
He burst into laughter. “Family is the most infuriating and rewarding of problems, isn’t it?”
“She hates Murphy. And yet she sends me to him, practically throws me into his arms.”
“Oh…” Carwyn’s eyes twinkled. “I don’t think you were averse to the toss, were you?”
“Shut up, Father Brat. Oh, he made me so angry earlier.” Anne shook her head. “That man drives me mad. He’ll come in and apologize profusely.”
“And you’ll forgive him.”
“Yes, and then he’ll do it all over again. Do I really want my life to be that?”
“Everyone’s life is like that,” Carwyn said, smiling. “Life is one long series of making mistakes and seeking grace. What makes you and Murphy special?”
She sighed and closed her eyes. “Do you really think Mary wants me to choose between them?”
“Yes and no. I don’t think she has any desire to lose you as a sister. But if you chose to put yourself under Murphy’s aegis, she wouldn’t object.”
“Put myself under Murphy’s aegis…” She must have made a face, because he laughed.
“Everyone has to be under someone’s aegis, unless you want to rule,” he said. “The fact that you’re not has grated on her. Mary doesn’t hate Murphy. Well… she does and she doesn’t. She likes him for you. Do you know why?”
“Honestly no.”
“Because he drives you mad. Because he throws you out of your comfort zone. He makes you live, Anne. And that’s why Mary likes him, not for himself, but for you. That man adores you. I don’t know if you even see the way he looks at you. I do. Brigid does.”
“And that excuses hurtful words?”
“Absolutely not,” he growled. “But you need to let him apologize if he comes to you.”
“Carwyn—”
“You gave me a piece of advice once. You told me to leave Brigid. It went against every instinct in me to do it, but you were right. She needed the time on her own. So I’ll return the favor now with a few words of advice from a very old man who loves a very difficult woman.”
“She’d say the same about you, you know.”
“Please,” he said with a wink. “I’m a lamb. But Murphy—”
“Is an arse.”
“That he is.”
“So I should leave him?”
“No.” He leaned forward and took her hand. “I’m going to tell you to stay. No matter what. Rail at him when he crosses the lines. Bite back when he pushes too far. Mostly, tell him when he hurts you. Because I can guarantee there is no greater punishment for that man than hurting the woman he loves. He loves you, Anne, but he expects you to leave.”
Because she had before. He’d hurt her, and she had left.
Anne sighed. “How can we be so old and still so bloody clueless about love?”
“Speak for yourself; I am an expert.”
She heard a tap on the door a moment before Brigid poked her head in.
“I heard you were gabbing in here. Anything I can join in?”