The Scourge of Muirwood
Page 78
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Lia understood. The hetaera test was robbing her of all her outward things. It was taking away everything external so that it could mold her into a new creature. It would take away her rags and replace them with silks and velvets. It would take away her chains and replace them with bracelets and necklaces and ropes of jewels. And it would eventually take away her chaen, the only thing left that would protect her.
But the Leerings were not evil. Why then was she being tempted to give up her possessions? Why was the hetaera’s path the only path? The mewling sound coiled around her. She felt the snakes weaving around her legs.
It was the Myriad Ones influencing her thoughts, she realized. Surrounded by them, deep within their lair, she was hearing them more clearly. They were luring her down the path, but it was not the only path. It was not the only way to be free of the Leerings. She must surrender something. She must surrender a part of herself.
If everything she had learned at Muirwood was true – if the maston oaths she had taken would one day entitle her to receive a new body that never aged or died, that allowed her to cross the Apse Veil and return to Idumea, why should she fear old age? If joining with another maston, bound by irrevocare sigil, would eventually produce children so strong in the Medium that they could raise her dusty bones and give her back her life – was there any reason to fear growing old or losing her youth?
No.
She remembered what she had seen when she had died, how the Apse Veil had drawn her towards it, summoning her back home to Idumea. It was real. The Medium was real. That fate…that future – was real. What she needed to surrender were her fears.
It came as a blaze of light to her mind. She had gone hungry, but she had never starved. The Medium had always provided her with food – thimbleberries in the woods or the flesh of a quail. It would never let her starve to death, even it required food to appear with the dew of the grass in the morning. Why should she ever fear it? And what of shame? What did it matter that Pareigis wore gowns and jewels? She had never sought nor cared about having Reome’s good opinion while so many others did. What for? She was a silly girl who had been seduced by a powerful man. What did her scorn mean? Nothing! What power did disease have against the power of the Medium? It could heal any wound, recover any illness. Why be afraid of sickness when the Medium could overcome it?
That was what she needed to do. She realized that the Leerings could be crossed if she surrendered her fears. The Leerings were not trying to subvert her. It was the Myriad Ones that were trying to subvert her, to tempt her to put on the kystrel in the promise that it would banish her fears. She did not need a kystrel to accomplish that.
In her mind, she made promises to herself. I will never fear hunger. I will never fear shame. I will never fear sickness. I will never fear age.
The grip of the Leering ended. A small gleam of light came from the flickering torch. She stared at it, knowing it was almost out. The serpents coiled around her body. Carefully, she lowered the torch until its light touched their black scales. The serpents hissed and withdrew from her. Lia lowered herself down and crawled to the next Leering, using the torch to clear the path. The kystrel burned hideously, the metal bubbling with anger and frustration. The keening in her ears warned her of the anger of the Myriad Ones. Reaching out, Lia touched the next Leering. It was in the shape of a corpse, eyes closed. She knew it already. The fear of death.
As Lia touched it, she saw in her mind the vision she had seen before. She was dead and being buried beneath a mound of stones. Colvin and Hillel were there, placing the rocks that became her bier. It was a vision of the future. She had seen it before. Dread swelled inside her.
Learn of us, sister.
Join us, daughter of Ereshkigal.
Or you will die.
She knew that if she did not join the hetaera, she would not leave the ordeal alive. Those who did not pass the test were killed. Was she prepared for that? Was she prepared to fail in her charge? Twelfth Night was in two days. It was early still. Was there a final warning to give? Was there something else she must do?
Was her life required by the Medium? She had given the message. She had warned the people of the coming of the Blight. Would her death trigger the Blight? Was that what the Medium wanted of her?
In her mind, she saw Hillel sidle up to Colvin, comforting him, stroking his arm as they stared at the mound of stones. Colvin’s face was ravaged with grief. Lia saw the look in Hillel’s eyes, the gleam of triumph. Her blood boiled with fury.
Take the kystrel. You are stronger than her. Your feelings are stronger than hers.
Take the kystrel. He will be yours. If you join us, he will be yours.
But the Leerings were not evil. Why then was she being tempted to give up her possessions? Why was the hetaera’s path the only path? The mewling sound coiled around her. She felt the snakes weaving around her legs.
It was the Myriad Ones influencing her thoughts, she realized. Surrounded by them, deep within their lair, she was hearing them more clearly. They were luring her down the path, but it was not the only path. It was not the only way to be free of the Leerings. She must surrender something. She must surrender a part of herself.
If everything she had learned at Muirwood was true – if the maston oaths she had taken would one day entitle her to receive a new body that never aged or died, that allowed her to cross the Apse Veil and return to Idumea, why should she fear old age? If joining with another maston, bound by irrevocare sigil, would eventually produce children so strong in the Medium that they could raise her dusty bones and give her back her life – was there any reason to fear growing old or losing her youth?
No.
She remembered what she had seen when she had died, how the Apse Veil had drawn her towards it, summoning her back home to Idumea. It was real. The Medium was real. That fate…that future – was real. What she needed to surrender were her fears.
It came as a blaze of light to her mind. She had gone hungry, but she had never starved. The Medium had always provided her with food – thimbleberries in the woods or the flesh of a quail. It would never let her starve to death, even it required food to appear with the dew of the grass in the morning. Why should she ever fear it? And what of shame? What did it matter that Pareigis wore gowns and jewels? She had never sought nor cared about having Reome’s good opinion while so many others did. What for? She was a silly girl who had been seduced by a powerful man. What did her scorn mean? Nothing! What power did disease have against the power of the Medium? It could heal any wound, recover any illness. Why be afraid of sickness when the Medium could overcome it?
That was what she needed to do. She realized that the Leerings could be crossed if she surrendered her fears. The Leerings were not trying to subvert her. It was the Myriad Ones that were trying to subvert her, to tempt her to put on the kystrel in the promise that it would banish her fears. She did not need a kystrel to accomplish that.
In her mind, she made promises to herself. I will never fear hunger. I will never fear shame. I will never fear sickness. I will never fear age.
The grip of the Leering ended. A small gleam of light came from the flickering torch. She stared at it, knowing it was almost out. The serpents coiled around her body. Carefully, she lowered the torch until its light touched their black scales. The serpents hissed and withdrew from her. Lia lowered herself down and crawled to the next Leering, using the torch to clear the path. The kystrel burned hideously, the metal bubbling with anger and frustration. The keening in her ears warned her of the anger of the Myriad Ones. Reaching out, Lia touched the next Leering. It was in the shape of a corpse, eyes closed. She knew it already. The fear of death.
As Lia touched it, she saw in her mind the vision she had seen before. She was dead and being buried beneath a mound of stones. Colvin and Hillel were there, placing the rocks that became her bier. It was a vision of the future. She had seen it before. Dread swelled inside her.
Learn of us, sister.
Join us, daughter of Ereshkigal.
Or you will die.
She knew that if she did not join the hetaera, she would not leave the ordeal alive. Those who did not pass the test were killed. Was she prepared for that? Was she prepared to fail in her charge? Twelfth Night was in two days. It was early still. Was there a final warning to give? Was there something else she must do?
Was her life required by the Medium? She had given the message. She had warned the people of the coming of the Blight. Would her death trigger the Blight? Was that what the Medium wanted of her?
In her mind, she saw Hillel sidle up to Colvin, comforting him, stroking his arm as they stared at the mound of stones. Colvin’s face was ravaged with grief. Lia saw the look in Hillel’s eyes, the gleam of triumph. Her blood boiled with fury.
Take the kystrel. You are stronger than her. Your feelings are stronger than hers.
Take the kystrel. He will be yours. If you join us, he will be yours.
